http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=yorkshire The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 11:40:50 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47215#post-135619 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 20:14:58 +0000 Alfred Noakes 135619@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the outstanding success of Yorkshire-born athletes in the London 2012 Olympics, Team GB sport scientists have announced a new dietary regime for Brazil 2016.</p> <p>UK athletes will be recommended a diet rich in traditional regional fare, including Yorkshire puddings with roast beef, Tetley bitter and Christmas cake with cheese on the top. Yorkshire tea will be optional. </p> <p>Self-styled professional Yorkshiremen including Geoff Boycott, Dickie Bird and Michael Parkinson will be appointed team coaches. </p> <p>Track sessions will take place on the foothills around Holmsfirth, the setting for Last of the Summer Wine and Goathland, the backdrop for Heartbeat. </p> <p>Sportsmen will be required to wear Jimmy Saville-style track suits with optional flat caps. </p> <p>Whippet racing and pigeon fancying have been requested as new Olympic sports, with a strong showing expected for Britain, if accepted. </p> <p>However, the whole initiative has been opposed by the People’s Republic of South Yorkshire. Their spokesperson, a Mr A Scargill has lobbied for Yorkshire to break away from the rest of Britain and compete in the Olympics in its own right. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46957#post-134907 Thu, 16 Aug 2012 21:15:27 +0000 Alfred Noakes 134907@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the outstanding success of Yorkshire-born athletes in the London 2012 Olympics, Team GB sport scientists have announced a new dietary regime for Brazil 2016.</p> <p>UK athletes will be recommended a diet rich in traditional regional fare, including Yorkshire puddings with roast beef, Tetley bitter and Christmas cake with cheese on the top. Yorkshire tea will be optional. </p> <p>Self-styled professional Yorkshiremen including Geoff Boycott, Dickie Bird and Michael Parkinson will be appointed team coaches. </p> <p>Track sessions will take place on the foothills around Holmsfirth, the setting for Last of the Summer Wine and Goathland, the backdrop for Heartbeat. </p> <p>Sportsmen will be required to wear Jimmy Saville-style track suits with optional flat caps. </p> <p>Whippet racing and pigeon fancying have been lobbied for as new Olympic sports, with a strong showing expected for Team GB, if the recommendation is accepted. </p> <p>However, the whole initiative has been opposed by the People’s Republic of South Yorkshire. Their spokesperson, a Mr A Scargill has lobbied for Yorkshire to break away from the rest of Britain and compete in the Olympics in its own right. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45352#post-130427 Sun, 15 Jul 2012 06:17:42 +0000 Yikes 130427@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>good! probably could be shortened a little without losing the essence of the sub .. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45352#post-130334 Sat, 14 Jul 2012 08:40:39 +0000 writinginbsl 130334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>funny</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45352#post-130247 Fri, 13 Jul 2012 19:48:30 +0000 Alfred Noakes 130247@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Frederick Arkwright, a plumber from Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire has formally requested an economic bail out from the IMF. </p> <p>This follows a downgrading of his credit rating by local agency 'the man at the corner shop' who refuses to let him have any more cheap lager 'on tab' until he settles his bill.</p> <p>Mr Arkwright is also known to owe sums in excess of £25 to both the window cleaner and the milkman who have both escalated the matter further by issuing him with strongly worded reminder letters.</p> <p>Arkwright has subsequently approached the international bank for a loan of £750 citing the global economic downturn and international drop in shareholder confidence as reasons. </p> <p>His wife, Mrs Ethel Arkwright however has dismissed his plea as ‘complete and utter tosh’ saying that the underlying reason for his failure to access credit in the current market is primarily due to him ‘getting pissed up too much’.</p> <p>This statement was confirmed by his brother-in-law, Arthur Grimshaw, to whom he owes a tenner, allegedly. </p> <p>Mr Arkwright has further debts and creditors, including an outstanding library fine of £4.20, the work's Lottery syndicate, to whom he owes ten weeks and a video card that is two months overdue renewal. His best mate Fred also states that he hasn't got a round in, in months.</p> <p>Before allowing any release of funds however, the IMF has requested strict economic measures be implemented including i) limiting his trips to the pub to one a week, ii) only one curry takeaway every month and iii) buying Economy brand lager from the supermarket</p> <p>However, Arkwright responded robustly, saying 'These European mandarins that sit in ivory towers in Brussels sipping fine wine have no idea of the everyday situation of the common working man, expecting them to drink piss poor economy lager and miss out on curry take-outs. This is an outrage and I refuse to kowtow to their demands. '</p> <p>Arkwright is thought to be planning a protest to the IMF demands by staging an all-night sit in at the Dog and Gun. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41472#post-118190 Thu, 12 Apr 2012 15:25:28 +0000 Mark Gregory 118190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yorkshire Tea? Plantations found on Ilkley Moor </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40636#post-115537 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:03:33 +0000 Gary Stanton 115537@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mass murderer, Peter Sutcliffe, has offered to help out in the event of strike by tanker drivers if the government agrees to renew his HGV licence, according to reports. The Ripper has declared that he is on a mission from God to keep Britain on the move should planned conciliation talks with ACAS fail later this week. </p> <p>Sutcliffe, 62, says he was sitting in his maximum security cell in Broadmoor, minding his own business, when a deep male voice commanded him to use his experience of driving a Heavy Goods Vehicle in all weathers to help the country’s motorists in their hour of need, adding ‘Come on - this is bread and butter to you Pete.’ The government's civil contingencies committee Cobra, chaired by the prime minister, will meet later to discuss Sutcliffe’s parole amid reports that he has been on best behaviour since murdering thirteen prostitutes and seriously injuring another more than thirty years ago. A Cobra spokesman said, ‘All options remain on the table.’</p> <p>Tankers’ representatives Unite want minimum standards covering pay, hours, holiday and redundancy, whereas Sutcliffe claims his request for supervised weekend home visits is reasonable by comparison, with a condition that he be allowed to put pin-ups on the wall of his prison cell. Sutcliffe said ‘It’s time the government took on the haulage firms and hammered some sense into them.’ He added ‘Ok, poor choice of words maybe.’</p> <p>The multiple killer insists his old vehicle is still roadworthy, but later admitted that ‘the boot could do with a bit of a clearout’. However, haulage experts claim Sutcliffe would be ill-prepared to cope with modern road conditions which are far busier than those he experienced driving around Huddersfield in the late seventies. </p> <p>Last night it appeared that any chance of immediate rehabilitation may well be on hold after it emerged that Sutcliffe had failed the HGV driver’s theory test with a score of just 18 points out of 35.In answer to the multiple choice question ‘What is the correct speed when driving through a built up area?’ Sutcliffe answered (d) ‘five miles per hour with the passenger window wound down. ‘ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28810#post-80771 Fri, 05 Aug 2011 11:44:32 +0000 rebel not taken 80771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Forthright Yorkshireman Geoff Boycott has dismissed claims that Sachin Tendulkar is the best batsman since Don Bradman.</p> <p>Gritty Boycott, who was axed from the England team in 1967 after batting all day and scoring only 106 against the Indians, has told cricket fans on the Geoffrey Boycott OBE Official Website that Tendulkar is "overrated" and is "not fit to lick Sir Len Hutton's boots".</p> <p>The gruff Yorkshireman, who was denied a century in Hyderbad in 1978 after being "bent double by a dodgy Birianyi" has also attacked Duncan Fletcher, declaring that the Indian Coach has "no more brains than a pork pie". </p> <p>On his 'Bowl at Boycs' Forum, Geoff Boycott stated that Tendulkar was clean bowled by a "rank long hop" in the Lords Test Match.<br /> "I could have hit that with a stick of rhubarb" argued the pithy Yorkshireman.</p> <p>Geoff Boycott was even less impressed with the Indian fielding after "show pony" Kevin Pietersen survived a fumbled catch by wicket keeper MS Dhoni:<br /> "I reckon my mum could have caught that in her pinny" joked Geoffrey.</p> <p>Boycott seemed in fine fettle after celebrating the Indians' defeat at Lords and told his followers "my granny could hit the ball harder than that Bombay bhatti boy". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19504#post-52553 Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:56:19 +0000 Matt T 52553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The earthquake which hit northern England at 9pm last night has been blamed on John Prescott who fell off a ladder whilst reaching for some pies, sending shockwaves through Skipton.</p> <p>The former MP and failed anorexic is said to have been suffering a mid-evening yearning for a couple more packs of mince pies before beginning his annual January detox.</p> <p>House of Lords chums say that Lord “Of course I don’t want a peerage” Prescott had already scoffed four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree which unsurprisingly had left him feeling rather peckish.</p> <p>Some commentators have suggested that Mr Prescott might have misunderstood Government healthy eating guidelines leading him to wrongly believe that the “5-a-day” advice applied to Christmas treats as well as fruit, vegetables and shagging his secretary, although this was denied by a spokesman.</p> <p>Lord Prescott’s lovely wife Pauline emerged from one of her husband’s many Jags to defend him against the accusations, saying: “John and I are deeply hurt by the scurrilous allegations in today’s tabloids. Although my husband has often been correctly described as a ‘political heavyweight’ he was not the cause of yesterday’s earth tremors. In fact he was making love to me at the time and I can categorically assure you that the earth did not move at our house.”</p> <p>Lady Prescott continued, “In any case, John’s not allowed up ladders these days. Our lovely Polish au-pair Monika does all that for him whilst he thoughtfully stands below and looks up intently to ensure that she doesn’t fall. Although come to think of it, both our sons grew up and left home years ago so I’m not sure why we have an au-pair…”</p> <p>Local MP William Hague was also hit by the incident whilst saying in a Leeds Travelodge after it caused him to trip and fall naked onto the pre-lubed cock of a male researcher with whom he was holding a strategy meeting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6868 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 18:31:33 +0000 Des Custard 6868@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Grüß Gott! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6831 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:33:43 +0000 rickwestwell 6831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>I used to have one in the back of the Tumbling Sailor in Kidderminster</blockquote></p> <p>Sorry, but I can't let that go by without comment. :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6830 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:28:10 +0000 edward hack 6830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Drink's like a fish eh??<br /> I used to have one in the back of the Tumbling Sailor in Kidderminster....great bar, sadly gone now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6821 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:31:48 +0000 rickwestwell 6821@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I used to drink in The Porpoise of Belgravia, if that helps. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6819 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:09:59 +0000 Ostsee 6819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, ramblesid, I ask my self what is the purpose of Bavaria. I have already worked out the purpose of Belgium. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6817 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:00:47 +0000 Ostsee 6817@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If you think England has an issue with Yorkshire, just think of the poor Germans, they have Bavaria. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6808 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 09:50:52 +0000 rickwestwell 6808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote> you're like a drunk struggling to put a cover on a kingsize duvet.<br /> From your viewpoint it's a valiant fight but from the outside it's hard to see what the fuss is about.</blockquote></p> <p>Nicely put, sir. I'll try to remember to credit you when I steal that line. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6789 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 08:10:28 +0000 Des Custard 6789@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sid, you're like a drunk struggling to put a cover on a kingsize duvet. From your viewpoint it's a valiant fight but from the outside it's hard to see what the fuss is about.</p> <p>As Mary demonstrates so eloquently, it's the effete southern middle classes that get it in the neck most often round here. Me, I have mixed-rose origins and find the whole 'old enemy' thing a bit sad (and, as you say, historically inaccurate) but I'm flattered that you appear to take me for a southern toff. </p> <p>I was at such a wedding some years ago and the Yorkshire tribe, while remaining resolutely cheerful, lived the stereotype right up to the brim as usual. The service took place in a catholic church, but the opportunity for some religious strife was missed. Mrs C was breast feeding at the time, and the only private place to go for a feed during the service was the confessional. Still not sure if that was a mortal sin or not.</p> <p>Keep smiling Sid. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6760 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 21:09:27 +0000 sauce 6760@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm listening to Devo now - see what you've done... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6752 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 19:19:10 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 6752@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>|Proud to be part of history|&gt;&gt; rather fun to snap their braces by reminding 'em they were on the wrong side, when the good fight was fought.</p> <p>Well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6749 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 19:04:38 +0000 ramblesid 6749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If you're not on the FP with this in the next day or two, my little ray of southern sunshine, I'll go to the foot of our apples. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6738 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:23:22 +0000 Dickens or Shakespeare 6738@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Eeee. Nice work, lad.<br /> Have 5. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6701 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:33:52 +0000 ramblesid 6701@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I bet, late at night, Ostee, when you're on your own you ask yourself, 'What is the purpose of Pakistan' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6697 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:05:59 +0000 ramblesid 6697@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well Smyke, you're not Smudge again are you? Only it's difficult to tell with his many disguises. You seem to have been reading about a strange race called Northerners. I do hope it's given you nightmares and made you wet the bed.<br /> Does it say somewhere that if someone has a swipe at you one is not allowed a swipe back? Better speak to Westwell, He knows what is and isn't allowed on here. I can't classify myself as a Yorkshireman or whatever the people of Lancashire call themselves, I just feel protective for those shy and retiring thin skinned sub-humans you pity so. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6694 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:40:17 +0000 Mary Evans 6694@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well I think to caricature regional stereotypes is offensive and absurd. I'd expound, but I'm meeting the gals for a mung-bean salad and glass of Pinot Grigio outside a trendy Surrey bistro before heading to Waitrose to buy some organic pomegrantes for the kids' tea and prepare my bouillabaisse for my dinner party. Oh, and better get the car valeted in case we get lucky in the car-key swap tonight. So mortifying when you drive to a neighbour's house for illicit swinger sex and there are Wotsits mashed into the back seat.<br /> Ciao dahlings.</p> <p>Great sub btw Des, of course. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6691 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:46:50 +0000 smyke 6691@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I read somewhere that Northeners can be a bit chippy and thin-skinned. Lighten up, Sid. It's a piss-take based on caricatures and stereotypes. Sounds a bit like a Newsbiscuit sub to me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6687 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:19:16 +0000 Ostsee 6687@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has anyone ever worked out the purpose of Yorkshire? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2258#post-6682 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:11:44 +0000 ramblesid 6682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You must know a good Kerry man joke Neal. Come on, out with it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6679 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:09:24 +0000 ramblesid 6679@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Umpire-the one thing you really do well is stupid.</p> <p>I don't feel I'm superior enough to mock, Desi lad, it must be nice for you.<br /> There's no doubt some of those Yorkshire folk are smug, arrogant and ignorant, but people like that can be found everywhere. Can't they Des?<br /> I'll give you a free punch if you want. This is what I imagine dead sheep baiting must be like. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6677 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 09:59:11 +0000 theumpire 6677@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, once. The stars won't let me vote twice! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2185#post-6676 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 09:57:39 +0000 theumpire 6676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well Des, my ignorance may be "astonishing", but I don't care about the historical inaccuracies. I laughed, and that's what mattered to me. So have a five, twice. </p>