http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=yawn The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 12:04:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57859#post-167742 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 09:41:41 +0000 Scroat 167742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56052#post-161959 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 12:17:24 +0000 Mik Bulk 161959@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>theonewithnothingtooffer, thanks again. Genuinely pleased one person on the internet has been diverted by this...this stuff. I wrote these things a year ago but could find no use for them, clearly. There's one more to come. I'll post it soon, then that'll be that.</p> <p>BTW, you're a sock puppet apparently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56052#post-161915 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 00:13:22 +0000 theonewithnothingtooffer 161915@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You did it again.......so funny.....many thanks!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56052#post-161884 Sat, 09 Feb 2013 20:10:32 +0000 Dick Everyman 161884@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The sock puppet strikes again!!!!</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56052#post-161877 Sat, 09 Feb 2013 17:51:51 +0000 Tripod 161877@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There must be a website somewhere in cyderspace crying out for this kind of material... but it sure ain't here... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56052#post-161875 Sat, 09 Feb 2013 17:37:40 +0000 Mik Bulk 161875@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Whatever happened to the TV host Matthew Kelly?</strong></p> <p>Sir,<br /> Matthew Erasmus Kelly began his glittering career with West Combine Television in 1976. He was the popular face of such shows as <em>The Duck Must Go</em> and <em>Show Mum Your Pants.</em> However, his career took a tumble in the late 90s when he was accused of fingering kids. He was later cleared, but mud sticks and he currently lives in Vietnam and works as paediatricianophile.</p> <p>Emily Droole, Orbalz</p> <p>Sir,<br /> Emily Droole is like a sewage overflow pipe – she spouts shit. Matthew Kelly is dead! I know so because I was the first to discover his body. After his fall from grace for bumming youngsters, Kelly spent a few years working in a petrol station. He never fully recovered, however, and finally took his own life in a woods near his home. Bizarrely, he killed himself by cutting one wrist and taking several co-proximal tablets. Intriguingly, Kelly was allergic to knives. Many of us Kelly fans fear a conspiracy afoot, the details of which are outlined in my recent book The Highly Suspicious Death Of Matthew Kelly, now available on Amazon.</p> <p>Clint Gorge, Quocktonborough</p> <p>Sir,<br /> If Clint Gorge is so sure that Matthew Kelly is dead, then how come the cunt’s mowing my lawn as I write this missive? After his spell of bother with the authorities over the incident that saw him raping various juveniles, Kelly drifted away from television and became a handyman. He’s a popular figure in our village and a decent man, despite what he might have done to those poor little mites. Clearly Gorge is a desperate simpleton who is attempting to dupe the public into buying his crass tome of lies and hackery. As for Emily Droole, what a total helmet. Kelly didn’t host <em>Show Mum Your Pants.</em> That was Jonathan King. What the silly bitch is probably thinking of is the show <em>Whose Finger Was That?</em>, a rival show that aired at the same time and that was indeed presented by Kelly.</p> <p>Yousoff Smust, Pannlydale </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161779 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 22:05:07 +0000 nickb 161779@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well sock puppets apart I think it is experimental, with the emphasis on the mental. Is it me or is it really cold in here? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161752 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:41:05 +0000 beau-jolly 161752@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lamb chop found to have traces of...bugger what was her name? Cherrie someone?</p> <p>Edit: Close, it was Shari Lewis </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161749 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:33:14 +0000 Dick Everyman 161749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.virginmedia.com/images/puppets-lamb-chop-290x400.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161747 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:19:26 +0000 Lens Cap 161747@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You got me. Back to being Editor </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161742 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:05:21 +0000 Tripod 161742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, you do... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161739 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 16:54:31 +0000 Lens Cap 161739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Do people really do that? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161721 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 15:28:23 +0000 beau-jolly 161721@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sockpuppet_%28Internet%29">See above</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161720 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 15:26:19 +0000 Lens Cap 161720@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sock puppet?? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161713 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 15:08:25 +0000 beau-jolly 161713@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I smell a sock puppet. (Is that the right phrase?)</p> <p>Can I 5* tags? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161698 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 14:06:45 +0000 Lens Cap 161698@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have you figured it out yet Dick? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161632 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 08:04:51 +0000 Mik Bulk 161632@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>theonewithnothingtooffer, thanks very much. Delighted it pleased! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161602 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 22:26:53 +0000 theonewithnothingtooffer 161602@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I have registered...only to tell you this was so good......I have been skirting round...seeing what you people are capable of....but this hit home....thank you </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161588 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 21:08:16 +0000 Dick Everyman 161588@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is it me or does it have a touch of the William S Burroughs? It's either genius or drivel, can't quite put my severed finger on it... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161575 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 20:04:22 +0000 MADJEZ 161575@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think I preferred the designer shoe spam. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55954#post-161570 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 19:34:11 +0000 Mik Bulk 161570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Is Paul McCartney a Christian?</strong></p> <p>Sir,<br /> The successful singer-songwriter Paul McCartney is indeed a practising Christian. I know so because I baptised him! Paul came to our little church in Beadle full of woe and despair after his former band mate Jack Lennon was strangled in Detroit. I’ll never forget the look on his little face as I disgorged the special liquid upon his proud brow.</p> <p>Graham Phut, Beadle</p> <p>Sir,<br /> Is Graham Phut on acid, or is he just the world’s biggest ever spastic? Paul McCartney is about as much a Christian as I’m a fucking socialist. On the contrary, McCartney is a Ruggerfarinist. He was introduced to the mystic religion of Ruggerfariansim by his former band mate George Harris. Ruggerfarianism is a sect within Hinduism that encourages its adherents to abstain from hot meals. And that’s the truth. Phut can fuck off.</p> <p>Forbes Hawk, Blatterford</p> <p>Sir,<br /> I cannot believe my pissing eyes. Graham Phut and Forbes Hawk must be made of vomit to spew forth the utter drivel they have. If they were girls, I’d kick their tits off. Paul ‘Mad Dog’ McCartney is blatantly a MUSLIM. On the cover art of the Beatles single Mellow Submarine, McCartney can clearly be seen curling his left hand into the shape of a CRESCENT MOON!!! The infamous symbol of Islamanism! Furthermore, during a concert at Madison’s Squared Gardens sometime ago, McCartney dropped to the stage floor between songs and began praying towards Mecca! If Phut and Hawk don’t want to look at the truth they can look down the barrel of my 12-bore instead.</p> <p>Kirk Flings, Blerm </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52286#post-150632 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 12:24:27 +0000 MADJEZ 150632@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>like it, its a wonder no-one thought of it before.<br /> Head directly for the ticker. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52286#post-150605 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 09:43:14 +0000 Oxbridge 150605@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is grotesque exaggeration. It has been perfectly legal to marry outside your family in Norfolk for well over 15 years by now, and you know it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52286#post-150604 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 09:33:14 +0000 godly1966 150604@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Norfolk one big happy family. 5 stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52286#post-150591 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 07:59:25 +0000 Yikes 150591@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>oops, I laughed </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52286#post-150540 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 16:37:03 +0000 brownpaperreporter 150540@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>(R) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49124#post-141734 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:34:21 +0000 burnmybridges 141734@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>announces Dignitas will help him die. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117501 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:34:30 +0000 godly1966 117501@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don’t be so quick to criticize pandas, they might taste nice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117429 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:54:12 +0000 borednow 117429@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely the Chinese have one of those sex potions that could work, you know powdered panda penis or dried panda testicle, oh hang on, I've not thought that through have I?<br /> Maybe it's that he's got a tiny cock or is gay. Maybe when a female panda says no the male panda respects the decision and goes to knock one out instead. I'm sure if google looked they'd have a search carried in the Edinburgh area for panda porn saved in their logs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117422 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:41:17 +0000 Ironduke 117422@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It just needs a little thought. Here are my suggestions:</p> <p>1. Artificial insemination. Spawn millions of them and farm them either for their fur or for big game hunting. Until word got out that there was now a glut on the market, you could charge a huge premium to big game hunters and fashionistas. Once the exclusivity bubble burst, you could offload in bulk as high-end panda suits for children's entertainers.</p> <p>2. If artifical insemination doesn't catch on, then cross a zebra with a dalmatian for an ersatz replacement </p>