http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=william-hague The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 00:15:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22729#post-61397 Fri, 18 Mar 2011 16:47:16 +0000 SingingHinny 61397@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Prime Minister David Cameron is facing a revolt within his own party after refusing to ignore the Libyan ceasefire and for not invading the country anyway. The ceasefire follows in the wake of the UN resolution to impose a no fly zone over Libya and suggestions that United States were poised to launch air strikes against Libyan Military targets. </p> <p>However, senior Tories are said to be livid at the decision to ‘let Gaddafi off scot-free’ which they believe to be a further show of British weakness on the international front, and for rendering redundant the hasty rearrangement of the Bullingdon Club’s Spring Dinner. </p> <p>‘It’s bloody ridiculous!’ said a particularly angry Norman Tebbitt as he sheathed his rapier and uncocked his blunderbuss. ‘What’s the point of having an army if you don’t invade anyone? I blame the French.’</p> <p>Other senior Tories are applying pressure to William Hague in the hope that he might be begin discussions with Cameron over a possible UK-led invasion, or that he might just accidentally start a war with another bungled SAS mission. </p> <p>However, Hague has been barred from issuing military orders without prior consultation and from speaking to anyone, anywhere. Moreover, Cameron is likely to remain unmoved because, as one government advisor revealed, ‘another war would stretch the coffers a little, especially since the last time we looked we had enough money for one hand-gun and a cowboy hat.’</p> <p>Speaking at a press conference Cameron said he was ‘cautious but confident the ceasefire would be honored on the ground, but moved to address fears of ‘another Iraq’:</p> <p>‘Let me address that question directly by saying to those who are concerned that this may turn into “another Iraq” – It will not turn into another Iraq. </p> <p>Let me also reassure you that we will ensure that the Libyan people are protected and let me say with surity that we will not be listening out for whispers of nuclear devices or support for Al Qaeda, and will not invade the country illegally in a few months. But I can’t promise that Nick Clegg won’t.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20506#post-55313 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:57:30 +0000 Ludicity 55313@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Coming at you live from the FCO, it's Will.i.am and his rock steady show. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20506#post-55311 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:53:53 +0000 Ludicity 55311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://s897.photobucket.com/albums/ac180/dr_ludicity/?action=view&amp;current=william-hague_headphones.jpg"><img src="http://i897.photobucket.com/albums/ac180/dr_ludicity/william-hague_headphones.jpg" alt="Photobucket" /></a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20506#post-55310 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:38:22 +0000 Doylem 55310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>he rings up world leaders and pretends to be someone of importance.</blockquote></p> <p>Just like Gordon Brown used to do. "I <em>am</em> Prime Minister of Britain. I really <em>am</em>"...<br /> stars... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20506#post-55305 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:27:27 +0000 Ludicity 55305@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The BBC World Service is to be replaced by a rolling 24-hour radio show presented by Foreign Secretary William Hague.</p> <p>‘I have always dreamed of being a DJ,’ said Mr Hague, ‘as a small boy I would regularly spin classic vinyl of the speeches of Winston Churchill. I can’t wait to get down and funky with the global massive.’</p> <p>The World Service, which is funded through the Foreign Office, recently announced that it was axing 650 jobs and would be cutting five of its language services.</p> <p>‘I can easily do the jobs of these people,’ insisted Mr Hague, ‘I may not be fluent in 32 different languages but music is a universal language. Listeners will soon forget their need for an impartial news service when I start playing them tunes from my Abba collection.’</p> <p>The new service will be broadcast live from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, hosted by Mr Hague alongside regular contributions from visiting foreign dignitaries. ‘We are hoping to go for a zoo format,’ explained Mr Hague, ‘like Steve Wright in the Afternoon but with more emphasis on geopolitics.’</p> <p>The show will feature regular phone-ins allowing the 180 million listeners worldwide a chance to engage in light-hearted jovial banter with Mr Hague about war, famine and global hegemony. There will also be exciting new competitions in which people can win foreign aid, an arms shipment or military intervention.</p> <p>‘Every Sunday we will have a run down of the top 40 countries,’ said Mr Hague, ‘will China overtake America for the Number One spot? And where will Britain be this week?’ Mr Hague is also hoping to emulate the prank phone calls of Noel Edmonds in which he rings up world leaders and pretends to be someone of importance.</p> <p>Speaking from his studio, Mr Hague denied that his show would be a throwback to old style DJs of the past. ‘Of course I am a big fan of Dave Lee Travis,’ he said, ‘Who isn’t? But I can be dangerous and edgy too, like Tony Blackburn. And to keep down with the kids I have even changed my name to Will.i.am.’</p> <p>‘Hague FM will provide people around the world with an invaluable service,’ said the Foreign Secretary, ‘we have spent billions of pounds invading foreign countries, the least we can do for them now is lay down some funky tunes.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19504#post-52553 Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:56:19 +0000 Matt T 52553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The earthquake which hit northern England at 9pm last night has been blamed on John Prescott who fell off a ladder whilst reaching for some pies, sending shockwaves through Skipton.</p> <p>The former MP and failed anorexic is said to have been suffering a mid-evening yearning for a couple more packs of mince pies before beginning his annual January detox.</p> <p>House of Lords chums say that Lord “Of course I don’t want a peerage” Prescott had already scoffed four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree which unsurprisingly had left him feeling rather peckish.</p> <p>Some commentators have suggested that Mr Prescott might have misunderstood Government healthy eating guidelines leading him to wrongly believe that the “5-a-day” advice applied to Christmas treats as well as fruit, vegetables and shagging his secretary, although this was denied by a spokesman.</p> <p>Lord Prescott’s lovely wife Pauline emerged from one of her husband’s many Jags to defend him against the accusations, saying: “John and I are deeply hurt by the scurrilous allegations in today’s tabloids. Although my husband has often been correctly described as a ‘political heavyweight’ he was not the cause of yesterday’s earth tremors. In fact he was making love to me at the time and I can categorically assure you that the earth did not move at our house.”</p> <p>Lady Prescott continued, “In any case, John’s not allowed up ladders these days. Our lovely Polish au-pair Monika does all that for him whilst he thoughtfully stands below and looks up intently to ensure that she doesn’t fall. Although come to think of it, both our sons grew up and left home years ago so I’m not sure why we have an au-pair…”</p> <p>Local MP William Hague was also hit by the incident whilst saying in a Leeds Travelodge after it caused him to trip and fall naked onto the pre-lubed cock of a male researcher with whom he was holding a strategy meeting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31749 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 12:53:14 +0000 rickwestwell 31749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Beautiful. 5*. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31735 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 12:07:43 +0000 pinxit 31735@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well I'll willingly adopt Rikkor's dog-collar on this one...</p> <p>I take extreme umbrage at this distasteful and unwarranted attack on the follically -challenged community and Mr. Hague in particular. "Flowing golden locks" indeed! *Gah!*</p> <p>This has to be the most outlandish, shameless example of cruel Slapheadism it has been my misfortune to read.</p> <p>5***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31716 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 10:32:12 +0000 jp1885 31716@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>In a statement Mr Hague denied the allegations. "There is no truth in the malicious rumours suggesting that Ffion and I have been trying for a wig for some time." </blockquote><br /> Nice one Stan, though I have deliberately avoided any references to Ffion and the Hague's personal issues - don't want Rikkor coming over all hard on me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31714 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 10:25:07 +0000 IABP 31714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He's certainly had the rug pulled in this last week </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31707 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:31:04 +0000 saltire 31707@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A 'syrupy' 5 jp. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31705 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:25:43 +0000 Stan Laurel 31705@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a statement Mr Hague denied the allegations. "There is no truth in the malicious rumours suggesting that Ffion and I have been trying for a wig for some time." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31698 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:16:20 +0000 jp1885 31698@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers Chris - I even got as far as photoshopping a picture - but it was rubbish. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31696 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:15:19 +0000 ChrisHarrison 31696@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one, JP. The T-shirt slogan is hilarious! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11594#post-31692 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:13:32 +0000 jp1885 31692@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>William Hague has issued a strongly-worded statement, dismissing allegations that the Foreign Secretary is, to all intents and purposes, completely bald, as 'utterly false'.</p> <p>Hague was forced to make the public rebuttal after rumours spread about the state of his coiffure and his supposed 'improper' relationship with special adviser Christopher Myers, after it emerged that the pair shared a comb whilst on the campaign trail. </p> <p>'I feel it is necessary to issue this personal statement in response to press and internet speculation over the last 10 days,' he wrote. 'Yes, I did borrow Mr. Myers' comb once - we were out campaigning and I was finding it difficult to control my long, flowing locks with the small travel brush I had packed. Chris very kindly lent me his - and that is as far at it went. Allegations that I also cadged some sun cream, or, as some have cruelly suggested, polish, off him are completely baseless.'</p> <p>Speculation that Hague's pate may be hairless has been fuelled in recent months after the former leader of the opposition emerged from the political wilderness sporting a flat cap during a visit to his constituency in Richmond, Yorkshire - which he steadfastly refused to remove in public. 'My hair is naturally luxuriant and shiny,' he once told reporters at an election photocall, 'it's quite a windy day and I've only just had it done.'</p> <p>A recent radio appearance has also cast doubts on Hague's pate, after he told Desert Island Disks presenter Kirsty Young that his ideal castaway companions would be Bruce Forsyth, Russ Abbot and Ted Danson. 'There's just something inspirational about those guys - you can really tell they've got something going on up top, you know?'</p> <p>Unfortunately, any hopes that his statement might scotch further rumours have proved unfounded, after Hague appeared on the front page of the tabloids this morning after being snapped by photographers while out walking with Christopher Myers, wearing his now trademark baseball cap and a T-shirt bearing the legend 'it's not a bald patch, it's a solar panel for a sex machine.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4650#post-13033 Tue, 18 May 2010 08:36:04 +0000 muhniepie 13033@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicki Marper has suffered from hyper urinaria absurdum, a rare genetic condition also known as ‘Noah’s Ark Syndrome’ since birth. She is believed to be one of only 200 people in the world with the condition.</p> <p>It is a little known and extreme condition that affects the part of the brain called ‘Irédale’s Casket’ which regulates fluid reabsorption and expulsion. It is characterised by chronic onsets in which dangerous levels of urine are released in huge bursts or ‘waves’. The condition is often deadly as a sufferer can fatally dehydrate in a matter of minutes.</p> <p>Nicki’s condition has caused her to come close to death from dehydration on a number of occasions, as well as causing considerable flood damage to her home.</p> <p>“I have to carry large amounts of drinking water with me at all times incase a wave is released.” Nicki said. </p> <p>“The worst time it happened was on a bus. I ended up being sued by a non-swimmer sat in front of me who was washed down the bus and hit his head. The bus company even charged me for water damage to the bus. It was so upsetting”.</p> <p>Foreign Secretary William Hague is the highest profile sufferer of the condition. In 1989 as a newly elected Member of Parliament his seat in the House of Commons was hit by a particularly brutal onset. The wave cost the tax payer £5,600 in flood damage to the famous green seats as well as fusing some of the electrics below the chamber causing the tragic death of beloved House of Commons caretaker Thomas Rhythm.</p> <p>White House security was on alert this week preparing with mops and scuba equipment for Mr Hague’s first official visit as Foreign Secretary to the USA. He met with US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton who said she was “relived” that the meeting remained dry because “she isn’t really a strong swimmer”. </p>