http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=what The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 10:05:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180878 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 21:13:14 +0000 Tristan Shout 180878@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wrote some of the stuff she said in a book - but I lost it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180877 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 21:12:35 +0000 Tristan Shout 180877@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I met someone like you in the pub once. We had a great time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180861 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 19:01:04 +0000 Arthur 180861@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Peculiar' is a lot better than most of the stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180857 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 18:51:56 +0000 Lindy Moone 180857@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. I realize this is a peculiar series -- never going to be FP material! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180847 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 15:16:43 +0000 Midfield Diamond 180847@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cleverly written - not exactly standard Newsbiscuit format or style but entertainingly satirical anyway, especially the name change. Also, thanks for educating us (just me?) with the link. Have some stars (not just one next to a crescent moon). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180839 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 13:58:30 +0000 Lindy Moone 180839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.stratfor.com/analysis/turkeys-violent-protests-context?utm_source=freelist-f&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_campaign=20130604&amp;utm_term=FreeReport&amp;utm_content=title&amp;elq=58ee784cf5574f6e9de606fdf495f73a"><strong>This</strong></a> seems like a pretty fair analysis of what's going on in Turkey, if anyone's interested. It's missing some stuff, but not bad. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62107#post-180814 Tue, 04 Jun 2013 10:36:38 +0000 Lindy Moone 180814@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>(Warning! This article has not been approved by the government of '<a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61637">Your Hand is Like Ice, Your Ass is Like a Watermelon</a>'.)</p> <p>Surprise! This reporter's Mediterranean island nation is changing its name, again.</p> <p>It started with a peaceful walk in the park. Our president met us there, said we were looking peaky, said we should go home, take the day off, said he was just there to "top" some trees. Then he changed his mind, locked the park gates, threw us a surprise party and gave us presents. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepper_spray">Flowers</a>! <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tear_gas">Mojitos</a>! <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_cannon">A chocolate fountain</a>! When we'd had enough partying and tried to leave, he chased us into the Metro, showering us with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_bullet">confetti</a>, plying us with more Mojitos. He didn't want the party to end, so he stopped the train service.</p> <p>Woo-Hoo! Block Party!</p> <p>'So thoughtful,' we said. 'You shouldn't have,' we said. 'We didn't get anything for you.'</p> <p>Not to be rude, we drank the Mojitos, danced in the hail of confetti -- it would've been hard not to -- and when we ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning and confetti-induced injuries, the pres chased us in there, too.</p> <p>That guy knows how to party! He acts like a Stooge, hitting us over the head with slapstick humor and poking us in the eyes. But sometimes his punchlines don't get laughs, like when he called the father of our nation, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ataturk">Attaboy</a>, 'that drunk who wrote the laws'.</p> <p>We shouldn't have been so ungrateful. Silly us; we're sensitive about "Attaboy" and the rights he gave us to throw our own parties.</p> <p>Just have the pres send us the bill for that wall that collapsed on us, okay? No hard feelings, and thank him for the free rides to the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prison">zoo</a>. In return, we offer him this gift: we're changing our name. It's the least we can do. It's not like our homeland doesn't have a history of name changes. Its original name, 'Take It/No, You Take It', soon changed to 'Up Yours!/Your Mother!' and later to 'I Know You Are/But What Am I?'</p> <p>So, no longer will our country be called 'Your Hand is Like Ice/Your Ass is Like a Watermelon'. It's tourist season, folks. Come on down to 'His Heart is Like Ice, Our Heads Crack Like Watermelons'.</p> <p>Now, who's up for another party? Woo-Hoo? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-148191 Sat, 10 Nov 2012 23:31:41 +0000 dvo4fun 148191@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah - forwarded this little gem to the master4funs but forgot to award stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-148162 Sat, 10 Nov 2012 19:02:42 +0000 ronseal 148162@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rubbish </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-147927 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 09:55:19 +0000 ronseal 147927@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Gerontius, Golgo</p> <p>If what I read in the Daily Mail is an authentic account of the state of the nation, we're all going to hell in a handcart.</p> <p>In which case, we might miss the storm when it comes </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-147912 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 09:30:39 +0000 Gerontius 147912@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely stuff Ronno<br /> Just a little grumble...some girls here in the UK may well go to school but it's not as though they actually learn anything.<br /> Yes, that zhuy guy is a bit tight with his marking. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-147906 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 09:19:28 +0000 Golgo13 147906@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent...it's like the omnipotent are the one group it's OK to discriminate against these days! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-147892 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:50:31 +0000 ronseal 147892@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Zhuuakun123</p> <p>You should do this for a living.</p> <p>I notice you didn't give me any stars though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51370#post-147808 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 01:16:54 +0000 ronseal 147808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After punishing America for its moral decline, the consortium of Gods behind Hurricane Sandy is to turn its anger on Britain, a spokesman for combined fundamentalists has promised.</p> <p>Hurricane Sandy, said a spokesman for the union of religious fundamentalists, was a punishment for a variety of collapses in standards. The Taliban has claimed that 'sandy' was a punishment for US foreign policy. Meanwhile, a host of other deities demonstrated their feelings too. Christian fundamentalists claimed that adverse weather conditions were a Biblical reaction to America's abortion clinics. Evangelicals claimed the storm carnage was revenge for the tolerance of homosexuality. "Every single fundamentalist religious leader has called upon their god to create some kind of climate change on that fateful week end," said a spokesman, Collectively, they formed a perfect storm of righteous anger from the various heavens, say weather experts.</p> <p>Now, having punished America, the gods of fundamentalism are set to punish Britain for its descent into moral decay. Some ecumenical scholars are warning that this small island could be hit by an even bigger series of Godly indignation. "There are so many things about Britain to upset the various fundamentalists. It's equally tolerant of homosexuals, if not even more. Church attendances are down, which will also anger the men upstairs. Then there's the decline in marriage. Women are going to work. Girls are going to school. Neither of those are going down a storm with the gods," said a spokesman. " Or rather they are."</p> <p>Britain faces additional righteous indignation from the heavens. The almighty are understood to be hopping mad about a range of issues that America is not guilty of: the obsession with class, the inability to have a mature political debate, pathetically weak regulatory bodies like OFGEN and the FSA, and tax dodging millionaires at the BBC have all infuriated the Omnipresent community. Saint Christopher, the patron of transport, is understood to be livid that they're still charging for the Dartford crossing, even though tolls were only supposed to las until the bridge was paid for. </p> <p>As a result, Britain could face a perfect storm so intense that it could force theologists to rewrite the scriptures.</p> <p>The Archbishop of Canterbury defended the actions of the gods. "It's time the Omnipotent stopped being pushed around. Besides, there's no such thing as bad weather, Just the wrong set of moral choices." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25086#post-68087 Sat, 14 May 2011 16:40:56 +0000 be reasonable 68087@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, the Foreign Office can be quite offensive, can't they? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25086#post-68073 Sat, 14 May 2011 10:17:07 +0000 MADJEZ 68073@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I find FO works better if you want to offend. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25086#post-68071 Sat, 14 May 2011 09:47:07 +0000 OllieP 68071@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow! How can two letters have so much potential to offend. Well done indeed. Got to make it as a ticker. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25086#post-68067 Sat, 14 May 2011 09:19:37 +0000 be reasonable 68067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22240#post-60086 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 23:31:36 +0000 OldThingy 60086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What about the Bongos? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22219#post-60085 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 23:29:26 +0000 OldThingy 60085@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So?<br /> What was the question? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22240#post-60074 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:53:49 +0000 bonjonelson 60074@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was always told to take the car on a motorway spin now and then to "blow the cobwebs out of the engine". Is this not standard procedure for Mazda drivers? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22240#post-60070 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:11:20 +0000 Ian Searle 60070@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As they are Mazda spiders they will take $600 each to replace. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22219#post-60067 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:56:57 +0000 brownpaperreporter 60067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the answer is always "custard"</p> <p>v funny ... have stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22219#post-59995 Mon, 07 Mar 2011 09:48:24 +0000 Duncan Biscuit 59995@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19264#post-51939 Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:28:52 +0000 Doylem 51939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, folded into a chapatti... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19264#post-51937 Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:15:01 +0000 Malcum eggs 51937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the Denisovans and later went on to greater success with their Fire trucks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3685#post-10599 Mon, 03 May 2010 21:38:30 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 10599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you Plucky - you are very persuasive. But I have spoken to Mrs MCA and the Chiglets and they don't feel that your pussy would be quite the thing - Murdo or not. They are quite picky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3685#post-10558 Mon, 03 May 2010 18:26:34 +0000 PluckyMunky 10558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Aunt, we have a nice old, fat, incontinent tabby that you could have if you wanted. I know its not a dog but you could call her Murdo, if you wanted. Do let me know when you want to pick her up, please. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3685#post-10554 Mon, 03 May 2010 18:04:00 +0000 thisisall1word 10554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bear in mind that if you should 'Murdo' in the park then people may miss hear you and come running to assist... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3685#post-10553 Mon, 03 May 2010 18:03:24 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 10553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ohhhhh. I get it now. He's a footballer and he thinks it's time that the Conservatives get a 'kick of the ball'. Really quite good. Rather like that cereal advert in which someone, who I presume is a cyclist, says "on yer bike". </p>