http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=wenger The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 08:58:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29485#post-82827 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 20:45:38 +0000 steve090291 82827@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://gfx.dagbladet.no/pub/artikkel/5/52/521/521979/bwap_1198260886.jpg"></p> <p>With Wenger’s latest failed bid for Arsenal legend Thierry Henry’s semen, he has opened negotiations with David Beckham for a possible exchange, of sorts.</p> <p>Wenger has always been known for his keen interest in youth. After signing Myi Jung Woo, 2 year old Japanese starlet, people believed he couldn’t possibly go any younger. However, Wenger has already signed Dennis Bergkamp’s semen on an 18 year contract. This, he was quoted as saying, was “ideal nurturing time for me to develop the player into a Man City, $40 mil acquisition.” Beckham, who already has children of his own, says he doesn’t want any genes of his playing for Arsenal.<br /> Talks between Wenger and Caster Semenya, South African 800m runner, about a possible swoop for her eggs are currently in the latter stages. These eggs are to be paired with Beckham’s semen to create the ideal soccer maestro.</p> <p>Wenger's latest hybrid, a cross between Messi and Venus Williams, has been valued at around $1 mil at the tender age of 6 months. This wonder kid, Clive, can already kick with both feet and can head a size 1 football 2 yards. </p> <p>It is believed that Wenger won’t give that up that easily and will put in a second, improved bid to get his hands on what Beckham has to offer. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82455 Thu, 18 Aug 2011 12:43:52 +0000 button 82455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really like this one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82441 Thu, 18 Aug 2011 11:32:08 +0000 pdonkyd 82441@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>UEFA's belief that only way to put a stop to Wenger’s antics was to put him in a geostationary orbit at a distance of 330 km above the Emirates stadium have been foiled.<br /> A leak concerning PS3 chipped players being operated remotely from the space station in an effort to boost performance, it is now likely Wenger will be in thumb cuffs by tea time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82375 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:18:43 +0000 Screenie 82375@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent stuff. Wonder if he would still wear his boiler cover. As many stars as Mr Wenger might see, except of course he 'would not see it' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82359 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 19:20:38 +0000 Gary Stanton 82359@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all.<br /> There's a lot of mistakes in it. Geostationary, although I like the word as it sits in that sentence would probably need to say "low earth" otherwise there's no way Wenger could fly over the stadium every ninety minutes. He'd fly over every 24 hours. Also ninety minutes would be better as thirty or it would be pointless to dispense advice - a game only lasts that long. Thirty minutes would give him three opportunities.<br /> I don't know why but this technical kind of shit does seem to matter to people. Brian Vox for instance. </p> <p>Also I forgot to include a link to the original article </p> <p><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/arsenal/8705819/Arsenal-manager-Arsene-Wenger-facing-Uefa-wrath-after-breaching-touchline-ban-during-Champions-League-tie.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/arsenal/8705819/Arsenal-manager-Arsene-Wenger-facing-Uefa-wrath-after-breaching-touchline-ban-during-Champions-League-tie.html</a></p> <p>Nighty night </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82322 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 15:20:54 +0000 hansens-scar 82322@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really good. Particularly like the blatter quote at the end </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82309 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 14:00:15 +0000 Qoxiivi 82309@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Utterly brilliant. Along with VCG’s sterling contribution I don’t think there’s much point anyone else submitting a full length article today.</p> <p>One tiny amend - I'd replace 'pass' in the ninth paragraph with 'relay' or 'communicate' to avoid it clashing with 'passes'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82308 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 13:59:26 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 82308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. But who is Daniel Van Persie? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29333#post-82305 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 13:39:34 +0000 Gary Stanton 82305@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following suggestions that Arsene Wenger flouted his latest touchline ban by relaying phone messages to players via his assistant, UEFA have called for the Arsenal boss to watch his team’s next clash against Liverpool from the International Space Station . </p> <p>The Arsenal manager faces further censure after the footballing body were shown additional footage of a besuited Wenger creeping a long row B on his hands and knees, shouting “Pssst!” in the general direction of Daniel Van Persie. </p> <p>Wenger will also be asked to explain footage of a paper aeroplane being launched towards the back four with the words “PUSH UP” scrawled across it in biro. </p> <p>UEFA believe the only way to put a stop to Wenger’s antics is to place him as far away from the ground as possible - in a geostationary orbit at a distance of 330 km above the Emirates stadium . </p> <p>The Arsenal boss now faces a punishing fitness regime in order to become the first Frenchman in space and take his place amongst the twenty or so cosmonauts and a PE teacher from Stoke on Trent</p> <p>Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish, however, remains skeptical, and claimed a weightless Wenger would try to dispense his touchline wisdom via a ropey satellite link that cuts out every five minutes.</p> <p>Meanwhile, ISS Head Cosmonaut Alexei Yuronov, a Dynamo Kiev fan, said</p> <p>“During his stay Arsene will be expected to help out with a number of space-related chores such as growing wheat in zero gravity and cleaning out the length of piping which connects my arsehole to the effluent chamber. “</p> <p>Last night UEFA warned Wenger against making any attempt to pass instructions to his team as he passes over Central London once every ninety minutes.</p> <p>Considerably overweight UEFA boss Sepp Blatter said, </p> <p>“Any attempt by Wenger to use the craft’s solar panels to flash to his players in some kind of freaky extra-terrestrial morse code could result in the certain deaths of the entire crew and a possible five match ban.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4054#post-11647 Sun, 09 May 2010 18:48:42 +0000 rosewing 11647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>During his meeting today with Nick Clegg, David Cameron offered three cabinet posts to the Lib Dems; then he offered a wardrobe, two chairs and free luncheon vouchers for life. Still not convinced Nick Clegg asked if it was possible for Ming Campbell to be brought back to life and George Osbourne's voice to break. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4054#post-11469 Sat, 08 May 2010 10:41:34 +0000 fun and games 11469@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea Rosewing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4054#post-11464 Sat, 08 May 2010 10:02:42 +0000 Ostsee 11464@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wot about Accrington Stanley? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4054#post-11458 Sat, 08 May 2010 09:42:10 +0000 rosewing 11458@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ferguson &amp; Wenger were today being closeted away in the bowels of Lancaster House at the FA in a bid to find areas where their differing football philosophy agree. Wenger initiated the talks when he realised that a joint bid between Man Utd &amp; Arsenal for the Premiership would keep Chelsea off the top spot.<br /> Ferguson said in a press conference "Although Chelsea have more points they don't have a clear majority over Arsenal &amp; Man Utd. The system is obviously unfair" Wenger added that he disputed some of Chelsea wins anyway because he hadn't seen them!<br /> If the talks are successful Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill &amp; Man City's Mancini said they too would launch a joint bid for fourth spot &amp; the coveted European cup place. Rafa Benitez had promised that his Liverpool team would get 4th but he refused to negotiate with Mancini opening the door for O'Neill </p>