http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=wembley The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 03:33:30 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54194#post-156472 Sat, 05 Jan 2013 17:49:42 +0000 Tripod 156472@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bullocks... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54194#post-156470 Sat, 05 Jan 2013 17:43:45 +0000 JoshSpringer 156470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Channel 5 reports that the Stobart Group was so pleased when a successful road delivery was made this week they will hold their biggest ever Open Day at Wembley Stadium on Saturday at a cost of £250,000.<br /> Normally, according to the TV Series “Eddie Stobart Trucks and Trailers”, the drivers take the wrong turning, cannot find the destination, hit parked vehicles in their way, are waylayed by knicker waving fans or simply leave the depot without vital equipment. However on this unique occasion a complete load of bullocks from Cheshire was delivered to an abattoir in Widnes, one mile from the depot, in one of the fifty new £750,000 bovine friendly bullock boxes recently bought from Argentina for the 2,500 strong Stobart tractor fleet.<br /> These trailers can be recognised by the special “Bullock” images on the sides of the trailers; they have special sliding, self cleaning floors and climate controlled pens so that the meat obtained when the animals are slaughtered is free from stress induced hormones. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147370 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 23:41:07 +0000 Squudge 147370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>he'd get a pretty good view from up there<br /> <a href="http://www.airforce-technology.com/projects/u2/">...I spy high in the sky</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147369 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 23:30:11 +0000 Boutros 147369@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But why would you want to see U2? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147334 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 17:32:14 +0000 Skylarking 147334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There's the Glastonbury special too: watch live footage on the TV, but with a very large welsh flag hanging over the screen, totally obscuring the view of the bands... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147325 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 17:01:29 +0000 charlies_hat 147325@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. stars aplenty. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147324 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:40:46 +0000 dvo4fun 147324@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gets my vote dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147321 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:31:55 +0000 AReader 147321@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Badum tish! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147293 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 12:01:15 +0000 DustyBinLaden 147293@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Concert promoter AEG is to offer more affordable tickets for stadium concerts that will include watching the concert while blindfolded at home, with wax pressed into each ear.</p> <p>‘Stadium ticket prices have become over-inflated,’ said a spokesperson for AEG. ‘We want to democratise that imbalance based on whether you give a shit about being able to see or hear anything.</p> <p>‘Now you can buy a ticket for the 2013 Bon Jovi tour for as little as £12.50, which involves being held under water at a nearby lake for the duration of the concert. Then we’ve got the £20 special, which means you stay at home, deprived of your optical and auditory senses. Also, you won’t be allowed to drink your own tap water during the gig. You'll have to buy ours.’</p> <p>Student Darren Maloney said: ‘It’s about time concert promoters catered for the minority of students who would be seen dead at a stadium gig. I’m hoping to see Celine Dion at Wembley. Well, I say see… I’m going to be paying £11 to sit and watch Al-Jazeera in the back room of a Turkish grocer in Wembley High Road.'</p> <p>Those who like to splash out on a top-price ticket experience are not being overlooked by AEG.</p> <p>‘Yes, if you’re some sort of cunt, then our top ticket price for Bon Jovi is £125,’ commented the spokesperson. ‘They're mainly aimed at business people who like to stand in a corporate safety ring getting free tinitus, shout “amazing sound system” to a client who got hammered before the gates opened, and get emotional over the lyrics to <em>It’s My Life.</em> Or, in the case of Bon Jovi, American couples in matching fleeces that have wolves printed on them.’</p> <p>The recent record freefall from 24 miles above the Earth, completed by Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner, has now been revealed as nothing more than the world's cheapest gig ticket. 'I have to confess it wasn't a world record skydiving attempt at all,' admitted Baumgartner. 'It was actually the only way I could afford to see U2.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147291 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 11:56:57 +0000 DustyBinLaden 147291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, perhaps I'll save Ticketmaster for another day. Thanks AReader. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147283 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 11:08:27 +0000 AReader 147283@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think that removing the last two paragraphs and adding the Felix Baumgartner reference as the punchline would tighten the comedy up and stop it becoming a (well-justified) rant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147266 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 09:07:12 +0000 DustyBinLaden 147266@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is the deeply cynical news item being 'pressed' into the media by AEG:</p> <p><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/20173897">Give us your student money, suckers</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147263 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 09:03:23 +0000 DustyBinLaden 147263@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. The list is pretty much endless. I cut quite a lot, including a reference to the fact that Felix Baumgartner wasn't actually attempting the highest freefall attempt; it was just the cheapest ticket he could afford to watch U2. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147205 Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:55:30 +0000 Squudge 147205@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely observed. ...loving those matching wolf-art fleeces</p> <p>A pity they couldn't evoke the authentic experience of queuing interminably for a stinky plastic portaloo with all the tissues wadded into the piss-soaked floor, but I guess you captured that in the ticker. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51131#post-147204 Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:31:47 +0000 DustyBinLaden 147204@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Concert promoter AEG is to offer more affordable tickets for stadium concerts that will include watching the concert while blindfolded at home, with wax pressed into each ear.</p> <p>‘Stadium ticket prices have become over-inflated,’ said a spokesperson for AEG. ‘We want to democratise that imbalance based on whether you give a shit about being able to see or hear anything.</p> <p>‘Now you can buy a ticket for the 2013 Bon Jovi tour for as little as £12.50, which involves being held under water at a nearby lake for the duration of the concert. Then we’ve got the £20 special, which means you stay at home, deprived of your optical and auditory senses. Also, you won’t be allowed to drink your own tap water during the gig. You'll have to buy ours.’</p> <p>Student Darren Maloney said: ‘It’s about time concert promoters catered for the minority of students who would be seen dead at a stadium gig. I’m hoping to see Celine Dion at Wembley. Well, I say see… I’m going to be paying £11 to sit and watch Al-Jazeera in the back room of a Turkish grocer in Wembley High Road.'</p> <p>Those who like to splash out on a top-price ticket experience are not being overlooked by AEG.</p> <p>‘Yes, if you’re some sort of cunt, then our top ticket price for Bon Jovi is £125,’ commented the spokesperson. ‘They're mainly aimed at business people who like to stand in a corporate safety ring getting free tinitus, shout “amazing sound system” to a client who got hammered before the gates opened, and get emotional over the lyrics to <em>It’s My Life.</em> Or, in the case of Bon Jovi, American couples in matching fleeces that have wolves printed on them.’</p> <p>There are concerns that the new scheme has failed to factor in the ubiquitous presence of Ticketmaster, widely held to be responsible for single-handedly removing the words ‘great value’ from the live music experience. </p> <p>‘We’re about to introduce a complex range of booking fees that are so outrageously expensive, you’ll probably want to add them to your mortgage,’ said a voice recognition spokesthingy. ‘They're our boldest move yet in widening the chasm of disparity between price and service. We’re thinking £28.50 if you have green eyes, or a tenner to leave our website without taking a hard-drive wiping virus with you… that sort of thing. If you think that’s unfair, say “fuck that.”’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15128#post-41230 Fri, 05 Nov 2010 20:43:23 +0000 JMO 41230@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The English Football Association today sparked controversy over a recent pricing policy hastily prepared for the forthcoming football match between England and France later in November. </p> <p>In a PR exercise designed to fill the famous Wembley stadium the FA has announced that they will be charging fans £5 per ticket, drawing a strong response from devotees of the beautiful game. </p> <p>“After the World Cup disaster in South Africa, no-one should be expected to pay good money to watch this shower of shit,” claimed one angry resident of Brent, Wembley’s home borough. </p> <p>Insiders claim that this disappointing stance by the English FA will end up being counter-productive. At a time when Anglo-French relations are strengthening, the Government appears wary that its half-time policy <em>orange cordial</em> is being undermined.</p> <p>“It’s all very well to adopt an aggressive marketing policy to recoup financial losses, but to expect the ordinary public to pay is beyond a joke. You wouldn’t get a Government trying to get away with this sort of thing.” </p>