http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=vader The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 03:14:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51937#post-149515 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 12:22:22 +0000 bilstonjay 149515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lord Vader, keeper of the dark side, today announced he has been talking to his lawyers about suing over 10,000 users of the social network site Twitter for claims he may have inappropriately touched a protocol droid that he built when he was a young lad. </p> <p>He has already tried hard to clamp down on the allegations by killing hundreds of Bothans who had been trying to get a message to the rebellion but the rumours got through. Some people have speculated that his harsh treatment of the Bothans may actually be a sign of guilt. Something Lord Vader has strenuously denied. </p> <p>“Yes I may have completely destroyed a planet once in cold blood, but interfering with a protocol droid? That’s an accusation that is completely false and without any basis, people have gone too far!” </p> <p>Most twitter users will be expected to pay a nominal fee to Lord Vaders favourite charity, Fathers 4 Justice, a charity who he’d worked close with to try and gain him access to his twins, one of whom was housed pretty much under his nose with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. </p> <p>But stronger users of Twitter may be forced to fight him like a man to the death and with every passing moment they’ll be punished by moving closer to the dark side. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12310#post-33718 Wed, 15 Sep 2010 20:43:01 +0000 wolfie 33718@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Beleagured Home Secretary for the Empire, Darth Vader, assured an anxious galaxy of subjugated victims that his harsh public sector cuts will not affect the level of storm trooper oppression and killing, despite there being less "baddies on the beat". </p> <p>The cuts follow an embarrassing loss of many billions of space dollars, after Vader invested in a string of sub-prime properties with gaping hopes in the side, clearly signed with "Hey Luke, plop your bombs in here" written above them, which Vader now concedes was a mistake.</p> <p>"I am confident that if we fire a few Storm Troopers, and under-pay and under-resource the rest of them, then the Empire will again be safe." stated the dark lord, smiling and pointing confidently at a pie-chart on a powerpoint slide.</p> <p>"We are looking into a new cost more effective security model for the future, and we now think we can keep perfect law and order, just by giving one bad actor a shiny stick - the projected figures for cost savings are massive."</p> <p>The new slogan for the one man cross-universe security force is "may the force not be with you"</p> <p>[any ideas, out there? needs much work, but can perhaps be saved?] </p>