http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=us The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 16:57:53 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44368#post-126945 Fri, 22 Jun 2012 21:39:38 +0000 Yikes 126945@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* from me - very good </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44368#post-126908 Fri, 22 Jun 2012 17:18:58 +0000 TiffindeVere 126908@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Buckingham Palace insider has revealed that the Duke of Edinburgh hid Her Majesty the Queen’s extensive collection of silverware in a locked closet during Obama’s visit to the Palace. </p> <p>Speaking to ITN yesterday, the source claimed that “Philip was most perturbed by the fact that the Obamas would be dining at the Palace. He spent a week ranting at his footmen about how "light-fingered" the President was. He was also deeply concerned that a “man of his provenance" would be in such close proximity to his wife, worrying that “once she’s had black, she’ll never come back”.”</p> <p>A relative of several high-ranking members of the Nazi Party, the Duke of Edinburgh’s early life was filled with casual racism. It has been reported that the young Prince didn’t see a black person until he was 45, and even then he thought it was some kind of tree-dwelling animal. </p> <p>The Queen’s husband has made no secret of his disdain for the American President, openly stating at the 2011 MOBO Awards that “You can take the boy out of the Projects, but you can’t take the Projects out of the boy”. He added, “I’m surprised his wife doesn’t have a bone through her nose.”</p> <p>Philip’s speech at the dinner held in Obama’s honour at Buckingham Palace reportedly “went down like a lead balloon”. A guest at the dinner revealed that “The real low point was when Prince Philip told his favourite joke- never put your hand into a bag of jelly babies, because the black one will pinch your watch.” </p> <p>Buckingham Palace refused to comment on the matter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100726 Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:30:04 +0000 malgor 100726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FYI 1I: edit window expires after 6 hours. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100647 Tue, 13 Dec 2011 08:33:19 +0000 UnoEye 100647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the ideas (particularly north, that really was some insightful help, you're a genius) but now I don't know how to edit! I can't see any edit button, am I being dumb?</p> <p>Anyway I was going to take out the last line and replace it with:</p> <p>Diplomatic relations have been strained between the two nations ever since the alledged non-return of a Flymo strimmer.</p> <p>'After intense, late-night negotiations peace was finally brokered using one of Michelle's legendary homemade Marble Cakes' claimed Obama. 'We now consider that matter closed'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100600 Tue, 13 Dec 2011 00:00:36 +0000 malgor 100600@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like the idea of it escalating into a full blown neighbours 'domestic' - the Iranians accusing the Americans of deliberately encouraging their cat to sneak through the hedge at night and shit on their lawn; the Americans saying 'OK, but you didn't have to shovel it up and throw it back when we were having a barbeque. And, no, we don't know anthing about all the flower heads being snipped off your geraniums.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100567 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:05:52 +0000 Username 100567@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely angle, nicely written, but yes, still needs a punchy end. Great headline - sets the scene (big and small) simply and elegantly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100563 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 22:58:46 +0000 UnoEye 100563@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmm...you could be right malgor. I'll have a think about it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100562 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 22:57:04 +0000 malgor 100562@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice angle. Understated punchline, nice gentle feel. But maybe something a bit punchier at the end - oh, I dunno - the Americans denied there was any element of retaliation involved when they were seen wilfully sawing off branches of Iranian trees overhanging the Afghan garden.</p> <p>'..Although, thank God it wasn't a golfball,' said one Iranian border guard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35793#post-100556 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 22:39:47 +0000 UnoEye 100556@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>President Barack Obama has said the US government has requested that Tehran return the football captured by Iran's military earlier this month.</p> <p>Mr Obama said he would not comment on classified intelligence matters, but confirmed: "We have asked for it back. We'll see how the Iranians respond."</p> <p>Iranian TV broadcast pictures of the intact Mitre Pro Max Fifa ball last week.</p> <p>A member of the Iranian parliament's national security committee, Parviz Sorouri, said the border infringement would be used to "file a lawsuit against the United States over the invasion" by the football.</p> <p>US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton admitted that she did not think it likely that the ball would be returned.</p> <p>"We are very clearly making known our concerns. We submitted a formal request for the return of our ball, as we would in any situation. Given Iran's behaviour to date, we do not expect them to reply," she said.</p> <p>She said that despite numerous "provocations" from Iran, the US would continue to pursue a "diplomatic approach". The Iranians deny US accusations that they threatened to put a knife in the ball.</p> <p>The Revolutionary Guards, whose officers were filmed inspecting the football on Thursday, said it crossed Iran's eastern border with Afghanistan and travelled 25m (0.016 miles) inside its airspace, before being brought down in a cyber attack.</p> <p>However, US officials have said that intelligence assessments indicated that Iran neither shot down the football nor used electronic warfare or cyber-technology to force it from the sky. They claim it simply succumbed to gravity.</p> <p>The Iranian government has sent a letter of protest to the United Nations, accusing the US of "provocative actions" against Iranian greenhouses and violating international law regarding "respect for flower gardens" while pleading for the erection of an internationally recognised “No Ball Games” sign.</p> <p>Meanwhile the US government put out a statement saying ‘Oh come on man. It was just an over-enthusiastic toe punt. It bounced off the crossbar, that’s all’</p> <p>Obama simply pleaded ‘Can we have our ball back please?’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30950#post-87295 Sun, 25 Sep 2011 17:04:36 +0000 Pavel Ops 87295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can't claim first hand leather chaps and bridle experience. I just ride my Bachmann doll. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30950#post-87274 Sun, 25 Sep 2011 14:07:12 +0000 rikkor 87274@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gerontius, being gay now means the freedom to wrestle naked with Siberian tigers. See: Siegfried and Roy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30950#post-87259 Sun, 25 Sep 2011 11:53:42 +0000 Gerontius 87259@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>barking up the wrong tree Pavel<br /> this guy is not gay...no self respecting gay man would be seen dead wearing leather chaps and knee length boots while riding a horse<br /> stars all the same </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30950#post-87218 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 18:47:37 +0000 Pavel Ops 87218@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Upon hearing Vladimir Putin is to again run for the Kremlin, US Republican candidate, Michele Bachmann, today withdrew from the 2012 White House race because 'all that Brokeback schtick he does makes me retch'. Citing qualms over official protocol requirements, the Tea Party darling said it would be impossible for her to shake the hand of a man with such a 'suspiciously honed torso and love of brooding machismo imagery'.</p> <p>Speaking from her life choice counselling centre in Minneapolis, where known homosexuals are rubbed down with steaks and encouraged to scratch their balls in front of Top Gear, a tearful Bachmann explained why she had ditched her challenge: "I am not a judgmental person," she told reporters whilst injecting a passing lesbian with Bromide. "But all those bare-chested horse rides and phallic gun pictures make me want to chunder. After the one in the tank I prayed for Vladimir and for a while I thought that had worked. This week I see he's back in the biker gear."</p> <p>Bachmann, who has won praise for preventing mental retardation in teenage girls through her local 'Cash for crossed legs' programmes, added that her fully certified therapists were ready with a rib eye and hymn any time Putin wanted to visit. Mr Putin's spokesman refused to comment, however, although he indicated that the news would not interrupt the current Russian prime minister's 'weekend of naked judo with the chaps'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86340 Mon, 19 Sep 2011 15:43:58 +0000 writinginbsl 86340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>funny</p> <p>late stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86305 Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:07:31 +0000 Sinnick 86305@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Curious that Duke Togo is an alias of that curious assassin "Golgo 13", isn't it ?<br /> Still, nothing like cross-dressing for the weekend, is there? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86297 Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:51:59 +0000 rickwestwell 86297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Duke Togo! You look so... familiar! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86293 Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:39:30 +0000 Golgo14 86293@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I too think this is very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86289 Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:26:43 +0000 rickwestwell 86289@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent stuff, very well written, full of great lines. </p> <p>Has it been on the FP yet? If it doesn't make it, we might as well all give up. Oh wait, I have. :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86236 Sun, 18 Sep 2011 19:47:42 +0000 mr blue 86236@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86235 Sun, 18 Sep 2011 19:22:53 +0000 Ironduke 86235@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Spiffing! Mrs Duke was giggling, and I still had my trousers on! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86225 Sun, 18 Sep 2011 14:35:34 +0000 Qoxiivi 86225@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-86190 Sun, 18 Sep 2011 06:52:43 +0000 Pabst Blue Ribbon 86190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good all the way through. Five. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-85916 Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:15:22 +0000 Tristan Shout 85916@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really like this one. 5. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-85028 Sun, 11 Sep 2011 04:53:21 +0000 Al OPecia 85028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it - how about finishing with "However, Boehner said today 'these plans, as they stand, are just off the table'". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-84989 Sat, 10 Sep 2011 12:22:17 +0000 Oxbridge 84989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A bit too long but very good concept. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-84930 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 21:08:18 +0000 Textbook 84930@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. I'm jealous. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-84926 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 18:51:14 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 84926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracking stuff </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-84917 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:02:15 +0000 Golgo13 84917@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30202#post-84848 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 08:15:53 +0000 TokyoTomato 84848@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Barack Obama today unveiled his plans for dinner this evening, outlining how he, his wife Michelle, and two children Sasha and Malia, would be eating a nutritionally balanced meal that would see the family through until breakfast tomorrow morning.</p> <p>Reaction to the announcement in Washington has been split down party lines. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi summed up the feelings of many Democrats when she described the plans as "sounding absolutely delicious," a sentiment echoed by Vice President Joe Biden, who said that it made him "hungry just thinking about it."</p> <p>Senior Republicans, however, were more cautious or openly hostile. Republican House Speaker, John Boehner, a fierce critic of Obama's holiday plans last month, said that the President's dinner plans amounted to "nothing more than a reheating of last night's leftovers, with a few extra vegetables thrown in to court the left-wingers of the Democratic party ahead of the 2012 election."</p> <p>Analysts have generally reacted with cautious optimism to the details of the menu. Dan Spengler, foods analyst at UBS, praised the soup starter as a welcome boost to small businesses, especially if the vegetables were cut nice and thick. "The soup is definitely a good start. And the choice of ciabatta [an italian bread seasoned with olive oil and marjoram] is a bold move that could signal a more 'European' approach of deficit spending to create badly needed jobs in the economy," said Spengler.</p> <p>The main course has so far caused the most controversy. The combination of Lincolnshire pork sausages, boiled new potatoes with butter, Moroccan 'zaalouk' salad and fava beans stewed in a rich tomato sauce caught many off guard. In his speech, Obama referred to it as a "coalition of the tasty," but Aariz Hadad, a Middle East scholar at Columbia University, sees it as tokensim: "The inclusion of the zaalouk is really just a fig leaf to disguise the fact that the sausage and new potatoes are going to be doing the heavy lifting in the battle to prevent Sasha and Malia from demanding additional snacks before bedtime."</p> <p>Many Republicans, with an eye to their conservative Christian base, are said to be unhappy about the choice of words for the 'fava bean' clause in the dinner plan. "In our house, and in the houses of honest, God-fearing Americans across the country, we eat broad beans. This is a typical exercise of style over substance for a style-over-substance President," said Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.</p> <p>Desert was the only area of the dinner plan that garnered broad bi-partisan support. "The President has reached out across the divide in Washington with his choice of apple pie with ice-cream," Vice President Biden said. But while most Republicans were generally in favor, there were rumblings of discontent in the stomachs of others: "We urgently need more apple pie, and we need it right now. By this evening I fear it's going to be too little, too late," said Eric Cantor, the Republican majority leader in the House.</p> <p>"If there's any left over, can you save me some?" he added somewhat pathetically. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26355#post-71963 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 23:26:04 +0000 samnzed 71963@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep will redo -cheers Golgo for that style note </p>