http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=up-yours The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 07:02:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287&page=2#post-60896 Tue, 15 Mar 2011 09:45:26 +0000 be reasonable 60896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not a road sign as such, but the other day I was following a van on the motorway; the sign on the back proclaimed<br /> "DP Meats - The Taste Of Suffolk".<br /> I'll not be any hurry to try their produce. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60894 Tue, 15 Mar 2011 09:33:01 +0000 John Wiltshire 60894@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another Les Dawson line - 'I knew the mother in law was coming because the mice were throwing themselves on their traps.'</p> <p>Um, just a thought, people but - anyone got anything amusing to say about, er, road signs? Otherwise this could end up like something from Jim Davidson - and we don't want that, do we boys and girls! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60844 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 18:30:25 +0000 be reasonable 60844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Last Autumn Mrs. R &amp; I went to the in-laws one afternoon, to find mother-in-law in the garden, broom in hand. I said, 'clearing up or going out?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60837 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 17:09:59 +0000 Danny 60837@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha ha. It's like another Les Dawson joke when he says "We actually keep a picture of the mother-in-law above the mantelpiece. It keeps the kids away from the fire. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60836 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:47:51 +0000 DiY 60836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&lt;i&gt;She's a ray of sunshine, my mother-in-law.&lt;/i&gt;....I wish mine was. Perhaps that nice Prof Brian Cocks could arrange for her to be blasted into space for a one way trip to Sol!</p> <p>5*'s anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60819 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 15:35:56 +0000 be reasonable 60819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"By the way, the other evening I came back from the pub with a mate of mine, and saw six yobs beating up my mother in law. 'Aren't you going to help?' asked my mate. 'No,' I said, 'six should be enough"... love it; whenever I see a sign saying 'family butchers' I'm often tempted to pop in to ask 'how much to do mine?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60786 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 11:06:52 +0000 John Wiltshire 60786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And conversely, if the sign says Small Person On Board, the emergency services will dance with glee as there's finally an end to Wee Jimmy Krankie.</p> <p>By the way, the other evening I came back from the pub with a mate of mine, and saw six yobs beating up my mother in law. 'Aren't you going to help?' asked my mate. 'No,' I said, 'six should be enough.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60784 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 10:52:41 +0000 The Paper Ostrich 60784@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I scorned the "baby on board" sign while the present Mrs O was pregnant, but then my mother-in-law told us that the reason they are advisable is that if there is a terrible accident and your family car is reduced to a mangled wreck, a Baby On Board sign lying amidst the smouldering wreckage will encourage the emergency services to keep digging until they find your offspring even if you are unconscious or severely injured or drunk.</p> <p>She's a ray of sunshine, my mother-in-law. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60777 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 09:35:14 +0000 John Wiltshire 60777@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks everyone! I've been away for a few days, but as the man said, 'hello, hello, I'm back again, I'm back, I'm back...' Oh hold on, that was Gary Glitter.</p> <p>Anyway, on the subject of road signs. I'm always bemused at the ones at junctions which say 'Ahead only.' Maybe this is because in the past drivers have suddenly reversed, or gone sideways. Or just stopped there forever.</p> <p>And that one in the back of cars always gets me - 'Baby on board.' Why display that sign? Is it because the paretns have been trying to have one for ten years and now they're proudly tellng the world they've managed it? Or is it to prevent other motorists deliberately smashing into the back of their car? 'I was going to really whack the Ford in front up the rear, but seeing the sign saying they have a baby on board, I decided to keep my distance.'</p> <p>And the variation on it, 'Small person on board', always makes me think of Wee Jimmy Krankie - which is a very good reason for drving a massive artic at the vehicle in question. How could anyone be Wee Jimmy Krankie for so long?? Or at all?</p> <p>You see, my holiday did me the world of good! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60298 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 15:07:22 +0000 OllieP 60298@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is now a NiB. Well done John </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60297 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 15:04:46 +0000 bonjonelson 60297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And unless the town of Newbury is likely to move in the near future, that particular part of the illuminated sign could be replaced by a traditional printed one, maybe halving the cost? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60295 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 15:00:36 +0000 theumpire 60295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How about those massive Motorway illuminated signs which say something like . . . </p> <p>Newbury 30 miles</p> <p> 26 minutes</p> <p>They only ever do that sort of thing when there are no delays. Did anyone ever see Gravesend 27 miles 6 hours 30 minutes?</p> <p>Those signs, I believe, cost £175,000 each. What a waste of our money. Could have been spent on 5 stars for JW. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60294 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:46:36 +0000 nealdoran 60294@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not sure if this is happening in the UK, but here in Ireland there are a lot more notices written on the road itself with the words ordered as if you first read the one nearest to you as you approach, rather than starting at the top and working down like you do in every other instance of written English I can think of. Makes me inordinately irritable, and I have no idea why they do it. In an imaginary world where I can actually dirve, by the time I've read DOWN SLOW, realised they mean SLOW DOWN, and ranted under my breath for a few seconds, there's every chance I'll have ploughed into the lollipop lady at the school crossing that was supposed to be served by the earlier written warning.</p> <p>But then this problem may just be something that affects me -- one of these days I'm going to get knocked over at a pedestrian crossing as I often find myself halfway across the road, reading the upside down (to me) sign on the road that says LOOK RIGHT and doing what it says, meaning I'm looking in precisely the wrong direction to spot approaching traffic. </p> <p>Not really relevant but glad to finally have a forum to unburden myself on these things. </p> <p>Love the sub, by the way! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60280 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 13:28:32 +0000 nilbymouse 60280@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Low flying bees" is one of my favourites. As opposed to those flying at altitude (high flying bees are those who have made it to the top of the tree, so to speak)</p> <p>Signs written in braille (for blind drivers) never really caught on</p> <p>PS, 5*. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60279 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 13:22:42 +0000 beau-jolly 60279@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Blind summit" always amuses me. We don't know what it do be but we knows it can't see you. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60276 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 12:55:08 +0000 Sinnick 60276@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5*, hope some of the feedback can be included when this becomes FP.</p> <p>I rather like "Hidden Dip" signs - I've spent hours looking for the guacamole. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60271 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 11:57:55 +0000 Scitech77 60271@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Slow children ahead' always makes me wonder why anyone would want to advertise their kids are a bit thick!<br /> <em>riesler </em>good green joke there, well recycled, recycled, recycled....<br /> Well done Mr W stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60267 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 11:15:35 +0000 pinxit 60267@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>riesler</em> ' 'Heavy Plant Crossing' always makes me think of Triffids.'</p> <p>&lt; snork &gt;</p> <p>Good story Mr W!</p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60265 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 11:13:39 +0000 Rowly 60265@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like the Irish road signs best.<br /> As you approach a corner, the sign painted on the road says "SLOW"<br /> as you go further round the bend, another sign says "SLOWER" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60264 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 11:11:59 +0000 be reasonable 60264@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love the ones on the back of trucks that ask "Think: if I stop, can you?"<br /> It automatically makes me think " I don't know. Why don't you try it and we'll find out?'<br /> 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60262 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 11:04:38 +0000 riesler 60262@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Heavy Plant Crossing' always makes me think of Triffids. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60253 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 10:23:38 +0000 Zadok the second 60253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>For years there were signs around Spaghetti Junction that said - "Danger, men working below". </p> <p>Yes? How precisely would you like me to adjust my driving to engage with this hazard, other than a gentle bit of perspiration on the upper lip in anticipation of a chunk of motorway that I'm driving on plummetting half a mile to the ground? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60214 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 18:32:42 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 60214@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There's one in the Scottish borders which appears to be personalised to our previous Prime Minister: as you enter a small village "Gordon, please drive carefully". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60206 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 17:32:42 +0000 OldThingy 60206@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>One day, in addition to Road signs, the government may introduce Rude signs such as the "two-fingers" for coming to a fork in the road (also with alternative meaning)and the "middle-finger" sign for check your exhaust. </p> <p>Fist sign, point sign for "no bunching"<br /> "shrug sign" to inform drivers that nobody is looking - do what you like. Then there will be the smiley, angry and puzzled signs like emoticons. </p> <p>Race relations may soon take away the "black man with umbrella ahead" sign together with all the cones...Fat chance. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60201 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:48:01 +0000 beau-jolly 60201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Most unnecessary sign I ever saw just stated "Birds drive slowly".<br /> There is a also a big home-made sign near here that states "No giant windmills here" Absolutely true, there are none. Why do people make these unnecessary signs? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60199 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:40:34 +0000 riesler 60199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love the signs that say "Sign not working". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60194 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:18:35 +0000 John Wiltshire 60194@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's another odd sign. It's like ones which say 'Little Boddington welcomes careful drivers'. I have seen no evidence of a welcome - no groups of fair village maidens garlanding the road as I drive at 28mph in a 30mph zone.<br /> And as well as signs saying 'Thank you for driving carefully', should there not be one for the drivers who drive like nutters, saing 'You ****ing idiot! You could have killed someone! Don't come back again!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60192 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:10:42 +0000 OllieP 60192@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>On a related note, I've always thought that the "Thanks for driving carefully" signs that adorn some of this nation's villages should be significantly larger. On a number of occasions I've nearly crashed while trying to read the signs at high speed, worried it was alerting me of something important.</p> <p>And I should add that I like it. Good work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60191 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:04:00 +0000 Golgo13 60191@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22287#post-60188 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 15:46:12 +0000 Zadok the second 60188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Five Unnecessary stars. </p>