http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=university The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 17:09:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49081#post-141580 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 09:18:55 +0000 james_doc 141580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As universities across the country return to lectures, the slow dwindling of the population of floppy-haired-indie-kids has now reached crisis point, with the NUS upgrading them from endangered to critically endangered, meaning less than one in 20 per halls of residence possess both a corduroy jacket and thick-rimmed spectacles and that total extincition of the species within former polytechnics could occur by 2020.<br /> “The decline of FLIKS in our universities is something we cannot allow to continue.” Said Liam Burns, president of the National Union of Students in a statement today. “These complex creatures are vital to the undergraduate ecosystem, aiding pollination of mediocre guitar-based music and the transference of ‘Withnail and I’ quotes. Without them, demands for ‘the finest wines available to humanity’ will falter and die, preventing spontaneous humour within Student Union Bars.”<br /> The reduction in FLICKS is having a knock-on effect to local economies of university towns; Bookshops are having to return hundreds of unsold copies of Jonathan Swift novels for pulping, while vintage clothing shops are also noting a marked decrease in sales of blazers and cravats.<br /> In an exclusive interview, Dr. Frank Einfachthema: professor of Sociology and University Society at the University of Norwich; who commissioned the investigation into university populations commented on the importance of this noticeable subculture within the tertiary educational environment. “The Indie fan is vital to successful progression of both cultural identity and personal development, especially within undergraduate life. By simply sitting in any coffee lounge of an institution, nursing a cup of black filter coffee and reading classic literature, they convey an air of relaxation and confidence that encourages other students to question their own contribution to society and whether they too are ‘cool’. They are also strong creators of derision and stereotype, continuing the necessary dislike for students by members of the general populous. Their distain and scornful looks should you mention that you like the new Mumford and Sons album, or that you went to see a Hollywood film teach people that nothing you ever do will be good enough for some people, preparing them for life in mundane jobs upon graduation.”<br /> All is not lost for these essential components of young-adult life however. Although higher education is suffering for their waning numbers, branches of Waterstones and Starbucks are reporting ever increasing hives of activity as teenagers instead choose to work after completing their A-Levels, thereby meaning the vital data carried by their deep looks and asymmetric haircuts is moving from localised campus fertilisation to the wider community.<br /> While this could mean the end for FLIKS within halls of knowledge, the NUS also report a booming year for Gilet-owning-rugby-wankers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24786#post-67320 Sun, 08 May 2011 03:47:42 +0000 RickH 67320@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>West Birmingham University College (formerly Smethwick Working Mens' Club)<br /> is to launch a new BA degree in The Bleedin' Obvious.</p> <p>Reg Grommett, VP Academics spoke to our reporter. "Interest in our BA<br /> in David Beckham Studies dropped off pretty fast once the students<br /> realised they weren't going to get a year in LA, so we needed to fill<br /> the gap."<br /> "We're playing to our strengths here. You won't get past your second<br /> pint in the Senior Common Room without several senior lecturers<br /> discussing their research. Whether it's Economics, Government Policy or<br /> the Baggies team sheet, we're all experts."</p> <p>Reg said the course will have an international flavour. "A guy from<br /> that Dutch University that figured out poor people don't tend to buy<br /> Ferraris is a guest lecturer. Apparently he's a Villa fan, but we'll<br /> excuse that if he gets his round in."</p> <p><img src="http://www.bbc.co.uk/nottingham/content/images/2005/02/16/kinki_chavs_015_470x352.jpg"></p> <p>Prospective student KayLeee (centre, with the Cranberry Breezer) said;<br /> "Like, me ma's always said I could, like, do with a bit more Common like,<br /> and anyways I'm not workin' down the nail parlour no more since they said<br /> I had to, like, turn up when THEY felt like it, not me, like.<br /> That's oppression that is."</p> <p>David Beemer-Golfcart of the Central Birmingham Chamber of Commerce was<br /> cautiously optimistic about the new venture. "Education is always a good<br /> thing. God knows, most of 'em haven't the brains they were born with.<br /> Keeps 'em off the streets I guess".</p> <p>Reg finished the press conference on the unique course with "It's a<br /> wonder no one's though of this before". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23079#post-62465 Sat, 26 Mar 2011 21:48:22 +0000 dannyboy206 62465@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A woman from Poole, Dorset has become the latest person to have difficulties with the completing her census form. </p> <p>Annie Travers, a 20-year-old university student, currently studying in East Anglia (UEA), received the form in the post and was met with the intimidating notice that non-completion of the census could result in a fine of up to £1000. As a cash-strapped university student, this was simply not a risk she was willing to take and she promptly started to fill the form in. She had been told that the census could be completed online, but decided to go with the hand-written approach.</p> <p>(more to follow) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49212 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 20:16:44 +0000 deskpilot3 49212@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, we're both prankers, say Cameron and Clegg... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49187 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:56:19 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 49187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"University Fees rise a "student prank" admit Cameron and Clegg." might make a better headline. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49171 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 14:28:54 +0000 deskpilot3 49171@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>if only.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49131 Sat, 11 Dec 2010 21:50:59 +0000 Malcum eggs 49131@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brill 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49103 Sat, 11 Dec 2010 17:44:49 +0000 Nick Wright 49103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'We were only joking,' claimed Cameron and Clegg in an extraordinary turn of events earlier today. 'We were surprised the student fees hoax was taken so seriously. It was only intended as a bit of festive fun. We thought students liked that sort of thing.' </p> <p>This latest twist in the university funding fiasco has left student leaders feeling embarrassed. 'On reflection, we should have realised no government could ever have tabled such ludicrous proposals as serious education funding policy. The penny should have dropped when they kept referring to the proposals as 'progressive'.'</p> <p>Cameron and Clegg appeared smiling together on the steps of 10 Downing Street. 'We thought the proposals would get people out on the streets in the fresh air to have a bit of fun, exercising and keeping fit together. You would have to agree that, in this respect, the spoof proved an enormous success.'</p> <p>The police and London authorities were less than amused. Clearing away the debris from the week’s protest marches and faced with mounting bills for an exclusive royal car re-spray, they declined to comment. Charles and Camilla are reported to be recovering well from arriving late at theatre. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14108#post-38175 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 11:42:40 +0000 flyerblade 38175@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After announching 7bn of spending on education at the same time David Cameron announces big cuts to university funding Nick Clegg was finally forced to admit spending plans were now simply being created to allow more cuts to be announced. "Well we both have party members to pacify and frankly we have to look busy" Clegg admitted. </p>