http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=ukip The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 11:41:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177314 Thu, 09 May 2013 14:51:45 +0000 Our Business Correspondent 177314@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Aw, shucks! Thanks, guys! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177312 Thu, 09 May 2013 14:47:32 +0000 Oxbridge 177312@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It made Nib. Brown envelope to usual address please. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177287 Thu, 09 May 2013 13:08:06 +0000 Dick Everyman 177287@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it too. Here's my bump... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177269 Thu, 09 May 2013 11:57:21 +0000 Not Amused 177269@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, I like it .. stars from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177264 Thu, 09 May 2013 11:33:50 +0000 AReader 177264@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There is a phemonenon here of the "1-star fairy" - but its just a troll (or Waylandsmithy).</p> <p>Ignore.</p> <p>I prefer the second (much clearer) edition </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177261 Thu, 09 May 2013 11:27:08 +0000 Oxbridge 177261@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, there are a few trolls around here. Ignore, ignore, ignore. This is good and deserves to be used. There, I just bumped it again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177226 Thu, 09 May 2013 07:24:38 +0000 Titus 177226@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great stuff. I would be happy to award five stars just for the punchline. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177222 Thu, 09 May 2013 06:58:50 +0000 Sinnick 177222@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It was probably the spambot that gave you 1*.<br /> 4* from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-177196 Thu, 09 May 2013 03:04:56 +0000 Our Business Correspondent 177196@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks a bunch, Oxbridge. I followed your advice and my piece promptly sank to two-star rating.</p> <p>This just goes to show, never collude with any other NewsBiscuit contributor. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-176887 Tue, 07 May 2013 22:02:03 +0000 Our Business Correspondent 176887@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Here's a revised version. Can I have five stars now, please?</p> <p>At its first meeting since the recent election when UKIP won 17 of its seats, Kent County Council today put to tender an order for 102 million cubic metres of concrete.</p> <p>Seventeen competitive bids were received before the meeting adjourned for lunch.</p> <p>A spokesperson for the County Surveyor's Office said at a press briefing that this would be one of England's most ambitious civil engineering projects since the construction of the Mulberry Harbours in 1944, but that his department was exceptionally well placed to succeed.</p> <p>"With Folkestone's unparalleled rail links, we think that no county council is better positioned to implement the practicalities involved."</p> <p>Asked whether the project would hinder trade with Europe, he replied "No. Fifteen of the tenders received so far are from France." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-176840 Tue, 07 May 2013 15:58:43 +0000 Oxbridge 176840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Superb - but where UKIP fits in is not clear. Did they win a lot of seats in Kent? This should be made clearer. Otherwise 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60920#post-176806 Tue, 07 May 2013 11:51:36 +0000 Our Business Correspondent 176806@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Kent County Council today put to tender an order for 102 million cubic metres of concrete, receiving 17 competitive bids before lunch.</p> <p>A spokesperson for the County Surveyor's Office said at a press briefing that this would be one of England's most ambitious civil engineering projects since the construction of the Mulberry Harbours in 1944, but that his department was exceptionally well placed to succeed.</p> <p>"Thanks to Folkestone's unparalleled rail links, we think that no county council is better positioned to implement the practicalities involved."</p> <p>Asked whether the project would hinder trade with Europe, he replied "No. Fifteen of the tenders received so far are from France." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60809#post-176493 Fri, 03 May 2013 16:21:40 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Horrified onlookers gaped in horror today as the grin on the face of triumphant UKIP leader Nigel Farage spread so wide it severed his cranium from his jaw.</p> <p>One witness said: "It was horrible. And he got killed too."</p> <p>Prime Minister David Cameron said: "This is a loss for British politics. But, when all most of us get is the occasional smirk of satisfaction, let us be thankful and treasure the memory of his joyous smile in that moment before his brains hit the floor." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60808#post-176490 Fri, 03 May 2013 15:39:00 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176490@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In local elections across England, the UK Indignance Party has made impressive gains running on a manifesto specifying no more than 'a general and de-focused outrage at the state of things'.</p> <p>Exit polls showed voters were nearly entirely ignorant of and completely indifferent to any specific policy detail.</p> <p>Party leader Nigel Farage said: "It won't do! Any of it! And we intend to change things. This election - which was, it should be said, in and of itself entirely unacceptable - this election shows that the people are not willing to sit by and accept the status quo, whatever that may be, and that we want things back the way they were at some unspecified time in the past, and we want it now!"</p> <p>He went on to explain that the party was set to reject some of the votes it received on the grounds that the individuals failed to meet the undefined specifications for a UKIP voter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169552 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:52:56 +0000 Yikes 169552@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perfect </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169518 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:02:47 +0000 Username 169518@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>handy. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169393 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 18:01:55 +0000 Golgo13 169393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169366 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:07:32 +0000 Not Amused 169366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars .. nice one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169343 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:53:36 +0000 charlies_hat 169343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169335 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:46:20 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 169335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracking </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169326 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:28:40 +0000 james_patching_1 169326@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists in Stevenage were celebrating last night after developing a formula that provides a "perfect Daily Mail reader comment", guaranteeing the optimum number of green arrows regardless of the article topic in question. </p> <p>Written out in full the formula reads: A x (B+E+D)v where A equals "Assumption the comment won't be printed due to crazy house rules that try to prevent people speaking the truth", B "blame immigration and the EU", E "the expectation that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown will be celebrating the poor state Britain finds itself in since this was always their intention", D "a determination to leave this sinking ship of a country for Spain where at least people can speak English" and v "Vote UKIP".</p> <p>Chief Scientist Damian Luglaw explained that using the formula will save the readers valuable time on venting anger, which can then be invested in researching more things to make them angry or reasons why they are likely to die young. The discovery is likely to significantly improve the quality of life for right-wing nutjobs and "ironic" leftwing students alike.</p> <p>Asked whether the team would be developing a formula for a Daily Mail comment attracting the maximum number of red arrows, Luglaw claimed at first that this would be unnecessary since submitting any reasoned or well thought out argument is likely to produce this result, although at a press conference given later on in the day he issued the following, seemingly contradictory statement:</p> <p>"I doubt any of you will actually print any of this due to the PC brigade stopping us from telling the truth for fear of offending the minorities which have now taken all our jobs and housing and are living in luxury penthouse suites while the rest of us starve to death in OUR OWN COUNTRY but that's not going to change any time soon unless we leave the EU. I hope you're happy now Tony Blair and Gordon Brown – this is just what you always dreamed of!!! Anyway, if I do create such a formula it'll be the last thing I do in this country before leaving and joining a colony of ex-pats in Spain where at least people SPEAK ENGLISH. Vote UKIP." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57726#post-167447 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:44:16 +0000 MikeF 167447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Professor Brian Cox, the former keyboard player with D:Ream and now a famous particle physicist and broadcaster, has expressed deep concerns that the apparent rise of UKIP on the political agenda will bring racists and anti-racists together.</p> <p>"This high energy collision presents the danger of producing a quark-gluon plasma which could disturb the balance of the space-time-beer equilibrium" said Cox to Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party, during a pub lunch.</p> <p>The physicist and and the former commodity broker Farage had 'robust talks' in the aftermath of the Easteigh by-election. Cox is said to be worried that UKIP's desire to 'coalesce' the views of people from all sides of the political spectrum is deeply flawed.</p> <p>"Nigel, who is a good bloke and stands his round, does not fully realise what he's messing with" said Cox. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Nigel, than are D:Reamt of in your philosophy."</p> <p>Mr Farage replied, "things can only get better, hic!".</p> <p>Cox is infuriated by Mr Farage's approach. "let me explain it this way", said Cox: "Diffractively produced Z bosons in the muon decay channel in pp̄ collisions as s, and the measurement of the efficiency of the DØ Run II luminosity monitor... and other stuff I've done... I love you, you're my best mate you are, wezzme pint?"</p> <p>Mr Farage declined to comment as he was trying to get the barman's attention.</p> <p>"Fffarr..aagg..ee" said Cox into a black hole. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57692#post-167328 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:40:55 +0000 pinxit 167328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a heart-rending interview, Nigella Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' of her and left the UKIP leader 'holding our baby'.</p> <p>Standing on the bridge at midnight, suckling her newborn baby and recounting a sorry tale, Nigella is a pathetic sight.</p> <p>"Rupert's a remarkable bloke, a charmer, but a right bastard." she says.</p> <p>"Over a romantic candlelit dinner at my flat he wooed me with talk of Europe. He suggested 'getting into bed' with UKIP, me in particular, and promised he'd 'pull out'."</p> <p>"What's a girl supposed to do? I was flattered and couldn't resist," whispers Farage, eyes misting over.</p> <p>"Rupert used me and then, just as he did to that poor cow Major years ago, left me holding our little baby, Stigma."</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/fm_zps6965451a.jpg"><br /> Nigella with Stigma</p> <p>Mumbling through the tears, Nigella continues stoically, "One crumb of comfort is that he hasn't gone back to that bitch Cameron, but copped off with that other blonde tart Borissa."</p> <p>"Well, I hope he's happy now," she sobs, as the voracious homunculus sinks its gums into her other wizened teat. "He's off with another conquest and I'm stuck here with a lifetime of Stigma."</p> <p>"It's the same the whole world over. It's the rich what gets the pleasure, the poor what gets the blame. Ain't it all a -"</p> <p>She breaks down before she can finish her sentence. Another willing victim of Murdoch's insatiable appetite.</p> <p>...............................</p> <p><em>Second crack at the story.</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165725 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 00:54:51 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 165725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>We need more appreciation of feedback of that calibre around here. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165719 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 00:30:33 +0000 andrewl81 165719@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. Genuinely appreciated the feedback. All taken on board. I'll go away and edit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165675 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:27:59 +0000 shaggy 165675@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>maybe 'to instigate reviews after failure of lies at by-election'? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165670 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:11:25 +0000 Yikes 165670@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good - FP material.</p> <p>Agree with VCG and Sinnick's points.</p> <p>Maybe 2nd last para ends with "start working on some pretty big lying" it could continue with adding a snappy and humourous example. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165578 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 13:50:45 +0000 Sinnick 165578@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, like it. 4*. Love the Bulgaria sentence.</p> <p>Agree with VCG's point, the punchline needs, er, more punch.</p> <p>If I had to pick at it, the title might be a little more succinct. Also, you could use other words or phrases to replace the word "lie" - eg, exaggerate, promise, misrepresent, misunderstand, fib, porkies, economical with truth, etc, etc. You could get away with the word or alternatives even more frequently - to good effect.</p> <p>Could mention a training course at Munchausen University ? (sorry, I just made that up) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165574 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 13:35:55 +0000 Titus 165574@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah - good theme. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57166#post-165570 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 13:21:05 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 165570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this.</p> <p>"marginal and slightly racist liars" is a wonderful description of UKIP.</p> <p>I think it would end a little more strongly if you changed "start lying" to "get back to those sort of lies" or something. </p>