http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=travel The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 21:17:42 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88388 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:58:39 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 88388@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88387 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:56:49 +0000 The All New Jeni B 88387@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank God for that Waylandy. Although Mr B is in agreement with us.</p> <p>But then, he's not brave enough to do anything else. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88386 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:42:40 +0000 waylandsmithy 88386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I might be the only man in the UK to agree with you. The vacuous trollop. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88384 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:30:07 +0000 The All New Jeni B 88384@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please have a section of the Act banning Vicki Butler-Henderson from squealing at any point during driving, whether on a public highway or on a private test-track.</p> <p>Actually, let's just ban VB-H outright. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88331 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:01:11 +0000 dvo4fun 88331@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quarter past eight? On a Friday?</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31304#post-88301 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:08:22 +0000 apepper 88301@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jeremy Clarkson has been specifically excluded from the new 80mph speed limit. In a surprise sub-clause in the new act it is stated:</p> <p>"...In accordance with article 5, any qualifying vehicle can travel at up to 80 miles per hour on a motorway, unless the aforementioned vehicle is being driven by Mr Jeremy Clarkson or other such people as nominated by the Secretary of State, in that case, the upper speed limit will be 69 miles per hour."</p> <p>"To be honest, it just seemed like a good idea - it went through the drafting and committee stages and no-ones complained yet.", explained a Department of Transport spokesman. </p> <p>There are future plans for caravan drivers to be notified via the Internet of Jeremy Clarkson's travel plans so that he can be intercepted by slow moving, lost motorists.</p> <p>"The technology isn't quite there yet. But we hope to phase in such a scheme by 2015.", said the spokesman. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14720#post-40007 Fri, 29 Oct 2010 08:27:04 +0000 acwanaut 40007@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Also considered:<br /> In line with their policy of promoting self-service air travel, Ryanair will introduce the 'self security check'. Members of the travelling public will be encouraged to pat themselves down, look inside their own shoes and use a mirror to check if they are looking shifty. Passengers will be able to check a box on the website to prove that they have performed security checks before boarding. Any passenger still wanting traditional security checks will have to pay a supplement of 20 euros per leg. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14720#post-39904 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 11:27:24 +0000 acwanaut 39904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The latests in a long line of transparency measures in air travel pricing by Ryanair has been unveiled today as the airline begins optional additional security checks for passengers. Ryanair Chief, Michael O'Leary revealed at today's press conference, "Where rivals like BA want to cut daft security checks at airports we think that it is the passenger's right to receive these services. Consequently we also think that they should pay to receive them, only what it cost us of course, so each passenger will now pay ten euros per leg, or 15 euros for the whole body, to ensure that they aren't carrying anything illegal. We have also worked with Group 4 to come up with some innovative new services in this area. Now you can pay to have a specific member of your party experience the thrill of a full body cavity search from one of our long-armed security staff."</p> <p>Outspoken representative of the Society of Airline Passengers, Ivor Siddle, retorted, "This is typical of Ryanair, they started with pay to pee, pay to check in and now pay for a pat down. Our members have long enjoyed the thrill of a rough security check after leaving a coin in their pocket."</p> <p>Ryanair expect to increase revenues this year as their new standing seats come into operation, due to be retro-fitted with pedalo-style engine contributors in 2013. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3045#post-8743 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 21:40:10 +0000 BigBish 8743@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shares in Ryanair were suspended from trading on the stock exchange last night as forecast profits for the budget airline plummeted after the loss of is two greatest sources of profit. Chief Exec Michael O’Leary announced last night “We’re suing the Icelandic government, we’ve lost a f**ing fortune thanks to the wanton neglect of these bastards. Profit from the flights is neither here nor there to us, five quid cheese and pickle sandwiches is what it’s all about, charging an extra thirty notes because someone’s case is two centimetres too big” not Shares had originally picked up before traders realised that 30% of the company profits are derived from charging twenty pounds for the privilege of using a credit card to book a flight. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1676#post-4624 Mon, 29 Mar 2010 15:53:54 +0000 BigBish 4624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Airport staff were celebrating last night in light of the Home Secretary’s decision to increase Britain’s Terror Alert t Status. Recent upgrades which have set this at ‘Likely’ and have caused feelings ranging from incomprehension to panic. However, in one quarter the announcement from the Home Secretary has caused delight and excitement. A spokesman for Cardiff Wales Airport announced yesterday that these new opportunities for condescending attitudes, patronising explanations and customer contempt will be explored and exploited to the very limit. The spokesman went on to add “In the past we’ve done our best to upset our customers, we’ve spoken to them in a curt manner, we’ve gone out of our way to catch people out on baggage allowances and we’ve always been particularly proud of ensuring that passengers waste a great deal of time in queues as we individually slowly explain the bleeding obvious to every single passenger in turn in relation to flight rules and regulations” One of the most exciting areas for development has been the opportunity to expand on jobsworth explanations, one check-in assistant explained “In the past I’ve been able to make up for the fact that the rest of society has rejected me by fussing over minute irrelevant details under the umbrella of ‘just doing my job sir’ now under new rules I am able to roll my eyes, take an over-exaggerated breath before exclaiming ‘this is the situation we are now in madam, these rules and regulations are here for everyone’s safety and protection’ it’s all very exciting” He later went on to admit that a lot more hand luggage bags would be approved “if I’d just been born a couple of inches taller”<br /> Security staff at baggage inspection were similarly thrilled,, Brian Burgess went on to explain “previously these families and business travellers have been breezing through our security area stopping only to pop their bags on scanner and walk through a metal detector, now we get to throw a minor hissy fit because someone brought their own clear plastic bags, didn’t take a laptop out of its case properly or even on a good day forgets to take their keys out of their pockets. It’s very fulfilling for the many of us who had our applications to join the police rejected and thought we’d never get the chance to make people do what we tell them” </p>