http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=tory-conference The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 04:57:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142377 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:19:06 +0000 custard cream 142377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant! max. stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142356 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:18:07 +0000 reforse 142356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* for the Leon Brittan line </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142329 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:54:20 +0000 button 142329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love this Dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142328 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:46:05 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>pinxit that is awesome. What's really brilliant is that if you cross Gove with Pink you get Deborah Meaden </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142317 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 11:28:21 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some great lines in this, and the spiders' web on the face tattoo would make a great pic, even if the idea has been used before - I'm pretty sure a suitably-edited version of this made NiB: <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444</a></p> <p>(There was a bloke down the fairground where I worked with such a tattoo, so I can't claim it was wholly my idea) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142308 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:50:14 +0000 pinxit 142308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. Plenty of scope for pix... tho' it doesn't really need any.</p> <p>As for Gove... well, there's plenty of depths there to explore.</p> <p>Did you know he'd released a 'Pink' tribute album? Here it is from a couple of weeks ago...</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/pinky_GOVE.jpg"></p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142302 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:17:43 +0000 dvo4fun 142302@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sadly, I only just got the 'GOVE'/'LOVE' bit of "‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’": </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142270 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 08:21:04 +0000 moanygit 142270@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’":</p> <p>...superb. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142181 Sun, 07 Oct 2012 18:21:29 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please don't shout. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142038 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:21:34 +0000 The Secret Cabal 142038@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF THE CABAL. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU HAVE BEEN ...(what was that? stimulated? who the fuck are the borg? Oh)...ASSIMILATED. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142032 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 15:40:11 +0000 dvo4fun 142032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Made me laugh Dusty esp "Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141984 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:29:26 +0000 waylandsmithy 141984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job, that's a brilliant punch line. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141977 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:15:14 +0000 DustyBinLaden 141977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A regrettable night on the razz has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face, just a day before he presents the country’s headline economic strategy at the Tory conference. Michael Gove will deliver his keynote address with “The poor don’t need no education” scribed on his forehead.</p> <p>The incident-filled night out in central Birmingham has left many of the senior cabinet members, coalition ‘friends’ and media politicos with regrettable inkage, including the words ‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’ on Vince Cable’s knuckles and ‘Dave’s Biaaaatch’ on Nick Clegg’s left buttock.</p> <p>Commenting on his tattoo, Mr Osborne said: ‘This, this… thing on my face, it’s… well, let’s see now… It’s about doing everything in my power, my Spidey power… yes, that’s it. I will use every sinew of my Spidey power… Nope. Something about representing the main strands of my economic dream for the nation? How does that sound?’ At which point, the Chancellor broke down. ‘Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks. I am fucked. I am properly, properly fucked,’ he sobbed. </p> <p>An aide then led Mr Osborne gently from the room. </p> <p>Mr Gove, on the other hand, appears unrepentant and even rather proud of his tat. He’s been seen prodding it angrily with his finger and saying to people ‘See that? That’s what I’m fucking talking about.’</p> <p>Theresa May now has an epic ‘tramp stamp’ on her lower back, comprising an elaborate HR Giger-style biomechanical landscape, heavy on fetishistic sexual activity between humanoid aliens and futuristic machinery.</p> <p>‘Yeah, that didn’t really work,’ said Home Office minister James Brokenshire. ‘Too complex. Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers.’</p> <p>In an ironic twist, Sky presenter Kay Burley actually cried for the first time in her life after waking up to discover that two blue tears had been tattooed on her face, falling gently from her left eye. There are rumours that these were scribed some time before the night out, under direct instruction from Rupert Murdoch.</p> <p>Perhaps one of the most surprising revelations came when two strippers dressed as police officers playfully removed Andrew Mitchell’s clothes in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency hotel, whereupon it was discovered that Mitchell has long been tattooed from neck to ankle in tweed.</p> <p>Prime Minister David Cameron escaped a piece of permanent skin art, although not for want of trying. Tattooist Danny Brown said: ‘He asked for a heart and the name Richard Clayderman on his cheek, but I just couldn’t get the ink to stay on. It was like trying to tattoo an uncooked Poundland sausage.’</p> <p><em>Hat tip to waylandsmithy</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13537#post-36862 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 18:13:15 +0000 Gary Stanton 36862@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers , I debated whether to take it down that route but it's heavily reliant on smut which I'd have to rework and with an average vote of 2 stars, well , I can't be frigging arsed really. </p> <p>You can't polish a turd . </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13537#post-36783 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 10:45:04 +0000 therustler 36783@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea - although I thought this was going down the route of 'colour-coded bracelets on their wrists as a way of signalling to fellow conservatives just how far they are prepared to go in cutting the public sector'. Liberals wearing measly 5% yellow bands, Pickles with his black 110% band, Labour confused which band to wear etc. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13537#post-36745 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:12:37 +0000 Gary Stanton 36745@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tory delegates gathered in Birmingham this week have been sporting a variety of colour-coded bracelets on their wrists as a way of signalling to fellow conservatives just how far they’ve gone in the sack with another human being or item of locally-sourced fresh fruit. </p> <p>Shag bands mark the latest attempt by Conservatives to shrug off the fusty image of yesteryear and cast themselves as a modern progressive party that likes to sleep around a lot. Hotly discussed in the coming days will be the impending cuts to Child Benefit, the devolution of power to local communities and whether the pink one stands for oral or ‘tops and fingers’.</p> <p>And raising eyebrows last night was Strictly Come Dancing star, Ann Widdecombe, resplendent in an orange bracelet, assumed by many to be a Make Poverty History wristband, but, as Widdecombe later revealed, was in proud recognition of the time she tossed a philosophy student into a hedge during her studies at Oxford. Marcus Bradbury later received a distinction for his dissertation "Schopenhauer: Visionary or Mad Bastard?"</p> <p>Meanwhile, William Hague in a rousing speech to delegates sought to distant himself<br /> from John Major's Back to Basics era insisting Conservatives had been wrong to stigmatise single mothers. To a standing ovation, he told congress that lone parents were sexed-up exotic messengers from the planet Booty who had earned the right to live among us in rented accommodation and that he will never axe their Housing Benefit. </p> <p>The Foreign Secretary has done little to quell rumours about his private life by electing to wear shag bands on both arms and was keen to show off his own specialty – a red and purple bracelet intertwined and worn just above the elbow. </p> <p>‘I’m calling it the “double-dip” ,’ he told the party faithful with an impish grin. </p> <p>However, as so often in the past, the conference thunder was stolen by none other than Margaret Hilda Thatcher. The former PM gave an impromptu back room speech detailing how miners are essentially demonic whilst wearing the infamous black shag band, said to<br /> represent a sex act so daring as to be considered beyond the pale by around six percent of party members. </p> <p>A blushing Lord Tebbit, recalling the speech she have to conference in 1980, said: </p> <p>‘Being a week shy of her eighty-fifth birthday you would expect the Baronness to have seen and done it all sexually but, I for one, was always led to believe that the lady was most certainly not for turning.’ </p>