http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=taliban The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 01:30:07 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21379#post-57796 Thu, 17 Feb 2011 08:50:24 +0000 Anonymous 57796@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13787#post-37420 Sat, 09 Oct 2010 22:30:00 +0000 Kazytc 37420@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Middle East Envy, and former UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair Witch, has been kidnapped by the Poliban, who specialize in kidnapping Politicians, for the Taliban, and getting them banned from working in their political capacity.</p> <p>30 members of the Poliban, ambushed Tony Blair Witch, and bundled him into an egg truck, in Northern Iraq as Tony Blair left a conference tent, following a meeting with the current Prime Minister of Iraq, No-Leak-attacky.</p> <p>It took 29 Poliban members, to man handle Tony Blair Witch's ego, into the egg truck, and one Poliban Member, to manhandle his single brain cell into the truck, the most heavy weight, of the Poliban members, had been tasked with the job, of kidnapping Tony Blair Witch.</p> <p>The Poliban ,are thought to be holding Tony Blair Witch, in an egg shed, in the province of What-egg-it.</p> <p>The Poliban, want Tony Blair banned, from his post as the Middle East Envy, as they are sick and tired of his nonsensical ramblings, boring mumbo jumbo and ever increasingly irritating, ego babble, not to mention his insistence on trying to get the Taliban, to learn witchcraft, as taught by Tony Blair Witch himself, in collusion with his wife Cherie.</p> <p>One Poliban member, by the name of Ali-skull A-Pain, has a particular dislike, of Cherie Blair, and once remarked, at a previous conference in Iraq:</p> <p>"She have face cut out of scrap metal, by blind man, on very bad day".</p> <p>The Poliban said that they will egg Tony Blair Witch to death, in their egg shed, if they don't get assurances from the west that Tony Blair Witch, will be relieved of his job as Middle East Envy, with immediate notice. </p> <p>They gave the West just 24 hours, to announce that Tony Blair Witch, has been dismissed from this role.</p> <p>Tony Blair Witch, tried to insist that they allow him, to make a public broadcast, about his predicament, on live Iraqi television, but the leader of the Poliban insisted that he would only crack the television camera lenses, and make all Iraqi nationals want to flee Iraq, as he is a most hated man there. </p> <p>The Poliban, have said that Tony Blair Witch, is hated so much by the Iraqi people, that when he has been seen on television in Iraq, many of the Iraqi viewers, have even bombed their own Television sets, just so that they won't have to get up off their floor cushions, to turn their television sets off, wasting any valuable human energy on him.</p> <p>British diplomats, trying not to negotiate with the Poliban, for the safety of Tony Blair Witch, whilst he is in captivity with them, have been told that that Tony Blair Witch is for now safe, and being fed well, on rotten eggs, which they believed was his favourite food, outside of soles of shoes...... they are trying to wipe the smirk off his face with those.</p> <p>Diplomats have been told by Western leaders, that they had hoped that this would happen to Tony Blair Witch, so that they could rid politics, of his egotistical presence, once and for all. </p> <p>In the light of this, they are going to refuse to announce publically, that they are going to relieve Tony Blair Witch of his role as Middle East Envy, they went on to add, that since Tony Blair Witch, is into martyrdom, that he would want them to stand firm and let him take what is coming to him, as a result.</p> <p>The Poliban, wondered if the West were just trying to call their bluff, into releasing Tony Blair Witch, after all they didn't want to be stuck with him either.</p> <p>The Poliban and the Taliban are now meeting to decide what to do with Tony Blair Witch now that they appear to be stuck with him, it is thought that they will leave him gagged and bound in the underground egg shed to rot to death along with the other rotten eggs in the bunker.</p> <p>We shall of course not update you with this story as we know you couldn't care less.</p> <p>More news later, watch this space. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9513#post-25810 Sun, 01 Aug 2010 10:25:34 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 25810@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cuts expected soon "we hope to produce more disabled people - mainly with hands and feet missing". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9513#post-25739 Sat, 31 Jul 2010 16:23:42 +0000 la maga 25739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a bid to both discourage bogus benefits claimants and increase legitimate employment opportunities for Afghan militants, the government is to outsource jobcentres and the benefits system to the Taliban.</p> <p>"One of the persistent problems we have in this country is people who are desperate to live the life of Riley on £65 a week," explained a government spokesman. "And one of the persistent problems we have in Afghanistan is that there aren't many good job opportunities besides being in a vicious armed group pretending to wage war on religious grounds while using their weapons and power to extort money and run drugs."</p> <p>The government is hoping that having to talk to a heavily armed man in a turban will prevent anyone not genuinely in need from apply for Job Seeker's Allowance, Housing Benefits, Incapacity Benefits or anything else that costs money. The callcentres are to be based on the Afghan-Pakistan border. While the operaters are to be trained in English it is expected that their accents will render them barely comprehensible, further detering frivolous claims.</p> <p>The synergistic solution was proposed after a blue-sky thinking session between civil servants and twenty management consultants hired at £2000 per day each. "This is the kind of radical thinking that separates us from Labour," explained David Cameron. "We will not rest until everyone is either working or dare not claim benefits, and we will not rest until the Afghan War is won - by one side or another." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=237#post-713 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:31:11 +0000 malgor 713@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So, a testes case test case, then. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=237#post-702 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:23:04 +0000 Mrblacker 702@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An un-named Taliban fighter, wounded in fighting against United States troops in Afhganistan, has lodged a multi-million dollar law suit against the soldier who is alleged to have fired the bullet that shot his testicles off.</p> <p>The man, known only in the court papers as Mr A, says he was minding his own business, abusing women and girls for trying to read, when a Pvt. Dan McGwire from the 3rd Ranger Battalion opened fire and hit him in the groin, leading to massive blood loss and the complete removal of his wedding tackle.</p> <p>His lawyer, Michael Mansfield QC, is understood to be travelling to Washington to begin proceedings against the bullet's makers, Alliant Technologies, Pvt McGwire and Toyota, just for the hell of it.</p> <p>"This case is absolutely outrageous." Mr Mansfield said as he boarded a plane at Heathrow tonight. "My client has the perfect right to subjugate people as he believes his religion tells him. Whether he is misguided or not is not the question. What is, is whether an illeducated hick from Kentucky (McGwire's home state) has the right to fire without warning at an uneducated man in another country."</p> <p>"I see this as a test case. Although it's essentially a test to see how much money I casn make before it's rejected out of hand." </p>