http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=starbucks The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 18:45:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101255 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:25:34 +0000 reforse 101255@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Also, virtually the whole worlds vanilla comes from Madagascar. M&amp;S are very misleading </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101253 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:23:59 +0000 reforse 101253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I am sure I get the same effect from the industrial volumes of strong coffee I get through at work each day </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101088 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:11:37 +0000 FlashArry 101088@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>For me to contemplate a coffee enema, I think I'd have to be so wankered as to make the sheer mechanics of the task unfeasible.</p> <p>I'll just step out and test this hypothesis ............... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101082 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:37:33 +0000 SingingHinny 101082@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Absolutely brilliant.The fact that<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_enema">wikipedia mentions burning as a potential risk is illuminating and worrying! </a> If I was going to shove a bold coffee up my arse I would at least let it cool. Bollocks. There has to be room for a "the rounded coffees, whilst delicious, take some working in." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101080 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:25:08 +0000 FlashArry 101080@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpgqrTKFris">Starbutts Commercial ?</a></p> <p>( The marvellous Mark Heap in 'Green Wing' ) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101077 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:11:09 +0000 SingingHinny 101077@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks, kind sir! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101072 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 23:56:22 +0000 FlashArry 101072@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Truly excellent - stars and a hat-doff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35970#post-101025 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:49:59 +0000 SingingHinny 101025@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>American coffee giant, Starbucks, has announced that it is to begin selling coffee enemas in an attempt to appeal to fatuous wind bags whom Starbucks is now considered “too mainstream.” Starbucks is still the largest coffee shop chain in the world but the once quietly cool coffee house has seen its position undermined by the emergence of boutique coffee shops offering cooler, more bespoke “proper” coffees.</p> <p>The trend has been typified in recent weeks with high powered celebrities such as Sienna Miller shunning the humble latte. Miss Miller was photographed with a skinny goats milk“Cafe au Lait” with nutmeg, cinnamon and real Madagascan vanilla seeds (extra hot, hold the froth) in a stylish off-white cup, hand-made by angels, which was bought from a small student-owned shop in Camden that no-one can find. </p> <p>This alarming trend has provoked leading coffee houses to target these niche markets, with Starbucks leading the way. Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, outlined the his company’s new approach at a launch in Soho:</p> <p>“Starbucks prides itself on providing coffee for the cool. When we started this, a latte was just a milky coffee. But we made it in into a latte. And people wanted to be seen with one of our Cappuccinos, whilst others sipped on their frothy coffees. But times change and it is time for us to change. We need to become the cutting edge of coffee once more. We present the new “Starbutts Enema” range.” </p> <p><strong>“Purifying”</strong><br /> Coffee enemas are regularly recommended by non medically trained staff as a way to purify the body, as well as being a sure-fire way of developing a cardiac arrhythmia. The new range, which features several variations on established Starbucks favourites, such as the "Crapuccino", is targeted at the arts sectors and those who “like stuff to be cool and different, with a vague air of superiority.” The new beverages are all designed to be administered anally “for maximum coffee satisfaction [and] to increase the fluidity and spontaneity of their usual stream of consciousness.” </p> <p>Leading coffee commentator, Roger Artisan, believes the new range could be revolutionary: ”Before this, a coffee was just something you drank to look cool in between smoking to look cool. But now it is something that you can look cool doing whilst not stopping doing anything else cool. You can read the Guardian “Review” section (ironically, of course) whilst talking about trees and the coffee just drips in from the rather spectacular mermaid-embossed “Murphy Drip”. And, of course, at Christmas they get out ‘The Red Ones’!”</p> <p>However, the plans have sparked confusion in the markets and shareholder confidence was clearly knocked when plummeting prices sparked an urgent evacuation. In addition, early feedback from Starbucks customers has been less than effusive, with several patrons saying that the coffee wasn’t hot enough, whilst many also expressing concerns regarding the attending “Muff Ins” range.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22294#post-60216 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 18:45:25 +0000 Q William Bacon 60216@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>TRIPOLI - In a rare occasion of openness and transparency, Col. Muammar Gaddafi led foreign journalists to his favorite Starbucks, on the northeast corner of the Zaweet Eddahmany roundabout. </p> <p>As he entered, calls of welcome arose from the patrons, who were mostly military personnel. </p> <p>An employee yelled, "Wazzup, Your Totally Supreme Exalted Maximumness?" </p> <p>Gaddafi pointed two index fingers at the man and replied, "Who's my Alu Ak-barista?" </p> <p>Laughing, the barista bellowed, "The usual for Your Totally Excellency?" </p> <p>"Yes, but make it the most totally homosexual of all time!"</p> <p>Gadaffi then used his iPhone to "check in", recording his visit with Foursquare.com. "See, over 4200 check-ins. I am totally the rightful sovereign of this establishment." He pointed to a little Foursquare mayor's badge he had printed out and pinned to his bright white uniform.</p> <p>Gaddafi has been plagued by accusations that he has shut down the nation's internet, confiscated mobile phones, and summarily beheaded patrons who've attempted to enter this Starbucks branch, fearing they were planning to overthrow his mayoralty. The sudden invitation to foreign journalists was apparently an attempt to display the stability, even the casual comfort, of his rule over the coffee house. In fact, while waiting for his coffee, Gaddafi entertained some children by writing "2012" on four napkins, rearranging the napkins to say "ZION", and then setting them on fire.</p> <p>Nevertheless, the ruler was clearly concerned about the journalists' reports. Peering at one writer's notepad, Gadaffi objected, "Don't spell it 'Starbucks', spell it asterisk dollarsign. OMA, are you a total noob?"</p> <p>When Gaddafi's coffee was served, he proudly showed it off. The tall cup was topped awkwardly with a dome of whipped cream decorated with green and red maraschino cherries, amaretto raspberry drizzle, and rose petals. "It is totally homosexual, yes?" Then Gadaffi drew his scimitar and swung, accurately cutting off the creamy head, which splattered against a picture of Bob Dylan on the wall. "Now I have fixed the coffee!" he bellowed. The patrons burst into cheers. Gaddafi, arms outstretched, muttered, "The people totally love me here." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8957#post-24003 Thu, 22 Jul 2010 12:49:57 +0000 mr_lizard13 24003@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Supermarket behemoth Tesco has inadvertently solved the BP oil crisis by building a store over the ruptured well. </p> <p>The new outlet, the latest in Tesco's seabed store concept, has brought timely good news for British Prime Minister David Cameron who is currently visiting the US for some reason.</p> <p>Shares in BP climbed on the news, with the oil giant's CEO Tony Hayward apparently sighing "thank f*ck for that, I've got my life back". Markets have been rife with speculation of a possible takeover of BP, whose shares have plummeted in value since the start of the crisis in April.</p> <p>"It's a bit of a mixed feeling to be honest", said a Tesco spokesman. "We had been hoping to buy BP and build a big petrol station around it. But not now the price has gone up."</p> <p>A press release confirmed the new store has purged the spill, which has destroyed miles of coastline and laminated thousands of fluffy birds. "It was never our intention to solve the oil disaster" read the note to investors, adding "in fact, we had no idea that bit of the ocean floor was where the hole was. We're just chucking these stores all over the place as fast as we can. </p> <p>"If we don't do it, Starbucks will." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3614#post-10378 Sun, 02 May 2010 05:33:16 +0000 rfreed 10378@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There has been much needless uproar about groups going in to Starbucks around the country carrying guns to empathize to the allegedly liberal patrons there that they have the right to carry their handy wear wherever they damn well please. Although this may seem to be their intent to the ever vigilant liberal media criticizing them, the true agenda of these diligent defenders of democratic demographics is that they are really positioning themselves there for another reason- to protect all humanity from ….COFFEE ZOMBIES!!!! That's right, COFFEE ZOMBIES!!! We all have seen them, we just haven't realized what they were. They are the bug eyed, empty souled individuals stumbling down the morning sidewalks, arms outstretched before themselves as though in a hypnotized sleep walking trance, searching desperately for the only elixir that can satisfy their eternal cravings and return them temporarily to a state of near normalcy, drool escaping from the corners of their mouths, silent, save for the labored breathing. (Note- this sentence is now the Guinness book Of World Records For The Longest Sentence Every Published) </p> <p>God help those who try to stop them in their pilgrimage for life affirming sustenance. People who have done this are often found in various states of dismemberment, sometimes with their dismembered parts actually in various states. </p> <p>Coffee Zombies are a recent evolutionary development of our civilization. A relatively minor part of out culture when the Arabs introduced the west to the wonders of the cherished bean, their numbers have grown exponentially since Starbucks began setting up on every street corner. Whereas attacks by 'Buzzheads' (as they are affectionately know as in coffee clatch circles) were few enough for the police to cover up in the '80's. Now in the 90's they began growing to the epidemic proportions they are today. An attack by a buzzhead is a traumatic experience. It is like being attacked by a land based piranha with fingers. These caffeine challenged fiends are know to come on quickly. A person can be simply standing in the front of a line ordering a triple shot frothed latte with caramel syrup and soy milk sprinkled with nutmeg when an addict three spots back in line, unable to control his dark, inner urges any longer will leap forward and shred the frontie to bits before the desired concoction even gets to his lips. All that will remain seconds later for the local CIS unit to investigate will be torn particles of North Face clothing and an empty, well drained cup of triple shot frothed latte with caramel syrup and soy milk sprinkled with nutmeg. (Note – this sentence is now the Guinness World Record for the 2nd longest sentence ever published) </p> <p>The next time we are patronizing our local Starbucks and there are some of our brave, gun bearing vigilantes there, we should stop and salute them for their patriotic duty of protecting us from the heinous threat of buzzheads. Of course, in saluting them they might think you are drawing a gun and shoot you dead. </p>