http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=stag-night The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 04:38:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12689#post-34524 Tue, 21 Sep 2010 19:48:55 +0000 Oxbridge 34524@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the success of ‘in game’ gambling on football matches, online betting agency Paddy Power is beginning an experiment in what it calls ‘true life’ betting. A pilot project has begun this weekend via a network of webcams following Steve Douglas’s stag weekend in Exeter.</p> <p>‘Punters have a variety of options,’ said Paddy Power marketing director Mike Falder. ‘On the Friday, for instance, £10 would have become £25 if you’d backed the favourite Ray Mariner at 5/2 for First Rhyming of Stag with Shag, or if you’d taken part in spread betting on the time of the First Wimping Out of Kayaking Stakes, selling at 28 minutes would have netted you a tidy profit.’</p> <p>Last night, online gamblers also wagered Most Maudlin Drunken Monologue Stakes and Most Blatant Gawping at Women Young Enough to be Their Daughters Hurdle, both of which took place in and around a nightclub in the centre of town. The focus is shifting to the stag party’s lunchtime visit to a beer festival followed by a trip to the races at Newton Abbot, where betting on the party's betting will take place. </p> <p>With over £3 million turned over already, analysts have hailed the experiments as a success. Some online gamblers, however, remain sceptical. </p> <p>‘I thought I’d won big time last night in the Crassest Comment to the Hen Party Wearing Disney Princess Costumes Handicap when my 7/1 shot Tony Brown asked the fat girl dressed as Snow White if she’d eaten the seven dwarves,’ said disappointed John Wade, who followed the meeting from his bedsit in Northampton. </p> <p>‘Imagine my disappointment when the stewards ruled that 33/1 outsider Chris Stringer asking Little Bo Peep if she would like to blow his horn was the winner. How can that be worse than Tony’s effort? It isn’t even original. I tried to launch an appeal but they didn’t want to know. If you ask me, this betting lark is a fix.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4191#post-11800 Mon, 10 May 2010 16:02:44 +0000 QorbeQ 11800@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Patients are routinely handed 'poor quality' literature, giving 'outdated information' which 'does not reflect the needs of modern hospital users' says the NHS Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS).</p> <p>'Our typical patient these days is aged between 18 and 26, and they really don't care for details on recovery times, or the correct method of taking their pre-op laxatives,' explained 82-year-old PALS worker Ethel Myrmidon. 'They are more likely to visit the helpdesk on the day of their admission, asking things like 'what colour will my gown be?' or 'can visitors bring me Macky Dee?'. We're just not trained to answer this kind of thing -- I lost my colour vision in 1974 and I have absolutely no idea who Macky Dee is.'</p> <p>Other hospital departments agree that patient knowledge is poor. 'You won't believe how many times we have to turn away semen samples because they're contaminated with saliva,' said one clinical pathologist. 'And I really can't understand how anyone would try to provide a stool sample directly into that little tube. Surely they can see it's never going to fit.'</p> <p>NHS management are 'urgently investigating' the need to change their information sheets. 'We do not believe that it would benefit our patients if we denied them details of our pre-operative requirements or basic information about their procedure,' says an NHS statement, 'but we are actively modernising our leaflets based on feedback from PALS to include some of the more common queries, such as advice on sneaking their bessie mates into the patient-only toilets, or whether they're allowed to get off with their doctor, nurse or the-only-non-minging-one from the cleaning staff.'</p> <p>'We also plan to reflect the age range and educational background of some of our clientele,' said the release, 'and we will be clarifying some of the instructions. We need to start with an update to our medical terminology -- renaming 'penis' and 'vagina' as ‘cock' and 'chuff', for example, and we will be making sure we have clear pictograms explaining just how many visitors constitutes 'two to a bed'.'</p> <p>PALS staff remain unconvinced by suggestions from management that things will change. 'I don't believe a word of it,' said Mrs Myrmidon. 'No matter how clearly they explain things on those grey, faded photocopies, I'm still going to have patients visiting me to ask what time the porn comes on the hospital TV, or women complaining that their pessary tasted funny. I've simply had enough.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-11023 Wed, 05 May 2010 22:00:22 +0000 Basil_B 11023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Me and Mrs Basil got married in Oz seven years ago and spent our honeymoon a bit further up the coast in the Whitsunday Isles and then Port Douglas. What are the chances of consecutive Neat o winners having that in common.<br /> Good luck Mr and Mrs West for your big day on the east coast. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10971 Wed, 05 May 2010 15:56:58 +0000 PluckyMunky 10971@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I bin to Noosa, too and Mooloolaba. Its a very nice area. Have a good wedding, Mr Well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10966 Wed, 05 May 2010 15:44:41 +0000 allmyownstunts 10966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looks a-m-a-z-i-n-g!! *sigh*. Noosa is beautiful. We spent a whole night there fifteen years ago and it was the highlight of an already fabulous time in lovely Queensland.</p> <p>Course it won't rain on your parade. We'll all be thinking of you - hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, dancing by the light of the moon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10939 Wed, 05 May 2010 13:55:59 +0000 rickwestwell 10939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Stunts, but I've pinned my hopes on finding a piggy-wig in the land where the bong-tree grows, with a ring at the end of his nose. If not, I'm sure I can have fun with the bong-tree.</p> <p>Here's where we're getting married, on the beach:<br /> <a href="http://www.lookoutnoosa.com.au/noosa_new.php">Obviously it'll rain</a></p> <p>I'll let all you girls and interested male biscuiteers know how it goes! X </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10918 Wed, 05 May 2010 12:34:21 +0000 allmyownstunts 10918@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>just a suggestion Rick: a jewellers?</p> <p>All the best for your wedding day, any details posted on here would be much appreciated by the girls, real and honorary xxxx </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10916 Wed, 05 May 2010 12:28:11 +0000 andhrimnir 10916@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>10 Across: Inebriated Westwell uses the tags thing defence following arrest after badger fisting, squirrel licking and puffin twatting spree. (4, 5) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10882 Wed, 05 May 2010 10:14:28 +0000 rickwestwell 10882@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oops - sorry, Neat-O fans - very busy getting ready to get married in a few days - apparently I need to source a ring from somewhere in a hurry. Many thanks for making me the latest winner, Mr B, and for the beautifully engraved mucoid plaque which arrived this morning. It's wonderful for the Neat-O to have come full-circle, and I'm surprised there's been nothing about it on the news.</p> <p>Delay also because I've been feeling rather under the weather for the last few days - not unconnected to this is the subject of the next Neat-O:</p> <p>"Stag night".</p> <p>Usual rules - you have about a week to come up with funny subs on this subject - one-liners or 300-word behemoths welcome. I'll be judging on wit, elegance and who I like best.</p> <p>My earliest post-nuptial surfacing will probably be Monday, so you have until then. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10859 Wed, 05 May 2010 08:56:55 +0000 Scroat 10859@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Letsby Avenue Mr W. Otherwise the week will have gone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3766#post-10808 Tue, 04 May 2010 23:10:10 +0000 fernandomando 10808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Where o where o where o where o where is the next neat-o topic Mr W? </p>