Forum » Tag: Southern shandy drinkers

Forum » Tag: Southern shandy drinkers - Recent Posts http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=southern-shandy-drinkers The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:08:52 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php fernandomando on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21289 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 19:24:24 +0000 fernandomando 21289@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Reminds me of a series of contrived jokes of my youth, including the motorbike that was voice operated and accelerated to the words 'fucking hell, that was close' (you can imagine the rest of the joke). You don't get jokes like that any more. I wonder why The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21281 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 19:02:59 +0000 The All New Jeni B 21281@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ *Groan* (And not in pleasure) antharrison on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21271 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:19:26 +0000 antharrison 21271@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Jeni - have you heard this one.... A bloke is playing the piano in a bar, and a man comes up to him and says "I think you are a fantstic player, would you like to have a job in my nightclub, I'll give you £1000 per night." "That sounds great said the piano player, and also because I write all my own music there's no copyright or PRS issues to worry about" "Fantastic" says the nightclub owner "What was the tune you just played" "Oh that one is one of my favourites and it's called I shagged my girlfriend up the arse and came all over her tits" Looking worried and sheepish the nightclub owner asks the pianist is he could play something else - which he does - a loverly melody which when asked the title is revealed to be "Spit roast honey loves to gargle with cum." "Oh dear says the nightclub owner, I'm a bit worried about the song titles but if you promise to remain silent you still can have the job". "It's a deal" says the pianist. The first hour goes well and it's time for an interval, but a woman caught the pianist's eye and sends over a note which reads "Do you want a blowjob?" The pianist nods "Yes" and meets the woman backstage where the action commences. Suddenly just as she is finishing him off he realises that he's late back on stage and he grabs together his trousers and runs towards the stage, but is a bit exposed." A woman stops him and says "Excuse me sir, but do you know your knob's hanging out of your trorsers and there's jizz dripping over your shoes." "Know it?" he shouted "I fucking wrote it" The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21267 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 17:46:45 +0000 The All New Jeni B 21267@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Apologies Ant. Crotch dribbler. antharrison on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21253 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 15:29:46 +0000 antharrison 21253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Jeni I am a broad-minded adult and hear all sorts of language, but I must ask you to refrain from using the term "deep fried" again Many thanks Ant rikkor on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21234 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 13:16:24 +0000 rikkor 21234@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ My, my. And people used to think that I was vile. The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21188 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 09:38:15 +0000 The All New Jeni B 21188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I've never eaten a bastarding deep-fried pie in my twatting life, you jiz-drizzled shit eater. Oxbridge on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21186 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 09:32:35 +0000 Oxbridge 21186@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ You can shut up and all you cack-brained deep fried pie-eating cum-snaffler. And all that about me fancying you was cock too. The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21183 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 08:56:33 +0000 The All New Jeni B 21183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Shut the fuck up Oxy. Nobody cocking asked you. Oxbridge on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21178 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 08:31:59 +0000 Oxbridge 21178@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Hang on, it's 14 hours on. No doubt you hormone-raddled crack whores are all still lying under your jizz-stained duvets letting off methane bullets while your snot-caked brats mewl for another line of crack in your Council house kitchens. I suppose it's down to us poor hard-working types to keep this twunting one going? Mr.3374 on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21109 Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:58:35 +0000 Mr.3374 21109@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Is 19:30 the watershed over there? rikkor on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21097 Sun, 04 Jul 2010 16:18:18 +0000 rikkor 21097@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Mary, "ickle" is very much used in the "Lucia" books. Yours must be the first use of the word in print after 1930. Mr.3374 on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=3#post-21047 Sun, 04 Jul 2010 09:28:57 +0000 Mr.3374 21047@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Reading through this reminds me of when I was married. Ahh, memories..... *shudders* The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20624 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:10:22 +0000 The All New Jeni B 20624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Look, you foetid mound of something unpleasant that the cat brought up, ate again, then barfed up again, get your fucking facts right. I am Scottish, which means that I DON'T HAVE TO PAINT MYSELF BLUE. As every half-brained amoeba knows, blue is the natural colouring of true Scots. We have to turn white before we can even think about going that painful lobster red that you poofters in the south aim for. And it's far too cold for lice to survive for longer than a few seconds. Fucking know-nothing. (Hmmm, perhaps best not done on a full stomach. It's not nearly as restful. Mind you, it's a lovely night, so pleasant to be able to sit outside of an evening.) AdrianJ on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20622 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:01:24 +0000 AdrianJ 20622@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Well hubble my bubble, there’s bound to be trouble - now that the trio of fetid hags has convened! <blockquote>(or is it the funniest NB exchange for weeks? Five stars for 'budget Braveheart' - and a dunt in the face with a spade)</blockquote> Jen earned that nickname after being arrested for painting herself blue, standing naked on the ramparts of Edinburgh Castle wielding an extra large bin liner - like some grotesque Smurf/Gargoyle hybrid - and loudly declaring, “you can take my lice, but you’ll never take my Femidom.” The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20616 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:41:48 +0000 The All New Jeni B 20616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Now ladies, don't you two start on each other. Adrian is a much better target for your ire. Well, I suppose the matchstick dicked, warthog's arse boil had to have some purpose. allmyownstunts on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20614 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:36:38 +0000 allmyownstunts 20614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ 's'okay. Clooney says this is JUST the sort of thing you say and EXACTLY why he dumped you. At least I think that's what he said. Duvet, an' all... Mary Evans on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20611 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:26:13 +0000 Mary Evans 20611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Sorry stunts. Miserable bitch. Mary Evans on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20610 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:25:34 +0000 Mary Evans 20610@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ ...er think you've got the wrong end of your pustule-coated minuscule stick, Ade. The 50p was what my husband paid your WIFE for 50 goes... (It was the Waterside indeed! Can't recommend the crisp New Zealand Sauvignon highly enough. Simply heaven on a warm summer's day.) allmyownstunts on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20609 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:21:54 +0000 allmyownstunts 20609@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ O-kay, time for a grown-up. Can we leave the wang and cha-cha stuff to the giant pandas and call it an honourable draw? You're raining on my foul-mouthed tirade - I only wanted someone to say 'willy' so I could *chortle* but you had to go wide, didn't you people... (or is it the funniest NB exchange for weeks? Five stars for 'budget Braveheart' - and a dunt in the face with a spade) rickwestwell on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20608 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:07:53 +0000 rickwestwell 20608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I used to enjoy a nice pint in the saloon bar of the Foxes and Flies, back in my Soho days... AdrianJ on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20607 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:02:12 +0000 AdrianJ 20607@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ (Oh Mary dear, I do apologise. I appear to have inadvertently cross posted insults there. So, so sorry. Now where was I?) If only you’d stop gargling the rancid tramp jizz - while simultaneously trying to mainline Mr. Sheen – and instead paid a bit of attention, then you’d know that my gorgeous WIFE is absolutely sick to death of you calling. So she once bought a Big Issue off of you - that doesn’t mean she wants to be your friend! She was just being nice and was hoping that, if she dropped 50p in to your half empty can of Tennants Super, then you’d simply move on. The stench was making her nauseous and was upsetting the stall holders at the fish market. And for your information, the only hissing sound my WIFE ever makes, is the contented sigh of a woman who’s just been right royally satisfied. Now instead of fannying about on here, why don’t you go sober up and take a bath? Your putrid pants are starting to attract the Foxes and Flies. AdrianJ on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20599 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 16:17:28 +0000 AdrianJ 20599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ You heard wrong fucktard! Actually, it’s my ginormous wang that makes the average hamlet look like a model in comparison. Anyway, I heard your hubby won’t go anywhere near you unless he’s got a plank strapped across his arse and the Glencoe Mountain Rescue on standby. That reminds me, the Dundee Potholing Club asked me to pass on a message to you. Unfortunately, they’ll be cancelling the coach trip to visit your flabby flaps. They’ve found an alternative venue that’s far cosier and doesn’t suffer from the same fishy syphilitic gusset custard issue – it’s called Wookey Hole! And Maz, you can keep your dribbling nips out of it as well. It’s all very well trying to blame “the hormones”, but some of us have been around here long enough to know that you were a shagging psycho bitch queen from hell, well before some sicko took his life in his hands and stupidly knocked you up. Thankfully, the only good in you will soon be escaping the clutches of your skanky womb. Pity the poor love will still have to refer to a wizened crack whore as Mummy. (The Waterside Inn by any chance? I hear the 3 stars are definitely merited.) Mary Evans on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20585 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:52:14 +0000 Mary Evans 20585@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ (Oh Jen, no time for messing around on boats, but I did buy LMM2 the most divine ickle sundress. She's going to look sooo cute. Back in a jiff...) ...and another thing you jism-faced, wart-infested, syphilitic baboon... your girlfriend called. She said sex with you was like trying to find a cocktail sausage in a barrel. Although she admits that might be because she needs re-inflating... (... but I just can't decide whether or not to buy the matching hat. It is simply gorgeous, but maybe a little too much? I so loathe excess.) The All New Jeni B on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20578 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:33:36 +0000 The All New Jeni B 20578@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Maz darling, how the devil are you? Did you have a punt? Anyway, excuse me one moment... Listen twiglet dick, I heard that you like to take your holidays in one of those dinky little model villages, just so that your 'man'hood looks normal size. And as for my 'cavernous' hoo-haa, my lovely hubby has no complaints, but then again, he is 6'5" and all in proportion. If you know what I mean. My pet hamster is better endowed than you. (It's almost like meditation, really.) And QorbeQ, <blockquote>Assuming she's wearing some today, obviously. </blockquote> Bloody VPL, the sales assistant promised that these ones wouldn't be obvious. sauce on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20572 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:25:49 +0000 sauce 20572@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I can't sodding-well type while I'm laughing this much and the tears are streaming. Mary Evans on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20567 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:17:20 +0000 Mary Evans 20567@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ OI! Adrian! Don't you dare diss my bird's immaculate cha-cha you micro-nethered sputum monkey who couldn't satisfy a polo mint. (Sorry I'm late chaps, had a late lunch at the most darling bistro by the river. The nicoise was simply to DIE for...) AdrianJ on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20549 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:37:38 +0000 AdrianJ 20549@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ You’ve just proved beyond a doubt that you don’t bollocking know what you’re ranting on about, you snivelling fuckwhippet. The simple minded locals caught sight of my caber when I went skinny dipping in Loch Ness a while back, and we all know what that led to. Mind you, I guess it would be difficult for you to correctly judge scale – what with you being in possession of such a cavernous fanny...fanny...fanny...fanny...fanny. Sorry, caught a bit of an echo there – would you mind crossing your legs for a change? Anyway, bring it on, you budget Braveheart. (Pheww, I could do with a drink. No pain, no gain though.) QorbeQ on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20542 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:17:44 +0000 QorbeQ 20542@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I'm only watching to catch a glimpse of the scottish lass's knickers under her short white skirt. Assuming she's wearing some today, obviously. wallster on "From a cranky fat bird who spent several hours in premature labour last night" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7455&page=2#post-20541 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:16:48 +0000 wallster 20541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ It's nothing like tennis. The Scot's going to win here.