http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=snow The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 22:58:15 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54577#post-157516 Sat, 12 Jan 2013 22:12:57 +0000 SJM 157516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <br /> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38386#post-108604 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 08:33:55 +0000 RJWinter 108604@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Government Spokesman said today:<br /> "We are very happy about the recent poll results. It shows, as expected, that most of the elderly have taken to the idea of heating there homes by opening the freezer door."</p> <p>In November 2011, the Government Flyer "Make the most of what you have when you are very old and useless to us anyway you bunch of foggies", was at first met with doubt.<br /> It seems however that most elderly people have taken to the idea of heating their homes by using appliances they already have and at that same time reducing heating costs, as mentioned in a calculation published in the flyer.</p> <p>Bill and Emily Stevens (87 and 76) from Portsmouth agreed that it had really inproved their lives:<br /> "It's a lot warmer in the kitchen now, we had a cup of tea the other day without wearing gloves. Quite exciting really, first winter in years!"</p> <p>The idea came from the Government Think Pool "Millenium Warm Up". After various studies, the freezer idea was finally accepted as being the best method. The pool was funded by skimming pensions, which raised a total of 78 million pounds.</p> <p>Another pool is currently working on the idea of making shovels out of old pots so that OAPs can dig their own graves. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19022#post-51394 Sun, 26 Dec 2010 16:54:01 +0000 Ostsee 51394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the old saying goes, too many dagos spoils a good airport. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19022#post-51373 Sun, 26 Dec 2010 10:02:56 +0000 LaserComet 51373@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18933#post-51118 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 14:42:59 +0000 MC One R 51118@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Overused words "Chaos", "Cold-snap", "Untrustworthy" and "LibDem" have announced they are looking forward to a quiet Christmas break after a hectic couple of weeks, by spending the festive period at The Independent.</p> <p>"They've been rushed off their font" said their spokesman, "hopefully come January the snow will have cleared and Ed Miliband will have arsed something up, which will give some new, up-and-coming words a chance to get a front page." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50878 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 14:00:00 +0000 IABP 50878@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can you condense the whole sub into a one-liner? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50871 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 13:41:11 +0000 Golgo13 50871@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50869 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 13:34:19 +0000 riesler 50869@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe we would be better having Richard Hammond as transport secretary? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50849 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:44:52 +0000 Doylem 50849@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>I would rather guide my father into my mother than build the bloody thing.</blockquote></p> <p>Made me laugh, despite myself... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50847 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:43:49 +0000 bonjonelson 50847@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Awesome, ie it deserves some awe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18872#post-50845 Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:41:38 +0000 casualTLE 50845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The government intends to invest hundreds of millions of pounds on snowploughs, gritters and salt supplies in a bid to "jinx" the chances of Britain experiencing another rough winter, it emerged this morning.</p> <p>In an interview on The Today Programme, Transport Secretary Philip Hammond said: "This is the third freezing winter in a row, which statistically cannot be just chance. We've tried asking climate scientists and that lot but they keep coming back with confusing phrases like 'global warming' that I don't understand. So instead we're going back to basics and using good old-fashioned common sense, which dictates that blowing hundreds of millions on this kit would definitely jinx it and it'll never get used."</p> <p>"This isn't just dropping a load of cash on stuff we won't need, like the high speed railway - this is a proper, sound investment in totally jinxing the chance of it snowing ever again."</p> <p>Meanwhile, Business Secretary Vince Cable told undercover reporters: "Likening our approach to investing in winter equipment with high speed rail is ridiculous - we remain committed to the high speed railway. Was it that way round? Well it doesn't matter anyway because we're not really committed to the high speed railway - you see, we'll only have to start paying for the thing in the next parliament, and so long as we screw things up as badly as we're on course to, it'll leave Labour actually having to deal with it. The reality is that I would rather guide my father into my mother than build the bloody thing. And you think I'm wrinkly. Would you like a Werther's Original?"</p> <p>"The Tories are behind this, you know. I heard a bunch of them singing 'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas' in the Commons Bar the other night, followed by 'there's no business like snow business'. [Philip] Hammond's brother-in-law runs SnoPloughCorp and will win all the contracts unless someone like me declares war on him."</p> <p>Senior Tories were quick to criticise Cable's comments. Baroness Gardner of Parkes, who is actually a real person, said: "This country needs to invest in the means to keep us going throughout cold winters, and it's short-sighted of the Business Secretary to say otherwise."</p> <p>"Although it's true that we are dreaming of a white Christmas - but only because we're a bunch of massive, massive racists." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17499#post-47371 Thu, 02 Dec 2010 16:56:14 +0000 Grover 47371@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>England will not be hosting the 2018 FIFA World Cup, it has been announced. The relatively small nation which invented Association Football but only plays at a mediocre level put in a competitive bid to host the internationally renowned sport competition, which made copious mention of aging football star and Los Angeles resident David Beckham, wealthy toff and purported Smiths fan David Cameron, and Prince William, who has never played football and is not called David, but was worth a mention as he has recently announced plans to marry a commoner. </p> <p>England's bid consistently downplayed the fact that the side has almost no chance of winning the Cup, and only a mediocre chance of making it past the quarter finals. </p> <p>Instead, FIFA awarded the World Cup to a frozen, Northern nation which has recently emerged from socialism to a half-hearted flirtation of capitalism and a free market. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=16679#post-45211 Wed, 24 Nov 2010 19:24:42 +0000 Milo Shame 45211@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stirlingshire police have posted an alert to ascertain the whereabouts of beloved and diminutive comedian Jimmy Krankie. Inspector Donal McConvert has reminded local media that during the last cold snap, Krankie was only saved because one of his Constables heard muffled screams of Fan-dabi-dozi from a sudden drift of Siberian snow. McCovert commented, 'As always, we are particularly concerned that Krankie still refuses to wear long trousers during the Winter months and that school-cap of his does little to stop 40% of his heat escaping through his head'. Emergency services have said that Robbie Coltrane’s armpit is on standby, in case Krankie is discovered to have fallen victim to the weather and needs to re-animated in a safe and steady manner.</p> <p>Forecasters had predicted that the cold-front is likely to work its way down the East Coast of England tomorrow. Surrey police have already ensured that Ronnie Corbett has been placed in a cardboard box, with strips of clean newspaper and sufficient breathing holes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=151#post-433 Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:57:05 +0000 Mrblacker 433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Emergency shelters in Scotland are said to be overflowing tonight, after a Met Office warning of heavy snow.</p> <p>Experts suggest while the quantity of snow expected is nothing out of the ordinary, the weight of the flakes themselves could cause problems across the country.</p> <p>"We're suggesting no-one goes outside while the snow falls." Chief Meterologist Dan Snape said. "The flakes are likely to be weighing in at a gram, which doesn't sound like a great deal, but if it's falling from several thousand feet will cause a massive terminal velocity which could harm a child. Indeed, it could harm anything much larger too."</p> <p>Structural engineers across Scotland and Northern England are on stand-by to help keep essential services and businesses like the Irn-Bru factory open and to offer advice to householders who are used to dealing with snow on their roof but unused to dealing with snow on their landings.</p> <p>Weather experts are suggesting the reason for the extreme weightiness of the snow is caused by pollution from deuterium oxide trapped in the atmosphere. </p>