http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=simon-cowell The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 05:08:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162249 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:52:17 +0000 Squudge 162249@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162214 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 18:43:32 +0000 Tess Goes 162214@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He'd need more than a rough draft at his age to get over the final fence. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162188 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:55:16 +0000 Jonny Shlep 162188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you for your kind remarks gentlemen. I always find that a little positive feedback goes a long way. It inspires me to redouble my efforts and move on to even greater endeavours you see lads.</p> <p>*lights pipe, licks tip of pencil and begins rough draft of "Pope Wins The Findus Champion Hurdle At Haydock Park"* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162179 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:11:52 +0000 Dick Everyman 162179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep - refreshingly good piece * </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162173 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:55:21 +0000 dvo4fun 162173@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep. No Pope either </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162108 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 13:45:34 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 162108@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely daft, and not about horses either, which has to be worth a bonus star. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162093 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:55:08 +0000 pinxit 162093@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha! The Shlepmeister strikes again!</p> <p>Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56128#post-162091 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:52:22 +0000 Jonny Shlep 162091@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In an innovative bid to reduce the waiting list for social housing in London, Mayor Boris Johnson has announced plans to construct 500 small, 3 bedroomed properties on the face of pop star Olly Murs.</p> <p>Addressing the London Assembly last night Johnson said. "With so many families living in temporary accommodation throughout the London boroughs, we have decided to utilise some of the wide open spaces available to us to provide permanent quality housing for those most in need of it. We have earmarked Olly Murs' big face as just one of the options open to us".</p> <p>Murs himself was unavailable for comment last night but his agent said "Olly is absolutely delighted at the prospect of having hundreds of London's most needy residents setting up home on his absolutely gigantic face. He sees it as a chance to really put something back into the community.</p> <p>It is believed this is just one of a number of moves to use celebrities to improve conditions in the London area and follows controversial proposals to build a large heliport on Simon Cowell's massive forehead. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48756#post-140614 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 18:49:19 +0000 Anonymous 140614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha!</p> <p>Who is the Cowell halfwit that is so interesting? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48756#post-140608 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 18:15:32 +0000 BaronVonNoodle 140608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Music mogul Simon Cowell has sensationally confessed to gossip magazine Ooh! that he is a bicycle. In an exclusive interview, he revealed that he had felt this way for a long time and wanted his fans to know.</p> <p>He explains that he first felt velocipedic when he was a young man on a tour of France. At first it was difficult, and he needed stabilising forces around him. But once his partner grabbed hold of his handlebar and rang his bell, he knew that this was the life for him.</p> <p>Cowell lives the usual bicycle lifestyle - he always carries a puncture repair kit with him "just in case". His partner, [censored], has to wear a lot of protective gear, including a helmet and skin-tight lycra.</p> <p>He added that there are many bicycles in the music industry, including fellow X-Factor judge Louis Walsh, who is apparently "100% BMX".</p> <p>But what Cowell enjoys most of all, he said, is to put on his mudguards and be ridden into the dirt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40499#post-115176 Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:27:32 +0000 UnfitMother 115176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114403 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 04:21:25 +0000 Username 114403@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looked good on the FP. 5 late 'uns </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114251 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:09:44 +0000 Ludicity 114251@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Multiple blessings right back at you. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114129 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:43:13 +0000 butagirl 114129@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"One True Path" made me spit my coffee. Bless you! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114065 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:07:41 +0000 nickb 114065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes very good. And accurate<br /> If Sentamu gets Archbishopped hot potatoes will be verily juggled. Imagine P. Hitchens dilemma. Great sport all round. but I think it's going to be Julian Fellowes </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114023 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 16:13:32 +0000 writinginbsl 114023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lucy, you are just too good</p> <p>bless you </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114022 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 14:54:20 +0000 quango 114022@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>John Bishop reportedly flattered, only for the penny to drop a few hours later... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114017 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 13:47:02 +0000 dvo4fun 114017@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And it's five from me also. </p> <p>‘It’s high time people got to choose their Archbishop according to who can perform the best song and dance routine. I’m no theologian but I’m pretty sure it’s what Jesus would have wanted.’ Superb but dangerously close to satire in my view </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114007 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 10:48:55 +0000 godly1966 114007@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Marvellous 5 stars of Bethlehem for you. I Think Terry Wogon would make an excellent judge. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40076#post-114006 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 10:28:04 +0000 Ludicity 114006@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Church of England has confirmed that the new Archbishop of Canterbury will be selected via public phone vote on a TV talent show hosted by Ant and Dec. </p> <p>‘Bishops Got Talent will bring the Church of England into the 21st century,’ said executive producer Simon Cowell. ‘It’s high time people got to choose their Archbishop according to who can perform the best song and dance routine. I’m no theologian but I’m pretty sure it’s what Jesus would have wanted.’</p> <p>Bishops from around the country will compete for the coveted title by performing in front of a panel of religious experts: Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and regular ‘grumpy judge’ Professor Richard Dawkins. Poor performing bishops may be ‘buzzed off’ by the panel: each buzzer illuminating a holy cross above the bishop’s head. Three crosses in a row and the bishop will be forcibly dragged off stage by a giant crosier.</p> <p>Favourites for the title include Archbishop of York Dr John Sentamu who will ride around on a unicycle while simultaneously attempting to cut up his dog collar and juggle a number of hot potatoes, including women bishops and gay marriage.</p> <p>Meanwhile Bishop of London Richard Chartres will perform a break dance routine alongside his crew of street dancing clergy, Ecumenical Diversity. ‘The ability to body pop is crucial for the role,’ said Chartres. ‘Every Archbishop of Canterbury needs to be able to spin on his head and perform an endless number of backflips.’</p> <p>However, many believe that Cowell has already rigged the contest with his own choice, a bishop boy band called One True Path. ‘I think it is only right that young people get a chance to be Archbishop as well,’ said Cowell. ‘The Church of England need some fresh faced young boys at the helm. It would certainly appeal to the teenage market and would probably put a stop to a lot of priests converting to Catholicism.’</p> <p>Bishops Got Talent begins next week on ITV1 but will be going head to head with a new BBC show, The Holy Voice, in which another group of bishops perform a sermon for Tom Jones. ‘We hope people will stick with Bishops Got Talent,’ said Cowell. ‘Ratings are important and the last thing we want is a schism.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32433#post-92235 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:30:38 +0000 apepper 92235@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So does wikipedia; so maybe it's not so wrong. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32433#post-92223 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 15:49:25 +0000 dvo4fun 92223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought that the number of 'e's was gender specific but my poor man's Penguin dictionary gives both as alternatives </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32433#post-92221 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 14:09:58 +0000 apepper 92221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like to, but I can't edit it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32433#post-92164 Sat, 22 Oct 2011 23:03:08 +0000 Boutros 92164@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh have some stars, but add an extra 'e' to fiance </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32433#post-92153 Sat, 22 Oct 2011 19:42:20 +0000 apepper 92153@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wedding bells may be ringing soon for Simon Cowell as fiancé Mezhgan Hussainy was seen in a well known West-end store buying a 10 foot barge pole. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29248#post-82064 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 15:45:27 +0000 DavidEllisKent 82064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>and is now a semi-finalist on Britain's Got Talent.</p> <p>Simon Cowell would like to see him using five phones and an Ipad, whilst driving backwards up a one way street at 70mph if he is to make it to the final.</p> <p>In an unrelated article, Simon has bought vast quantities of shares in Carphone Warehouse but would like to assure viewers that everyone has an equal chance to win and this will not influence the decision made by the current judging panel at BGT.</p> <p>(But seriously if you want to keep your job "Hoff", you'll do as you're told) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26044#post-70949 Sun, 05 Jun 2011 03:41:38 +0000 doggone 70949@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The last nut jobs comment Clinched it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26044#post-70941 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 21:03:17 +0000 antharrison 70941@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant - and true </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26044#post-70924 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:50:05 +0000 Maizydog 70924@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another winner. Well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26044#post-70904 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 13:06:15 +0000 Ludicity 70904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>David Cameron has rejected claims that the coalition is fixed and that he signed Nick Clegg to his party years ago.</p> <p>The allegations were made by an anonymous internet blogger who claims that a young and innocent Clegg was secretly auditioned by Tory talent scouts before being signed to their label and cynically groomed for office.</p> <p>The blogger also claims that Clegg was deliberately ‘gayed up’ by Cameron in an attempt to make him appear more sensitive and caring than he actually is.</p> <p>‘This is a outrageous smear campaign,’ said Mr Cameron. ‘Until the 2010 election I had never met Nick and, like most people, had absolutely no idea who he was. He entered the coalition of his own accord and at no stage did I groom him for office. Ok, so I might have asked him to wear the Lady Diana wig, but that was an entirely private matter.’</p> <p>The allegations, posted by a blogger who claims to have worked for the Tories, says that Clegg was targeted by them at a very young age, first at public school and later at university. He was then given a job working for former Conservative minister Leon Brittan before going on to become a so-called ‘sleeper Tory’ as leader of the Lib Dems.</p> <p>‘He was clearly being groomed from the start,’ claims the blogger, ‘I know for a fact that before the election Clegg was given voice coaching, a shiny new suit and clear instructions to say anything and sign any pledge that might endear him to the public. The whole thing is obviously a put-up-job.’</p> <p>Police say that they have traced the blogger to an address in Downing Street, leading many to suspect that the whole story was leaked by Cameron himself, in a desperate attempt to generate interest in a flagging format.</p> <p>‘Coalition’s Got Talent remains a solid brand,’ insisted Cameron. ‘Yes, most of the performers are second-rate and some are clearly nut-jobs but I am only giving the public what they want.’ </p>