http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=separated-by-a-coma The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 07:04:34 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43199 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 09:17:50 +0000 Sinnick 43199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Boys &amp; girls, please !</p> <p>The sub is well written &amp; humorous, which is the point. The only point. End of. It doesn't have to reflect the truth, and we all know that volunteers generally do a great job because they want to improve things.</p> <p>Now, sit up straight and try harder. (that's also humour, btw) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43197 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 09:14:21 +0000 De-scribe 43197@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought it was funny. </p> <p>But then nothing is quite as it seems in this place .............. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43196 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 09:12:40 +0000 Doylem 43196@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yup, De-Scribe, a casual "fuck off" in the face of mild criticism, isn't really 'comedy'... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43190 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 09:03:06 +0000 Scroat 43190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice sub, shame about the attitude problem De-scribe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43189 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 09:01:11 +0000 IABP 43189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They used to sell Italian 'combat' jackets back in the day and some of them had holes and bloodstains. Mostly in the back, I recall. It was considered a cool look for us rockers back in the day. You only had three outfits - denim, leather or combat jacket. Great days of greasy hair and patchouli oil. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43187 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 08:52:03 +0000 Doylem 43187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Popped into a charity shop a while ago, where all the books were arranged by the colour of their spines. It made a pleasant - though irrelevant - rainbow effect... until customers came in and thoughtlessly put books back in the wrong places. </p> <p>I buy all my clothes from charity shops (obvious if you knew me...), but I still look for bargains. I demand a discount on anything bloodstained... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43183 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 07:51:49 +0000 Gerontius 43183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Booooo<br /> I'm with <strong>sauce</strong> all the way on this one.<br /> The contribution made by these <u>volunteers</u> should not be underestimated.<br /> Not only do they provide valuable service to the community (and way beyond) it offers these wonderful people an opportunity to make a contribution in life. Feel they still have an important role to play and a future in Dave's Big Society<br /> Why not give it a go one day - give something for nothing.<br /> The way things are shaping up some of you high flying university types will be relying on them soon.<br /> Maybe some of our lard based pond life could learn a thing or two from them.<br /> There's always Primart<br /> Sauce was right to use the word 'coma'...she just put it in the wrong place<br /> ps...you forgot to mention how they always say 'oh, isn't that lovely"<br /> wouldn't it be refreshing if one of them was to say 'oh, thank fuck that's going, glad to see the back of that shite' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43179 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 07:41:54 +0000 Griffin 43179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A delightful sub full of gentle humour. Well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43178 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 07:19:39 +0000 sauce 43178@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Arthur, I bet Rikkor will be delighted to know he's a menopausal, impoverished Brit housewife and mom, hah. Might cramp his habit(s) a wee bit.</p> <p>DeScribe:<br /> - be glad someone actually bothered to read/comment. You don't have to agree but you don't need to swear at me.<br /> - read the "about" for NB: we're encouraged to comment, ooperate. If you are ever paid to write your work won't be critiqued, it'll be disembowled; it'll be shredded, chopped up and recreated; get used to it, else don't bother.<br /> - if you ever sub you need to have the basics perfect - else it's a giveaway you're an illiterate twat<br /> - critique the work, not the writer, fuck-wit</p> <p>Lots of love,<br /> Aunty Em </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43176 Tue, 16 Nov 2010 06:57:48 +0000 arthurminnit 43176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>SAUCE! you ARE prikkor in disguise, and i claim my copy of the Daily Mail, please! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43135 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 21:34:12 +0000 Golgo13 43135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think you'll find that one of the peculiarities of NewsBiscuit subs page style is that the punctuation mark and the state of unconsciousness are interchangeable. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43132 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 19:56:45 +0000 De-scribe 43132@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh fuck me it's the punctuation police. BTW "Comma" is spelt like that, and PS should have a full stop after it.</p> <p>I would quite happily show them how it should be done. It should be done in a competent, non-senile, not fucking about and wasting my time kind of way. I know they're fucking volunteers, Tena Lady, this is, in case you hadn't noticed, a COMEDY website. </p> <p>Now give me some stars or fuck off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43116 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 17:06:17 +0000 sauce 43116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As a "Joan from upstairs" I can vouch that all the darlings are VOLUNTEERS and anyone who grumbles gets the offer to, "Come and show them how it should be done, then, if you're so clever, sweetie."</p> <p>Is there a sub in having the entire country run by pfaffing, useless old prats (ie retired bankers) in Cameron's Big Fucking Society?</p> <p>Yours, grumpily, NOT-Joan-Bloggs.</p> <p>PS, at the end of dialogue, the full stop or coma (or whatever) goes inside the speech marks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15849#post-43090 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 15:13:14 +0000 De-scribe 43090@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Charity shop worker Gladys Evans, 72, was sacked for gross misconduct when visiting bosses observed her “not being fussy enough”, a disciplinary hearing was told today. </p> <p>Steve Drummond, regional manager for the Heart Foundation charity, told the hearing that Mrs Evans "failed to demonstrate required levels of unnecessary activity" when he observed her at her shop during a routine visit last March. </p> <p>Mr Drummond said “Our employees are made well aware from the outset of the high levels of faffing about that we expect from them”. </p> <p>“For example they need to rearrange all the stock at least four times a day, preferably at the busiest times, and spend as much time as possible chatting to friends, blocking aisles and standing in front of displays so as to prevent customers accessing them”</p> <p>“Our employees must also spend time wandering round the shop picking out the best stuff for themselves, with some going on to specialise in choosing totally unsuitable toys for their grandchildren, which does take a certain skill”. </p> <p>“Finally, on no account whatsoever must anyone be able to use the till without having to get John from upstairs”. </p> <p>“Mrs Evans displayed none of these qualities – in fact she appeared in every respect as competent as a normal shop worker. We can’t have that in our industry – we have a reputation to consider”. </p> <p>Mrs Evans admitted that she had found the requirements of the role difficult. “At first, all I had to do was to put stickers on the clothes showing the wrong sizes, it was fine. But when they asked me to push all the displays close together to stop push-chairs getting through, and put big stickers on all the books and CDs so that you can’t read what they are, well, I just couldn’t cope”. </p> <p>The case continues, but Mrs Evans hasn’t given up yet. “I’m hoping they’ll give me a job at head office spraying all the clothes with that faint smell of wee”, she said. “Ooh what a lovely brooch”. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17580 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 16:17:49 +0000 andhrimnir 17580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Overdose of sherry, fruit, cream and sponge leaves man a trifle poorly.</p> <p>(well you started it) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17572 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:56:02 +0000 Scroat 17572@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Japanese tourists leave Paris disappointed after two-week quest for Rifle Tower</p> <p>More soon</p> <p>Well not actually, but it made me laugh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17515 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:41:05 +0000 Scroat 17515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Naming of Parts, by Henry Reed</p> <p>To-day we have naming of parts. Yesterday,<br /> We had daily cleaning. And to-morrow morning,<br /> We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day,<br /> To-day we have naming of parts. Japonica<br /> Glistens like coral in all of the neighboring gardens,<br /> And to-day we have naming of parts.</p> <p>This is the lower sling swivel. And this<br /> Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see,<br /> When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel,<br /> Which in your case you have not got. The branches<br /> Hold in the gardens their silent, eloquent gestures,<br /> Which in our case we have not got.</p> <p>This is the safety-catch, which is always released<br /> With an easy flick of the thumb. And please do not let me<br /> See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy<br /> If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms<br /> Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see<br /> Any of them using their finger.</p> <p>And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this<br /> Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it<br /> Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this<br /> Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards<br /> The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:<br /> They call it easing the Spring.</p> <p>They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy<br /> If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt,<br /> And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance,<br /> Which in our case we have not got; and the almond-blossom<br /> Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards,<br /> For to-day we have naming of parts. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17470 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 09:24:55 +0000 andhrimnir 17470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Arts Festival in Glastonbury like sell out. Rye full. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17408 Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:43:50 +0000 Mrblacker 17408@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Teenager left with 95% burns after Fire arms incident. more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17227 Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:49:30 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 17227@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...settling on the place like flies on sh*t... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17222 Sun, 13 Jun 2010 16:29:52 +0000 edward hack 17222@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Piers Morgan to host live TV debate from Cumbria<br /> Residents of Whitehaven are split over the controversial decision to hold a live TV debate in their town, so soon after the traumatic events of last week.<br /> The debate, to be hosted by former journalist Piers Morgan is to go out on BBC Cumbria this Friday night at 7:30pm<br /> 'I think it's a positive move' said one resident 'at least it will help those involved with some sort of closure. The people in this town need to know what turns a seemingly innocuous, ordinary family man into a crazed, loathsome, despicable beast like that.<br /> And if there is time towards the end, we could also discuss what drove Derrick Bird to do the things he did too.<br /> There was going to be a rifle ban in the town, but I think that's been lifted now, following this news'.<br /> As a mark of respect Morgan will drive through the town in an open top limousine, scattering rose petals along the route taken by Bird on that infamous day.<br /> 'Can't wait' said one old farmer 'I was hoping to get a better view from up there in the library window but I hear it's already packed.<br /> This grassy knoll will have to do'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-16912 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:16:18 +0000 PluckyMunky 16912@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'I had a rifle through Margaret's drawers' says Cameron.</p> <p>Sorry...but it is quite late in the afternoon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-16898 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:52:24 +0000 QorbeQ 16898@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After meagre consideration in the car on the way home from a visit to one of a well-known chain of computer stores, I have magically come up with the Neat-O word for this week.</p> <p>This word shall be RIFLE, and its variants.</p> <p>You've got till, let's say, next Wednesday (unless someone else tells me it's traditionally a week?) when I'll <strike>pick one at random</strike> select the best suggestion, be it headline or wordy laugh-o-tron. Go to it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-7099 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 10:47:13 +0000 andhrimnir 7099@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There may come a point, Plucky, when you realise that the rest of us are just bulletin board code. The Rikkor subroutine is a renowned standard "Rile innocent knuts, keep on riling". The routine only runs at with a taunt factor 3 here, default install is TF 7 many boards run at 10 or above. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-7027 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 06:09:20 +0000 sauce 7027@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>One doesn't tend to contemplate it in polite Borcestershire society, Rikkor. On (rare, these days) occasions I catch sight of mine I think, "Gosh, I'm beginning to look like my mother."<br /> [EDIT: and I can't type/spell this early in the morning] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-7008 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 22:15:41 +0000 rikkor 7008@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Serious question: What do you think of the anus? I mean, as a whole. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-6992 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:43:19 +0000 sauce 6992@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sid I adore the hole of you. No apology necessary. (From one arse to another.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-6982 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:30:01 +0000 ramblesid 6982@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When you're trying to be a smart-arse, Sauce, the effect on others goes right out the window. I don't remember the occasion, but I do apologise; doubt I'll stop trying to be an arsehole though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-6974 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:11:11 +0000 shitsu_tonka 6974@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*waves hand in the air* I read the Daily Mail, Sauce. </p> <p>Can't help it, ever since their website linked to Yahoo I keep clicking on it. Don't want to, but it draws me in. It's the Two Girls One Cup of news media. I wish there was a cure.</p> <p>"<em>This is a comedy site. People take the piss</em>."</p> <p>And that's why it's so great. Plucky, you're a splendid fellow, but you really need to chill. This is just a website, it's not Reality Land. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2328#post-6914 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 10:17:40 +0000 sauce 6914@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Plucky, this is a comedy site. People take the piss. Sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end. You're not the only sensitve soul. We probably all are, really. (I've snapped at Rikkor, removed a post when Sid ripped into it and quite often feel agrieved that my wit and wisdom are not received with due respect. Or maybe they are ... bugger.) But there's no point going on about it. Pretty much like real life. There are lovely, sparkly people who make any day shine (Jeni, Maz, Stunts, Babs - you're all in there, dahlings), people who read the Daily Mail, people who are wincingly naughty but make me laugh (Rikkor, that's you) and so on. </p>