http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=secret-service The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 19:17:42 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34539#post-97749 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:17:14 +0000 greg various 97749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Without having dragged my way through the 4 or 500 words, bobo I'd say you lost the effect of the pun before you got to it. As well as that, Mike Hunt's been fucked for a long time now and it's just being crude for the sake of it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34539#post-97505 Thu, 24 Nov 2011 00:15:57 +0000 bobo lutz 97505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bo, the Obama’s two year old Portuguese Water Dog, has a new moniker. The energetic first dog, known for its dense thatch of wiry black hair, is now Mike Hunt.</p> <p>When asked what precipitated the name change, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney explained that third grader Sidney Morrell, classmate and former best friend of Sasha Obama, nicknamed the white house dog, “Bo the Ho”. According to Carver, “This caused a high level of angst for Miss Obama”. He went on to describe the effort made to make Miss Obama feel safe. He told<br /> old how “using established protocol, secret service personnel held nine year-old Miss Morrell while Miss Obama bitch-slapped her”. </p> <p>Miss Morrell seemed to settle down, but “Bo the Ho” spread through the school, appeared on satire publications, and became the top headline for Fox News.</p> <p>The name Bo would soon become be a thing of the past. </p> <p>When her 116 attendants failed to come up with a single name that was acceptable, the first lady took on the task herself.<br /> Michelle reached deep inside until it came to her. She recalls how she shrieked “Mike Hunt!”. It was in there the whole time”, she said in wonderment.</p> <p>Michelle took me down a trip to memory lane and regaled me with stories that her ‘Grandma Helen’ told back in Chicago. Mike Hunt, the hero in these stories, was a symbol of bravery for Michelle who fondly recalled two of the more vivid adventures. “The story where Mike Hunt traps a submarine was my favorite.” She continued, “It wasn’t until after she died that I realized that Grandma was using Mike Hunt as a teaching tool”. She asked, “Did you know that the hydrostatic pressure differential of a diving projectile is zero when going against the pressure gradient?” I responded that I did not know that. Gracious as always, the first lady said, “Don’t feel bad. You just didn’t have Mike Hunt in your life”. </p> <p>Michelle then referred to a story about Mike Hunt’s encounters with plague and pestilence but admitted that she hasn’t yet figured out what her grandmother was trying to convey.</p> <p>Things have settled down at school for little Sasha and the whole family has enjoyed hearing Michelle share Grandma Helen stories. </p> <p>Michelle confided that the president was actually spending time with Mike Hunt, something he apparently hadn’t done in a long time. “Barack now spends every free moment with the irresistible pile of natty black hair, and Mike Hunt literally quivers with anticipation at the sight of him”.</p> <p>The first lady walked me to the door and, with a catch in her voice, told me “Grandma made him larger than life for us, so I think it is only fitting that Mike Hunt serve as a reminder of her greatest gift”.</p> <p><em>Personal note: As a reporter, I strive to keep a professional distance from my subjects. I can’t let myself get too close or I’ll end up on the sauce or plunging hypos again. This assignment was one of those that grows on a reporter. Even though I would never vote for Barack Obama, I will always be grateful to the soon to be ousted first family for putting me in touch with Mike Hunt. </p> <p></em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3203#post-9320 Mon, 26 Apr 2010 06:10:59 +0000 rfreed 9320@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thompson! You're right! They've got me cornered in my apartment! You might be the only one who knows my fate! Let the world know what happened! Please!!<br /> Ghaaaaack......!!!!!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3203#post-9260 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:03:21 +0000 Ostsee 9260@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Palinomics: the way to permanent, irreversible deflation. Vatican approved. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3203#post-9202 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 07:51:48 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 9202@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Apostrophe People will be shooting your headline if you don't fix the false possessive. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3203#post-9201 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 07:10:21 +0000 rfreed 9201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sarah Palin, potential candidate for the Presidency in 2012, has put in a complaint with the Alaskan State Troopers complaining of Russians peeping in her windows at night. As she once claimed that she “could see Russia from her window”; apparently they can see her as well. Perhaps more of her than she would care for. </p> <p>“Ah, this here's 'Peeping Ivan's' lookin' in mah windows at night!” stated the former Governor of Alaska in an interview at WASP News Radio in Wasilla, Alaska. “Golly, I don't know what they're up to! Are they tryin' to get some vital National Security secrets from me or just tryin' to see if its only the grizzlies that have brown fur? Either way, it gives me the creeps. I lit out after them a couple of times and torched their butts with some rock salt from mah double barrel. Todd set out a couple of bear traps and, sure enough, the next day there was one of them funny Ruskie fur hats in one and part of some really cheap leather boots in another. I'm not so worried about them seein' me nekkid; I mean I see those lard butt women they got in their country and I can sympathize that they want to see some truly luscious voluptuous American flesh, but what if they start peeping in on Bristol? Last thing I need is for her to start poppin' out some Russian half-breeds on me. And the second to last thing I need is to find nudie shots of me in various states of showering in some Soviet porn site. No, thanky you!"</p> <p>The US. Secret Service has been sent out from Washington to watch vigil over the possible future presidents house. Unfortunately, some of them have been getting cheap thrills by taking peeks themselves. </p> <p>“What do you expect?” stated one agent who refused to identify himself for fear of losing his job. “We're sent up here thousands of miles away from our wives and loved ones to a place where we have to stand around all day in minus 30 degree weather looking buff and observant. Of course we're going to peek in at the only good looking woman around for 30 miles! Damn right we are!” He then pulled his gun and shot our reporter. </p>