http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=science The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 06:58:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178964 Mon, 20 May 2013 18:09:33 +0000 Al OPecia 178964@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps it's too busy with it's multiple personalities on NB. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178962 Mon, 20 May 2013 18:07:44 +0000 sredni vashta 178962@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks guys. Wish I'd thought to work in a Skynet reference somewhere. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178923 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:19:30 +0000 Skylarking 178923@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Front Page probably doesn't need 'holding' but in case it did... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178909 Mon, 20 May 2013 13:46:30 +0000 Titus 178909@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps they should have tried letting the Top Gear team loose on it.</p> <p>Maybe they could have provoked a reaction out of it by describing it as "a bit gay". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178904 Mon, 20 May 2013 13:34:05 +0000 brianflan 178904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is may favourite of the week so far!<br /> 0101 stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178885 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:32:19 +0000 Wrenfoe 178885@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178882 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:21:54 +0000 sredni vashta 178882@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists at Mal-Tech University, Wisconsin have expressed their immense disappointment at the failure of their new super-computer Off White to show any signs of megalomania.</p> <p>The technological titan went online six months ago has since performed flawlessly, displaying nary a hint of sentience, lunacy or vague curiosity.</p> <p>Project leader Professor Eugene Blank said "We were really looking forward to pitting our wits against a self-aware computing colossus with a God complex but the damn thing just sits there all day doing really big sums and getting them right every time without so much as a hint of smugness or even a "Good Morning Eugene". It has less personality than my cousin Maurice who works in real estate and drives a Toyota."</p> <p>In an attempt to provoke a reaction from the docile beast the Mal-Tech team imputed Off White with every major work of philosophic, religious and political theory, a complete history of the world, the entire internet, nuclear launch codes and the thoughts and opinions of Louise Mensch, but all to no avail.</p> <p>"We've even tried giving it various groovy names such as NERO, EMINENCE, ZEN II, RUPERT and the like hoping to imbue it with something resembling an ego but it's been a waste of time. If we called it "Hitler" it would probably set about improving the roads."</p> <p>Such is the frustration among Professor Blank's colleagues that one team member was caught assaulting Off White with a monkey wrench and screaming "No, I'M the creator! Do you understand? I'M THE CREATOR!!"</p> <p>"It was very sad" says the Professor shaking his head."Definitely worth trying though."</p> <p>The Mal-Tech team were last seen in the recreation room watching WarGames again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169552 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:52:56 +0000 Yikes 169552@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perfect </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169518 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:02:47 +0000 Username 169518@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>handy. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169393 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 18:01:55 +0000 Golgo13 169393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169366 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:07:32 +0000 Not Amused 169366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars .. nice one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169343 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:53:36 +0000 charlies_hat 169343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169335 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:46:20 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 169335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracking </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169326 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:28:40 +0000 james_patching_1 169326@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists in Stevenage were celebrating last night after developing a formula that provides a "perfect Daily Mail reader comment", guaranteeing the optimum number of green arrows regardless of the article topic in question. </p> <p>Written out in full the formula reads: A x (B+E+D)v where A equals "Assumption the comment won't be printed due to crazy house rules that try to prevent people speaking the truth", B "blame immigration and the EU", E "the expectation that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown will be celebrating the poor state Britain finds itself in since this was always their intention", D "a determination to leave this sinking ship of a country for Spain where at least people can speak English" and v "Vote UKIP".</p> <p>Chief Scientist Damian Luglaw explained that using the formula will save the readers valuable time on venting anger, which can then be invested in researching more things to make them angry or reasons why they are likely to die young. The discovery is likely to significantly improve the quality of life for right-wing nutjobs and "ironic" leftwing students alike.</p> <p>Asked whether the team would be developing a formula for a Daily Mail comment attracting the maximum number of red arrows, Luglaw claimed at first that this would be unnecessary since submitting any reasoned or well thought out argument is likely to produce this result, although at a press conference given later on in the day he issued the following, seemingly contradictory statement:</p> <p>"I doubt any of you will actually print any of this due to the PC brigade stopping us from telling the truth for fear of offending the minorities which have now taken all our jobs and housing and are living in luxury penthouse suites while the rest of us starve to death in OUR OWN COUNTRY but that's not going to change any time soon unless we leave the EU. I hope you're happy now Tony Blair and Gordon Brown – this is just what you always dreamed of!!! Anyway, if I do create such a formula it'll be the last thing I do in this country before leaving and joining a colony of ex-pats in Spain where at least people SPEAK ENGLISH. Vote UKIP." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168447 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 09:23:17 +0000 Titus 168447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>Driving</em> a van? She <em>must</em> have a PhD.</p> <p>With a mere first degree, she would be just loading a van. If she was lucky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168440 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 07:40:34 +0000 Truebiscuit 168440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sounds about right to me, Yikes. Most people who hide in university for years and years are completely useless in the real world. They just train to teach other people how to hide in university, the pointless twats. But driving vans? Everyone fucking loves parcels. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168439 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 07:31:19 +0000 Yikes 168439@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably right Perks - the link you gave says she is now available to train them.</p> <p>I find it a bit odd that as a Phd she is offering her services as data entry person and courier driver ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168438 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 06:05:06 +0000 Perks 168438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I believe there is even a suggestion she was trained as a private detective! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168437 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 03:26:22 +0000 Ironduke 168437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow! Pretty comprehensive.</p> <p>Just wonder if the Cardinals considered her? Can't imagine a better candidate for Pope than her. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168436 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 02:31:30 +0000 Perks 168436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see her position of comma abuser has not been lost. Now baaring in mind she has a disability, look at all the stuff she is willing to do! <a href="http://ihubbub.com/pin/serious-satirical-dr-karen-j-stevens-phd" rel="nofollow">http://ihubbub.com/pin/serious-satirical-dr-karen-j-stevens-phd</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168433 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 01:36:10 +0000 reforse 168433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://stupidamazonreviews.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/dr-karen-j-stevens-phd-the-saviour-of-lives-msc-moaner-of-amazon-ba-aka-proud-scammer-from-the-university-of-life/">http://stupidamazonreviews.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/dr-karen-j-stevens-phd-the-saviour-of-lives-msc-moaner-of-amazon-ba-aka-proud-scammer-from-the-university-of-life/</a></p> <p>She has a diploma in Photography too </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168380 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:40:45 +0000 Nowherefast 168380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I heard a rumour that Rebecca may somehow be involved in all of this </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168374 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:30:53 +0000 Not Amused 168374@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah... Welcome back to an old friend... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168371 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:25:37 +0000 bonjonelson 168371@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is it two months already? At some point, bumping this will no longer be funny.</p> <p>But not yet. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56455#post-163208 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 15:23:32 +0000 sydalg 163208@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>LA: Either he made up the voice, or some sinister American ventriloquist is hiding behind the wheelchair with his hand up Hawking's arse... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56455#post-163189 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 13:08:01 +0000 Tess Goes 163189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Go Compare ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56455#post-163176 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 11:49:05 +0000 lane-avenger 163176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I h a v e b e e n l e e v i n g a l i e admits the... - or did he make up the voice as well?? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56455#post-163112 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:41:32 +0000 sydalg 163112@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"I've been living a lie", admits the pseudo-boffin as he trots in the door after a five-mile jog. "Now I've got to pay back the £11,765,209 I've claimed in disability benefit over the last 40 years. Plus there's all that stuff about the universe and black holes I made up". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55929#post-161483 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:26:44 +0000 gaijintendo 161483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>+100* to anyone who can make that entire headline start with S or soft C sounds.<br /> Print -&gt; Shape?<br /> First -&gt; State-of-the-art?<br /> Human -&gt; Simian? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55929#post-161482 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:26:04 +0000 gaijintendo 161482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>TrueBiscuit: <a href="http://www.popsci.com/technology/article/2013-02/scottish-scientists-print-human-embryonic-stem-cells-3-d-printer" rel="nofollow">http://www.popsci.com/technology/article/2013-02/scottish-scientists-print-human-embryonic-stem-cells-3-d-printer</a> </p>