http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=samantha-cameron The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 23:29:30 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40429#post-115012 Sun, 25 Mar 2012 08:45:28 +0000 weematt 115012@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Win a business opportunity of a life time plus dinner for two in the company of Prime Minister David Cameron and his lovely wife Samantha. The menu is yet to be decided but you will have the chance to influence this and other prime ministerial decisions when you attend the drop off of your “donation” to the Camerons' good works fund.</p> <p>Just answer the following simple question.<br /> British politicians are<br /> A. Totally Corrupt<br /> B. A little bit shady<br /> C. Completely honest<br /> Bribes cost from £100,000 rising to £250,000 depending on the party treasurer. Most corrupt answer that cost at least £100,000 will win the Cameron “Dinner for Two”.<br /> Prison terms and bail conditions apply. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11022#post-30164 Tue, 24 Aug 2010 14:44:14 +0000 Ludicity 30164@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg says that he is 'absolutely delighted' to be the wet nurse for David and Samantha Cameron’s new child. </p> <p>‘I have spent the last few months undergoing hormone replacement therapy in preparation for this very moment,’ said Mr Clegg, who has already developed what he describes as ‘a fulsome pair of lactating man boobs.’</p> <p>The 'wet-nursing clause' is understood to have been a deal breaker in the coalition agreement with Mr Cameron refusing a referendum on voting reform until Mr Clegg promised to offer up his breast in return. </p> <p>‘It’s so jolly nice of Cleggie to be helping out like this,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘Samantha and I lead such busy lives so it is good to know that Nick is there at home, dressed as a nurse and suckling our young.’ </p> <p>However, there have been some objections to the prospect of Mr Clegg breastfeeding during meetings of Cabinet. ‘I am not sure that any of us want to see Nick’s Knockers thrust in our face,’ said Communities Secretary Eric Pickles, ‘that sort of thing could put me right off my dinner.’</p> <p>Other members of the Lib Dem team will help to provide round-the-clock baby care with Business Secretary Vince Cable to read bedtime stories and Energy Secretary Chris Huhne changing nappies. Meanwhile, Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander will dress up as a jester and merrily prance about the room in an attempt to keep the baby amused – reprising a role that he currently performs for George Osborne.</p> <p>‘What Nick and his team are doing is the very essence of what I mean by The Big Society,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘they run around doing all the work while Samantha and I sit in the garden drinking Pimm’s.’</p> <p>Mr Clegg is expected to breast feed for the next six months, although he may continue for longer after a number of Tory backbenchers expressed a keen interest in his services. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2197#post-6475 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 10:11:33 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 6475@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Conservative party has denied that the launch of a new range of revealing swimwear and lingerie by party leader David Cameron’s wife Samantha has been timed to coincide with the election.</p> <p>Sami’s Cami’s were developed with fashion giant Karl Lagerfeld and include a 15-piece range of bikinis, thongs and teddies which accompanying adverts say will turn the Tory party into the Phwoarry Party.</p> <p>However, the party has come under fire for using images of Conservative ladies modelling Mrs Cameron’s lingerie as part of its latest electoral poster campaign. Pictures of Ann Widdecombe wearing a basque are said to have caused a four car pile up on the A303. W H Smith has refused to stock magazines featuring the range of adverts, including one of Shadow Works and Pensions secretary Theresa May wearing nothing but a black bodystocking. Smith's move is in response to a number of complaints from worried parents about the ads.</p> <p>“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the thought of our local MP dressed up in pantyhose and a bra,” said Carol Cushing, a concerned mother of two from Lowestoft, “especially when he doesn’t really suit it.”</p> <p>The posters, which feature slogans like, “Knickers to the opposition’ and ‘The Conservatives are getting changed’, have already been hoaxed by internet pranksters. Fake slogans, such as ‘I’ve never voted Conservative before; because they’re pants’, have been added by web wags.</p> <p>Mr Cameron meanwhile has dismissed the criticism as a ‘storm in a D cup’ and said that his wife’s background in the luxury goods sector meant that it inevitable she would eventually launch her own fashion line.</p> <p>“Really, this is just an extension of Samantha’s own personal style,” said Mr Cameron, “many’s the time I’ve come home from a hard day at the political coal face to find Sam preparing a traditional family meal in a comfortable lace teddy. And in summer, people barely bat an eyelid at her doing the school run in a one-piece bikini. Personally, I resent the implication that I might be using my shapely wife as some form of political capital. I can’t help it if she isn’t some frumpy old boiler, as I imagine some other party leader’s wives might be.”</p> <p>When asked how much input he had into the clothing, Mr Cameron smirked and said, “I’ve always been very hands on.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2447 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:40:46 +0000 virtuallywill 2447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A gentleman scroat, It's a new hybrid. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=918#post-2437 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:12:48 +0000 John Square 2437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You know, I think I'd buy a copy of The Sun to see that page 3.</p> <p>You get 5 stars just for the warm tingling feeling I now have. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=918#post-2403 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 11:54:26 +0000 simonjmr 2403@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Samantha Cameron will drive behind the Tory battlebus with her top off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2374 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 22:28:31 +0000 Scroat 2374@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Who are you calling a fucking gentleman?</p> <p>You want some?</p> <p>Eh? Eh?</p> <p>Outside.</p> <p>Now.</p> <p>Oh. Sorry. I've had a glass of sherry tonight. May have affected my posting capability. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2368 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:42:51 +0000 virtuallywill 2368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scroat is obviously such a gentleman...</p> <p>O, my luve's like a red, red rose,<br /> That's newly sprung in June.<br /> O, my luve's like the melodie,<br /> That's sweetly play'd in tune. </p> <p>As fair art thou, my bonie milf,<br /> So deep in luve am I,<br /> And I will luve thee still, my Dear,<br /> Till a' the seas gang dry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2348 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:11:36 +0000 Scroat 2348@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry. Leader's Wife I'd Like To get to know a little better. Of course. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2346 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:07:45 +0000 Scroat 2346@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent stuff. So good I wanted t sleep with it. Have some starry things.</p> <p>What's LWILTF in English, as my daughter would say...</p> <p>Laugh While I Lick The Floor? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2345 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:02:34 +0000 Ludicity 2345@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wondered about LWILTF but it seemed a bit of a mouthful. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=918#post-2343 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:57:51 +0000 Scroat 2343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Come on Red. We know you can do it!! Must be an FP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=918#post-2334 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 17:45:46 +0000 Stan Laurel 2334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a shock announcement yesterday, David Cameron’s wife, Samantha, disclosed that she has agreed to pose topless for the Sun newspaper. In a candid interview on Sir Trevor McDonald’s TV programme, foxy Sam, 38, said she had overcome her initial reservations and decided to front her husband’s campaign to become Prime Minister.</p> <p>Concerned at their declining lead in recent opinion polls, Tory strategists confirmed “the time is ripe to boost flagging morale and release our big guns,” conservative party chairman Eric Pickles confirmed last night, “We have been in talks with News International since The Sun announced their intention to back us into the General Election and we are pleased to be able to firm things up now.” </p> <p>“It is a risky strategy” admitted family friend and shadow chancellor George Osbourne “but we are keen to demonstrate that we’re better than the socialists in every department and I’m convinced that Sam has a better pair than Sarah Brown.”</p> <p>Since the announcement, Labour activists have been desperately trying to a way of sexing up their leader’s image. Hopes were high yesterday after Gordon Brown phoned Nicolas Sarkosy at the Élysée Palace. Although the French couple were said to be “up for it”, Labour hopes of bouncing back with a double page spread featuring Sarah Brown and Carla Bruni were thwarted when a mortified Mrs Brown refused, reminding the hapless Prime Minister that she had said “never again” after having to sleep with Piers Morgan to persuade him to interview her husband on ‘Life Stories’.</p> <p>Meanwhile, Mr Pickles was unable to resist having a swipe at the Liberal Democrats, “I must emphasise that Mrs Cameron’s photo session will be appropriately tasteful and not some Anna Arrowsmith inspired porno romp,” adding “more’s the pity.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2313 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 14:19:58 +0000 virtuallywill 2313@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>LWILTF </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=908#post-2310 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:42:09 +0000 Ludicity 2310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'The British electorate have a very important decision to make,' said Samantha Cameron, 'which one of us would you most like to sleep with?' </p> <p>Speaking on Milfsnet.com all three leaders' wives pitched their wares. Sarah Brown said: 'My husband is more than happy that I am whoring myself before the nation although anyone wishing to sleep with me will have to pass Gordon's five conditions for entry.' </p> <p>Samantha Cameron, told voters, 'If you fancy a bit of posh then why not give me a try?' before launching her new campaign slogan 'I've never slept with a Conservative leader's wife before but I like the look of her.' </p> <p>Meanwhile, Miriam Gonzalez Durantez, wife of Nick Clegg, insisted 'this is not a two whores race. I may be the least well known of the leaders' wives but I am easily the most exotic,' before adding, 'me love you long time.'</p> <p>Pollsters believe that with the parties currently neck and neck the election could very well be decided on the MILF vote. 'Politicians used to seek the backing of Worcester Woman,' said Peter Kellner of YouGov, 'but it looks like the key to this election could be Milfing Man.' Political consultant Frank Luntz agreed: 'This year the 'swingers vote' is crucial. Each one of the leaders' wives will be doing all they can to get Milfing Man right behind her.'</p> <p>As the election approaches all three wives are already on the campaign trail, walking the streets and pressing the flesh. 'If I have to sleep with every man in the country to get my husband elected then I will do it' said Samantha Cameron, 'I even slept with Trevor McDonald although obviously I would draw the line at Piers Morgan.' </p> <p>'This is not just about men,' said Miriam Durantez, 'As a liberal I am quite happy to sleep with women too. And let us not forget that under a system of proportional representation everyone would have a chance to sleep with me.'</p> <p>'Of course, publicly prostituting ourselves like this is not in the least bit demeaning,' claimed Sarah Brown, 'I see it as radical feminism in action. While our husbands think up new ways to screw the nation we are the ones actually going out there and doing it.' </p>