http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=rupert-murdoch The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 22:18:50 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57692#post-167328 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:40:55 +0000 pinxit 167328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a heart-rending interview, Nigella Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' of her and left the UKIP leader 'holding our baby'.</p> <p>Standing on the bridge at midnight, suckling her newborn baby and recounting a sorry tale, Nigella is a pathetic sight.</p> <p>"Rupert's a remarkable bloke, a charmer, but a right bastard." she says.</p> <p>"Over a romantic candlelit dinner at my flat he wooed me with talk of Europe. He suggested 'getting into bed' with UKIP, me in particular, and promised he'd 'pull out'."</p> <p>"What's a girl supposed to do? I was flattered and couldn't resist," whispers Farage, eyes misting over.</p> <p>"Rupert used me and then, just as he did to that poor cow Major years ago, left me holding our little baby, Stigma."</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/fm_zps6965451a.jpg"><br /> Nigella with Stigma</p> <p>Mumbling through the tears, Nigella continues stoically, "One crumb of comfort is that he hasn't gone back to that bitch Cameron, but copped off with that other blonde tart Borissa."</p> <p>"Well, I hope he's happy now," she sobs, as the voracious homunculus sinks its gums into her other wizened teat. "He's off with another conquest and I'm stuck here with a lifetime of Stigma."</p> <p>"It's the same the whole world over. It's the rich what gets the pleasure, the poor what gets the blame. Ain't it all a -"</p> <p>She breaks down before she can finish her sentence. Another willing victim of Murdoch's insatiable appetite.</p> <p>...............................</p> <p><em>Second crack at the story.</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42213#post-120607 Sun, 29 Apr 2012 17:28:33 +0000 pitflaps 120607@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rupert Murdoch, the sinister 80 year old selective amnesiac media baron has expressed an interest in broadcasting sports events bundled with free mounting civil unrest.</p> <p>Last weekend’s Bahrain Grand Prix caused much excitement for Mr Murdoch as viewers flocked in a collective satellite-channel-stoked ambulance-chasing ratings mania to both his new F1 HD and existing Sky News channels, causing ratings to skyrocket.</p> <p>"Strewth mate: these are fair dinkum images of explosions, thuggish security service behaviour and turbulent rebellion and no mistake, cobber", the amoral airbiscuit told reporters.</p> <p><center><img src="http://images.beijing2008.cn/20070412/Img214034105.jpg"></center><br /> <center><em><br /> Excellent: let's set fire to the stadium as well</em></center></p> <p>"How much did we pay for this? Whatever it was, it’s a bargain mate: tie me old kangaroo down, Bruce; what have we got Pippa Middleton admitting on that tape again?" he added.</p> <p>The attraction of thousands of extra viewers unable to guess which of the immense shitbag’s blunderbuss channels were most likely to display plentiful levels of sudden, spectacular, violent death proved a fillip to the Antipodean scrotal sack as he seeks to convince people the man who successfully created a mind-bogglingly complex multi-media, multi-billion dollar global business empire is the same as the rambling idiot on display at the Leveson media enquiry.</p> <p>"In today’s complex social media world of Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Ceefax it’s tough for the modern media mogul megalomaniac to get their message across about why it’s important for you to consume even more of their media, drink increasing quantities of beer, swap your car for a new one every 6 months and use Claims Direct when the combination of all 3 cause you to have a crippling traffic accident," a media expert commented.</p> <p>"So the combination of high profile competitive sport complete with the habitual ratings winner that is unfettered domestic political violence is exactly the sort of 21st Century novelty fireworks display to get News International shareholders foaming at the mouth."</p> <p>Favourites for Murdoch’s sports strife media cash are thought to be The Americas Cup relocating to off the coast of Somalia, Live Speedway from Tahir Square and World Championship Weightlifting from the Argos on Enfield High Street.</p> <p>"Apparently Bernie’s [Ecclestone] suicide bomber chariot racing from the West Bank is still in development: but I expect you’d already guessed that," Murray Walker or somebody along those sorts of lines added. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37661#post-106203 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:58:53 +0000 Dan Strait 106203@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Now in its 13th hour, The blackout of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org">English Wikipedia</a> is proving to have catastrophic consequences. </p> <p>The first victim at 05:00 (GMT) was delivery driver Alex Wallace - Police are refusing to comment on Mr Wallace's death except to say that it appeared he lost control of his vehicle as he attempted to reload the wikipedia page regarding his destination on his iPad2. Police are advising all road users to switch to using the mobile version of the site in the meantime. </p> <p>In Mid-Glamorgan an as yet unnamed man bled to death after attempting to perform surgery on himself and being unable to Suture his Femoral Arterial without the aid of the encyclopaedia. In Kent 4 people died attempting to buy paper copies of the Encyclopaedia Britannica when a shelf in Waterstones collapsed on them. </p> <p>Across the UK the death rate from home accidents has risen sharply since the blackout came into force with witnesses citing the loss of the encyclopaedia as key in the spate of electrocutions, drownings, and blunt force traumas. </p> <p>When asked if he felt that these deaths could have been avoided, Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales had this to say; "That's not really the point. [...] it's going to impact all kinds of things that, you know, don't have anything to do with stopping piracy." </p> <p><img src="http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/57959000/jpg/_57959931_57954777.jpg"></p> <p>A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police stated "We don't currently know how many individuals have been killed in related incidents, we probably won't know until 5am tomorrow when we can get back onto Wikipedia and check the relevant article." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29112#post-81643 Thu, 11 Aug 2011 19:37:20 +0000 cuckoowatoo 81643@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>oops should read '<strong>with a really low IQ'</strong> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29112#post-81559 Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:36:49 +0000 cuckoowatoo 81559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Today, it can be exclusively revealed that Rupert Murdoch is the man behind the riots which have taken place across England in the last week.</p> <p>In an ironic twist to the scandal it has been exposed that Channel 4’s Phonehacker was commissioned by an unknown source to spy on Rupert Murdoch. The investigations uncovered that Rupert has been visiting vulnerable youths, in the poorest areas of London, paying them cash to start riots and initiate looting. </p> <p>Once he had paid a few kids and got the ball rolling, he realised that he didn’t even need to visit or compensate them anymore. Rupert set up several Twitter accounts and Facebook events inviting individuals 'with a really IQ' to join in the copycat looting. One such event invited scumbags to “cum an' burn down dat shop where da rich spend money – Poundland”. </p> <p>It can also be revealed that the infamous picture of a looter proudly showing off his stolen Tesco Value basmati rice is Rupert Murdoch himself, said to be having a little fun and seeing just how far he could push it.</p> <p>Murdoch has confessed to starting this atrocity in an attempt to take the news spotlight away from the phone hacking scandal. He was hoping the British Government and media would stop focussing on him, allowing his quest to take over the Universe to continue uninterrupted. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28821#post-80801 Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:00:11 +0000 rebel not taken 80801@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rupert Murdoch said he has been touched by the messages left on Amy Winehouse's answer phone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78608 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 08:10:59 +0000 button 78608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Corrigan that bit used to scare the hell out of me too. In fact it still does. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78565 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:05:18 +0000 OllieP 78565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And so it becomes a deserved FP. Well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78526 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:52:58 +0000 Qoxiivi 78526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers dvo. Haven't written anything for a while (have been too busy at work) so it's for my first piece in ages to be well received. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78503 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:53:38 +0000 dvo4fun 78503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'..massive fan of Trident' - excellent </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78494 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:05:42 +0000 Qoxiivi 78494@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're right about the ambiguity Corrigan, hadn't spotted that.</p> <p>Cheers OllieP. Regarding Virgo, what's happened to his neck? He looked all hunchy at the world championships... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78477 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:08:59 +0000 OllieP 78477@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it a lot. 5.</p> <p>No idea why you've got such a gripe against John Virgo though. He wore some shocking waistcoats, sure, but he more than made up for that by doing his wonderful tricks shots. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78476 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:06:00 +0000 Corrigan 78476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That scene in Flash Gordon when the bloke off Blue Peter had to put his hand in the tree used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid.<br /> Nice work on the article.The title works on two levels too. It sounds like they're fighting for the right to enact a dastardly plan thought up by Hess. Nice one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78470 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:53:49 +0000 steve_l 78470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>-Whoever loses the combat should get the grave, as they need it first. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78381 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 12:42:14 +0000 Qoxiivi 78381@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. That's what first sprang to my mind when I imagined this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78380 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 12:39:34 +0000 button 78380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. I'm picturing it like the bit in Flash Gordon when he fights Prince Barin. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28251#post-78373 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 12:16:33 +0000 Qoxiivi 78373@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbit are to engage in mortal combat for the right to be buried in Rudolf Hess’s recently vacated grave.</p> <p>The contest, due to be broadcast on Sky pay-per-view in August, is the result of a bitter feud between the two that’s been raging since Hess’s assorted parts were delicately shovelled into a bin on Wednesday.</p> <p>Despite a flood of inquiries about the vacant plot from thousands of moribund fascists, Christoph Huber, the cemetery’s caretaker, says Thatcher and Tebbit were the two stand-out candidates.</p> <p>“Nick Griffin, Jeremy Clarkson, that cunt from Big Break; they’ve all been lining up to jump into Hess’s grave. It’s our most expensive and high-profile hole though, so we can’t just let it out to any old absolutist tosspot.”</p> <p>He continued, “In the end, Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbit were the obvious choices. We just couldn’t split them though, so that’s where the idea of the competition came from.”</p> <p>James Murdoch hopes the carnage, which will unfold to dramatic music on a tilting circular platform, will mark a return to popularity for the beleaguered broadcaster.</p> <p>“We’re definitely getting the public back on side with this one. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see ‘The Normanator’ triumphantly plunging a trident into 'The Iron Lady' as she writhes, disorientated, under a heavy net?”</p> <p>He was also quick to calm criticism of the event’s brutality, “It’s no more gladiatorial than Britain’s Got Talent, and rest assured the loser’s remains will be respectfully left in a festival toilet.”</p> <p>Whatever the outcome on the night, Margaret’s son, Mark Thatcher, thinks it could be a fitting end for his mother, “It’s how she’d want to go. She’s always was a massive fan of Trident.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77879 Wed, 20 Jul 2011 08:53:43 +0000 rickwestwell 77879@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77849 Wed, 20 Jul 2011 05:19:55 +0000 Mr Target 77849@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm putting this on the amnesty thread right now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77772 Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:00:37 +0000 Golgo13 77772@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77765 Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:34:12 +0000 thisisall1word 77765@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&amp; mayeb something along the lines of;</p> <p>The Murdochs had asked to make a brief statement at the start of the committee. The statement; "The alliance... will die. As will your friends. Good, I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!" was not allowed to be read during proceedings but was submitted and recorded into the official record. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77759 Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:26:35 +0000 thisisall1word 77759@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe we are not so different after all, you and I... Join us! Think what we could achieve if we combined all the forces at our disposal! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77752 Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:19:25 +0000 Golgo13 77752@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> <p>"in a way, aren't we <em>all</em> on trial today?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28115#post-77748 Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:08:53 +0000 thisisall1word 77748@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rebecca Brooks wrong footed the Commons Media Committee today by claiming that her actions and reign of terror within News Corp were required to bring balance to life itself.<br /> "Light cannot exist without darkness, good cannot exist without evil" she explained to Tom Watson MP, "for how can society judge what is right and true if not for the ability to point at what is wrong and deceitful".<br /> BBC political commentator Iain Watson tweeted from within the committee room that the cross-party panel of MPs seemed "visibly deflated by the clever argument" and that further questioning was carried out in a manner of "schoolboys staring at their scuffing shoes".<br /> Brooks line of defence was at odds with the earlier questioning of Rupert Murdoch, who had instead looked to cut a deal with the members of Parliament claiming that "together we could become more powerful than anyone could possibly imagine." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27963#post-77249 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 11:34:35 +0000 Christopher Frost 77249@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27890#post-77124 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 09:12:12 +0000 button 77124@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent FP. May I be the first to say 5 stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27890#post-77045 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:47:54 +0000 Ludicity 77045@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In yet another twist to the phone hacking scandal, former News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks has announced her unresignation from the company. </p> <p>‘It is totally inconceivable that I could have known anything about my resignation,’ said Ms Brooks, speaking to a small crowd of remaining News International staff. 'Clearly I cannot be held responsible for any decision to resign because when I made it I was only in charge,' adding, 'and anyway I was probably on holiday at the time.’</p> <p>The unresignation has been welcomed by News Corp chairman James Murdoch. ‘It’s great to have her back on board. Over the past few weeks Rebekah has played an invaluable role in detracting attention away from me and my dad and our honest endeavours to cover things up.’ </p> <p>Ms Brooks has now signed a new contract with News Corp in which she agrees to resign and unresign on a daily basis. ‘This new firewall contract is the perfect solution,’ explained Ms Brooks, ‘It allows me to take decisions one day while evading responsibility for them the next.’</p> <p>The decision to unresign follows outrage after Ms Brooks’ original resignation was deemed ‘insensitive’, coming as it did while BBC journalists were holding a one day strike and unable to cover the story in full. ‘This is so typical of Rebekah,’ complained BBC political editor Nick Robinson. ‘She deliberately waited until I wasn’t there before resigning. She should now do the decent thing: unresign, then resign again for not resigning well enough the first time.’</p> <p>Politicians have also welcomed the move. ‘I have been calling for her resignation for ages,’ said MP Chris Bryant, ‘but now that she has actually resigned it leaves a massive gap in my diary. I think I speak for everyone when I say, welcome back Rebekah. Now we can all get back to the important business of demanding that she resign.’</p> <p>In a rare interview Mr Murdoch senior welcomed the development. ‘Yes, we have made a few minor mistakes’, he confessed, ‘but now that everyone at News Corp has been forced to sign our new employment-unemployment contract in which they resign every day, nobody can ever be held accountable for their actions. We have finally achieved my lifelong dream: power without responsibility, the prerogative of the Rupert throughout the ages.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27561#post-75982 Thu, 07 Jul 2011 21:13:14 +0000 Mrblacker 75982@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ahh - I do now. when I wrote it - I was just back from the pub and rather the worse for wear. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27561#post-75971 Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:57:18 +0000 Al OPecia 75971@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Newspaper reporters - like paedophile/paediatrician - geddit? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27561#post-75954 Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:30:50 +0000 Mrblacker 75954@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>eh? </p>