http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=robin-hood The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:19:32 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4182#post-12071 Tue, 11 May 2010 20:33:45 +0000 Ludicity 12071@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I didn't mean it to come true. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4182#post-11770 Mon, 10 May 2010 14:16:14 +0000 Ludicity 11770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following days of extensive negotiations Robin Hood has finally agreed the terms under which he will work with the Sheriff of Nottingham. ‘There had to be a bit of give and take on both sides,’ said the hero of folklore and legend, ‘we have agreed not to take from the rich, and the Sheriff has agreed not to give to the poor.’ </p> <p>‘I am delighted that Robin has finally seen sense,’ said the Sheriff, ‘we share so much in common and we are both passionate about taking money from people. It is just that I prefer to take it from the weak and vulnerable.’ </p> <p>Under the power sharing arrangement, the Merry Men will support the Sheriff’s Men in their violent and bloody persecution of the general public. In return, the Sheriff has agreed not to cancel Christmas.</p> <p>There were some objections to the deal from the Sheriff’s assistant, Sir Guy of Gisbourne, who was reportedly unhappy with the idea of getting into bed with men in tights. However, he was quickly rebuffed by the Sheriff: ‘We have moved on from our old ‘nasty’ image of yore,’ he said, ‘people need to understand that the Sheriff’s Men are now a modern, progressive movement dedicated to promoting a caring, liberal and inclusive reign of terror.’</p> <p>Many of Mr Hood’s supporters were hoping for a so-called ‘Rainbow Alliance’ of Friar Tuck, Maid Marian and Little John. However, negotiations quickly fell apart because everyone thought that Little John was a tedious, self-opinionated twat. </p> <p>‘Of course, we would have liked to secure some serious political reform as well,’ said Robin, ‘but once we saw how nice it was to be inside the castle, we decided that we really didn’t want to go back out into the forest again and sleep rough.’ </p> <p>When asked about the poor, Mr Hood replied, ‘Sorry, the who?’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3083#post-8860 Thu, 22 Apr 2010 15:51:04 +0000 MightyBlair 8860@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Daily Mail faces a crisis as the weight of being constantly angry threatens to rip through the blackened, embittered heart of Middle-England. As a result, the paper is giving away a series of free gifts designed to promote chagrin and bile, as well as enabling current readers to express their vehemence more easily. The gifts will be released every week beginning with ‘Indignant Face-Paint’ which, when applied to the face, bestows the wearer with the appearance of several years of hypertension, moderate alcohol abuse and the promise of a lifelong relationship with gout. Most importantly, it allows the wearer to look permanently incensed, thus rendering ostentatious displays of mild irritation effortless yet none the less effective. </p> <p>The second gift to be bestowed is a container of ‘Dignified Shine’ – a polish which imbues a regal gloss when applied to any head rendered bald by years of complaining about tax-dodgers, immigrants and Guardian readers. The resulting sheen will be reflective enough to blind any disease-ridden, knife wielding, sexual predator brave enough to step out of the murk. Other gifts include a pocket megaphone making it easier to interject and talk over people, as well as a ‘Golfer’s Knee’ to provide physical pain when having to do something that someone else didn’t because ‘they are just too lazy; this country is going to the bloody dogs!’</p> <p>Members of the readership have contacted the paper’s editor expressing concern that the paper is softening and selling out. ‘I’ve had to work bloody hard to be this angry,’ wrote Mrs. J Asquith of Berkshire, ‘and I feel outraged by the notion that this is to be made easier!’ There is also concern that if readers no longer have to exert so much energy being actively disgruntled, then they may actually become happy. ‘It spells the end, I’m afraid,’ states leading Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn, ‘we’ve been testing them in the office and I have to say I’ve spent more time thinking about nice things; I haven’t looked at the BNP website for days, and I quite enjoyed listening to the plaintive accordion-playing of Agron, an Albanian chap who busks outside our office every night so that he can pay for his mother’s health care back in Albania.’ </p> <p>Regardless, the Mail has decided to proceed with the programme, as it is concerned that readers may eventually give up being irate as there is simply ‘too much to be angry about’. The gifts will be given away every Saturday along with a free DVD serializing Birds of a Feather, and a collection of ‘Magic Eye’ pictures depicting ‘Great Moments in British History’ including the ‘D-Day Landings’, the ‘Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II’ and the ‘Crushing of the Unions’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2030#post-5992 Tue, 06 Apr 2010 09:28:07 +0000 simonjmr 5992@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Respected Australian historian Russell Crowe today outlines details of startling new evidence regarding Robin Hood, that he has unearthed.</p> <p>The new Robin Hood publication by Mr Crowe comes ten years after his first historical dissertation on the Roman Empire.</p> <p>Mr Crowe has pointed out that he has built upon the past works of renowned Hoodcademics, Flynn, Brookes, Costner and Greene, whilst dispelling myths perpetrated by Praed, Connery and Connery.</p> <p>Mr Crowe pointed out that manuscripts recently presented to him have outlined that the Sheriff of Nottingham was bipolar and also suffered from multiple personality disorder. All of which meant that Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham were one in the same. </p> <p>"On a good day he would dress in Lincoln Green and hand out money to the poor, on a black day he would kill maim and terrorise the poor. It's no wonder the Sheriff never caught Robin Hood."</p> <p>Mr Crowe was quick to point out that he quickly dismissed this evidence on the basis of it's remarkable similarity to another manuscript entitled "Fight Club" that was presented to him before he embarked upon his Roman Studies. </p>