http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=republicans The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:02:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52448#post-150946 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 16:07:22 +0000 Ragnar48 150946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Storm of the Century changed everything. And no, not the winds and waves that wreaked havoc all along the East Coast, but the November tempest that sent Hostess Brands reeling into bankruptcy. Chris Christie, once the Great White Hope of the Republican Party, is said to be marshalling his political forces for a defection to the Democrats. </p> <p>The formal announcement is expected to come on Monday.</p> <p>A source close to the Governor reported that Christie’s recent, unpublicized attempt to save Hostess employees from the breadlines is what finally sealed the deal. “Union hating Romneyite Republicans were the reason this thing went south,” she said. “You take away his Twinkies and you’ve got a whale of a problem on your hands.”</p> <p>According to mentor and long-time political advisor, Bruce Springsteen, Christie’s belief in Global Warming and antipathy to fossil fuels have clearly put him at odds with his party; but this was [i]not the impetus for his decision to embrace the Obama regime. “No, man, dude was born in the USA, he’s one of us, always was.”</p> <p>When asked for comment, Republican strongman Carl Rove doubled down on his election night reluctance to accept an Obama victory in Ohio: “Really hope Chris is not leaving us on the beach. Kind of early to tell, let’s just wait and see.”</p> <p>So what does this mean for the two parties? Who will the Republicans dig up to fill the void? And how will the Democrats harness this force of nature?</p> <p>One thing is for certain, there will be one less enormous mouth to feed at the 2016 National Republican Convention. That might be a major upside for the RNC. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47327#post-135961 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 06:21:27 +0000 Only Me 135961@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Republicans have recognized Isaac as a legitimate hurricane and are rushing to evacuate Tampa.</p> <p>If it had been an illegitimate hurricane, the Republican National Committee would have gathered in prayer to ensure no damage occurred.</p> <p>Rep Akin, spokesperson for the RNC explained that "only legitimate hurricanes are capable of causing damage. Sometimes scientists try to tell us which hurricanes are legitimate or not. But since all scientists are Democrats, we prefer to let God provide the definitive view. </p> <p>"All hurricanes are of course the wrath of God against homosexuals. So we must celebrate all hurricanes regardless of their legitimacy" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56294 Fri, 04 Feb 2011 10:09:26 +0000 Des Custard 56294@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So do I. Myself, that is, not you. Our time will come. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56287 Fri, 04 Feb 2011 09:20:48 +0000 Oxbridge 56287@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It comes to something when you start wanting Mubarak to cling to power just another day so that this stays topical...I hate myself. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56101 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 16:22:34 +0000 rikkor 56101@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I would rather have electrodes on my naughty bits that sit through a performance by one of our (legion) Mark Twain imitators. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56098 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 16:16:59 +0000 Oxbridge 56098@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was going on 30 year old memories of enduring Huckleberry Finn at school - but then thinking about it, they wouldn't really be on a raft on the Mississippi in Tennessee. Even Sarah Palin might know that. </p> <p>Then again... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56096 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:47:29 +0000 rikkor 56096@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I just added some tags, and have to compliment myself for "crook and flail". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56091 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:27:47 +0000 rikkor 56091@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cinq. Maybe there is one in Tennessee, but the Cairo in Illinois is pronounced kay-ro.</p> <p>Life imitating art: some western state (can't remember which one) is proposing a law that all adults be required to own a gun. It's half-serious, and a critique of Obama's health care law. That is, if we can force people to buy health care, why can't we force them to buy a gun? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56080 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 14:30:07 +0000 saltire 56080@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not YOU as well Desmond ? ok then.I'll fuck off...for a drink somewhere.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56076 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 14:21:14 +0000 Des Custard 56076@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers saltire. This is officially a joint effort. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56075 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 14:19:32 +0000 saltire 56075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@ Oxy ; ok </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56068 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 13:50:31 +0000 4ty2 56068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>now who would she burn for that? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56051 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 12:08:11 +0000 Des Custard 56051@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, fuck right off. Not you Oxo. Nice work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20792#post-56049 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 12:05:42 +0000 Oxbridge 56049@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sarah Palin has pledged the support of the Republicans for the millions of protesters demanding the removal of President Mubarak Obama. Obama, who has held power for nearly three years or 30 according to some commentators, is now coming under pressure from ordinary people outraged at his attempts to force them to have health insurance and not use AK-47s in school.</p> <p>'I am mighty pleased to hear of the unrest and rioting against this elected dictator in the East,' stated Palin in a YouTube broadcast that has been replayed around the clock on Fox News. 'I hope that decent ordinary folks will now go the extra mile to remove him from power and bring in a new government appointed by God.'</p> <p>Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell added that the party as a whole was behind Palin and was excited by the emergence of people power on the streets of Cairo, Illinois. However, he cautioned ordinary anti-Obama protesters against the excessive use of democracy in their fight for freedom. </p> <p>'Democracy is as American as soccer moms and is always appropriate as a weapon against neo-Communist rule by Muslims,' McConnell said, 'but careless use can unsettle stable dictatorships and upset established trading patterns. Like a semi-automatic assault rifle, it can be your best friend but can potentially be harmful.’</p> <p>President Obama himself has claimed that there has been confusion over his name, but Republicans denounced this as a typical educated liberal attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of ordinary people. When pressed, he said he would stand down but not until the next election in 2012, although he would be looking for a second term. </p> <p>Admitting that she had to look up Cairo on a map before locating it in Tennessee, Palin added: 'In the TV pictures from the streets of Cairo, it barely looks any richer than Detroit, which itself is a shocking indictment of 30 years of misrule by Mubarak Obama and the Democrats. There's clearly a heck of a lot of Mexicans there too.'</p> <p>[My attempt to update Des's earlier one. He gave his permission, so the trolls can fuck right off] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41758 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 18:01:59 +0000 rikkor 41758@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Steve Cut, do you know Steve Uncut? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41737 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:38:16 +0000 Gerontius 41737@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Getting back to his best.<br /> See how much better you are when someone pisses you off.<br /> And Rick too<br /> OK<br /> Who said 'anger is energy'<br /> Steve, nice contribution (nah, only joking) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41723 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:46:10 +0000 SteveCut 41723@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is true &amp; very funny. A future FP for sure. </p> <p>Maybe would be a little subtler and funnier if you didn't come out and actually say that the voters are stupid and dumb, but just intimate it? After all, there's plenty of intimation there. So much, in fact, that even your average Republican voter <em>should</em> get the gist of it without it being spelled out.</p> <p>For instance the first para could read something like:</p> <p>Republican party chiefs have announced that the party is to break up and will no longer contest elections. Republican Senate majority leader John Boehner stated that for the last 40 years the Republican party have been playing an elaborate practical joke on the American electorate. "It's been a lot of fun for us inside the party," he explained, "but when you play a joke for 40 years and your audience just doesn't 'get' it, I think it's time to call it a day. No matter how much we pushed the bounds of credibility with more and more ridiculous candidates, presidents, policies and even wars, Republican supporters still took us seriously. In fact, it seems that the more ridiculous we got, the more seriously they took us. Now we just feel it's time to put our hands up and say 'Hey! Just kidding, guys'."</p> <p>"It's not like we were subtle about it..." etc.</p> <p>I think it needs a better punch line too. </p> <p>Great sub though, Oxy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41711 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:00:42 +0000 Oxbridge 41711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's because unfortunately we have to deal with the consequences of them... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41704 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 14:53:58 +0000 rikkor 41704@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ostsee, that's funny. I am always amazed how much Europeans know about our elections and such. Not only do most Americans know nothing about our own government, only about three in a hundred could identify Cameron and the Boy Wonder. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41700 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 14:49:35 +0000 Ostsee 41700@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps they should have 2 presidents next time, one for those who voted Republican.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15290#post-41696 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 14:37:25 +0000 Oxbridge 41696@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Republican party chiefs have announced that the party is to break up and will no longer contest elections. This, said Senate majority leader John Boehner, is because the US electorate has now proven itself so stupid that it will never understand that the last 40 years of Republican policies have been an elaborate practical joke.</p> <p>'It's not like we were subtle about it,' Boehner said. 'We thought in a country like this we had no chance against an ordained minister like Jimmy Carter in 1980, so we set up Ronald Reagan, a twice-divorced Hollywood actor with the brains of a radiator as the Christian candidate against him. And he won. Twice. Holy fucking crap, how did we get away with it?'</p> <p>Following mixed success with relatively colourless candidates in the 1990s, Republican chiefs went all-out for laughs by putting forward George W. Bush, an educationally sub-normal alcoholic draft dodger, as the candidate for born again evangelicals.</p> <p>'We were laughing our asses off on election night in 2000,' said Boehner. 'When he won by a blatant fraud in the state run by his brother and elected officials said he hadn't been elected president but appointed by God, I thought, OK, they're bound to get it now. But nope, he did it again four years on. George W. Bush. George W. Freekin' Bush! What is WRONG with you people?'</p> <p>However, in view of the recent mid-term elections, in which the palpably unhinged Sarah Palin and the Tea Party managed to score big gains by blaming the economic downturn caused by the Bush administration on a new president because he isn't white and has a strange-sounding name, Boehner has conceded that the joke has turned sour.</p> <p>'The Founding Fathers warned about the perils of democracy and now we can see why,' he told reporters. 'Americans are just too dumb to be trusted with pencils every other year. We're outta here and I don't care if that does mean six more years of Obama. That's not so very long in the scheme of things, I mean the Earth is nearly 6,000 years old. Ain't it?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2162#post-6500 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 12:24:26 +0000 MADJEZ 6500@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quite right they should just let him get on and play golf and forget about all his marital trouble. Oh you meant... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2162#post-6421 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:50:40 +0000 rikkor 6421@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You left the funny out. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2162#post-6394 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 20:13:43 +0000 rfreed 6394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>For decades white men have been awaiting the evolving of the black man. Ususally stereotyped into such roles as the step-and-fetch-it submissive post-civil war Negro, or the violent, drug dealing Super Fly, the jive talking ever-hip huckster, the daughter raping threat to the community, the black power fisting Black Panther, or the gang banging, good for nothing ghetto dweller there were for decades no other images available to represent black males until recently. The cultural, hard working, intelligent representatives such as the Washington Carvers, the Langston Hughes, and the Frederick Douglases were seen as being freaks, abnormalities.<br /> Now, after decades of social advancement, we finally have a black man who has achieved the unthought of attainment of becoming the President of what at present is the greatest nation on earth. Not only that, he is articulate, compassionate, sensitive, educated, intelligent, far-sighted, healthy, clean cut and a family man. Above all the understands the needs of normal people regardless of their race. All of the qualities the white race has wanted to see in a black man Obama represents. And how are the white power guys reacting to him now that he has finally taken a place in our society?<br /> “Tear him down!”<br /> “Impeach him!”<br /> “Socialist!”<br /> “Ruining the country!”<br /> “Send him back home!”<br /> Hmm. People want something, then when they get it they still aren't satisfied. With so little reward after adjusting to the expectations of the white race they, like spoiled children, don't want him. Should the Afro-American male return to the subcontinent ways of voodoo, witch doctors and playing football without padding? Nope, that would be counter productive. They might as well jump ahead of the white guys putting them down. It wouldn't take much. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=880#post-2253 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:44:03 +0000 rfreed 2253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called 'Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten'. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents who can read that it rivals the success had by the coming out of Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue'. The pundits of both groups are partying like its 1899.<br /> Select chapters from the book include:<br /> 101 Seemingly Innocent Ways to Get People's Attention And Keep It.<br /> Playground Power Techniques- How To Use Muscle And Mouth In Ways That The Teacher Doesn't Notice.<br /> How To So Bamboozle People That You Can Make Them Think That Dirty Diapers Are Really Clean.<br /> Using Fibs To Play With People's Heads.<br /> How to Whine Without Seeming Like Whining.<br /> Learning To Inflict Guilt To Get What You Want.<br /> How To Hold Your Breath Until You Get Your Way.<br /> Special Glenn Beck Section:<br /> The Value Of Tears In Gaining Sympathy.<br /> The Fine Art Of Putting Down People To Make You Look Smart.<br /> Acting Cute WILL Get You Somewhere!<br /> Special Ann Coulter Section:<br /> Gaining Prestige By Making Someone Else Look Bad So That You Look Good.<br /> How To Make Tirades And Tantrums Look Like Educated, Intelligent Discourse.<br /> Being A True Bitch Can Be Profitable.<br /> The Repubs claim that using the insights given in this book will give one the talent to take control and move into the power zone in any American societal or political environment that one finds oneself. The methods needed to keep that power are laid out in a book put out by the same publisher called 'The Prince- Part II' by selected senior conservative correspondents with references to Machiavelli. The new Prince refreshes ideas presented in the original giving them a modern tone. All proceeds from both books will be used to build Ceasarian palaces on a Saddam-like scale for the leaders of the Republican Party who will be taking over in 2012.<br /> Breaking News!!!- Roger Fulghum, author of the bestseller Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Kindergarten.' is suing the conservatives for stealing ideas from his book, including the concept. Mr. Fulghum is currently at work on a new volume entitled 'I Wish To Hell They Had Taught Me Something About The Legal Business in Kindergarten'. </p>