http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=report The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 18 Jun 2013 23:45:35 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38523#post-109032 Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:55:47 +0000 pete1774 109032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A new report from a government think tank, claims that NHS leaders, a formerly endangered species, have now been completely over run by an imported American pest known by its Latin name of "manergerious targetacious" This aggressive government backed parasitic species is known for its tenacious consumption of pointless data and statistics has had a deleterious effect upon the previously patient symbiotic indigenous species "Leaderous Benevolentus MD"   </p> <p>There are a few Leaderous Benevolentus MD colonies believed to still exist in small private enclaves in the wild but the report concludes that the possibility of reintroducing them into the NHS is unlikely unless an intensive breeding program is undertaken.  Such a program would require government backing and the cooperation of the private health sector.  A spokesman for the think tank, said that in the present economic and political climate this would be unlikely.  </p> <p>However rumours in the blogosphere indicate that there may be covert groups working undercover in the private healthcare sector and even some of the more radical NHS Foundations Trusts to introduce a cloned variant of the species.  Although this species has some of the desirable traits of the former indigenous species it has an unfortunate tendency to emulate the banking sector in producing clusters of spurious bonuses at higher levels.  Scientist working in the field believe that successful introduction is fraught with problems.  They believe that the current incumbent species, manergerious targetacious would simply overwhelm any newcomer by enclosing it in demands for even more spurious data and irrelevant targets, thereby rendering it impotent. </p> <p>Attempts to introduce new species are not new. Some years ago a renegade government minister attempted to introduce the Roundtree variety into the NHS, but because manergerious targetacious was already well entrenched the newcomer disappeared without trace in 6 months. Scientist are now pessimistic and believe that the whole NHS will eventually become entombed in the mounds of waste data and statistics produced by manergerious targetacious and will eventually mutate into various sub-species or BUPA variants. A spokesman for the Department of Health rejected this analysis and produced 16.4 terabytes of NHS data and statistics to assert his claim. Nuff said! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22371#post-60426 Thu, 10 Mar 2011 11:33:26 +0000 spiraldrain 60426@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-29051 Tue, 17 Aug 2010 10:34:00 +0000 fun and games 29051@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can only begin to imagine Oxy's indignation at this not yet making the cut. So let me do my bit old boy and at least pop it up to the top of the pile again to act as a gentle reminder to those in the corridors of power. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-28966 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:51:17 +0000 arthurminnit 28966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>taint my toe, i collected this from a previous girlfriend.<br /> she can have it back when i get my dvds back! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-28962 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:33:34 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 28962@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Hunter, I believe he wants to appear among as a "camel toed cntu" of some sort. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-28961 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:31:56 +0000 Sharpehunter 28961@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Why has Arthurminute got a camel tattooed on his big toe.. bet he can't get that through the eye of a needle.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-28958 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:27:01 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 28958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Still like it. I've been archive-shoppin, and would give it more points if I could. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748&page=2#post-27566 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:03:57 +0000 arthurminnit 27566@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And they moaned when we tried to reclassify rape as assault with a friendly weapon.<br /> bloody women.</p> <p>err , that was brassy.</p> <p>its like irony, but softer. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27431 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:03:31 +0000 The All New Jeni B 27431@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oooh, I can do irony!!</p> <p>And Cookery, cleanery, and hoovery.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27428 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:00:13 +0000 Oxbridge 27428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That was ironic too Plucky BTW. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27400 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 11:43:57 +0000 The All New Jeni B 27400@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*Tosses back blonde hair, and blinks in big, blue eyed innocence* </p> <p>Ooh, I just don't understand how this computer thingy works.</p> <p>I have to ask big strong clever men to do it all for me.</p> <p>*Sigh* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27395 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 11:24:47 +0000 Oxbridge 27395@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd be happy to add Al's line but it doesn't look like I can any more. No doubt some man-hating harpy on her time of the month has sabotaged the site. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27319 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 23:10:48 +0000 The All New Jeni B 27319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Which bit? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27315 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 22:32:34 +0000 antharrison 27315@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bit of a slapper? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27275 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 19:22:20 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 27275@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Para 2 definitely "boyish figure". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27255 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:40:50 +0000 StoopyDeGunt 27255@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it! </p> <p>But how old were the ladies in question?</p> <p>And were they red heads, brunettes or blondes?</p> <p>What about bra size? Could they be described as busty? Or boyish?</p> <p>These details are important! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27190 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 11:42:46 +0000 Ostsee 27190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Keep going Oxy!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27181 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:32:11 +0000 antharrison 27181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hey Oxyu this is brilliant - only just realised it wasn't a one-liner </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27157 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 09:37:03 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 27157@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welll Plucky that's going to make for an interestingly detailed Guidance Manual. Do you have yours to hand, or are you writing it for us as you go along? Please keep up the monitoring of us morons in here and please continue to inform us when we violate your sensibilites, naughty children. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27150 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 08:05:30 +0000 PluckyMunky 27150@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Of course it was ironic. I just get concerned that very 'heavy' irony can sometimes slip over into encouraging the prejudices that are meant to be being lampooned. I believe that some of the comments you recevied suggest that this might have happened. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27145 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 07:57:55 +0000 Oxbridge 27145@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bloody hell Plucky, of course it's meant to be ironic. Look at the last para FFS. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-27063 Sat, 07 Aug 2010 17:25:53 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 27063@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks F&amp;G </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26452 Thu, 05 Aug 2010 07:54:49 +0000 fun and games 26452@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is your best piece for ages Oxy. Al's suggested line would also be a worthy inclusion. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26444 Thu, 05 Aug 2010 07:47:17 +0000 dicky37 26444@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tee hee. (Oh and tee her of course...) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26438 Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:27:02 +0000 o b sensible 26438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're right. Never thought i'd say that. I think its meant to be ironic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26426 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 23:04:21 +0000 PluckyMunky 26426@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheap, dated, laughs and no one stands up to be counted. Bring back the homophobic and racist jokes. Misogyny at it's 70's worst, from someone who should know better. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26425 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 22:47:55 +0000 rikkor 26425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cinq. I laughed at the title, and then the laughs continued. Vy. rare here. My ass hurts. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26405 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 20:22:49 +0000 ramblesnake 26405@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Right on bro, though you missed a mention of Falmouth University where I believe they offer a degree in fishwiffery </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26399 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 19:25:34 +0000 Golgo13 26399@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Score still standing proud at 5...<br /> Sean Lock joke:<br /> "They say a woman's work is never done...maybe that's why they get paid less." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9748#post-26394 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 18:56:56 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 26394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I laughed all along. Especially about frittering "it all" (read: pittance) away on shoes. </p>