http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=religion The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 07:24:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178496 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:20:19 +0000 brianflan 178496@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks BJ but I find bumps quite self-indulgent....oh wait </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178386 Thu, 16 May 2013 14:32:39 +0000 beau-jolly 178386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>bump </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178364 Thu, 16 May 2013 12:39:15 +0000 beau-jolly 178364@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ace. Let's keep bumping this to the top until its picked up by the editors. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178359 Thu, 16 May 2013 12:27:04 +0000 brianflan 178359@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well the original story didn't quite go global ...it made it as far as Papua New Guinea </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178184 Wed, 15 May 2013 14:11:54 +0000 sredni vashta 178184@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Divinely inspired. 5 stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178168 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:17:29 +0000 brianflan 178168@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just a play on a story from down under before yet another tale of blind faith goes global........ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61290#post-178167 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:16:52 +0000 brianflan 178167@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The owners of a 2006 Hyundai Getz have claimed strange things happen to their car, as tens-of-thousands of true believers flock there to see what it is.</p> <p>Owners Cherry and Mark Pye claim the miracles began soon after their 21-year-old son Alan was killed in a car accident last year. Soon after his death, they reported oil weeping from 1.3L engine of their Hyundai. The family believes Alan is responsible for the oil and is his way of communicating through Jesus.</p> <p>Word spread and believers came flocking to 84 Wadhurst Way in Butler Western Australia to see for themselves.</p> <p>The family claims there's a lot more than oil leaks, such as the box for the air filter that has barcode numbers significant in scripture and the radio aerial fashioned from a coat hangar that looks “just like the crucifix on which Jesus died.”</p> <p>"Many miracles happen all the time.” Added Mrs Pye. “This oil has appeared every Tuesday, coincidently just before Mark is due to see his Probation Officer. The other day for instance the low petrol light came, yet we made it all the way from Woolworths to the bottle shop before we got to the petrol station" she said.</p> <p>Mr Pye claims the oil is holy. "No one can touch it. Many times people have seen the oil come alive, usually when we put a match to it. It’s like Moses and the burning bush trying to tell us something we can’t yet work out but at $5 a guess I am sure someone will pass on a profound message at some point,” he said.</p> <p>The mysterious incidences at the Pye's house have created some kind of phenomena. They've had around 200 people a week visit their house to see the oil, and have sold more than 1.5 million cotton buds, which have been dipped in the 'miracle oil' for people to take home.</p> <p>The oil has been scientifically tested, and was found to be a mix of oil and dust, but no one could say where it was coming from.</p> <p>Nijel Thorpe, president of The Australian Skeptics, has his own theory.<br /> "Quite frankly, it looks like the engine has got a leak," he said. “There isn't a single area of the garage that isn't covered in oil.” </p> <p>Mr Pye says the largest patch is a caricature of Jesus. Mr Saunders suggests it looks more like an irregular quadrilateral. “Jesus is represented in a number of ways.” Replied Mr Pye indignantly</p> <p>BF </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59636#post-173213 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:32:39 +0000 Al OPecia 173213@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only three posts in two years, and one is in the wrong room - what's the chances of that eh? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59636#post-173210 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:16:57 +0000 beau-jolly 173210@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wrong room - Schoolboy error </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59636#post-173208 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:08:06 +0000 digidave 173208@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Newly-appointed Pope of the Global Atheist Church, Richard Dawkins, today announced the launch of his new satellite TV channel: "This channel will be a great discouragement to anyone seeking to deepen their faith in God and we hope it will develop an increasing sense of meaninglessness amongst all those seeking to determine the purpose of life. Because, of course, there isn't one."</p> <p>Future programmes will include 'The Healing Hour' phone-in where people suffering from long-term illness will be advised to go to a doctor, 'Songs of Uninspiration', 'Futility 2013' - live coverage of the celebrations from the Global Atheist Conference at the National Secular Cathedral, 'Scripture Study' (where the Rev. Giles Fraser will lead Prof. Dawkins in a study of 'On the Origin of Species') and 'Testimony Time' where members of the studio audience will be invited to recall inspiring tales of unanswered prayers.</p> <p>Pontiff Dawkins also commented "We're also hoping to broadcast programmes by Benny Hinn..."</p> <p>The 'Don't Believe In God Channel' will be in direct competition with The Ambivalence Channel, a channel aimed at agnostics, and ForceTV, part of the Jedi Television Network. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150237 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:42:28 +0000 sigmund 150237@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote> The more culturally irrelevant and out-of-touch these ridiculous, poisonous institutions become the faster they will atrophy and disappear.</blockquote><br /> Only to be replaced by Islam, I suspect. I'm off for a pint, while I still can. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150210 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 11:27:31 +0000 Qoxiivi 150210@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In some ways I'm glad they voted 'no'. The more culturally irrelevant and out-of-touch these ridiculous, poisonous institutions become the faster they will atrophy and disappear. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150201 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:48:42 +0000 Yikes 150201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I suppose everything that highlights the nonsensical nature of the no vote is good!</p> <p>Of course the vote itself was self-satirising ... they made themselves look sillier than we ever could! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150200 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:47:31 +0000 DustyBinLaden 150200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Besides, I'm a recovering catholic. It's part of my therapy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150199 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:44:06 +0000 DustyBinLaden 150199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Yikes: you could well be right, and that's always a concern when writing satire - that illustrating the point through extreme written caricature basically damns all those who, for example, voted yes to women bishops. I suppose my standpoint is that nothing I could write would be as harsh as the real-life debacle that is modern religious intolerance and violence. I would like to think that those who have faith and read this would see that I'm having a pop at those they also oppose, but maybe not. I'll take my chances. It is, after all, told from the point of one ranting bishop supposed to represent the evangelical minority who scuppered the vote. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150194 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:33:26 +0000 Yikes 150194@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably just me having a sensitive moment and most probably I'm wrong but I'm not sure this works ... some of the language just seems very direct and, well, overly harsh ...</p> <p>Jeepers I sound like a prude! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150190 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:24:00 +0000 Squudge 150190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>completely fabulous. 5 </p> <p>The only tiny tweak I'd do is to delete the word 'boxer' from the mid section. It doesn't add anything for me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150188 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:10:03 +0000 godly1966 150188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>five stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150186 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:07:13 +0000 Oxbridge 150186@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Someone else, I can't remember who or where, did the argument against on the basis that women would look ridiculous standing there in a big purple frock. Could work that in? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150185 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:06:50 +0000 FlashArry 150185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice re-write - ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150176 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 08:17:12 +0000 DustyBinLaden 150176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Take 2 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52177#post-150175 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 08:16:34 +0000 DustyBinLaden 150175@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Women are going to need to seriously ‘man up’ before they’re given a shot at the top jobs in the church, claims a leading bishop.</p> <p>‘Women just don’t make great paedophiles, queer bashers or warmongers,’ commented the Right Reverend Charles McGregor, Bishop of Dartford, who voted against the ordination of women bishops.</p> <p>Bishop McGregor is a member of Reform, the Evangelical pressure group committed to reforming the church back to where it started in 1534.</p> <p>‘We believe in the sanctity of secret relationships between god-fearing priests and priest-fearing children, zero tolerance on benders and lezzers, and the right to rain bombs down from the sky using giant flying machines built by men for men. The only way we’re going to achieve that is by having men in charge of things. </p> <p>‘In this respect, all of the major religions of the world are agreed. Of course, that doesn’t stop us from regularly going postal on each other over who has the best god (even though my god <em>is</em> actually champion boxer of the world).</p> <p>‘The last thing we need is the fairer sex coming in and ruining things, smelling of scones and with their soft hair and those bumps on their chest. They bleed, you know. Once a month, from their vaginas.’</p> <p>The Church of England is exempt from laws on equality, but this is now being questioned again by opponents who believe the church should fall into line with the rest of the country in not being allowed to discriminate on the grounds of race, gender or sexuality.</p> <p>‘Spoilsports and bottom-defiling homos, the lot of them,’ said Bishop McGregor. ‘Using selective scripture to promote our hypocritical moral myopia is what we do best.’</p> <p>The Reverend Lucy Winkett, who would have been a contender for ordination as a bishop, said that the Church of England Synod was ‘detonating its credibility with contemporary Britain.’</p> <p>‘I’m pretty certain she’s a witch, and worse, possibly even a lesbian,’ responded Bishop McGregor. </p> <p>‘She brings baby sandwiches to work. Or maybe they’re haslet. Either way, that, my friend, is pure evil in a dress.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51996#post-149704 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 18:09:49 +0000 ginty 149704@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49925#post-144040 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:13:32 +0000 Areopagus 144040@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Judas Iscariot, a backing vocalist with the thirties touring band Jesus and the Disciples, has called on other members of the group to join him in a reunion tour.</p> <p>In an interview with Flavius Josephus published today in the New Missiological Express (NME), Iscariot starts by responding to negative reviews of his recent tour dates with Judas Iscariot's Field of Blood, "It's crap to say our sound is out of date. We was the biggest thing ever to hit the LA* scene, and we've still got things to say unto the third and fourth generation of them that feted us."</p> <p>Challenged as to the possibility of resurrecting the band's trademark sound without their messianic front-man Jesus Christ, Iscariot was quick to stress that the Disciples were more than just a backing group: "Yeah, Jesus took top billing, but the Disciples was always more than a one-man show. We all had ideas of our own, and in the end it was our missiological differences what caused the band to split. With Peter and me sharing lead vocal duties it don't sound no different, even if we've had to change some of the keys for Peter's benefit."</p> <p>Iscariot only came close to losing his cool once, when asked by Josephus if he accepted any responsibility for the end of Jesus' performing career. "No way," he responded vehemently. "The establishment was out to crucify him from the outset. All I did was..." At this point, the interviewer's cellphone rang, and Judas was left hanging.<br /> <em><br /> * Believed to be a reference to Late Antiquity.<br /> </em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45931#post-132095 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 21:35:08 +0000 scottishbird 132095@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An all star cast was in attendance at Downing Street yesterday for the opening night of SamCam’s Production of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Downing Street Footlights headed the bill in the latest of the Diamond Jubilee celebrations. Lead roles went to; David Cameron, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and John Major. Although none of the cast had previous acting experience outside of politics Casting Director Dennis Skinner commented yesterday that “past indictments against society gave any hammy acting the panache required for a royal performance.” </p> <p>David Cameron appeared as the White Horseman or false prophet due to his continued support of George Osborne’s ill fated austerity measures and belief in the coalition. “When it came to casting Tony as the Red Horseman representing war it was a no brainer” said Skinner. The Black Horseman of famine a role made for Gordon Brown traditionally involves increasing the price of grain while leaving the price of wine and oil unaffected. Timeout reviews were favourable “Brown uses his artistic licence to great affect here, a real feeling of recession struck Britain- not only are basic food stuffs out of reach for the common man but oil and wine as well- 5 stars”. John Major’s landslide defeat to Labour 1997 and the death of the Conservative Party in Scotland formed the back bone of his performance as the Pale Horseman. Audience members failed to be convinced however, although one commented “Death? Well, I suppose he was banging that Edwina Currie and a few folk died of that Salmonella back in the day”.</p> <p>Although it was all smiles and hand shakes as the curtain closed rehearsals hadn’t always run smoothly. Skinner adds “There were a few arguments, as a convert to Catholicism Tony wanted to be cast as The Lamb of God but Gordon worried that that would only over shadow his own performance.” Sadly due to increasing ill health Baroness Thatcher could not fulfil her role as The Anti-Christ. However, the Duke of Edinburgh stepped in to the role as a last minute cameo only adding to the Queen’s enjoyment of the event. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45212#post-129565 Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:35:37 +0000 harristhenerd 129565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The General Synod of the Church of England has today decided to delay the final vote on whether or not it is indecisive, so that a late amendment to the legislation could be further considered.</p> <p>The amendment in question states that, in the unlikely event that the Church were to make a decision, parishes that did not agree with it could request to be placed in the care of clergy who shared their views.</p> <p>One eminent member of the clergy, who could not decide whether or not he wanted to be named, said: “This amendment has been described as indecisive in itself, but I’m not sure about that.”</p> <p>The vote will now in all likelihood take place at a special session of the Synod in November, but this is not yet confirmed.</p> <p>“The fate of the amendment is uncertain,” said our spokesman. “But I think the Church showed great decisiveness today. The decision not to make a decision yet is very bold.<br /> “We need to be inclusive of all our members. To do this, we need to take into account as many different views as possible. If this means delaying a final decision and propagating the status quo for as long as is humanly possible, then I firmly believe that this is the best thing to do. I also pray that God will help us not to make the final decision for even longer than is humanly possible.”</p> <p>Critics, however, have said that the Church’s views on decisions are outdated and irrelevant to modern society. “The amendment only encourages indecision in the very legislation that is supposed to clear up the matter,” said one journalist. “Even if the Church does make a decision, this amendment means that members who don’t agree with it will not need to abide by it, rendering the whole decision pointless.</p> <p>“This is precisely what we have come to expect from the Church of England,” he continued. “I doubt they could even decide whether it would be morally right to organize a piss-up in a brewery. They haven’t even totally decided whether God exists yet.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40236#post-119653 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:45:25 +0000 Qoxiivi 119653@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've got a feeling the Salmon of Knowledge may have something to say about all this... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40236#post-119649 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:28:32 +0000 arthurminnit 119649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Muamba says recovery 'more than a miracle'<br /> Bolton midfielder believes 'God has protected him'.</blockquote></p> <p><strike>STOLEN</strike> TAKEN FROM THE BBC SPORT WEBSITE.</p> <p>he goes on to say that he just doesnt understand why god struck him down in the first place, unless he was the second coming of the messiah, but if so, why did it take more than three days to bring him back? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40236#post-114687 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 17:08:42 +0000 JustSomeBloke 114687@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With the match abandoned will there now be a re-pray? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40236#post-114674 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:01:42 +0000 simonjmr 114674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bolton fans accused of causing Muamba's illness by praying for a replay, both sets of fans therefore guilty as charged </p>