http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=qpr The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 13:49:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30213#post-84918 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:03:15 +0000 Golgo13 84918@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30213#post-84870 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:28:26 +0000 rebel not taken 84870@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>David Beckham is hoping to secure a switch from LA Galaxy to West London glamour club QPR:<br /> "I am fully focused on moving to QPR and helping them win the Olympics Games " said Beckham.</p> <p>The 36 year old footballer has been eyeing up a move to QPR for some time and still believes he can do the business at the highet level.</p> <p>But David Beckham is yet to persuade his wife Victoria to move from their luxury home on Venice Beach in Hollywood to up and coming Shepherd's Bush:<br /> "Victoria still thinks that QPR is a naff club owned by pikeys" said Beckham.</p> <p>But the proposed deal looks to be back on now that Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore have sold QPR to classy Team Lotus boss Tony Fernandez.</p> <p>Hello magazine have reported that Victoria is warming to the idea of David representing QPR at London 2012 after chatting to best friend Angelina Jolie:<br /> "Angelina and Brad are spending a year filming in East Acton and they are raving about QPR" said the Ex Spice Girl.</p> <p>The speculation intensified after Victoria and Angelina were papped in Shepherd's Bush Market buying plantains.</p> <p>And now it has been revealed that Angelina and Brad are next door neighbours of QPR manager Neil Warnock in leafy Richmond:<br /> "We had Angelina, Brad, David and Victoria around for a barbeque in the garden with other new recruits Joey Barton and Sean Wright-Phillips" wrote Neil Warnock in his column for The Independent.</p> <p>An insider at the club has told the Shepherd's Bush Gazette that once the David Beckham deal is tied up Brad Pitt will be the next marquee signing to be offered a contract at QPR:<br /> " Joining QPR is a no brainer and I have already passed my medical" claimed a breathless Brad Pitt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29923#post-83909 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 15:19:43 +0000 rebel not taken 83909@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Swindon Town manager Paolo Di Canio has launched a scathing political attack on centre forward Leon Clarke after their Carling Cup defeat by Southampton.</p> <p>The striker, who was recently 'released' by QPR for "lack of effort", had been heralded by Di Canio as "the best goal scorer since Benito Mussolini."</p> <p>But after spending most of the cup tie in reverse gear and not firing a shot, Leon Clarke has been called "politically naive" by Di Canio and blamed for the humiliating loss to The Saints:<br /> "That useless donkey has destroyed the hopes and ambitions of all Swindon people" claimed the ranting Robins' manager.</p> <p>An angry Di Canio told fans he had spent hours on the training ground with Leon Clarke perfecting the one armed Roman salute:<br /> "I thought Leon Clarke had the potential to be the future of Fascism in Swindon" said the disappointed Italian.</p> <p>Leon Clarke, who has now been shown the one fingered salute by Di Canio, has told reporters he was 'confused' by the Italian's plans for the club to colonise all the land in the Didcot Triangle and return it to it's rightful place in the Roman Empire:</p> <p>"The gaffer told me that after i helped him defeat Southampton we would invade Oxford and Reading and take control of the Didcot Axis" said Leon Clarke. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29798#post-83590 Sun, 28 Aug 2011 17:11:20 +0000 dvo4fun 83590@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* for the headline alone. Wouldn't have thought thaat a monkey would swing it though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29798#post-83588 Sun, 28 Aug 2011 17:07:02 +0000 rebel not taken 83588@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>QPR are haggling with Tottenham to pick up a bargain Peter Crouch.<br /> Local lad Peter Crouch was given the moniker 'Rodney' by Rangers fans when he first displayed his lanky frame down Shepherd's Bush:</p> <p>"Crouchie was a dead ringer for Rodney Trotter from Only Fools And Horses", explained entrepeneur Willy Scrote from East Acton.</p> <p>Now cockney wheeler dealer 'Arry Redknapp wants to earn a few quid by outing the beanpole footballer to Stoke.<br /> But Crouchie has got the hump with all the horse trading:<br /> "I'm sick of flogging crap down markets every day 'Arry, i want to better meself."</p> <p>'Arry is having none of it and has told Crouchie that his accountant Daniel Levy needs to balance the books:<br /> "Get yer head down son and this time next year we could both be millionaires."</p> <p>But Crouchie does not want to up sticks and has complained to 'Arry:<br /> "I've already got a big house in Weybridge and am shacked up with a fit Superbra model. Sod Stoke. I want to play for a glamour club like QPR."</p> <p>According to an insider who works for the BBC, 'Arry Redknapp has told QPR manager Neil Warnock:<br /> "You can have Crouchie if you pay his 70 grand a week wages and bung me a monkey in a brown envelope."</p> <p>But Warnock is no mug punter himself and does not want to get tucked up in a dodgy deal:<br /> "A monkey! you're having a giraffe" he told 'Arry Boy.</p> <p>But 'Arry Boy had the last word and has told Warnock:<br /> "Do me a favour! You will be the one having a giraffe if you sign Crouchie." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29702#post-83338 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 19:29:18 +0000 Mrblacker 83338@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Five starts for the headline alone </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29702#post-83336 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 18:57:45 +0000 bonjonelson 83336@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't know much about football, but I do appreciate stories about gits. Five stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29702#post-83335 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 18:52:58 +0000 rebel not taken 83335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>QPR have signed Newcastle git Joey Barton.<br /> "I have always admired Joey as a git" said manager Neil Warnock.</p> <p>Barton will now be the highest earning git at QPR and fans are hoping the arrival of Joey will attract other big gits to the club:<br /> "We are hoping to get 4 or 5 more gits in before the transfer window closes" said Warnock.</p> <p>QPR have been talking with several other gits, including injured git Jimmy Bullard, who has recently been sacked by Hull:<br /> "We liked Jimmy as a git but we didn't feel he was a Premier League git" admitted the manager.</p> <p>Fans have been demanding quality gits and the arrival of Joey Barton should relieve the pressure on childish git Adel Taarabt:<br /> "If we can surround Adel with even bigger gits he will not be the only git here" revealed the canny Warnock.</p> <p>But Barton may not be the only big name git to move to Shepherd's Bush.</p> <p>Talks are being held with tiny git Sean Wright-Phillips and there are even rumours about sheepshagging git Craig Bellamy joining the QPR git revolution. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29635#post-83208 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:58:49 +0000 rebel not taken 83208@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>QPR have been given permission by Newcastle to 'have a word' with Joey Barton.</p> <p>The deep thinking Barton has recently converted to Existentialism and his constant soul searching has given bewildered Geordies the needle:<br /> "Joey's head has been turned by George Orwell" complained plebian Newcastle manager Alan Pardew</p> <p>Tough talking Joey, who has battled for freedom of speech on Twitter, has been censored by Newcastle after deconstructing the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche to his 500,000 followers:<br /> "Barton is talking bollocks" said Toon legend Alan Shearer after he was called a "slaphead" by alienated truth seeker Joey.</p> <p>But the well read midfield enforcer has struggled in the intellectual wasteland of Newcastle and is keen to pursue his existence in a more literary enviroment:<br /> "God is Dead. I want to play for QPR" tweeted @Joey7Barton.</p> <p>Free agent Barton hopes to 'live the dream' after discovering that QPR are travelling to Wigan this saturday:<br /> "The Road To Wigan Pier is right up there with Animal Farm" tweeted George Orwell fan Joey to Rangers' centre half Danny Shittu.</p> <p>Canny QPR manager Neil Warnock has told Joey Barton that moving to Shepherd's Bush would be "a perfect example of Jungian Synchronicity."</p> <p>And if Warnock can persuade Joey Barton to drop his £65,000 a week wage demand, QPR should be able to release the troubled scouser from his bleak Orwellian nightmare. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29530#post-82920 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:57:36 +0000 rebel not taken 82920@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Everton fans were left fuming after the Toffees were turned over by a makeshift QPR side at Goodison Park on saturday.</p> <p>Charlie Scally, writing in the Scouse Echo, called QPR "a bag of shite" and claimed they were lucky to beat Everton.</p> <p>"QPR are a bunch of poncey cockney millionaires" said Scally in his match report.</p> <p>But the Shepherd's Bush boys had to go into battle with reinforcements after several of their stars contracted a debilitating virus from being on Twitter.</p> <p>New recruits DJ 'The real DJ' Campbell and Jay 'Jay' Bothroyd were unable to lead the attack after being laid low by a Twitter bug.</p> <p>"Me and DJ were on the toilet all night" tweeted Jaybothroyd9 to 41,753 followers on Twitter. </p> <p>Despite these setbacks, QPR manager Neil Warnock saw his team dish out true Tommy Spirit when Wing Commander Tommy 'Tommy' Smith scored the only goal of the game after a neat interchange on the edge of the Toffees box with Hungarian flying ace Akos 'Buz' Buzsaky.</p> <p>QPR then mounted a backs to the wall tactical retreat with Private Sean Derry marshalling the troops from his bunker in front of the last line of defence.</p> <p>"Derry was a free transfer from Dad's Army, he should be riding round on a mobility scooter" claimed the bitter Everton journalist.</p> <p>The mercurial Moroccan Adel Taarabt had to withstand a barrage of food related criticism from Everton fans after low life Liverpool career criminal Terry Snide bellowed "who eat all the pies" as the born again West Londoner repeatedly spit roasted the Everton defence.</p> <p>But the disciplined and battling Taarabt displayed courage beyond the line of duty after also being bent double by the Twitter bug.</p> <p>The brave Moroccan is in the middle of his annual Ramadhan fast so it is testament to his fitness levels that he didn't suffer the same rapid weight loss as the other Twitter virus victims.</p> <p>In fact Taarabt seems to have put on a stone, which could be down to his regular stints training with French Foreign Legion troops in the Sahara Desert Boot Camp.</p> <p>"I will show fans how really hungry i am" said Adel Taarabt in the press conference after QPR's emphatic 1-0 victory over Everton. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29431#post-82626 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 13:34:49 +0000 rebel not taken 82626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shepherd's Bush rag and bone men Bernie and Flavio Steptoe have flogged QPR to Indian millionaires. The scrap yard, along with fixtures and fittings, has changed hands for 60 million quid.</p> <p>It is believed Bernie Steptoe had to throw in Hercules the one eyed horse, his false teeth, a tin bath and a skeleton to clinch the deal.</p> <p>But Bernie Steptoe is holding on to his collection of pub optics and was last night seen loading the QPR gas meter into his Rolls Royce:</p> <p>"Now that i have stopped flogging that dead horse i can retire down the coast" said 103 year old Bernie.</p> <p>Playboy Flavio Steptoe is also looking forward to having it away from Shepherd's Bush:</p> <p>"I have had my leg over all the scrubbers in Oil Drum Lane, now i am going to ponce round in my cravat with decent crumpet on a yacht in the Riviera" said a suntanned Flavio Steptoe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82247 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:54:19 +0000 rebel not taken 82247@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny you should mention Steptoe Mr Ronseal.<br /> It was based on my grandad who was a totter in Shepherd's Bush.<br /> My dad was romany and was one of 18 and couldnt read or write.<br /> Which is why i love rude words and dodgy lingo.<br /> I did a story on Bernie Ecclestone being Albert Steptoe.<br /> Same height and grizzled charm.<br /> Will dig it up out of the junkyard and put it on the wall domani so you good people can varder it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82240 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 21:59:01 +0000 greg various 82240@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When Georgie 1 was given the British throne he complained that the English summer consisted of two fine days and a thunderstorm plus a few wankers on Newsbiscuit talking about the forthcoming soccer season. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82231 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:47:12 +0000 ronseal 82231@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Forgot to say. I like it.</p> <p>Keep going! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82230 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:46:33 +0000 ronseal 82230@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was going to say, most QPR fans look like Albert Steptoe</p> <p>Their grandads look even worse </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82228 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:45:23 +0000 ronseal 82228@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Harold Steptoe is the perennial QPR manager who wants to break away</p> <p>And Albert Steptoe is the fan, who tells him he'll never come to anything.</p> <p>Yewwwww, dairty auld fan! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82226 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:16:18 +0000 rebel not taken 82226@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Mr 13.<br /> Trouble is my QPR 'period' has been agging me for 53 years now and the pains are getting worse.<br /> Truth is i'm doing a book about the season, so am following the gossip and events as they unfold with obsessive detail. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82221 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:02:39 +0000 Golgo13 82221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm loving your QPR period. . Classy prose, slightly obsessed, but good stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82218 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 19:38:25 +0000 greg various 82218@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can quite honestly say I have not got any fucking idea what you're rabbiting on about. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29303#post-82217 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 18:51:22 +0000 rebel not taken 82217@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Word on the streets is that wantaway diamond geezer Jimmy Bullard is looking to trade in the wet fish of Hull for a diet of caviar with glamour club QPR.</p> <p>Jimmy Bullard was last seen casting his line in London after calling Hull "a minging dump."</p> <p>Cockney rascal Jimmy Bullard, who is trousering £45,000 a week at the Yorkshire club, has been told to 'sling his hook' by Hull bosses after other players called him "a big time Charlie" on a pre season tour of Slovenia.</p> <p>Loyal Hull supporter Eric Spratt has revealed to other fans on the East Riding Messageboard that troublemaker Jimmy Bullard "drinks like a fish" and has "reeled in shoals of slappers in his hotel room."</p> <p>But Bullard's agent Billy Pikey claims Jimmy is just a keen angler who has been "stitched up like a kipper" and has been given his P45 for rightly criticising the quality of Hull fish:<br /> "He caught a few things in Hull but none of them from the sea!" said Pikey.</p> <p>QPR manager Neil Warnock is scheming to get Jimmy off his Hull hook by offering a bait of 20,000 squid a week and has held talks with the midfield playmaker at the Koksifilis Fish Bar in the Goldhawk Road.</p> <p>Warnock has said "Jimmy is a smashing lad and not the little maggot that people make him out to be."</p> <p>It is well known that QPR fans have a soft spot for lovable rogues and havn't had a really naughty one since gambling, drinking and womanising legend 'Stan The Man' Bowles strutted his stuff.</p> <p>Long time Ranger's supporter Doris Snapper from White City, 88, has admitted: "I love having a bad boy playing in the Bush."</p> <p>But Hull fans will be glad to see the back of 'slippery' Jimmy Bullard:<br /> "If Bullard joins QPR they will get battered every week" said retired trawlerman Arthur Halibut. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29253#post-82116 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 06:46:22 +0000 Ostsee 82116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I have just remembered that there is actually one thing worse than F1. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29253#post-82076 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:42:51 +0000 rebel not taken 82076@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>QPR's strategic 4-0 home defeat to a poor Bolton team has left penny pinching QPR owner Bernie Ecclestone feeling hard done by.</p> <p>Billionaire Bernie's hopes of trousering 100million quid by flogging QPR to Lotus owning Tony Fernandes have been diminished after the West London side were outplayed by a bunch of hapless donkeys.</p> <p>"Those dirty northern bastards cost me 20 million quid" said Bernie to suntanned business partner Flavio Briatore.</p> <p>Prospective QPR buyer Tony Fernandes, who grew up above a fish and chip shop in the Uxbridge Road, famously became a multi millionaire after picking up no frills budget airline Air Asia for only £1.</p> <p>Shrewd punter Fernandes has been waiting in the wings at Loftus Road and watched the normally rock solid QPR score two 'own goals' and lose to obviously inferior opposition on saturday.</p> <p>But a tactically well worked defeat on the pitch could mean money in the bank for cash strapped QPR manager Neil Warnock, who had been given a war chest of only £1-25p by Bernie Ecclestone to spend on new players after being promoted to the Premier League.</p> <p>Ecclestone stated that the initial offer by Fernandes of £1 for all of his shares in QPR was "unacceptable" and that the club was "not for sale."<br /> But after saturday's debacle, rumours are circulating Shepherd's Bush that Bernie is now prepared to "let QPR go for a cut price 80 million quid."</p> <p>With the gap narrowing between Bernie's valuation of 100 million quid and Fernandes' 'final offer' of £1, long suffering QPR fans are hoping a 'done deal' is nailed on.</p> <p>Manager Neil Warnock, who has been promised a 10 million quid windfall by Fernandes if the bid is accepted, has hinted that he will stick to the same formation and make no changes for saturday's difficult away trip to Everton:<br /> "Another heavy defeat would not be the end of the world" said the canny Warnock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29219#post-82026 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 10:56:15 +0000 Oxbridge 82026@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'It's alright for Ecclestone,' said one disgruntled supporter. 'He can get in for free under the turnstile.'</p> <p>(c) Dennis Skinner, 1980s </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29219#post-82025 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 10:55:14 +0000 Oxbridge 82025@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With all this and their team's 0-4 defeat, fans were said to be completely pissed off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29219#post-81991 Sun, 14 Aug 2011 21:20:35 +0000 Golgo13 81991@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29219#post-81990 Sun, 14 Aug 2011 21:16:54 +0000 borednow 81990@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I suppose the away fans, rather like their team on the pitch get to piss on their opponents for free </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29219#post-81947 Sun, 14 Aug 2011 14:44:55 +0000 rebel not taken 81947@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Long suffering QPR fans are being charged 20p by their billionaire owners to spend a penny in the newly refurbished toilets.</p> <p>Supporters flooded into the ground ahead of the opening Premier League fixture against Bolton yesterday but were shocked to find coin operated turnstiles in the bogs:<br /> "Four bob to have a hit and miss, that's two bob" said an angry Bob Shilling from Shepherd's Bush.</p> <p>The 'pay as you go' urinals are manned by security guards and are activated by a 20p involuntary contribution, or by credit card with an administration fee of £3.50:<br /> "It cost me £3-70 to have a leak. That's taking the piss" said Fred Plebb, a relieved fan from Ruislip.</p> <p>QPR owner Bernie Ecclestone, 5ft 2", has been accused of cashing in on loyal supporters who get 'taken short':<br /> "It's 20p to have a jimmy riddle and a pony to have a tom tit. How can our owners justify charging us 25 quid to have a pony?" said angry fan Billy Pikey from the White City.</p> <p>Deluxe cubicles with a free match programme and sponsored toilet paper are also available to Superbra Models and millionaires for £1000 a game:<br /> "The private cubicles have blue and white padded seats and are ideal for corporate entertaining" said Director of Lavatories Flavio Briatore.</p> <p>But many fans are hopping mad at these new increased charges.</p> <p>Wally Nonce, a 'regular' of 60 years told how he was frisked as he entered the turnstiles at Loftus Road:<br /> "They confiscated my colostomy bag and told me it would cost me £50 to empty it" said 93 year old Mr Nonce from East Acton.</p> <p>But QPR Finance Director Gianni Paladini claims the charges are essential if the club are to survive in the Premier League:</p> <p>"15000 fans taking a leak will provide us with a revenue stream of £3000 for each home game and some of these profits will be released to the manager" said a delighted Paladini. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=335#post-983 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:10:14 +0000 TerribleTim 983@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It was his turn" say board. </p>