http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=protest The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 05:13:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48715#post-140445 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 18:15:46 +0000 BaronVonNoodle 140445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The anti-capitalist group Beg For Change have announced that they made an "error of judgement" last year when they took part in the Occupy London demonstrations. The group took past in the protests for a number of weeks, where they successfully managed to block a toilet.</p> <p>Since the demos, the group have made a small fortune selling anti-capitalist T-shirts bearing slogans such as "Capitalism is sucky" and "Capitalism smells of poo". Long-standing member Rich Richards said that there appeared to be a good market for the outspoken garments. He added, "Who would have thought it was possible to earn an honest living from anti-capitalism?"</p> <p>As main financial controller of the group-turned-business, Rich admits that he has come to appreciate the benefits of the capitalist system, and has recently been reading Adam Smith. "Before, I thought capitalism was just some annoying thing that wealthy people did, but now I realise how much it enriches all of society."</p> <p>He continued, "Thanks to the advantages of free-market competition, even the poorest in Britain can have a TV and a mobile phone. And a bunch of unemployed protesters like us can start their own successful business."</p> <p>He says that once the business took off, he also changed his lifestyle. He shaved off his beard and his dreadlocks, and had a bath for the first time in years - an experience he describes as "indescribable".</p> <p>The company recently attempted to introduce a line of pro-capitalist T-shirts, but they have not sold a single one. CEO Penny Spender says, "It appears that anti-capitalist produce simply sells better, perhaps because it is perceived as cooler. In any case, it's more profitable to sell to the 99% than to complain about the 1%." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21841#post-130937 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 21:47:58 +0000 FlashArry 130937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>... a small tinker and it's right up to date : love the way it reads anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21841#post-130770 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 11:19:10 +0000 beau-jolly 130770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah Wrtinbsl, I was going to say rabbits...oops. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21841#post-130768 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 11:16:22 +0000 writinginbsl 130768@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>rabbit</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33600#post-95393 Thu, 10 Nov 2011 10:49:13 +0000 ndbrown123 95393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scotland Yard has released a statement this morning stating their huge disappointment over the student protests. Over 4000 police officers were present yesterday with authority to deploy 'baton rounds' if necessary. However, the forces were distinctely underwhelmed on the day and have been accused of trying to provoke the protesters. </p> <p>One police officer was seen leaving a banana skin clearly in the path of protest, whilst some went undercover to spread rumours of 'student fees being used as bonuses for bankers and Tory ministers'. </p> <p>Many spectators on the day claim the protesters lost steam when they were lured away by various bars displaying 'Happy Hour Prices' signs and offers of a 'Free shot with every drink'. One protester commented "honestly, I'm so skint right now, so when you see prices like that you just have to go for it. We ended up having such a laugh."</p> <p>Chief of Scotland Yard, Bernard Hogan-Howe, said earlier "I think it's a little unfair of the protesters to promise so much fight and let us down on the day. We put a lot of thought into the day and now have a battery of rubber bullets we'll need to store somewhere".</p> <p>It is not yet confirmed what happened to the surplus horses required for the operation, but it is likely they have all been brutally put down.</p> <p>The lack of excitement has also led to the cancellation of the long anticipated "Protests 2011" DVD, which, drawing on 'hilarious' footage from Dale Farm and other such action, was hotly billed as the must-have Christmas gift for friends who you don't know to well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32295#post-91741 Thu, 20 Oct 2011 12:17:47 +0000 Juggernaut 91741@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>UK Protestors involved in the London version of the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement were today in disarray upon being confronted by a member of the public who claims to have a C in GCSE History.</p> <p>The history buff in question is alleged to have pointed out to protestors, many of whom were wearing a mask based on a film of a comic book which sort of features a stylised version of the Guy Fawkes story, that Guy Fawkes was ultimately caught, tortured and executed after completely failing to achieve his goal.</p> <p>Murmurs of discontent rippled through the assembled crowd, with some protestors expressing sentiments such as "That isn't what I signed up for", "I only bought it because I enjoyed the film", "Who's Guy Fawkes?" and "Does anyone know the way to Comic Con?"</p> <p>Many members of the crowd appeared confused when it was explained to them that by purchasing their masks, they were inadvertently supporting the very capitalist system they were protesting against. Further confusion was caused by a second passer by, who shouted that the masks were made of plastic derived from the ‘evil petrochemical industry and their proxy wars across the globe’.</p> <p>As silence descended, a solitary whoop from one smartly attired bank employee broke into a roar of laughter emanating from the surrounding glass and steel buildings, as the financial services sector collectively pointed and laughed at the poorly educated, unwashed underclass’s poor grasp of history. Some executives were seen to briefly ‘high five’ one another in a display of Oxbridge educated, testosterone laden jubilation at another victory over the little guy, before settling back to buying and selling things that don't actually exist. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28484#post-79590 Thu, 28 Jul 2011 12:36:18 +0000 snorkyadams 79590@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Washington DC: Supporters of alternative energy lobby group Americans For Long Term Renewable Energy have flocked to the nation’s capital this week, calling on congress to introduce legislation limiting America’s reliance on the sun.</p> <p>The group’s spokesperson Tania Hawker, called congress short sighted, and claimed that America’s over-reliance on finite resources would leave a crippling legacy once the sun implodes.</p> <p>“The point at which the sun reaches its peak hydrogen consumption is impending and it is essential that we as a nation are prepared for that day”</p> <p>And it seems that the group has the support of the scientific community. Earlier this week professor Michael Roberts, head of astrophysics at MIT spoke out in support of the group.</p> <p>"Yeah, well I guess nothing is eternal, the sun has been around for about 4.7 billion years, that is about half of its 10 billion year lifecycle." </p> <p>It’s widely believed that when the sun exhausts the hydrogen at its inner core it will expand outwards consuming close orbiting planets such as Mercury.</p> <p>Professor Roberts predicts that it will be at this stage that the sun will descend towards a state known as a Planetary Nebula, at which point it will implode.</p> <p>It is at this point critics of the solar energy industry believe that the sun will no longer be a viable source of safe renewable energy.</p> <p>"Once the sun has expended its fuel load, all of our investment in solar power become useless," said Ms Hawker</p> <p>“The time for action is now, today I call on the American people to stand up and demand change.”</p> <p>“By 2015 the solar energy industry will power almost half a million American homes, it’s madness"</p> <p>The sudden influx of members of Americans For Long Term Renewable Energy into Washington has raised a few eyebrows among locals.</p> <p>Tom Harlow, owner of a local electronics store encountered a group of long term renewable energy advocates earlier this week.</p> <p>"This guy came into the shop looking to buy a video camera and he asked whether the lifetime warranty would cover the cameras descent into entropy."</p> <p>"He just kept rambling on a about molecules not being infinitely binding"</p> <p>"I mean, how can I be held responsible for the second law of thermodynamics?" he said</p> <p>Protesters were last seen converging on congress with placards sporting the numbers 1.83 x 10 (12) The number of days until the sun begins its transformation into a red giant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59247 Tue, 01 Mar 2011 13:06:50 +0000 Skylarking 59247@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd say Covent Garden myself and reference to a few mimes... Nice original idea </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59216 Tue, 01 Mar 2011 11:15:11 +0000 SingingHinny 59216@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers oxbridge, I admit am rather poor at editing. I don't judge you for liking Cindi, but must you play it so loud? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59210 Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:49:11 +0000 Oxbridge 59210@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Edited version for your consideration. Cheques to the usual address:</p> <p>A violent revolution in London was narrowly averted by street performers in Piccadilly Circus at the weekend. The unrest began when students who had been asked to turn their iPods down began chanting against the despotic rule of Prime Minister David Cameron. </p> <p>This reportedly led to aggressive tutting from pro-Cameron supporters, which Community Support Officers and a Rapid Response bicycle unit managed to funnel into side streets. However, trouble soon flared again when other anti-Cameron forces let their tyres down.</p> <p>‘At first it was just a handful,' said one eye-witness, who barely excaped with her shopping, 'but before you knew it they were piling out or Marks and Spencers and hurling melt-in-the-middle chocolate puddings and Oakham chickens about. People were diving into the nearest Starbucks just to hide.’</p> <p>Mobile phones at the scene captured images of protesters looking menacingly jovial. One man, reportedly still at large, was seen gesticulating at a traffic warden before savagely unbuttoning his Ralph Lauren cardigan and wrapping it wildly around his shoulders with a loose yet stylish knot.</p> <p>Government threats to cancel Christmas if this continued had no effect, but the revolution fizzled out quite suddenly when a flash mob performance of ’True Colours’ erupted on its fringes. Convinced they had been infiltrated by a dance troupe, rioters panicked and either fled from the onslaught of positivity or spontaneously began singing along.</p> <p>‘After they stopped singing, there was such an atmosphere of social awkwardness that I could barely watch,' said an eye-witness. 'People started to move away from one another mumbling half-hearted offers of telephone numbers and saying “I’m sure I’ll see you at the next one”. Before you knew, it everyone had disappeared into shops.'</p> <p>The police confirmed that it had arrested several rioters, including one who narrowly missed them with a large tub of lobster bisque. However, similar outbreaks have been reported in Scotland and Wales and the international community has condemned the Cameron regime for its arbitrary use of Cyndi Lauper.</p> <p>[Actually She's So Unusual is a very good album. There I said it. And I'm straight too.] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59199 Tue, 01 Mar 2011 09:32:59 +0000 Doylem 59199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Makes a change from all the willy-waving round here... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59197 Tue, 01 Mar 2011 09:31:48 +0000 SingingHinny 59197@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm only here once in a while, so forgive me if I flash my knickers again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59081 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 13:53:54 +0000 SingingHinny 59081@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With a string of unsuccessful pieces filled with knob jokes behind me, I tried very hard to turn over a new leaf with this one. Somehow it always comes back to cock! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59049 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:54:23 +0000 rikkor 59049@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>PHWOAR! I've seen longer pieces before myself. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59048 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:54:00 +0000 Doylem 59048@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>however, can there ever be NECESSARY use of cindi lauper? </blockquote></p> <p>Now you're showing your True Colours, I'm afraid... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59046 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:52:13 +0000 arthurminnit 59046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>length is ok, apparently girth is what matters, according to mrs minnit anyway.<br /> all you need now is for rikkor to say its not funny and you have a guaranteed winner!</p> <p>however, can there ever be NECESSARY use of cindi lauper? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59043 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:38:31 +0000 SingingHinny 59043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree the length is excessive, but I can't think what I'd cut out and I've seen longer peices make the front page before. Any suggestions are welcome though! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59042 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:22:47 +0000 Doylem 59042@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some nice touches - "menacingly jovial", "state TV", "cancel Christmas", etc - but does it need editing down to something closer to half the length?? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21891#post-59040 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:05:04 +0000 SingingHinny 59040@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A burgeoning revolution which threatened to shake London to its core was narrowly averted yesterday when violent anti-government forces were quelled by a street performers in Piccadilly Circus. The movement began early on Saturday afternoon in Regents Park when a small group of students began protesting against being told to turn their music down and also against ‘the inhumane and despotic rule of David Cameron’. Opposition from pro-Cameron supporters saw violence break out in the streets with several reports of riotous littering and really aggressive finger pointing. </p> <p>The warring factions were separated and funnelled into a side street following the swift arrival of Community Support Officers and a Rapid Response bicycle unit. However, a brief and tense stand-off was broken when anti-Cameron forces pushed through the police by stealing their cycle helmets and by letting their tyres down.</p> <p>One eye witness, who barely escaped with his shopping described the horrific scenes:</p> <p>‘At first it was just a handful but before you knew it they were piling out or Marks and Spencers and were attacking the police and government supporters with melt-in-the-middle chocolate puddings and Oakham chickens. People were diving into the nearest Starbucks just to hide from the violence.’</p> <p>The press association was flooded with footage taken on mobile phones by those caught up in the carnage, including terrifying scenes of hysterical protesters recording each other on their iphones and looking menacingly jovial, whilst one man could be seen making a ‘wanker’ sign to a traffic warden before savagely unbuttoning his Ralph Lauren cardigan and wrapping it wildly around his shoulders with a loose yet stylish knot.</p> <p>As the news broke, Home Secretary Teresa May appeared on state television appealing for calm and threatening to ‘cancel Christmas’ if the protests continued. However as the number of protesters swelled to well over a thousand the government was on the verge of declaring a state of emergency. </p> <p>Yet in a startling turn of events, the revolution appeared to fizzle out naturally. As the procession entered into Piccadilly circus, a flash performance of ’True Colours’ erupted on the fringes as it appeared the rebellion had been infiltrated by a dance troop. Panic and confusion broke out within the mass as protesters fled from the onslaught of positivity before one-by-one falling in line and began singing.</p> <p>One bystander reported that ‘It was quite a charming street performance, but after they stopped singing everyone stood still and there was such an atmosphere of social awkwardness that I could barely watch. People started to move away from one another mumbling half-hearted offers of telephone numbers and saying, “I’m sure I’ll see you at the next one”. Before you knew it everyone had disappeared into shops; it was as if nothing had happened.</p> <p>A police spokesperson stated that a large number of arrests had been made, including one man who may face jail after he narrowly missed a police officer with large tub of lobster bisque. The police also denied that the street performers were a specialised anti-terrorism unit, but warned that it would consider using similar measures if there were any further uprisings.</p> <p>However, support for the protest movement is growing with similar outbreaks reported in Scotland and Wales and offers of international support have flooded in after the British government was condemned by the UN for ‘unnecessary use of Cindi Lauper.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21841#post-58962 Sat, 26 Feb 2011 19:18:56 +0000 Peter749400 58962@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40017000/jpg/_40017885_deck203.jpg"></p> <p>The Isle of Portland has become the latest victim of the growing instability in the middle east. </p> <p>Spurred on by recent events in Egypt and Libya, protesters on the tiny island are said to have occupied the main square - a car-park behind the village hall - in their severals. </p> <p>Reports are also coming in of panic buying at the Island's only shop, leading to Vera the manager having to put out both of the store-room's remaining loaves of bread a day earlier than normal. "I never seen the like of it" she said; "We had two customers in this morning and another three after lunch". </p> <p>One of the protesters, raising his voice above the sound of a dog barking in the distance, said "Portland will not let the spirit of revolution pass us by - we will oust our corrupt rulers just as Mubarak and Gaddafi are being ousted by our brothers and sisters in the middle east". </p> <p>The protester said that it was only a matter of time before the tyranny of the regime - typified by the introduction of car parking charges outside the post-office - met its match in the iron will of the people.</p> <p>A spokesman for the local council said that they might make limited concessions in response to the protesters' demands, which are thought to include the possible re-introduction of a weekly bus service and a pledge to "do something about the dog mess outside the shops". </p> <p>Amid a tense stand-off lasting well into the afternoon, it was unclear whether these measures would prove sufficient to appease the revolutionaries. "The people's appetite for reform remains insatiable" said a second protester, using his home-made placard to shelter from the cold February drizzle. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49212 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 20:16:44 +0000 deskpilot3 49212@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, we're both prankers, say Cameron and Clegg... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49187 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:56:19 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 49187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"University Fees rise a "student prank" admit Cameron and Clegg." might make a better headline. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49171 Sun, 12 Dec 2010 14:28:54 +0000 deskpilot3 49171@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>if only.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49131 Sat, 11 Dec 2010 21:50:59 +0000 Malcum eggs 49131@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brill 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18243#post-49103 Sat, 11 Dec 2010 17:44:49 +0000 Nick Wright 49103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'We were only joking,' claimed Cameron and Clegg in an extraordinary turn of events earlier today. 'We were surprised the student fees hoax was taken so seriously. It was only intended as a bit of festive fun. We thought students liked that sort of thing.' </p> <p>This latest twist in the university funding fiasco has left student leaders feeling embarrassed. 'On reflection, we should have realised no government could ever have tabled such ludicrous proposals as serious education funding policy. The penny should have dropped when they kept referring to the proposals as 'progressive'.'</p> <p>Cameron and Clegg appeared smiling together on the steps of 10 Downing Street. 'We thought the proposals would get people out on the streets in the fresh air to have a bit of fun, exercising and keeping fit together. You would have to agree that, in this respect, the spoof proved an enormous success.'</p> <p>The police and London authorities were less than amused. Clearing away the debris from the week’s protest marches and faced with mounting bills for an exclusive royal car re-spray, they declined to comment. Charles and Camilla are reported to be recovering well from arriving late at theatre. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15511#post-42335 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 11:22:18 +0000 arrghgarry 42335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes ,I do its the best set out of the online newspapers ,also the Independent and a little bit of the sun and foreign newspapers.Plus I love Hitler . </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15511#post-42311 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 09:53:41 +0000 IABP 42311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The police appeared to make no attempt to arrest the dildos doing the damage.<br /> On the plus side, they collared a lot of people going 0.01 mph over the speed limit on the same day. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15511#post-42309 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 09:49:01 +0000 Sinnick 42309@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stars. You should write more often !</p> <p>@arrghgarry: you read the Mail ?? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15511#post-42283 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 07:44:06 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 42283@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15511#post-42266 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 00:49:11 +0000 arrghgarry 42266@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I see they got 4 of the hardened ring leaders<br /> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1328586/STUDENT-TUITION-FEES-PROTEST-Just-225-police-hold-50-000-rioters.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1328586/STUDENT-TUITION-FEES-PROTEST-Just-225-police-hold-50-000-rioters.html</a> </p>