http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=prince-william The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 11:48:16 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58192#post-168744 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 00:32:26 +0000 Seanj87 168744@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Kate Middleton's baby will have various superhuman abilities, it was today announced by her team of doctors.</p> <p>The news came as a shock to Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge, when they were told that their child would 'be better' than other humans. Doctors have run various tests and have confirmed that the baby will be able to levitate off the ground, and shoot laser beams from its eyes, similar to the character of 'Cyclops' in the comic book 'X-Men'. </p> <p>The royal couple issued a statement saying they 'are just glad their baby is healthy'but joked that they may have to move the expensive furniture out of the house after it is born. Kate went on to say that she would have preferred their firstborn to have the power to control the weather; 'wouldn't that be amazing? But the ability to shoot laser beams from its eyes is still great, and the flying thing, William and I are very excited by that'. After the announcement Prince William tweeted 'just found out baby has superpowers, could take over the world? No only joking, or am I?'</p> <p>The superhuman gene is thought to have been passed down from William's grandmother, the Queen. Queen Elizabeth recently revealed that she has the ability to shape shift into a corgi. She said that she enjoys morphing into a dog and going for a walk around London, 'whenever one feels like getting away from everyone, and out of the limelight.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-156299 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:34:46 +0000 Midfield Diamond 156299@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Had a bash at a sub, based on beau-jolly's (and others') comments, <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139</a></p> <p>Seems like a good excuse to bump this one too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-156003 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 20:17:47 +0000 waylandsmithy 156003@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After I saw <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0GyRz_lOQA">Apaches</a> at school at the age of 6, I decided I would no longer go for swims in slurry.</p> <p>I think this film was reserved for rural communities. The authorities obviously decided it was important to scare the living shit out of us bumpkins. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155999 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 19:45:26 +0000 dvo4fun 155999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was traumatised into closing fire doors rather than wedge them open after seeing a H&amp;S snuff movie called (imaginatively] 'Fire' - I wonder if that was the same one as b-j saw. Nice camera panning following people who jumped from 15th floor of a blazing tower block. Happy days ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155995 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 18:32:37 +0000 beau-jolly 155995@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>MD: Fill yer boots matey. There was a famous H&amp;S horror film in the 70s where a bloke, distracted by a mini-skirted dolly bird, walks into the raised forks of a fork lift truck. I've seen hardened foundry workers shit themselves over that one. I wouldn't have been surpised if Hitchcock was on the credits. <a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_17556_the-5-most-unintentionally-hilarious-work-safety-videos.html">This may help</a></p> <p>DE: I looked. It's safe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155992 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 18:16:38 +0000 Midfield Diamond 155992@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>When I worked for the Co op we had a health and safety film about fire. It included a graphic scene of someone jumping from a window and hitting the ground head first. Imagine a melon cracking open. It was shocking, sickening and I can still see it 20 years later. There should have been a health and safety warning...oh hang on.</blockquote></p> <p>There must be a sub in that b-j ... I might have a crack at it later if there are no objections.</p> <p>Good sub VCG by the way. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155975 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 17:02:16 +0000 Dick Everyman 155975@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great sub VCG, too scared to click on bonjo's link though after beau-jo's traumatisation... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155968 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 16:36:32 +0000 bonjonelson 155968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.bash.org/?488793" rel="nofollow">http://www.bash.org/?488793</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155964 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 16:28:17 +0000 beau-jolly 155964@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When I worked for the Co op we had a health and safety film about fire. It included a graphic scene of someone jumping from a window and hitting the ground head first. Imagine a melon cracking open. It was shocking, sickening and I can still see it 20 years later. There should have been a health and safety warning...oh hang on.</p> <p>Nice sub though </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155956 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 15:09:29 +0000 dvo4fun 155956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"The resulting footage of the girl plummeting seven stories to her death has left the man’s grandchildren severely traumatised, " excellent.</p> <p>I did know a chap who did the full Tom Daley from the top of a muti-storey but it wasn't clear if it was deliberate or if he was just dancing round on the parapet edge for fun, like Gollum. </p> <p>He was unavailable for comment of course but left a shedload of paperwork and 'I'm-not-to-blame' meetings. Selfish sod </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155953 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:52:26 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 155953@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With a laugh like that you could be a super-villain Oxy. You want to be careful or Paul will fail to come and foil your dastardly plans. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155952 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:49:34 +0000 Oxbridge 155952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bwahahahahahaha. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54052#post-155951 Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:47:25 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 155951@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A local reporter from the Sheffield Telegraph is being blamed for the death of a 23-year-old woman after his lack of superpowers saw him fail to perform an heroic rescue. Paul Jenkins, a rookie reporter in his first job in the industry, was on the scene shortly before the woman jumped to her death, but appears to lack any amazing powers despite being mild-mannered and looking a bit geeky.</p> <p>‘There was this girl stood on top of a multi-storey car park saying she was going to jump. The police were trying to talk her down and a crowd had gathered to watch.’ said one disappointed eyewitness, ‘I’d noticed this bloke who seemed to be a reporter but he wasn’t as brash and pushy as a lot of them, and he was wearing glasses, which seemed odd.’</p> <p>‘The next time I turned around there was no sign of him. I immediately thought “here we go, about to see an heroic rescue, this’ll be something to tell the grandkids”, so I got out my phone and started filming.’</p> <p>The resulting footage of the girl plummeting seven stories to her death has left the man’s grandchildren severely traumatised, and he claims the reporter’s lack of superpowers is squarely to blame. ‘If that bloke had re-appeared at the last minute and flown past wearing a cape, catching her just before she hit the ground head-first and giving her a reason to live, then Charlie and Jo would never have had to watch the footage on a 50 inch widescreen TV. In super slow motion. He ought to be locked up.’</p> <p>Other witnesses have also expressed their disgust at Paul’s failure to perform a last-second intervention, especially as some of them had seen him head into a phone box and then reappear without his glasses on. But he insists he is not to blame.</p> <p>‘I really don’t see how this is my fault. Yes, I took my glasses off and changed into contact lenses, because I fancied the reporter from the local news who was there and my glasses make me look like a nerd.’ complained Mr Jenkins, ‘And I did go into a phone box just before she jumped, but only to try and hack into her voicemail.’</p> <p><em>With a little help from button and waylandsmithy, neither of who have superpowers</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53061#post-152808 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 22:06:31 +0000 Alfred Noakes 152808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>While thousands of well wishers have sent cards and greetings to the Duchess of Cambridge, for the coming birth of her baby, an interesting insight into the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s daily lives was given today. </p> <p>Prince William, believed to be the father of Kate’s future child, granted an interview, disclosing details about the domestic life of the royal parents-to-be. </p> <p>He said that originally, the couple were going to wait a little longer, in order to save a bit of money up, before starting a family, but ‘Kate said, ‘Fuck it, your grandmother’s one of the richest women in the world, we’ll be all right’. </p> <p>Prince Charles and Camilla have offered to babysit for William and Kate, and, in order that they can go out and get absolutely shit-faced drunk, once in a while, will look after the little mite the next morning as well. </p> <p>Prince Harry has offered to buy a new pram, with all the attachments and things, ‘cos they can easily cost over £500’. The Prince is banned from going to Vegas now, so has nothing else to spend his cash on. </p> <p>The Duke of Cambridge has been excitedly choosing décor and furnishings for the nursery and was going to get his overalls out and do it up this coming weekend. However, ‘Kate said ‘Fuck it. Why don’t you get the sodding servants to get their hands dirty instead and we can go Christmas shopping instead’. </p> <p>Kate, who has been in hospital, suffering from morning sickness, a condition which 95% of pregnant women experience, will take a break from her arduous work schedule of being driven around the country, waving to people. </p> <p>Rumours that Prince Harry fathered three children while on holiday in Las Vegas cannot be confirmed at this stage. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27799#post-76727 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:41:00 +0000 victimms 76727@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As part of their tour of Canada and Hollywood the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge made an impromptu guest appearance at a gig held by rock band Skid Row.</p> <p>For the first time in his life and unlike his Grand-Mother, William had no need to ask ‘And what do you do’. He knew all too well ‘what they do’. </p> <p>Picking up a guitar and throwing the strap over his shoulder, William instantly remembered the chords of ‘Youth Gone Wild’, the Row’s biggest hit.</p> <p>Being a fan of the band since early childhood, and having attended several of their concerts Kate couldn’t recall seeing William in the group. That, however, was probably due to the fact that, firstly, he was introduced as Wills.I.Am.Not, and secondly he was dressed in a long dark wig, leather trousers and check shirt. With the addition of dark glasses once owned by Ozzy Osbourne it’s not surprising she failed to recognise him. </p> <p>Kate could not believe her luck that, not only has she bagged herself a Prince, but a Prince of Rock. These were moments she would treasure for the rest of her life. The wedding may have been a fairy tale, but this really was a dream come true.</p> <p>It wasn’t until the Prince (of rock) came off stage that he was informed by one of his aides that they’d ended up at the wrong venue.</p> <p>He took it all in good faith and even managed a dig at his brother. He said “maybe one day my brother Harry will reach the heights of Skid Row”. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71133 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:22:05 +0000 rikkor 71133@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Orangeries are so, so Ancien Regime... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71130 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:19:16 +0000 waylandsmithy 71130@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Orangeries are the new conservatories... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71128 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:15:48 +0000 rikkor 71128@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny. Was just reminded in my weekend reading that the D. of E. is worshiped as a god by some benighted cargo cult in Vanuatu. Look it up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71120 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 22:05:03 +0000 Qoxiivi 71120@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you my good man. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71116 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 21:43:38 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 71116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like this, especially the 'token objectionable work-shy racist' line </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71065 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 13:52:44 +0000 Qoxiivi 71065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are to follow in the footsteps of other contemporary first-time homeowners by ‘doing up’ Kensington Palace and then selling it on.</p> <p>“Apparently the last person to live in this gaff was some single mother from Norfolk, so it needs quite a bit of work doing.” said a Kate, scratching her arse whilst brandishing a paint roller “The whole fit is just so 1690.”</p> <p>In order to keep costs down, Prince William has said that it’ll be very much a family job, with he, Kate and other royals all pitching to complete the project.</p> <p>“You wouldn’t think it to look at her, but old Liz is a dab hand with a gauging trowel, plus dad knows a few blokes who can grout and apparently uncle Ed can sort me out a bit of knock-off plywood.” said the Duke, before adding “Plus, they’re all unemployed so it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do.”</p> <p>He continued, “Obviously, we’re thinking primarily of resale value so we’re going for laminate flooring and magnolia throughout. And we’re especially looking forward to seeing what Prince ‘Handy’ Andrew makes of that fusty old William Kent-designed Cupola room.”</p> <p>While most critics have labelled the royal couple’s plans as a monstrous, Kevin McCloud has already hailed the as-yet-unfinished build as an inevitable ‘triumph’. There is, however, general consensus on all sides that the newlyweds should at least give Prince Philip something to do, as the BBC’s royal correspondent, Peter Hunt, notes.</p> <p>“Everyone knows he’s the most useless of the lot so I have a feeling they’ll come under pressure from the taxpayer to get a bit of useful work out of him at last. And besides, every building site needs its token objectionable work-shy racist milling about on some scaffolding.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52888 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 20:27:42 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 52888@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well Phillip will be there, so they have an Animated Git. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52880 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 19:00:42 +0000 malgor 52880@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. But expensive. They should make do with an animated gif. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52874 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 18:24:14 +0000 Ludicity 52874@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks lovelies, I'm sure it's what she would have wanted. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52870 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 17:36:32 +0000 allmyownstunts 52870@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yay, something funny - well done Mr City</p> <p>***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52868 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 17:23:50 +0000 DiY 52868@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>.......wonders if she will appearing out of a mashed up Merc? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52859 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:44:31 +0000 rikkor 52859@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cing. Original. Hope they develop the hologram from a pre-Pont d'Alma image. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52843 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 14:02:40 +0000 Sinnick 52843@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"hired out to foreign dignitaries and playboy businessmen" - no change there, then. Stars.</p> <p>I wonder if Al-Fayed will be invited ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52835 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 12:57:41 +0000 Chip Paper 52835@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"a number of aerial manoeuvres" hehehehe </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19609#post-52819 Thu, 06 Jan 2011 12:13:55 +0000 DiY 52819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*grins*<br /> 5 *'s </p>