Forum » Tag: Prince Phillip

Forum » Tag: Prince Phillip - Recent Posts http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=prince-phillip The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 20:09:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php Anonymous on "Prince Philip Doesn't Die Peacefully In His Sleep" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49098#post-141861 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 16:33:41 +0000 Anonymous 141861@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Clever button on "Prince Philip Doesn't Die Peacefully In His Sleep" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49098#post-141707 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 20:31:28 +0000 button 141707@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Like it Yikes on "Prince Philip Doesn't Die Peacefully In His Sleep" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49098#post-141698 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:38:57 +0000 Yikes 141698@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Some funny lines there! WendysBigRegret on "JUBILEE PARTY PLAN GONE BANANAS" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42722#post-122121 Thu, 10 May 2012 12:45:40 +0000 WendysBigRegret 122121@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <img src="http://payload53.cargocollective.com/1/5/185047/3378961/news2_1_1000.jpg"> With only a month to go until the Jubilee celebrations, Buckingham Palace yesterday revealed that the plan for a 1000-strong flotilla on the Thames has been axed. Following the surprise announcement, a Palace spokesman commented: “Now that we are entering a double-dip recession it seemed only right that the Jubilee celebrations should be scaled back. The Queen is very much of the opinion that as we’re all in it together the Royal Family should be seen to acknowledge the harsh economic climate in which this party will take place.” However, the artist’s impression that has been released is dividing opinion, with the most vociferous criticism coming from The Society for Flag Waving Patriots. Chairman Jonathan Brittan said: “We’ve been looking forward to this Jubilee since the last one, and our members can’t believe that we’ll have to stand by the Thames cheering a banana boat instead of an elegant flotilla. All that taxpayers' money is being spent on the Olympics, but we should be spending it on the Queen. It’s a disgrace.” Banana boat manufacturers have reacted positively and the industry expects sales to soar, with insiders already expressing concerns about shortages. Newquay businessman Roger Bellows, who runs a seafront shop said: “Small inflatables like rubber rings, lilos and armbands for kids always sell well in the summer season, but banana boats are more niche. The beauty of the banana boat is that it’s impossible not to have fun on one, so once the whole country has seen the Royals on theirs people will be rushing out to buy one of their own.” In response to the suggestion that the new proposal looks ‘cheap’, a senior Palace press officer claimed that “it actually represents the bargain hunting mentality we should all be adopting, and will showcase to the world that the British monarchy is up for a laugh in these gloomy times.” riesler on "Queen Scrooge Stuffs Staff & Family Christmas" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38190 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 13:12:58 +0000 riesler 38190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ "walks the Corgi's" what? ramblesnake on "Queen Scrooge Stuffs Staff & Family Christmas" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38151 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 08:25:40 +0000 ramblesnake 38151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Philip has only one l. Stick as many as you like in Camilla. Kazytc on "Queen Scrooge Stuffs Staff & Family Christmas" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38125 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 00:32:01 +0000 Kazytc 38125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Queen Elizabeth, that is...... UK Queen Elizabeth, has adopted a new, Christmas role play, she is now taking on the role as Scrooge, and has been dubbed, Queen Scrooge as a result. Claiming that there is a need to cancel her annual staff Christmas party, in line with 'difficult circumstances facing the country' (quote), the Queen has prompted the question of "is one a Scrooge"? Normally, the lavish annual Christmas party, paid for by Queen Scrooge, and costing some £50,000, is laid on to show her staff, some appreciation for their services, but this year Queen Scrooge, has canceled the bash, and insists that every member of staff, shall be dished up a bowl of gruel instead, and a mug of tap water, decanted directly from the palace kitchen taps. There will be no presents, even for Tiny Tim Lawrence, Queen Scrooge's son-in-law, despite protests from Princess Anne, who is married to Tiny Tim Lawrence. He like Princess Anne herself, will have to make do, with some free horse manure, served up in the stables at the palace, for the somewhat equestrian couple. Prince Charles, will not get a new pair of joke shop ears, this year, unlike in previous years, where Queen Scrooge has been known to make a special pilgrimage, to Blackpool, in Lancashire, in order to buy some for him, on Blackpool promenade. Queen Scrooge has announced that the Duchess of Cornwall will get no Cornish Pasties, this year, but she is thought to be somewhat surprised by this announcement, since she is not given anything, anyway, it is a known fact, that Queen Scrooge dislikes her, and it shows. Prince Andrew and his family will get no Weight Watchers TV dinners, this year, despite their being regarded by Queen Scrooge, as cheap, like his former wife Sarah Fergusson, but money is of course tight, in the Royal Household this year. Prince Edward, wife Sophie Wessex and their children be given no more pink ballet shoes and leotards, as in previous years, despite the fact that they like to enjoy a more gay and flamboyant, Christmas, to include cross dressing, and performing drag queen acts at local theatres. Edward likes to dress up in Sophie's clothes, and is rumoured to be Gay, whilst Sophie is believed to be a man in drag and apparently enjoys dressing up in Edwards clothing. Prince William will get a new toy helicopter to play with this year, given that he is Queen Scrooge's favourite grandson, but Queen Scrooge, is unable to buy him another real one this year, so he will have to be grateful, for the toy one instead. Prince Harry, will not be getting a packet of cigarettes or a pint of beer in his favourite local "The Jet Set Yob", so he will not be able to drown any of his sorrows this Christmas, as he normally does. Prince Phillip will not be getting Tartan boxer shorts this year, but he will be getting a volume of his favourite book: "How to make another verbal blunder in one easy lesson" the book has a nice Tartan Cover, and bears a photo of Prince Phillip on the front. Queen Scrooge denies favouritism, despite accusations to the contrary. However, Queen Scrooge, is treating herself to a new frock, from her favourite outfitters, Oxfam, this year, she has a gift voucher towards the cost of this, from Prince Phillip and the kids, so it will mean only paying half price, for her new frock, which should set her back nothing more than £700,000, a huge saving in these 'difficult circumstances facing the country', insists Queen Scrooge. There will be no 3pm Christmas broadcast by Queen Scrooge this year, as she wants to save money on that also, so she has asked the media, to broadcast a message to the nation, on her behalf, saying: "Please donate to the poverty stricken Royals this year, as they have been refused a poverty grant, and are shivering around the cat, who is now employed in sucking peppermints, to keep them all warm". The media have deemed Queen Scrooge, a tad senile, and have made no promises, to make the demented broadcast on behalf of her. Meanwhile conservationists, have been summoned to the palace, by Prince Charles, to see how his parents home, can be more green and efficient, in a bid to save the tax payer more money. It is thought that Prince Charles, is trying to win the favour of David Cameron, in case he refuses him, a poverty grant too. Conservationists have now found new uses, for Queen Scrooge's many bucket style hats, they are now being used as plant pots, for growing herbs in, which will save on the culinary herb bill, for the palace. Banana trees, have been planted in the palace corridors, so that monkeys can swing from tree to tree, with messages and memo's between Queen Scrooge and her staff, which means that the servants, who once fulfilled this task, will be made redundant. The palace Monkeys, headed by Wacko Jacko, have been specially trained by Prince Charles, to only eat a specified ration, of bananas each day, so that Queen Scrooge and Prince Phillip, can live on the rest. The new jungle telegraph, will be cheaper to operate, than the former one, which employed humans. No more lavish dinner parties, will be held at the Palace, so the spare dining chairs, will be used for firewood, making better use of in-house natural fuel resources. Cling film, will replace the proposed double glazing, planned previously for the palace, this will be installed next week, and hopefully reduce a carbon footprint... or two. Herds of cattle, will be brought up from the Duchy of Cornwall estate, to provide milk and meat for the palace, home grown, to save on present transportation costs between Cornwall and London. However, Queen Scrooge, is said to be unhappy at the prospect of walking in Cow pat, and being moo'd at, as she walks the Corgi's, in the palace grounds. Just some of the proposed changes at Buckingham Palace this year. Prince Charles and Camilla, are thought to be unhappy about ascending to the throne, should Queen Scrooge abdicate, as they are not keen on their new, proposed Royal title, of King and Queen Scrooge of England & Wales, to Boot. Prince Charles is said to be considering, passing up the Royal Position, and just retiring on a state pension, to a small rented cottage in Wales, where lots of English people come home to 'real' fires. It is not known, who will want to take on the new title and role, or whether the palace will instead, become a just a workhouse for the poor, headed by Mr Oliver Twist-Cratchett. We shall of course keep you updated on this story. More news later, watch this space minus the ghost of Christmas present, past and future. Kazytc on "Prince Phillip well below stairs with a Tart-an" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13526#post-36728 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:06:58 +0000 Kazytc 36728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Prince Phillip dropped another clanger today when he asked a lady called Annabel Goldie MSP if she would show him her Tartan knickers and bra, Annabel Goldie flattered at this remark whispered in his ear "would you like some Tart and pussy as well?" She was of course referring to her pet cat called Pussy, given that it is widely known that Prince Phillip is partial to stroking cats. The Queen and the Pope overheard the conversation and whilst the Queen was not amused the Pope grinned like a Cheshire cat and said "Fur comment"! Prince Phillip later bought the Tartan tie which the Scottish Labour Leader Iain Gray was wearing and took Annabel Golding to the dungeon in Edinburgh castle for a spot of BDSM, apparently Prince Phillip has a personality kink. Sounds of delight emanated from the said dungeon until the Queen in a state of disgust and flux barged in complete with feather hat, feathers well ruffled and bashed Prince Phillip until he was even more senile than ever. Prince Phillip told Annabel Golding that it was due to the Queen's sadistic outrages that he had become interested in BDSM, he went on to add that many times over, the Queen had ordered him to be restrained in her dungeon for his mischief. later he thanked Annabel Golding for accompanying him to the castle dungeon and told her that it was a refreshing change to be on the giving end of dungeon activities. Annabel Golding thought the event a real hoot, when she was treated to a live Punch and Judy show featuring the Queen and Prince Phillip who finished up chained to the dungeon walls with a silly grin on his face as the Queen proceeded to whip him with her 'cat of nine tails', a guard remarked that the Queen was merely flogging a dead horse as he was well past his sell by date. Prince Phillip ignored the abusive remark, as he knows better! It is rumoured that Prince Phillip has plans in these difficult economic times, to reduce the Royal families burden on the state by renting out dungeons in the tower, by hour, for dominatrix's to entertain their rich clients, such as Max MosleyMax Mosley. The state benefits enjoyed by the Royal family have subsequently been withdrawn forthwith in lieu of their new income. More news later watch this space. Kazytc on "Prince Phillip - show me your Tartan Knickers" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13518#post-36720 Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:43:52 +0000 Kazytc 36720@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ HRH Prince Phillip the Duke of Edinburgh was back in the public spotlight today, it would appear that he is practically beyond hope, amidst, his, senile and geriatric juvenile delinquent behaviour... This time he boarded a London bus from the Palace gates bound for Soho and was not content to ride on the bus like any other normal passenger, he commenced to lifting women's skirts through the gap in the back of the seats, and changing seats until he had lifted just about every woman's skirt on the bus. His behaviour naturally, sparked an outrage amongst the angry female passengers as Prince Phillip asked each of them "Are you wearing Tartan knickers.... you don't mind if I have a look under your skirt do you, it's just that I am rather partial to Tartan knickers"?! A 92 year old woman by the name of Nelly Sillabline, bashed Prince Phillip with her plastic umbrella, in disgust, after Prince Phillip not only dared to lift her skirt, through the gap, in the back of the bus seat, but then proceeded to try and undo her blouse to see if she was wearing a matching tartan bra! Nelly Sillabline became most irate and called Prince Phillip a dirty old man, and went on to tell him that the Queen should keep him on a collar and leash and not let him out alone, she was most disgusted by his questionable behaviour and shouted for the bus conductor Mr Bruce Baddie, to throw him off the bus. The Bus driver Mr Sidney Busker, stuck in heavy traffic was unable to stop the bus in order to throw Prince Phillip off it, but he managed to record the fiasco on the on board CCTV. As the bus turned into Pimp Street Soho Prince Phillip was getting bashed by another irate bus passenger by the name of Ann Widdecombe, who was on her way to the House of Commons for a meeting. Prince Phillip not wanting to handle her personally, used his rolled up umbrella to lift her skirt, but when the bus jerked, the sharp end of the umbrella stabbed her in the backside and ripped her silk knee length bloomers, rendering her into a serious temper and she commenced to telling Prince Phillip he was a senile disgrace to the nation, and should have treatment for his obsession with tartan underwear. 10 other woman on the same bus also pitched in and bashed Prince Phillip senseless for trying to lift their skirts on the bus. Eileen Ackers who was one of the 10 abused women, told Prince Phillip that he was setting a bad example to the country and other senile delinquent gentlemen on their way to Soho, after Prince Phillip told her that he loved it when women lost their temper as it turned him on, and he never got near enough to the Queen, to wind her up as often as he would like to. Miss Jean Brodie a school teacher on her way to Habberdashers School for young ladies, was another bus passenger abused by Prince Phillip, she became irate after Prince Phillip begged her to let him have a look to see if she was wearing a tartan bra, he tugged at the buttons on her blouse and ripped two of them off, she asked for the buttons back from Prince Phillip but he threw them out of the bus window, which made her even more incensed and she canned Prince Phillip 20 times. She went on to try and make him write 200 lines on a piece of school file paper she was carrying saying "I must not abuse female passengers with my tartan fetish", Prince Phillip replied "You are not my teacher you old bat sit down and write the lines yourself, you are only jealous because I have a fetish and you are frigid"! Former UK Prime Ministers wife Cherie Blair Witch tried to sit near Prince Phillip in the hope that he would try and lift her skirt but she escaped his mischief, as he told her that he found her rather repulsive and then proceeded to change seat to the one on the other side of the bus. Eventually the bus reached Corset Street in Soho where police were called to arrest Prince Phillip for his unacceptable behaviour, he was dragged off the bus by very angry police who handcuffed him to stop him from molesting the female police officers in the back of the police van en route to the police station. Prince Phillip was charged with fetish sexual abuse and affray not to mention offending common decency on public transport and also harassment. Later in Soho Magistrates court, Prince Phillip appeared before Marjorie Mangle-Snipe the stipendiary magistrate who demanded to know why Prince Phillip saw fit to abuse the woman on the bus. Prince Phillip said that a recent trip to Scotland had reminded him of a pleasure he was sorely missing, now that he was back in England, and that he was on the bus bound for Soho to watch a sexy film about a Tartan clad dominatrix who punished naughty boys, and that he had gotten a tad too excited, in anticipation of this, but didn't think the ladies on the bus would mind him taking a peak at their Tartan underwear, after all he was Prince Phillip" Marjorie Mangle-Snipe was disgusted by Prince Phillip's audacious and perverse reason for his abuse, of his royal personage, and sent him to Brampton Mental hospital for 5 years of psychiatric treatment for his fetish and sexual perversions. Prince Phillip has had his old age pension withdrawn until fines of £90,000 are paid off for damages to the women on the bus, and the cost of new blouses and buttons for Miss Jean Brodie and Nelly Sillabline, not to mention £3,000 in court costs and £2,000 for wasting police time. A further £10,000 fine was imposed for damages to the London Bus company and the other passengers on the bus. Marjorie Mangle-Snipe told Prince Phillip that he needed to get a grip of himself and start acting his age for once. She ordered that Prince Phillip be taken from the court on a collar and leash and in handcuffs to stop him fiddling with anyone else's skirt or blouse. Prince Phillip was taken from the court with a senile smirk on his face, shouting back at Marjorie Mangle-Snipe, that he would enjoy being nurse maided, it would make a change from being in the palace where he had no fun anymore. Marjorie Mangle-Snipe on hearing this, from Prince Phillip, ordered that he must have some shock treatment for his dementia. The Hells Grannies protest group were outside the court to jeer at Prince Phillip as he was bundled into a police van and taken to Brampton Mental Hospital, several of them pelted Prince Phillip with walking sticks and squirted carbolic soap at him, which they had put into washing up liquid bottles, especially for the protest. One Hells Granny by the name of Bertha Bigot threw a packed of arsenic at Prince Phillip and shouted "You need putting down"! Prince Phillip found her amusing as he likes angry bossy women. Police told Prince Phillip to behave himself, as he went to kiss Bertha Bigot. Prince Phillip was admitted to the Fruit and Nut ward at Brampton Mental hospital for the duration of his incarceration there. It will now be safe for the next five years to board London buses if you are female wearing a blouse and skirt. More news later, watch this space. Share: