http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=prince-charles The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 12:25:53 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158674 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 10:24:32 +0000 The All New Jeni B 158674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But not now, SoB. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158669 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 10:04:41 +0000 Son of Barnabas 158669@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I, think, I, need, to, back, up, my, brain, </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158659 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 09:48:26 +0000 Midnight Dreary 158659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>kazytc's posts in their entirety in near-English</blockquote></p> <p>Verbatim, then. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158657 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 09:45:48 +0000 waylandsmithy 158657@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like to think spammers are posting kazytc's posts in their entirety in near-English on German satire sites. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158649 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 09:32:17 +0000 Lucy4 158649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely spelling </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158634 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:56:44 +0000 charlies_hat 158634@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think she was going for a ticker with this one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158633 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:56:42 +0000 Yikes 158633@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The first LINE used up seven commas! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158632 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:53:36 +0000 Titus 158632@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Emergency declared as national comma shortage is caused by entire British supply being consumed by Kazytc in just one massive, unintelligible, rambling post. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14218#post-158603 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 02:30:54 +0000 rickwestwell 158603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good to see this lump of genius being bumped by the replica handbag spam, especially in view of kaz's recent tragic demise. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42722#post-122121 Thu, 10 May 2012 12:45:40 +0000 WendysBigRegret 122121@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://payload53.cargocollective.com/1/5/185047/3378961/news2_1_1000.jpg"></p> <p>With only a month to go until the Jubilee celebrations, Buckingham Palace yesterday revealed that the plan for a 1000-strong flotilla on the Thames has been axed.</p> <p>Following the surprise announcement, a Palace spokesman commented: “Now that we are entering a double-dip recession it seemed only right that the Jubilee celebrations should be scaled back. The Queen is very much of the opinion that as we’re all in it together the Royal Family should be seen to acknowledge the harsh economic climate in which this party will take place.”</p> <p>However, the artist’s impression that has been released is dividing opinion, with the most vociferous criticism coming from The Society for Flag Waving Patriots. Chairman Jonathan Brittan said: “We’ve been looking forward to this Jubilee since the last one, and our members can’t believe that we’ll have to stand by the Thames cheering a banana boat instead of an elegant flotilla. All that taxpayers' money is being spent on the Olympics, but we should be spending it on the Queen. It’s a disgrace.” </p> <p>Banana boat manufacturers have reacted positively and the industry expects sales to soar, with insiders already expressing concerns about shortages. Newquay businessman Roger Bellows, who runs a seafront shop said: “Small inflatables like rubber rings, lilos and armbands for kids always sell well in the summer season, but banana boats are more niche. The beauty of the banana boat is that it’s impossible not to have fun on one, so once the whole country has seen the Royals on theirs people will be rushing out to buy one of their own.” </p> <p>In response to the suggestion that the new proposal looks ‘cheap’, a senior Palace press officer claimed that “it actually represents the bargain hunting mentality we should all be adopting, and will showcase to the world that the British monarchy is up for a laugh in these gloomy times.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42141#post-120526 Sat, 28 Apr 2012 09:18:45 +0000 Yikes 120526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No probs - still think this is a good-un! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42141#post-120525 Sat, 28 Apr 2012 09:11:36 +0000 UnoEye 120525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah I know what you mean Yikes. I considered it too. After all, you should always finish on a joke really. But it seemed to me to leave the story unfinished. So I chucked in the last line, despite not being a joke, just to round things off.</p> <p>Cheers for the stars :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42141#post-120423 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:07:38 +0000 Yikes 120423@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looks good to me! Very funny ... especially the lawyer line ... so maybe end on that? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42141#post-120421 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:00:08 +0000 UnoEye 120421@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A re-hash of a previously hashed offering. Hopefully this versions better. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42141#post-120420 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:59:33 +0000 UnoEye 120420@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's been argued that upon the Queen's demise subjecting the British public to using money featuring Prince Charles's repellent face may prove so harrowing as to contravene EU human right's laws.</p> <p>In light of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee a think-tank has been investigating possible outcomes of the Queen's demise. ‘At first we considered the obvious implications of the Queen’s passing’ explained a think-tank spokesman. ‘We focused on embarrassing Diana-like public outpourings of emotion, vacuous insincere sound bites from politicians, and grossly over-budget water fountains that double as public death traps. But then someone pointed out that Charles’s face would be put on the money. A deathly shudder immediately rippled around the room. One lady began to cry'.</p> <p>To investigate the effects of such a situation mock coins featuring an official image of the Prince were placed inside rat cages. It was found that the rats initially sniffed the air inquisitively but after getting close emitted an audible shriek of terror before suffering massive coronary failure. At that point the think-tank began sifting through sixty-three years of photos of the Prince seeking a less offensive image. 'Finally we found an out of focus, dog-eared, sepia-toned image of him as a baby taken from three-quarters of a mile away' continued the spokesperson. 'That was the first one that didn't kill the rats'.</p> <p>But unfortunately the nine-year old daughter of one of the researchers accidentally saw the new coin design on his laptop. 'She immediately began to cry and has now started wetting the bed and having nightmares about what she refers to as "The big-eared sallow faced monster". It immediately occurred to us that if there wasn't a pre-existing law against such an abomination then there probably should be. So we sought legal advice'.</p> <p>A team of human rights lawyers have decided to fight a case arguing for the total ban of Charles's face on coins arguing it would contravene EU laws relating to the creation and distribution of offensive images. In a statement during which Charles was described as having 'The kind of face that would terrorise Freddie Krueger's dreams' lawyer Martin Banks said 'We haven't dedicated our careers to releasing crazed murderers and child rapists on obscure technicalities just to accumulate large quantities of such foul, beastly, grotesque, repugnant monstrosities' before adding 'And on that basis we've taken the case'. </p> <p>A ruling is expected from the European High Court in autumn. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40844#post-116173 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 16:01:39 +0000 dvo4fun 116173@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some really lovely stuff here Uno. As VCG, think it probably needs a little tightneing but scope for doing so whilst still leaving a good length sub. 4 for now </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40844#post-116169 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:53:41 +0000 UnoEye 116169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the head's up on the 'battering' slip up. Not sure how I managed that, corrected now though.</p> <p>Cheers for the comments. You could well be right. Perhaps I'll chuck it on the backburner and see if any new inspiration strikes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40844#post-116154 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:05:47 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 116154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wonderful idea, not sure parts of the story work though. Think it needs tightening up a bit.</p> <p>Could they maybe explore alternatives? Like putting a bag over his head for the picture that will be used? Or will his ears still stick out?</p> <p>The Scots will love the idea of returning to a battering system though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40844#post-116150 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:56:29 +0000 UnoEye 116150@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A think-tank investigating the repercussions of the Queen’s demise have made the harrowing realisation that no one would touch money with Prince Charles’ face on. The announcement led to a worldwide ‘Of course!’ exclamation followed by panicked selling of the pound rendering it completely worthless before the three-minute statement had finished.</p> <p>‘At first we considered the obvious implications of the Queen’s death’ explained a think-tank spokesman. ‘We focused on embarrassing Diana-like public outpourings of emotion, vacuous insincere sound bites from politicians, and grossly expensive fountains that simultaneously double as public death traps. But when someone pointed out that Prince Charles’ face would go on the money a deathly shudder rippled around the room. I began to feel nauseous. One lady began to cry. The implications were obvious: no-one would touch such a ghastly abomination’.</p> <p>David Cameron’s attempts to reassure markets by highlighting that in order to fit in his ears his face would need to be shrunk so small as to be hardly recognisable did little to alleviate concerns, and it’s now feared the complete annihilation of the economy may have undermined the governments ability to deal with the deficit.</p> <p>The situation became too much for autonomous robot chancellor George Osborne who released a statement consisting of a high-pitched whirring noise, a metallic crunching and a loud bang, followed by the emission of blue smoke before the lights of his red eyes faded to nothing.</p> <p>French President Sarkozy offered a sympathetic statement which consisted of forty-five minutes of uninterrupted laughter while Prince Charles has reportedly released a statement to his rhododendrons. It’s thought Ed Miliband probably also made some kind of statement but, as is customary, was summarily ignored.</p> <p>Studies involving mock coins with Charles’ face placed in rat cages found that they initially sniffed the air inquisitively but after getting close emitted an audible shriek of terror before suffering massive coronary failure. Scientists applied to the BMA to start human trials but the request was rejected as ‘inhumane’.</p> <p>‘Furthermore we attempted to use the coins in the vending machine in the hallway. Not only were they rejected but the machine vehemently spat them out in a repulsed, insulted manner’.</p> <p>The think-tank finished by predicting that the UK will return to a bartering system. ‘Returning to a system of bartering will be a massive step backwards for everyone’ they said. ‘Except of course for people in Norfolk for whom it will be a massive leap forward’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71636 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 07:28:20 +0000 Willy Eckerslike 71636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, but my wife's family is from there, the Skanks of Portsmouth, know them? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71610 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 22:15:25 +0000 rickwestwell 71610@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. You're not one of the Hampshire Eckerslikes, by any chance? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71571 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:52:47 +0000 Willy Eckerslike 71571@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks rikkor. Your surname wouldn't be "mortiss" by any chance? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71553 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 13:53:49 +0000 rikkor 71553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71506 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 10:21:33 +0000 Willy Eckerslike 71506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you, Mr Biscuit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71505 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 10:14:44 +0000 Duncan Biscuit 71505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A good start, welcome aboard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26254#post-71501 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 10:04:31 +0000 Willy Eckerslike 71501@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>- </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71133 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:22:05 +0000 rikkor 71133@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Orangeries are so, so Ancien Regime... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71130 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:19:16 +0000 waylandsmithy 71130@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Orangeries are the new conservatories... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71128 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:15:48 +0000 rikkor 71128@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny. Was just reminded in my weekend reading that the D. of E. is worshiped as a god by some benighted cargo cult in Vanuatu. Look it up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26108#post-71120 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 22:05:03 +0000 Qoxiivi 71120@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you my good man. </p>