http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=press The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 02:13:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30908#post-87095 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 21:57:33 +0000 Golgo14 87095@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Why all the Lego? </p> <p>Is it Lego spam night? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30908#post-87072 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:59:32 +0000 Stephen Norman 87072@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>A cabinet minister made a speech today designed to calm fears relating to the possible widespread public sector strikes. </strong></p> <p>The minister explained how “genius” had struck him while shopping in London’s famous toy shop, Hamleys, “There I was shopping for my little boy’s birthday when I noticed a large sign in the Lego department. It read ‘SALE’ and I thought, that’s it! Lego men can provide cover during the strikes! I mean sure they’re a little on the short side and not very talkative, but I can get Lego policemen, Lego doctors, Lego firemen, why I can even get Lego train drivers from here!”</p> <p>“I know some of you out there might be sceptical of this idea, maybe you’re thinking it’s a little ‘crazy’, but I know your concerns. You’re worried that the Lego firemen might melt in the heat of a blaze, of course you are. Well I assure you there is no need for concern; I bought twice as many firemen than the others. And for all you economists out there, these Lego men were bought in a sale, so we’re talking deficit-busting prices here”.</p> <p>The minister spoke for forty minutes in total while he attempted to convince the press of his plan, making such statement as: “…the Lego policemen even come with tiny batons. Great if any more riots break out” and “…if a patient would prefer to be treated by a female doctor then we can just swap the Lego man’s head for a lady head”. </p> <p>The minister did face criticism however, with one particularly outspoken journalist having the following to say: “Excuse me, but are you for real? Lego men? You want to put Lego men in charge of our public sectors? Not only are they tiny, made of plastic and not alive, but they’re also dangerously unqualified to carry out medical procedures!” The minister’s reply was a short one; “but they were in the sale”. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12081#post-33151 Sat, 11 Sep 2010 15:25:50 +0000 DonnaQuixote 33151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“Freedom of the press is all very well”, claims clerical worker JS, “but as somebody who nobody has ever heard of, I have a right to publicity too. Why should these A-list celebs get photos of their body parts plastered all over the media, when I have worked in local government all my life and never had so much as a mention in Hello Magazine?”</p> <p>JS (whose real name is too insignificant to mention) is so desperate to avoid the cold glare of mediocrity that she has posted seventeen videos on Who?Tube showing scenes from her daily life: walking the dog, going to the gym, even a long lens shot of her getting ready for bed behind the net curtains of her terraced house in Sutton Coldfield.</p> <p>“I've tried everything”, she complained. “I have even taken out a court injunction against the paparazzi who consistently ignore me. But every morning when I come out of my house to go to work, there is absolutely nobody camped on the doorstep.”</p> <p>“I have complained time and time again to BT about the lack of nuisance phone calls, but they say there is nothing I can do except keep my existing number and give it to everyone I meet. I've even put it on my FaceBook page, but I've only got one Friend and that's only because I have the same name as someone he went to school with .”</p> <p>At a time when the right to publicity is being claimed as a fundamental civil liberty by incognitos worldwide, a spokesman from the Press Council hotly defended the right to keep uninteresting individuals out of the public eye. “Nothing beats a good scandal”, he pronounced, “and it's cheaper too.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3826#post-10958 Wed, 05 May 2010 15:08:03 +0000 Duff 10958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Weirdo street magician, David Blaine, has announced his latest stunt to be entitled 'Sod all'</p> <p>And it does just what it says it does on the tin. The card-trickster cum street levitator is intending to do absolutely nothing for a whole six months and experts are saying that it's Blaine's most ambitious showpiece to date. A spokesman for the mysterious man of magic read a statement last night</p> <p>"This is David's most dangerous escapade yet. You must understand that for somebody like him who constantly craves publicity and adulation, then risking keeping a low profile for such an extended period could well prove fatal.</p> <p>However there will be tabloid journalists waiting nearby and if David's profile risks disappearing completely off the scale, then they will produce some emergency headlines; but only as a last resort and purely as a quick career revival mechanism"</p> <p>Experts are divided over the risks involved with the stunt. Some say Blaine, the consummate professional, will pull it off with panache, whereas others point to Paul Daniels as an example, and shuffle about with sad expressions whilst shrugging their shoulders. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=731#post-1966 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:51:56 +0000 Anonymous 1966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=193#post-570 Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:32:18 +0000 exigo 570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Off soon </p>