http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=pies The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 23:48:35 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43542#post-124692 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:38:37 +0000 Drylaw 124692@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's high time we dubbed these fat athletes "roll" models. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43542#post-124635 Thu, 31 May 2012 20:45:16 +0000 Mark Gregory 124635@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The recent branding of British heptathlete of Jessica Ennis as ‘fat’, days before she broke a UK record, has sparked criticism of other sports stars. </p> <p>Jeremy Clarkson, not known for his waif-like figure, called Wayne Rooney ‘a bit on the portly side’ in the latest episode of Top Gear. </p> <p>Other social commentators have also got in on the act. </p> <p>Daily Mail columnist, Richard Littlejohn described Olympic gold medallist Rebecca Adlington as ‘looking a bit tubby’ following a recent disappointing performance in the swimming pool. </p> <p>On the latest Britain’s Got Talent show, Simon Cowell, while commenting on one of the acts, made a remark saying that ‘Usain Bolt is morbidly obese, and has no chance of winning the 100 metres final’. </p> <p>David Cameron, however, was quick to downplay these outbursts. He said ‘Britain is avidly looking forward to the London Olympics and engaging in lively discussion of the events to come’.</p> <p>He added ‘One of the reasons that we’ve had to make a U turn on the tax on hot takeaway food is that Nick Clegg might as well have shares in Greggs for all the pasties he eats. </p> <p>Cameron then continued with the interview by singing ‘Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies’ ad infinitum. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19504#post-52553 Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:56:19 +0000 Matt T 52553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The earthquake which hit northern England at 9pm last night has been blamed on John Prescott who fell off a ladder whilst reaching for some pies, sending shockwaves through Skipton.</p> <p>The former MP and failed anorexic is said to have been suffering a mid-evening yearning for a couple more packs of mince pies before beginning his annual January detox.</p> <p>House of Lords chums say that Lord “Of course I don’t want a peerage” Prescott had already scoffed four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree which unsurprisingly had left him feeling rather peckish.</p> <p>Some commentators have suggested that Mr Prescott might have misunderstood Government healthy eating guidelines leading him to wrongly believe that the “5-a-day” advice applied to Christmas treats as well as fruit, vegetables and shagging his secretary, although this was denied by a spokesman.</p> <p>Lord Prescott’s lovely wife Pauline emerged from one of her husband’s many Jags to defend him against the accusations, saying: “John and I are deeply hurt by the scurrilous allegations in today’s tabloids. Although my husband has often been correctly described as a ‘political heavyweight’ he was not the cause of yesterday’s earth tremors. In fact he was making love to me at the time and I can categorically assure you that the earth did not move at our house.”</p> <p>Lady Prescott continued, “In any case, John’s not allowed up ladders these days. Our lovely Polish au-pair Monika does all that for him whilst he thoughtfully stands below and looks up intently to ensure that she doesn’t fall. Although come to think of it, both our sons grew up and left home years ago so I’m not sure why we have an au-pair…”</p> <p>Local MP William Hague was also hit by the incident whilst saying in a Leeds Travelodge after it caused him to trip and fall naked onto the pre-lubed cock of a male researcher with whom he was holding a strategy meeting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=16716#post-45340 Thu, 25 Nov 2010 08:49:27 +0000 arrghgarry 45340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Smashing 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=16716#post-45325 Thu, 25 Nov 2010 05:16:11 +0000 saltire 45325@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yoof of today. It's all Art History / Fine Arts down our way. Stars Malgor. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=16716#post-45316 Thu, 25 Nov 2010 03:35:25 +0000 malgor 45316@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Professional violent anarchist student peaceful protest-march infiltrator, Miles Brewer, said tonight he felt ‘a right donkey’ when he realised he’d fallen for the oldest trick in the book. The Metropolitan Police devised the cunning plan to plant an unmanned van in the middle of the street. ‘Genuine students will always give a police van a wide berth,’ said a police spokesman, ‘and drift off to Greggs for pies. Violent anarchists, however, cannot resist the urge to smash it up.’</p> <p>The simple ploy enabled the police video unit, posing as a news crew, to film crimes from close quarters. ‘The main perpetrators also obliged by approaching the camera lens and providing mug shots in a variety of interesting facial expressions,’ said the spokesman.</p> <p>Admitting his guilt, Miles Brewer asked for mitigation, blaming his poor background and lack of a decent education for not being able to see through the old van trick or having any money to pay for the damage. But after the police liaison office took the trouble to explain the new rules on student loans and the increased earnings thresholds before repayments commence, Mr Brewer has agreed to ‘give it a go’ on one of the many academic courses available. ‘I’m hoping to do a combined degree in English Literature and Art History,’ he said, ‘after I’ve done my 800 hours community service working for a local demolition firm to get all this violence out of my system.’</p> <p>The Metropolitan Police have since learned that handing over the van to a bunch of violent anarchists invalidated the insurance. ‘Ah well,’ said the spokesman, ‘live and learn’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5728 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 00:46:20 +0000 The All New Jeni B 5728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see you back Peter, and with a fab story with enough of a hint of reality to make it probable. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5714 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:25:27 +0000 virtuallywill 5714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would be better with 8 teams from different cities, maybe from some other polytechnics. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5712 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:21:04 +0000 Peter749400 5712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.betternetworker.com/files/useruploads/16675/fat%20guy%20on%20sinking%20boat.jpg"></p> <p>Oxford University last night blamed Oliver ‘Fatty’ Perkins for their crushing defeat in the annual boatrace, in which they finished some 1 ¾ miles behind Cambridge - their biggest ever loss. It is unclear how the sedentary, mouth-breathing economics student gained a place in the boat, although critics were quick to point to the generous donations his father, the Chief Executive of ‘Massive Pies Limited" recently made to Oxford University Boat Club.</p> <p>The 20 stone self-professed cake and pie lover seemed to tire early on in the race, putting down his sweat-drenched oar and unwrapping what appeared to be a pork pie from a lunchbox placed under his seat. Having eaten the pie, the gargantuan oarsman used a chubby hand to claw crumbs away from his mouth, before picking up his oar to pull a few more lack-lustre strokes for the world-famous University. The Oxford boat momentarily accelerated, before the unbalancing effect of Perkins’ mass moving up and down the boat began to disrupt the rhythm of his team mates, finally rocking the boat so violently that Perkins lost hold of his oar and fell backwards into the lap of the bow-man, who is still recovering from his injuries. </p> <p>For the rest of the race Perkins sat almost motionless and shouted occasional words of encouragement to the rest of the crew, although his detractors have pointed out that this was motivated less by a desire to win the race than it was by a need to find and eat more food, having exhausted the provisions he packed before the race. </p> <p>Mr Perkins was unavailable for comment last night, beating a hasty retreat from the riverbank to a nearby eatery. His father commented: "My lad gave of his all today - he's as fit as a butcher's dog - bulging with muscle. There is no connection between my decision to buy Oxford a new boathouse and his place in the crew. If some of the others in the boat had followed his lead and packed some of my massive pies then they might have had the energy to row a bit faster".</p> <p>Mr Perkins' older and fatter brother, Sam, is to ride the favourite in the Grand National next weekend. Mr Perkins senior denies any link between this and the funding of a new pie shaped pavilion at Aintree racecourse. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=160#post-453 Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:21:57 +0000 the coarse whisperer 453@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon. </p>