http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=pensioners The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 19:41:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124592 Thu, 31 May 2012 11:53:09 +0000 medici2471 124592@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff **** One or two repeats on here at the moment, must be everyone is preoccupied with Leveson. Or returned to full time employment... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124577 Thu, 31 May 2012 10:13:21 +0000 Gerontius 124577@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely sub.<br /> For one reason or another lots of subs don't register first time round.<br /> Sometimes they need dusting off, re-jigging, adding to or even snipping.<br /> There is a lot of fine material that has passed by unnoticed....no reason why you should not give it a make-over and post again.<br /> If the sub is worth re-visiting, then yes...let's have a few more like this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124569 Thu, 31 May 2012 08:54:23 +0000 Oxbridge 124569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wake up, guys, this is THIRD time around. At least. To be fair, it is the Isle of Wight, so the space-time curvature works differently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124551 Wed, 30 May 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Sinnick 124551@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're referring to this ...<br /> <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24838#post-67411" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24838#post-67411</a></p> <p>I missed it 1st time around. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124550 Wed, 30 May 2012 21:34:45 +0000 Tomfinger 124550@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the official Newsbiscuit line on that lovely island set in the silvery Solent is disgraceful. I found the place exciting and lively when I was last there. I've been meaning to go back to see what it looks like without the barbed wire and anti-invasion mines on the beaches. I just hope it hasn't changed too much.<br /> I've most definitely read this sub before. It's a good one, which is why I remember it. I just wish the chap, if he's going to put old ones up would give us the original date. This one must be from before there was only fields round here. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124539 Wed, 30 May 2012 18:41:02 +0000 Sinnick 124539@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, I'd assumed as a relative newbie you hadn't realised we'd a perennial thing on IoW. "My Bad" as one is supposed to say nowadays.</p> <p>Are you suggesting Oxy is repeating himself ? He's a leg end around here, you know. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124534 Wed, 30 May 2012 18:02:34 +0000 Tomfinger 124534@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sin, what I meant was, this is one of Mr Ridge's repeats </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124529 Wed, 30 May 2012 16:05:55 +0000 Skylarking 124529@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, I've been saying for years that Shanklin needs a funicular railway like Sandown. After this latest tragedy, perhaps the authorities will finally take action! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124527 Wed, 30 May 2012 15:55:04 +0000 Sinnick 124527@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tom, the IoW is a running theme; it's overdue for a mention</p> <p>Why not do a website search on it to get the idea ?</p> <p>Note the excellent book "Isle of Wight to get Ceefax"<br /> (well, I haven't read it, but I'm sure someone here must have) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124525 Wed, 30 May 2012 15:48:54 +0000 dvo4fun 124525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, who can forget the heady scent of nostalgia. </p> <p>Very good; gets a gentle 4 from me [as I didn't actually laugh out loud] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124520 Wed, 30 May 2012 15:18:45 +0000 Tomfinger 124520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've a feeling I've tuned in to Newsbiscuit + 1 or is it 2 years ago now? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124514 Wed, 30 May 2012 14:54:41 +0000 Sinnick 124514@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Maybe "beige cardigans" instead of "woolly jumpers", but it reads very well.</p> <p>Slightly off-topic, but why do ramblers walk along horizontal tarmac roads carrying 2 climbing sticks, and inclined as if they're climbing a 45 degree slope ? Just asking. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43509#post-124508 Wed, 30 May 2012 13:54:43 +0000 Oxbridge 124508@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Three intrepid pensionsers who set off to climb Shanklin Chine, a notorious natural gorge in the Isle of Wight, have not been sighted in the best part of two hours. According to experts, the chances that they will make it out in time for dinner are now almost negligible.</p> <p>John Bagnall, 68, his wife Muriel, 66, and Margaret’s sister Doris Nicholson, 62, set out to walk the 280 foot path to the top at 5.15 p.m., according to Doris’s traumatised husband Gordon, who urged them to take the bus back from the beach with him. The group did not take local guides, oxygen or even a flask of tea to see them through the steep climb. Experts have described their actions as foolhardy in the extreme.</p> <p>'People often don’t realise that Shanklin Chine has a micro-climate all of its own,' said retired local Sherpa, Roy Hodges. 'When it is sunny on the beach, it can still be a little bit chilly and damp in the Chine. Once I set out with a party at 3 o’clock in bright sunshine only to find we really needed woolly jumpers. Fortunately, they had the sense to turn back.'</p> <p>Particularly when a bit of light rain has swollen the waterfall, the 1 in 35 path to the top of the chine can become a wee bit slippy. In the last year alone, five people have lost their footing and one man hurt his ankle, waiting 45 minutes in a steady breeze for a first aider to come. Advice to take a walking stick and wear sensible shoes is all too often ignored.</p> <p>As night gathered and a previously warm spring day turned a tad nippy, Gordon Nicholson continued his lonely vigil alongside a grumbling gatekeeper. A realistic man, he said that he accepted that his relatives had already missed the first sitting at the Keats Green Hotel and might struggle even to find a place open for a sandwich. </p> <p>'Doris was always a great one for ignoring the danger signs and gallivanting around,' he told reporters. 'I thought she’d learned a lesson after that time we got slightly sunburnt on Alum Bay in July 2007, but no... Well, there’ll be no more adventure holidays for us from now on, I can tell you that for starters, my lad.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29482#post-82822 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 17:33:54 +0000 rebel not taken 82822@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Soixante Neuf Films is promising "new birds and blokes" in it's latest reality programme The Only Way Is Worthing.</p> <p>A host of glamorous locations have been lined up, including the Worthing Pavilion Bowls Club, where 93 year old Doris Slapper, a regular lad's mag cover girl, has al fresco sex with viagra popping allotment holder Cyril Dither.</p> <p>This hot under the collar scene follows a lover's tiff where Doris calls Cyril "a daft nit." Sticks of Mr Dither's home grown rhubarb and other sex toys are used in this erotic depiction of everyday Worthing. </p> <p>Other steamy venues include the Seaview Guest House, with panoramic views of West Pier, where Bingo caller Arthur Cock, 69, a cheeky chappie if ever there was one, gets webbed up in a drawn out menage a trois with two fat ladies.</p> <p>One of the obese women, retired cinema usherette, 88 year old Rita Plebb, claims to have acute angina and is hoping to pursue a modelling career after the show.</p> <p>The other fatty, Edna Drivel 77, is a playboy bunny and single mother who describes herself as "a typical Worthing Girl who goes like the clappers."</p> <p>Another controversial episode tackles the harrowing subject of necrophilia and stars Ex Womens Insitute Director Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt, who despite being dead, is still a feisty redhead aged 103.</p> <p>Miss Fosdyke-Spratt's 'partner', fit Worthing nightclub bouncer Sir Humphrey Nonce QC 94, bombs round town in a nearly new £750 black mobility scooter and boasts on his Facebook page that he has "the physique of an Anglepoise lamp."</p> <p>Losing yellowing underwear in self service launderettes, having it off in Stannah stairlifts and sorting out cardigans in soon to close charity shops are just some of the other mouth watering tasks the pensioners will have to perform.</p> <p>The Only Way Is Worthing is on Facebook<br /> 540,174 people like The Only Way is Worthing </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28842#post-80873 Sat, 06 Aug 2011 18:11:59 +0000 rebel not taken 80873@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Retired cinema usherette Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt has set tongues wagging in Worthing.</p> <p>Miss Fosdyke-Spratt, who is 102, was discovered under West Pier slumped over her zimmer frame with her knickers in a twist.</p> <p>PC Eric Nonce feared that the pensioner had "passed away", but was shocked to discover that she had only 'crashed out' after downing a bottle of Cream Sherry and taking vitamin pills:<br /> "We got plastered after playing Bingo in Old Worthing and it got out of hand" admitted redhead Marjorie.</p> <p>Miss Fosdyke-Spratt, is believed to have been 'sleeping it off' after committing an act of gross indecency on the grass of The Marine Gardens Bowls Club.<br /> Her sexual adventure was observed and reported to the police by shocked local Edna Stoat:<br /> "I was adjusting my net curtains when i saw them at it" said Miss Stoat, owner of the Seaview Guest House.</p> <p>Sprightly Fosdyke-Spratt admitted to "feeling frisky" after being given the 'glad eye' by Bingo Caller Arthur Cock, who is 94:<br /> "Arthur winked at me when i told him i had acute angina" said Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt.</p> <p>But Arthur Cock, who is Vice President of the Marine Gardens Bowls Club, told PC Nonce that Miss Fosdyke-Spratt had "led him on" after winning the bottle of Cream Sherry:<br /> "When her last number, 88 (Two Fat Ladies), was called out she started getting fruity and begged me to take her down to the beach and do her Doggy style" said Mr Cock.</p> <p>After being stopped on his Mobility Scooter, Arthur Cock confessed to 'having it off' with Miss Fosdyke-Spratt at the Bowls Club.<br /> "She couldn't get enough of it" said Arthur Cock.<br /> "The woman is a nutter and a nympho" added Cock, who also claimed she had spiked his Mackeson with Viagra after going for a drink at the Darby and Joan Club in Old Worthing.</p> <p>High Court Judge Sir Humphrey Nonce has told Miss Fosdyke-Spratt and Arthur Cock that the "moral decline of Worthing needs to be halted" and that they should be "made examples of." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3796#post-10898 Wed, 05 May 2010 10:53:07 +0000 Duff 10898@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ruthless plans by an in-coming Conservative government that will see our senior citizens institutionalized and confined to the scrap heap at the first sign of doddery behaviour, have been leaked in the run-up to the election. </p> <p>The memo, penned by a senior Tory, seeks to bring in tough new post-election laws that will see confined to care homes, "<em>pepole who go upstairs only to realise they can't remember why" "people who block the aisles in supermarkets talking about Bert's operation"</em> and perhaps most signcantly <em>"people who say I'm seventy two and I still got all me own teeth"</em></p> <p>Pressure groups for the elderly are said to be "livid" at the news, and veteran broadcaster, Sir Terry Wogan, is planning to mobilise his TOGs in an organised protest rally in Trafalgar Square next Saturday, just so long as he doesn't forget about it. </p>