http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=palestine The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 22:07:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-150075 Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:27:53 +0000 waylandsmithy 150075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The swans sank quite badly. No, was talking about the NB footie one: just seemed a bit 'meh' and not really newsworthy. They don't have FPs over there, just rolling news. It's good Zen, very democratic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-150073 Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:01:08 +0000 Qoxiivi 150073@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What, your swan one? I thought that was fucking ace. Especially "...or at least wind their necks in." and "Then with a bit of red tape, we simply tie their necks off a little shorter." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-150070 Thu, 22 Nov 2012 14:38:59 +0000 waylandsmithy 150070@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely done, and I see it's already doing well on Facebook. A much stronger story than today's weak FP, imho. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-150069 Thu, 22 Nov 2012 14:28:35 +0000 Rowly 150069@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good, I like the PPI<br /> should be used everywhere </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-150067 Thu, 22 Nov 2012 14:16:20 +0000 Qoxiivi 150067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>NOTE: This is now being used elsewhere. Really sorry if any of the editorial staff were planning on using it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-149937 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 20:23:24 +0000 Qoxiivi 149937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you all, and agreed, DE: shorter and with added bombardment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-149935 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 20:09:20 +0000 Dick Everyman 149935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice stuff - not sure about title - would 'Palestinians bombarded with unsolicited accident compensation texts' work better? Just a thought but great content especially this:</p> <p>......Israelis will be coming to repossess my rubble tomorrow.'</p> <p>Stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-149922 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 19:07:56 +0000 dvo4fun 149922@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wot screenie said </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-149896 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 17:15:14 +0000 Screenie 149896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rocket chasers.</p> <p>Awesome all the way, particularly like the repossession of rubble. Do you have a number I can text these stars to? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52070#post-149873 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 15:50:56 +0000 Qoxiivi 149873@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thousands of Palestinians are having their misery of living under perpetual subjugation further compounded by incessant texts telling them they're entitled to compensation for the accident they had or exploded home they're under.</p> <p>The texts, whilst initially appearing to offer a ray of hope for many inside the besieged territory, then simply direct respondents to various American and Israeli premium-rate lines.</p> <p>'It’s just a scam!' says Rashid Nasser, whose home was destroyed for being within 60 yards of a sandwich shop occasionally frequented by men that an Israeli spy-plane suspected might know a Palestinian journalist.</p> <p>'I'm never calling those things again. I was hoping for some help but I just got redirected to a grainy recorded message of some men laughing. It was the second text I'd received in as many minutes. The first one said 'You and your family are entitled to be murdered for that region you live in.' I replied with 'STOP' but I can only assume they didn't get it as moments later my house was destroyed.'</p> <p>'Now, that one text and phone call have bankrupted me. And I've been told that the Israelis will be coming to repossess my rubble tomorrow.'</p> <p>Despite being a blatant contravention of international law, President of the Palestinian Authority, Mahmoud Abbas, has said they are powerless to do anything about the texts.</p> <p>'Put it this way, we don't generally have much luck in the courts. Besides, we've been inundated with these too. I've had seven texts in the last few days telling me I could claim for being mis-sold Palestinian Persecution Insurance; or the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as I think it's more widely known.'</p> <p>'Alas,' he continued, 'that too just redirects me to an expensive foreign number for another organization that's of no use whatsoever... called The UN, or something.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5506#post-15011 Wed, 02 Jun 2010 11:52:02 +0000 Svendo 15011@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"If it helps, I'll sign shirts for both sides so they each have one" slurred Gazza. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5397#post-14773 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 08:39:42 +0000 Gary Stanton 14773@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you very much</p> <p>It was actually three pounds sixty one an hour, plus time and a half if you worked saturday morning. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5397#post-14750 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:18:53 +0000 Ostsee 14750@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5397#post-14748 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:07:15 +0000 Gary Stanton 14748@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Israel has this morning apologised for its attack on a vessel bound for Gaza claiming that they, in all honesty, believed it was a cruise-liner belonging to P&amp;O. </p> <p>An official statement said that soldiers boarded the cargo ship in urgent need of a toilet but reacted badly when they discovered that all of the urinals had been cordoned off with Out of Order signs.</p> <p>Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahoo was swift to defend the action: </p> <p>‘You know how it is when you’re bursting for a piss. It’s a feeling that unites all peoples, irrespective of culture, creed or colour. These guys had been patrolling the Mediterranean Sea for hours in search of a functional toilet. Our military helicopters are not equipped with loos and a refit isn’t scheduled until 2012. You can’t expect anyone to hang on that long. ’</p> <p>He added:</p> <p>‘Back in the days when I did my stint in the army, you’d just dangle it over the side, preferably when flying over a refugee camp, but all that was outlawed by the Health &amp; Safety fascists. ‘</p> <p>‘Many of the troops who were involved in yesterday’s exuberance have had traumatic experiences when travelling with P&amp;O. In 1997, Private Ibrahim, who fired off the first rounds, contracted syphilis from a holiday rep called Chantelle on a cruise around the Greek Islands – all because a poorly-stocked condom machine forced him to go bareback. ‘</p> <p>Meanwhile P&amp;O, a company that paid its data entry clerks three pounds sixty an hour back in 1992, admitted they were rather taken aback by the Prime Minister’s revelations and restated their commitment to customer satisfaction worldwide. CEO Martin Willis said : </p> <p>‘Our entire fleet underwent an upgrade of Johnny machines prior to the millennium. I’d like to offer my assurances to Private Ibrahim that were he to travel on one of our modern cruisers and spot some slapper at the bar who, having failed to attract the attention of the obviously gay Head of Entertainment, had consoled herself with one too many of our competitively-priced cocktails, then he could enjoy hours of risk-free intercourse in a variety of sheaths. </p> <p>‘My personal favourite is ribbed banana.’ </p>