http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=oxygen The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 22:19:52 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33509#post-95207 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 09:50:52 +0000 mattupchuck 95207@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33509#post-95148 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 23:26:02 +0000 dvo4fun 95148@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>welcome mat. Have some stars</p> <p>Deep breaths now everyone; whilst you still can </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33509#post-95136 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 20:35:54 +0000 mattupchuck 95136@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The government today is expected to push through legislation which would would hand over control and day to day running of the country’s oxygen to the highest bidding private company.</p> <p>“This much is clear” David Cameron said this afternoon “it is the role of the private sector to own everything. The way that the country’s oxygen is being managed simply isn’t on. We cannot have ordinary people just breathing it in, will-nilly, without any sort of accountability. This is about making oxygen more transparent.” Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was on hand and added “Yeah what he said. Transparent.” whilst wiping what appeared to be semen off his chin onto a handkerchief.</p> <p>Several companies are already jostling for the bidding frenzy including the inept I.T public money black-hole which is Crapita who will take time out from their lucrative contract of paralysing the NHS. Also expected to bid are Kraft Foods who have promised not to simply move all the oxygen to another country. Another expected bidder is a bloke called Adam who Cameron went to Eton with (a “good egg” and “one of us”) and is a bit down on his luck having been recently convicted of fraud.</p> <p>The contract is expected to be worth £210m a year, over sixty years, with reassurances that any costs resulting from employing people, purchasing offices, pensions, taxes on profits and bonus kitties will all be met with government subsidies. Compulsory Annual Self Assessment Oxygen Audits (ASAOAs) are being introduced early next year to provide accurate billing for the public, anyone found to be providing incorrect or falsified figures of how many breaths they have taken over the annual period and approximately how deep they have been will be issued with an on-the-spot £11,000 fine without right to a trial.</p> <p>David Cameron, speaking to The Daily Mail this morning said “Big Society means big responsibilities. And my responsibility is to line the pockets of all my rich chums.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=82#post-290 Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:52:21 +0000 malgor 290@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Health &amp; Safety officials have branded a Green Party newsletter ‘dangerously irresponsible’ for encouraging members to ‘shut it for Lent’. The basic premise behind the advice – that excessive ‘huffing and puffing’ does more harm than good – was sound, says the HSE, but a number of over-enthusiastic Greens have taken the advice too far and given up breathing altogether.</p> <p>The HSE warning follows the death of Lucy Paddock, owner of the Ten Green Bottles chain of organic crab apple cider outlets in Middleton. Friends who witnessed her stoic attempt to prevent her lungs from committing oxygen-to-carbon conversion during Lent say that in death she resolved various conflicts within her own political ideologies once and for all. ‘In life, she carried the burden of a 95% profit margin on crab apples,’ said neighbouring farmer Maggie Roberts, ‘but her deep inner socialist spirit shone through as her face turned red then crimson. I was a bit worried when she went blue a few days ago, but I just checked on her again and she’s definitely gone green.’</p> <p>Paddock’s bottling plant is currently cordoned off while Fire Brigade inspectors investigate reports of excessive methane in the vicinity. </p>