http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=oil-spill The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 22:37:43 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25422 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:41:22 +0000 Skylarking 25422@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gentlemen and Ladeez, a new satirical talent is amongst our number.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25413 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:42:21 +0000 The All New Jeni B 25413@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, doubly well done you!!<br /> Really fab debut Mr Slick, some clever ideas, and nicely written too.<br /> Welcome.</p> <p>(*Please note that the above comment is meant to be supportive and welcoming, and not sycophantic and toadying*) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25409 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:38:27 +0000 ColinSlick 25409@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for the comments. I'm a long time reader, first time contributor! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25280 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:44:29 +0000 SingingHinny 25280@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stars, for making a trout sound hot. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25279 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:41:41 +0000 4ty2 25279@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>brilliant. </p> <p>Google adds:<br /> we will help you navigate the world of FOREX (and nasdaq)</p> <p>as clearly all they now need are bankers down there to multiply their wealth. I guess they have plenty of sharks on loan but what creatures will be morgan stanly and the like? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25258 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:09:15 +0000 Tristan Shout 25258@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If nautical nonsense be something you wish... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25223 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:51:39 +0000 jp1885 25223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Much chucklefication - 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25220 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:26:29 +0000 Sharpehunter 25220@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What can I say, a brilliant piece of work.. I am a fan and just can't wait for the next movie now! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25218 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:09:22 +0000 arrghgarry 25218@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>keep his friends close but his anemones closer". 5 just fo that </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9373#post-25212 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:28:26 +0000 ColinSlick 25212@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fans of comical sea sponge SpongeBob Squarepants are to receive a shock when the new series launches later this summer. Gone are the whimsical tales of humorous starfish, mishaps with barnacles and humble ocean adventures. In are tales of financial wheeler dealing, corporate skulduggery and designer (shell) suits as the series changes to reflect the new found wealth of the oil-rich undersea world.</p> <p>Series producer Joe Smith explains "Things have changed since the last series went off the air. Many ocean inhabitants like SpongeBob are now sitting on a small fortune thanks to the sudden and inexplicable appearance of gallons of oil in their own back reefs. You can see ostentatious displays of this new found wealth already. Sharks have started to get gold teeth put in, many schools of fish have turned private, and just the other day I saw an octopus wearing a ten gallon hat with a stunning mermaid on each of his eight arms. It's important that we reflect these changes on the show".</p> <p>The new series sees SpongeBob leave his humble job at the Krusty Krab restaurant to head up Squarepants Oil as its new CEO. Loyal starfish friend Patrick Starr joins SpongeBob at the company as his right fin man, but insiders suggest that even he cannot be trusted. Smith confirms that SpongeBob will need to "keep his friends close but his anemones closer". </p> <p>New characters set to join the show include a 'super bitch' mermaid who tries to wring SpongeBob dry of his wealth after seducing him with her curvaceous legs, buxom fish torso and sexy trout pout. Also joining them are Slimy Seabird, a pelican with a slick backed hairstyle and oily demeanor to match, and Toxic Tony, a former CEO who has been banished to live in the ocean as penance for doing some very bad things.</p> <p>Leaked storylines reveal that SpongeBob gets into deep water as the series progresses, culminating in a cliffhanger season finale which sees him shot by a mystery assailant. Viewers need not worry too much though, as he will emerge miraculously unscathed from the shower at the start of the following series, having been mistaken for a loofer.</p> <p>Spilling the beans even further, Smith promises the new series will be "darker, slicker, and full of crude material". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9372#post-25210 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:21:04 +0000 ColinSlick 25210@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a move considered surprising by many industry observers, BP have today announced their appointment of renowned super hero and eco champion The Toxic Avenger as their new CEO. 'Toxie' joins the multinational corporation after an eventful career fighting crime, which began at the age of sixteen when he was dumped into a vat of toxic chemicals by a gang of thugs.</p> <p>Speaking at a hastily arrange press conference earlier today, the hideously mutated super hero said "I'm delighted to be joining BP and look forward to leading the company through this period of change and transition. In addition to coordinating our clean up operations in the gulf and ensuring full support from our board of directors, I hope to bring my own experience to bear by single handedly fighting the giant mutant sea creatures that will surely start climbing ashore on the beaches of Mexico any day now".</p> <p>The sombre atmosphere was alleviated briefly when, responding to journalist Derek Jones's question of how he intends to deal with the leak, Toxie began outlining his twelve point plan of co-ordinated relief efforts before Mr. Jones clarified that he was actually referring to the leak of radioactive ooze that had begun to seep from an weeping pustule on the CEO's face, flowing over his Armani suit, and gathering in a pool on the floor.</p> <p>Shortly after the press conference, Toxie, together with journalists from the world's press, flew to a beach on the northern Gulf coast for a photo opportunity that saw him pose with his trademark mop, attempting to clean up the spill whilst occasionally swigging large mouthfuls of the oil and screaming 'Ahhhhh, glorious, glorious, sludge, aaaaaaaaa'.</p> <p>Reports say that Toxie was tempted to join the oil giant by a package that included several thousand barrels of radioactive sludge per annum and a palatial 16 acre swamp lair just outside The Hamptons. </p> <p>In an ironic twist, BP's outgoing Chief Executive has been offered a senior position on the international executive board of Super Villains. The multinational evil organisation, whose members include Doctor Doom, The Joker and billionaire Lex Luthor, said in a statement released today that "the destruction of hundred of miles of coastline and wreaking of untold damage to the planet's ecosystem are impressive achievements for any super villain to have on their CV. We look forward to working with this man who shall henceforth be known as Doctor Slick, on a range of evil schemes and apocalyptic endeavours". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6881#post-18423 Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:00:48 +0000 rfreed 18423@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The U.S. today decreed the Gulf of Mexico be made into the Southern National Petroleum Reserve and will fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Military. Much like the little known National Petroleum Reserve that occupies most of northern Alaska adjacent to the oil wells in Prudhoe Bay, the Southern Petroleum Reserve will serve as an ongoing source of oil in the case of a national emergency.<br /> The entire entity formerly know as the “Gulf Of Mexico” now has a higher percentage of oil than water and can no longer be considered a body of water. The U.S. considers the Reserve as its possession, the justification being that the oil from the BP drilling belonged to the U.S., the oil now composes the Gulf, therefore the Gulf belongs to the U.S. much in the same logic that the oil under Iraq now belongs to the U.S. Arguments questioning this sudden ownership have been raised by Mexico and Cuba, but the U.S. has firmly stated that if they want a cut then they need to go pollute their own ocean, a suggestion Mexico is seriously considering with its wells on the Pacific coast. Great Britain has also lodged a claim to the oil soaked Gulf since BP is a British company, inciting a strong response from U.S. authorities. America interests threatened a second Revolutionary war if England should so much as suck up a drop of oil.<br /> “Its ours!” shouted General Bigpants Bravado to reporters at a press conference. “They need to keep their limey paws off our oil! They already tried to take over the whole Mideast after World War II and look at what a mess that is now. Let them get their feet into the Gulf and we will have to fight the whole Battle Of New Orleans over again.” (For the many historical illiterate among us please just Google “Battle Of New Orleans” and don't pester us with dippy questions.) American battleships await off the Florida coast in case of a Falklands style British invasion. ( Again, Google “Falklands War”)<br /> The U.S. Navy has announced that it will rid the new Reserve of any pesky marine life still surviving in the spillage so that they will not threaten the quality of the oil pouring into the area.<br /> The rumors that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is siphoning oil out of the ocean could lead to World War III starting in the Western Hemisphere. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5908#post-16197 Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:57:32 +0000 Svendo 16197@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jed Clampett, A poor mountaineer, has been the latest target of BP bosses who claimed it was his reckless "shootin for some food" that caused what can only be described as a slick of "bubblin" crude.</p> <p>Mr Clampett responded to allegations by issuing this statement to the press "I can barely keep my family fed and so I often have to go out a-huntin and a-fishin'" </p> <p>The kin folk have urged Jed and his family to pack up their truck and head for Beverly Hills, famed for its swimming pools and movie stars, to pursue the talk show circuit of the ordeal. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5382#post-14718 Mon, 31 May 2010 17:26:53 +0000 thisisall1word 14718@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p>