http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=obesity The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 16:24:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=36455#post-102155 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 18:21:11 +0000 Immunis 102155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliantly rude, take 5 star shaped cookies </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=36455#post-102138 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:03:44 +0000 dvo4fun 102138@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I chuckled throughout. But, although I stopped 5 minutes ago I'm still wobbling </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=36455#post-102124 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:00:00 +0000 UnoEye 102124@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Public misunderstanding over Cameron’s Big Society policy has been blamed for a dramatic increase in obesity it was revealed yesterday. The flagship government policy was misunderstood by many to simply mean shovelling even more greasy, deep-fried snacks in to their cakehole’s.</p> <p>‘I thought they wanted a bigger society?’ said 24-stone Sharon between bites of her chocolate-coated KFC family bucket for one ‘That’s why I increased my calorie intake to that of a small whale, anything I could do to help. My cholesterol’s now so high that last time I cut myself it was like strawberry jam coming out’.</p> <p>‘It’s completely irresponsible’ complained Professor Sampson from the University College London Hospital ‘Many people argue that they’re simply big boned. But we’re seeing bones that would be big for dinosaurs for Christ’s sake. What about the strain on the NHS? And I’m not just talking about resources, when I leave the hospital at night I can actually hear the building creaking’. </p> <p>Despite the criticisms the developments have benefitted the ailing manufacturing industry. JCB have launched a new range of mobility scooters ‘We essentially just modified a steam roller’ a spokesperson said. And Primark have launched a new clothing range ‘“Behemoth Sport” is for the larger tracksuit wearer’ explained a spokeswoman ‘And the differing sizes are indicated by which Glastonbury tent they most closely resemble’. </p> <p>In addition Boeing have also launched the new Jumbo-Jumbo Jet. The 270ft long, 240ft wide aircraft comfortably seats four. Although it’s feared that airports may need alterations as it takes three miles of runway to finally launch into the air before cruising at a comfortable 25-feet. This may also cause some problems over built up areas.</p> <p>32-stone Stuart Jones from Stockton-on-Tees complained ‘Well it’s the government’s fault ain’t it?’ before briefly falling asleep in his armchair and upon reawakening adding ‘Have you eaten all my biscuits?’</p> <p>Shocked at the misunderstanding a government spokesperson said ‘The government are mortified that people could be confused by such a clear mandate. We simply meant that the things you pay taxes for us to do, we now want you to do voluntarily. But do please keep those taxes rolling in’. </p> <p>One political commentator added ‘Well that’s the problem with politician’s using these vacuous sound bites. Being meaningless platitudes they’re ripe for misunderstanding. Like when Blair said “Education, Education, Education”. What he really meant was “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you”’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87204 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 15:55:29 +0000 tvhack 87204@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rickewestwell, I only joined this website yesterday and have been blissfully unaware of your work until two minutes ago. Sorry if you used the phrase before, but it sprang into my mind independently from you, strange as that may seem. But if any book of quotations wants to use it, I'll happily cede that you got there first. Cheers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87188 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 12:46:44 +0000 rickwestwell 87188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Time bomb waiting to happen", eh? Hmm.</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18094#post-48648">Time bomb waiting to happen</a></p> <p>Co-inky-dinky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87185 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 12:27:00 +0000 tvhack 87185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>IMHO, you're probably right. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87154 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 09:02:23 +0000 writinginbsl 87154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>funny<br /> lots of stars</p> <p>but could better if be written in a more detatched way IMHO </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87105 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:04:07 +0000 Screenie 87105@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, and by 50% do you mean the top half or the bottom? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87104 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:02:59 +0000 Screenie 87104@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Advanced forms of modern guesswork'. Stars for that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87102 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 22:51:25 +0000 dvo4fun 87102@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This one had me chuckling and wobbling from start to finish. Have some high-fat stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87086 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 20:24:54 +0000 FlashArry 87086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The combination of perky breasts and lego was always going to be a winner for me - 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87083 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:00:42 +0000 tvhack 87083@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It's a plastic time bomb waiting to happen," - not the words of a shrieking 24-hour rolling-news-harpie with a spray-tanned botoxed face and perky 'look-at-me' silicon breasts barely constrained by crisp white blouse, but the sober conclusion of an academically-respected institution that eats life and shits facts. Swaffham University, long recognised as the leading research institution in the country specialising in the study of children's plastic figures, has published the findings of a 5-year study into the changing shape of Lego characters. Their conclusion, based on computer modelling and the most advanced forms of modern guesswork, predicts that half of the all Lego figures will suffer from 'Legobesity' by the year 2030. It means a generation of fat pirates, rotund construction workers, and a set of Stars figures that will require an Extra Large in Death Stars, Tie Fighters and Jedi Knight Robes. </p> <p>Its thought that the problem may be caused by exposure to human beings. 'Lego characters are merely a representation of the human form in plastic. It's no surprise that they are adapting to reflect the fact that we are becoming huge waddling bags of undifferentiated saturated fat,' says the report.</p> <p>The problem was first noted in 'Weebles', which tended to wobble but not fall down. However, in subsequent years, it has emerged among other plastic figures in the Sylvanian community, the Action man range and Katie Price.</p> <p>It's understood that the research group will turn their attention next to premature hair-loss among gonks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27669#post-76308 Sun, 10 Jul 2011 17:49:45 +0000 Christopher Frost 76308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25430#post-69079 Sun, 22 May 2011 14:43:54 +0000 mbalton 69079@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>McDonald’s stockholders have voted down a recommendation that the company stop marketing its products to children to counter the growing obesity epidemic among the world's youth.</p> <p>The plan called for the retirement of Ronald McDonald and would have required the removal of toys from the company’s Happy Meals. It was rejected by every McDonald’s stockholder except one, the Hamburgler, who reportedly does not like children.</p> <p>“Rather than restrict the popular Happy Meals concept, we’re going to expand upon it,” a McDonald’s spokesman said. “The new idea is to create Happy Meals for children of all ages.”</p> <p>Instead of toys, the adult Happy Meals will contain single doses of either McCrack or McMeth, two new products now being developed in the company’s McLab. “We want to give our adult customers an adult choice,” the spokesman added. “And have some adult fun.”</p> <p>In line with the new product launches, the company also announced a major change for McDonald’s mascot. The name of Ronald McDonald will be changed to Ronald McPusher.</p> <p>“We're through clowning around,” a McDonald's spokesman said. “We've been cooking our customers' their favorite burgers for more than half a century. Now we're going to fry their brains.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23446#post-63576 Mon, 04 Apr 2011 17:46:19 +0000 Mrblacker 63576@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To meet the demands of a Western population that's growing in number and waistline, the games giant Nintendo's to release a specialist anti-obesity variant of their popular canine maintenance game.</p> <p>Nintendman is designed to get fat people to reduce the size of their gut with a simple electronic game.</p> <p>"The idea is that people complete educational tasks that subliminally teaches them to control their cake-based urges." Hideo Masaoke from the game's developer told reporters.</p> <p>"We've been working on this for the US and European markets for 18 months, after it became evident that there was a gap in the market that wasn't being catered for. Unfortunately, the obese have been catering for it themselves, which is why they've been getting fatter. This game will teach them to waddle away from the chocolate bar or fried chicken and try a salad instead."</p> <p>In the game, a human based version of the popular Nintendogs series, players will attempt to keep their chosen character alive by looking after and feeding them. Higher points will be awarded for healthier food choices and games will end in their character's death if they go for things that taste good.</p> <p>"We expect this to be a top seller. We've already got the NHS in the UK interested and HMOs in the United States are to recommend the game for their larger customers from June 2011 as a way of reducing their premiums."</p> <p>A spokesman for the Department of Health confirmed they were interested in the game, but said as long as it was free, or could be sold on commission through GP's surgeries, they would 'seriously' consider adopting it as a frontline medical tool. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22511#post-60913 Tue, 15 Mar 2011 12:08:06 +0000 Ironduke 60913@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Sadly, also contains many truths.</p> <p>Cinq etoiles. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22511#post-60842 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 18:24:37 +0000 be reasonable 60842@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice. Some genuine satire - 5* from me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22511#post-60835 Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:47:48 +0000 Danny 60835@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The shocking study by the PDSA that over a third of dogs in the UK are overweight, and half will be overwidght by 2012, has prompted people in Kibera slum to help raise awareness on the dangers of obesity. </p> <p>Sonossi, a man who has lived in the slum his whole life, is going to spend 2 weeks in UK to see how hard it is to cope with this problem so he can better identify with the owners of fat pets. </p> <p>"We were all watching the terrible reports on our communal television about a poor dog who was so fat he had developed diabetes and arthritis, and our hearts just poured out to him and we decided that something needs to be done. </p> <p>"We complain when we struggle to get enough food to feed our children, but living in a society that has so much excess food the pet animals are becoming morbidly obese is clearly just as big a problem."</p> <p>Sonossi, who makes his living selling samosas on the street, said that the reports on pet obesity in the UK had made his children understand what a problem gluttony can be. </p> <p>"My children used to always be complaining about being hungry, but now they've seen the terrible reports from the PDSA it puts it all into perspective really."</p> <p>Experts are confused as to how dogs get so overweight. When questioned, all the owners of dogs that were clinically obese insisted they only fed their pets "half a can a day", which means one would expect to see a lot of emaciated animals and even deaths due to starvation. "Obviously as the dog's are obese they must be overeating somehow, but we are confused as to where they get all this extra food from." </p> <p>Previous research has shown that dogs have very little control over their own food supply. Dogs can neither buy purchase food from a shop, nor open the bag and feed themselves once it is in their house.</p> <p>One vet controversially suspects that owners themselves must be actually feeding them too much. "But why would they keep doing that, knowing it would make their dogs fat? Surely they would just cut down how much they get and that would be the problem solved?"</p> <p>Sonissi has oragnised the residents of Kibera slum sponsored fast to raise funds and awareness to help tackle this problem. "We thought as we are fasting most of the day anyway it may as well be for a good cause. </p> <p>"We're also concerned that a client who qualify for PDSA can only get three pets treated for free rather than as many as they want. I can fully identify with this as I cannot afford medical treatment for my children." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9541#post-25905 Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:32:56 +0000 sauce 25905@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the real world asthma inhalers are certainly allowed if medical details have been disclosed and approved in advance (well, certainly for archery internationals - so I assume Olympics). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9541#post-25892 Mon, 02 Aug 2010 02:07:18 +0000 BlackAndroid 25892@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good idea especially liked: There will also be the competitive waddle over the internationally recognised distance of Bus Stop to McDonalds.<br /> Would asthma inhalers be allowed or would they contavene any drugs prevention of misuse act ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9541#post-25889 Sun, 01 Aug 2010 22:40:49 +0000 dazchief 25889@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"as a genuine diability " ... diability... probably right typo there... most of the fatties would probably collapse reaching for the remote as the thought of watching Athletics would scare the silly.. "isnt hollyoaks on?" i hear them cry!</p> <p>Fatties think a pole vault is a WW2 Prison of war camp. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9541#post-25812 Sun, 01 Aug 2010 10:42:38 +0000 Mrblacker 25812@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The chance of Team GB winning a record haul of medals at the London 2012 Paralympics have received a shot in the arm from the International Olympic Committee.</p> <p>After months of consultation, the IOC has confirmed obesity will be recognised as a genuine diability for the games.</p> <p>"We are sensitive to cultural sensibilities and therefore, with obesity a growing <em>(sic)</em> issue in Western countries, we as a committee have agreed to include sport for fatties at London." IOC spokesman Manuel Ortega told reporters.</p> <p>The new disciplines include the 100m, 200m, 800m and 1500m in a mobility scooter, with an extra event seeing competitors taking part in the 1500m while smoking a JPS Black Superking.</p> <p>There will also be the competitive waddle over the internationally recognised distance of <em>Bus Stop to McDonalds</em> and the <em>Sitting, Puffing and Sweating</em> competition taking place in the Olympic Park itself.</p> <p>Stephanie Chalmers from Paralympic Team GB said it's a step forward for the UK's obese athletes.</p> <p>"For too long they've been forced to watch the olympics from their sofas. Now they'll be able to compete from a specially designed racing sofa and have the chance to be coached by Rik Waller in our Elite Obese Program." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8243 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 09:31:02 +0000 StoopyDeGunt 8243@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>lOVE IT.</p> <p>Although I myself might be a target customer for Obesey Jet </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8240 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:59:35 +0000 MADJEZ 8240@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Go straight to the front page, do not pass Go, do not collect £200 ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8235 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:22:52 +0000 Mary Evans 8235@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>S'alright. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8221 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 07:20:33 +0000 Ostsee 8221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A classic, well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8194 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 20:15:05 +0000 Genghis Cohen 8194@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Muchly ta, people. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8169 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 15:01:09 +0000 PluckyMunky 8169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I loved the 'today's bigger-boned' passengers'! A great piece. Thanks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8168 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:57:19 +0000 The All New Jeni B 8168@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fab post.<br /> I remember when Mr B used to complain that as a tall, skinny bloke he was always seated next to the fat people as he used less seat width.<br /> Nowadays, with his hard-earned beer belly, he's in need of a chunky seat! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2780#post-8165 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:03:24 +0000 MightyBlair 8165@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love the James cordon bit. </p>