http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=obama The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 15:55:15 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60498#post-175685 Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:43:18 +0000 reforse 175685@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wildfire isn't a chemical weapon, it's an incendiary, /geek off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60498#post-175684 Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:39:25 +0000 Wrenfoe 175684@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"But you can't talk about Game of Thrones and chemical weapons without mentioning Wild Fire, surely?"</p> <p>I was trying not to reveal just how geeky I actually am </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60498#post-175682 Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:18:41 +0000 waylandsmithy 175682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea. But you can't talk about Game of Thrones and chemical weapons without mentioning Wild Fire, surely?</p> <p>(If anyone doesn't know what Game of Thrones is, it's a popular show on Sky that makes everything from the BBC look really, really shit.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60498#post-175679 Sat, 27 Apr 2013 09:16:50 +0000 Wrenfoe 175679@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>US President Barack Obama has vowed a "vigorous investigation" into reports that exiled Daenerys Targaryen has used incendiary "dragons", warning they will be a "game changer" for the HBO series if proven true.</strong></p> <p>Both the US and UK audiences have seen emerging evidence that the Queen Across the Sea has been willing to go beyond her bi-curious antics to regain the Iron Throne. Footage has surfaced online of alleged victim, Kraznys mo Nakloz being attacked by a dragon. The victim frothed at the mouth and according to one viewer: "He was totally toast, dude!" </p> <p>Mr Obama speaking from the White House. "Clearly this is an attempt by the author to finish off a series that has quite frankly taken too long to write. Conventional narratives have been replaced by weapons of HBO." The President continued: "Seriously George, when are you going to finish this series. You are not a well looking man. Seriously, finish."</p> <p>Despite a Dragon no-fly zone the UN report last month, at least 76% of all 18-35 males have been subdued with this stable diet of exposed nipples and gratuitous decapitation. George R.R. Martin has denounced the allegations as "lies".</p> <p>Leading the rebel Baratheon forces, Tyrion Lannister was heard to exclaim: "Are you kidding me? I'm holding King's Landing together with duct tape! My father hates me, I have a homicidal maniac for a nephew and my incestuous siblings are incompetent. How am I expected to save a city under siege. Under siege from dragons? What the hell! Jeez...can someone get me my sword...it's on the top shelf? Come on...up there...there...I can't reach it." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58429#post-169651 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 22:36:10 +0000 BewsNiscuit 169651@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The secretive East Korean micktakership has declared war on West Korea following some 75 years in waiting, submerged under the Sea of Japan, waiting for the "Western Limperialists" to show their hand. Announcing the revised relationship (sic), President Stee V'Koo Ghan proclaimed "Aha, gotcha, Babies! Eat on this!" US President Obama is understood to have been dancin' to th' rhythm of a different beat. Tonight he announced that the US " is sittin' pretty 'cus we got Poseidon, man. Hey!" </p> <p>More soon....... if there's enough time before it all goes pear sha..... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55048#post-159137 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 14:35:48 +0000 JakeMustian 159137@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Predator Drones will continuously fly over President Obama’s Inauguration today attached with aerial banners congratulating him. In addition to the banners, the drones will also carry AGM-114 Hellfire missiles to target anyone who objects. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54563#post-157469 Sat, 12 Jan 2013 14:35:46 +0000 Joe Reynolds 157469@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More to come </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152907 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:48:50 +0000 beau-jolly 152907@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>makes a living off of</blockquote><br /> "Makes a living out of", or better still "makes a living from..." I stopped reading after that. Did I miss anything?<br /> Good advice above. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152845 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 08:44:42 +0000 dvo4fun 152845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Feedback: </p> <p>i) Read some of the current &amp; archived Front page stories to get a better idea of the house style. </p> <p>ii) Read the guidance notes which are somewhere up above even if I type.</p> <p>iii) If departing significantly from above it will need to be very funny</p> <p>iv) Enjoy</p> <p>Departure from both </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152820 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 03:32:20 +0000 leszkowiczc05 152820@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>-i already attend my local conspiracies anonymous meetings<br /> - "My Dog Kony" starring that one alcoholic child actor<br /> -i am one of the Anon mentalists. fear me.<br /> -point number 3 is false. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152804 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 21:51:02 +0000 Dick Everyman 152804@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Where will you be when America kills the Anti-Christ?</strong></p> <p>Alton Towers? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152791 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 21:03:07 +0000 Bourbon 152791@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A dog called Kony presented Blue Peter </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152790 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 21:01:18 +0000 waylandsmithy 152790@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm lost. Is Kony a dog toy?</p> <p>It certainly comes across as a bit rabid.</p> <p>Mind you, if you're actually one of the mentalists from Anonymous and this gets loads of hits, I'll piss myself if it wins WoM. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152787 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 20:55:34 +0000 Bourbon 152787@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>When you hear the word anonymous, what comes to mind?</blockquote></p> <p>Um... Alcoholics</p> <p><blockquote> If you guessed “some guy with no life who makes a living off of terrorizing our super efficient government of the people” then you chose correctly.</blockquote></p> <p>Fuck, I've never been good at pub quizzes </p> <p>Don't let the lack of comedy in your writing be a deterrent. Many regular contributors leave me looking forward to the morning spam. I get early every morning to read it. Cheaper that buying a paper </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152773 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 10:11:02 +0000 Tripod 152773@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>feedback would be appreciated.</blockquote></p> <p>Erm, this is a <em>comedy</em> site. The conspiracy theorists' meeting is over there, by the docks. Knock three times and mention my name... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152757 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 03:18:38 +0000 leszkowiczc05 152757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>first post :D, and this also ended up being a tad longer than i was planning. feedback would be appreciated. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53037#post-152756 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 03:17:34 +0000 leszkowiczc05 152756@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When you hear the word anonymous, what comes to mind? Some guy with no life who makes a living off of terrorizing our super efficient government of the people, some human being thing that wrote some obnoxiously stereo-typical poetic sentence and is thereby referred to as anonymous, or a dog without a collar? If you guessed “some guy with no life who makes a living off of terrorizing our super efficient government of the people” then you chose correctly.</p> <p> Since the end of The War on Scientology, the terrorist organization known as “Anonymous” has grown both in number and popularity, mainly due to the advent of the internet. You may have heard of them more recently due to their involvement in numerous attacks on government websites over the arrest of the man simply known as “that one guy who made MegaUpload“. So the real question lies within the bigger question, and that question being, Is Anonymous really doing anything positive for anybody? Or is it just ruining the lives of millions and their internet browsing experience? Obviously, the answer is that Anonymous is killing god. </p> <p> Historian, Any Mimis, PhD. says that “ in my opinion, the group called Anonymous is the single most dangerous organization since The Third Reich, and that’s a fact” he proves his point by noting the evolution of the group from internet trolls, to political activists, to a full fledged internet based revolutionary movement. </p> <p> He points out that when Mega Upload was taken down last year, anonymous launched a series of retaliatory attacks against our government, mainly the Department of Justice. Mega upload was a criminal site used for stealing almost every kind of digital content you could think of. Why would they stand up for a criminal mastermind? Because they are like batman, but for bad guys. What kind of so called group of “freedom fighters” attacks their government for arresting a criminal? A group of criminals do. </p> <p> Earlier in Anonymous’ near totalitarian rule of the internet, they became famous for their “War on Scientology”. That’s right, Anonymous hates Xenu, the fictional character created by L. Ron Hubbard. “The only reason anyone would want to defile the legendary works of a brilliant story teller, is because they simply hate everything, Anon hates me, they hate you, and they hate kittens.” claimed Ms. Mimis. Obviously, based on these clearly accurate facts, and the always true word of a historian, Anonymous is an organization built on hatred, and a love for that hatred. </p> <p> Early on in 2007, Fox News declared that the group in question is an “Internet hate machine”. Its easy to see that Anon was never a group of people fighting for the freedom of others. It is a raging hate machine that lives and breathes to terrorize the weak children of Mother Earth. Since 2007, the group became more violent online and that is evident in their repeated attempts to cripple the United States Government (the perfect government which could be even better with more republicans). </p> <p> But alas! We have a light in the darkness, our government is fighting back and doing so with the full might of the Environmental Protection Agency. When we interviewed the current head of the EPA, Lisa P. Jackson, we learned that the plan of attack was to “ just turn off the internet forever. These terrorists organize themselves using it, and are based in the realm of the world wide web. Plus all of the electricity that we use to connect to it [the internet] is super duper bad for the environment” she said. And although the environment is less important than making sure the “online terrorism” fad dies out, the EPA is still killing two birds with one rock. By turning off the internet, Americans will save millions of dollars per year on electricity, Anonymous will die out, and we can all return to our normal, non-wartime-on-the-internet lives. It sure sounds like a win/win scenario. </p> <p> Anonymous has been proven over and over again to be the worst obstacle that society has ever had to hurdle, and while they are like a demonic combination of Joseph Kony and President Obama, their reign of terror is coming to an end. The world will be the peaceful, rage-free, pollution filled, palace of glutton that we all know and love once again. Order will be restored to the universe. And Mitt Romney will be elected in 2016. The dawn of the Anonymous-free world is upon us. </p> <p>Where will you be when America kills the Anti-Christ? </p> <p>-Author anonymous</p> <p>*for more unbiased information and further reading on Anonymous, visit foxnews.com* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52448#post-150946 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 16:07:22 +0000 Ragnar48 150946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Storm of the Century changed everything. And no, not the winds and waves that wreaked havoc all along the East Coast, but the November tempest that sent Hostess Brands reeling into bankruptcy. Chris Christie, once the Great White Hope of the Republican Party, is said to be marshalling his political forces for a defection to the Democrats. </p> <p>The formal announcement is expected to come on Monday.</p> <p>A source close to the Governor reported that Christie’s recent, unpublicized attempt to save Hostess employees from the breadlines is what finally sealed the deal. “Union hating Romneyite Republicans were the reason this thing went south,” she said. “You take away his Twinkies and you’ve got a whale of a problem on your hands.”</p> <p>According to mentor and long-time political advisor, Bruce Springsteen, Christie’s belief in Global Warming and antipathy to fossil fuels have clearly put him at odds with his party; but this was [i]not the impetus for his decision to embrace the Obama regime. “No, man, dude was born in the USA, he’s one of us, always was.”</p> <p>When asked for comment, Republican strongman Carl Rove doubled down on his election night reluctance to accept an Obama victory in Ohio: “Really hope Chris is not leaving us on the beach. Kind of early to tell, let’s just wait and see.”</p> <p>So what does this mean for the two parties? Who will the Republicans dig up to fill the void? And how will the Democrats harness this force of nature?</p> <p>One thing is for certain, there will be one less enormous mouth to feed at the 2016 National Republican Convention. That might be a major upside for the RNC. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147285 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 11:13:43 +0000 AReader 147285@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Spelling Checker:</p> <p><blockquote> in favour of <strong>legslising</strong> gay marriage</blockquote></p> <p><blockquote>faltering support during <strong>thd dowturn</strong></blockquote> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147275 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 09:50:13 +0000 Username 147275@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looks good on FP, and made Mrs Name wheeze with laughter... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147257 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 07:44:09 +0000 charlies_hat 147257@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. Wot they said. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147254 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 07:27:42 +0000 Squudge 147254@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>a worthy FP<br /> ..love the pic with the 'yes you can/no you can't'<br /> - fabulous </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147099 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 21:39:45 +0000 Username 147099@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice. Very nice.</p> <p>Might put "whether or not thinking about two men doing it to each other makes them go all funny inside." in the first para, and "the crucial question or whether or not the right of people with the same number of penises or vaginas as each other to make their relationship official is any of their fucking business. " in a later one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147068 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 16:35:58 +0000 Danny 147068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love the comment "None of his three ex-wives could be reached for comment." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-147013 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 11:00:05 +0000 Dick Everyman 147013@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent research, although I believe Jesus is more likely turn up in Slough or Scunthorpe. Stars of Bethlehem for you.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-146960 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 21:50:47 +0000 Ironduke 146960@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>great work, just hoping that Pinxit can resist the temptation </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51042#post-146935 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 16:40:22 +0000 Oxbridge 146935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the US presidential election campaign enters its last days, pollsters say the result is still on a knife-edge. Whilst flag worship remains an issue for some, the electorate is split almost evenly over the crucial question or whether or not the right of people with the same number of penises or vaginas as each other to make their relationship official is any of their fucking business. </p> <p>'President Obama's decision to come out in favour of legslising gay marriage was a pivotal moment,' said political analyst Frank Luntz. 'This appears to have solidified his lead among the 60% of Americans who aren't mad. However, it has probably further alienated more of the 40% who believe that tax-funded healthcare is worse than slavery and that Elvis visited them on a UFO last week.'</p> <p>In view of the record federal deficit, high unemployment and with many of America's 300 million people barely getting by from one month to the next, both sides say that the economy is the key issue. However, there has been a tacit agreement to decide the leadership of the world's most powerful country based on whether or not thinking about two men doing it to each other makes them go all funny inside.</p> <p>Republicans have condemned Obama's move as a cynical stunt to shore up faltering support during thd dowturn, since the legalisation of same sex marriage is a state rather than a federal issue. Former Republcan candidate Newt Gingrich commented that conservatives like him regard marriage as the unbreakable union of one man and one woman. None of his three ex-wives could be reached for comment.</p> <p>'Same sex marriage is unacceptable to Christian Americans, the idea is crazy,' added Mormon Republican candidate Mitt Romney, who believes in a sacred book compiled on golden plates by ancient prophets who lived in America from 2200 BC to 421 AD, then handed to a confidence trickster called Joseph Smith in 1827 and which not only says that Jesus is going to return to Earth in Missouri but also justified Romney's great-grandfather having four wives at the same time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48643#post-140293 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 08:14:52 +0000 Sinnick 140293@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And some other news:</p> <p>Susan Boyle to strip on stage if David Cameron re-elected </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48643#post-140212 Tue, 25 Sep 2012 20:11:58 +0000 Squudge 140212@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>heh </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48643#post-140211 Tue, 25 Sep 2012 20:07:24 +0000 Anonymous 140211@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/09/25/madonna-calls-president-obama-black-muslim-says-shell-strip-onstage-if-wins/?intcmp=features" rel="nofollow">http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/09/25/madonna-calls-president-obama-black-muslim-says-shell-strip-onstage-if-wins/?intcmp=features</a> </p>