http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=not The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 19:38:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163990 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 17:36:11 +0000 scribbler 163990@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hopeless unrealistic, Lane. Next you'll be suggesting he might actually make something recognisable as a joke!</p> <p>Do be sensible, old(ish) chap. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163978 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 17:02:26 +0000 Audible Minority 163978@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You tell him, Truebiscuit. If he respects you then he'll stop posting now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163969 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:50:39 +0000 Truebiscuit 163969@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lazy, derivative and fucking shit. There are no beginnings to your talents Lane, do you have a head injury? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163966 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:38:00 +0000 Audible Minority 163966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>William Hill are giving 3,500 to one against. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163964 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:35:23 +0000 Lens Cap 163964@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/about/guidelines-for-contributors/" rel="nofollow">http://www.newsbiscuit.com/about/guidelines-for-contributors/</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163963 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:33:27 +0000 Audible Minority 163963@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ladbrokes are giving 2,000 to one against. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56682#post-163961 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:25:27 +0000 lane-avenger 163961@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/8796/victor20meldrew20richar.jpg"></p> <p>I’m sure he’ll see the funny side of this! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96568 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:44:51 +0000 The All New Jeni B 96568@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only is as much as suffocating on the fumes of so many man-made fibres in a confined space.</p> <p>Despite being born and bred in these parts, I could barely understand what the neds were saying. Mind you, I asked the Clerk of Court for directions to the loos, and he looked at me as though I were an alien, before muttering something about "Posh folk comin' jist fer a nosy" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96567 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:41:52 +0000 dvo4fun 96567@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah I was waiting for you to attend Jeni and had even gone to the extent of getting ear plugs at the ready. I wonder if day at the Sheriff's might have numbed the senses a tad.......................... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96559 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:37:23 +0000 The All New Jeni B 96559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh I started reading this all ready to be mightily offended, but somehow the broad spectrum of denigration somewhat dissipated my ire.</p> <p>I'd love to claim that the ginger apes don't exist, but having spent the day in the local Sheriff Court with my Uni class, (we've all been bailed pending Psychiatric reports), I can verify that they do.<br /> Weirdly though, almost every accused brought up from the cells seemed to have a Glasgow accent despite us being on the opposite coast. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96543 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 18:37:04 +0000 UnoEye 96543@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Vertically Challenged Giant: I see now what you mean about 'fixing' the tags. Umm...thanks...i think :-) well I'm glad that no one else is offended anyhow? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96541 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 18:23:28 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 96541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don’t find this racist and I have Scottish blood; about twenty pints of it in my freezer - oh, bugger. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96533 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 17:23:59 +0000 Scroat 96533@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tin hats everybody.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96525 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:41:23 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 96525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Disclaimer: The views expressed in the previous comment are not necessarily the views of VCG and may have been expressed purely for the sake of being irritating. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96524 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:40:16 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 96524@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're welcome. I've tried to fix the tags for you too.</p> <p>I don't think this can be racist anyway can it? The Scots aren't technically a race, they're a virus. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96519 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:30:51 +0000 UnoEye 96519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the advice Vertically Challenged Giant. Maybe then I should get my pr people to release a picture of me shaking hands with someone of the offended race? You know, just to prove the point Blatter style. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96516 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:16:31 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 96516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If it is racist, and somebody is upset by it, then you should shake hands. That will make it all ok according to Sepp Blatter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96511 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 15:55:16 +0000 Clarky 96511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like the backwards evolution riff. A fiver. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96509 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 15:52:40 +0000 UnoEye 96509@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It seems that someone has tagged this as racist. I wondered if they cared to explain this so that I could refute the accusation. I apologise if I've offended them and I would appreciate the chance to discuss it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34075#post-96435 Thu, 17 Nov 2011 07:59:31 +0000 UnoEye 96435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Devolution in Scotland has lead to the rise of a new member of the Homo genus. Scientists described the new ape as having ‘A red shock of hair, an indiscernible dialect and a penchant for whisky.’</p> <p> One scientist explained ‘Devolution is much like evolution except in reverse. For example, apes evolved into humans, but there’s no reason why humans can’t devolve into more primitive forms as well, such as astrologers or Daily Mail readers. Given the vast expanse of geological time they can even devolve into Big Brother contestants.</p> <p> ‘The apes survive on a varied diet of rabbit, deer and wild cat. Anything they can fit in a deep-fat fryer really.’</p> <p> After discovery two of the apes were taken to Edinburgh zoo. The zookeeper’s have been trying to teach them sign language but communication has been frustratingly slow, so far the apes have only really adopted the use of expletives. Disappointingly an app designed by Apple to translate their dialect demonstrated limited success.</p> <p> The intelligence of the apes is apparent after one, dubbed Clyde by the zookeepers, encouraged the other apes in the zoo to rise up and escape from their captors. After a dramatic showdown on the Forth Bridge the apes managed to escape and head into the Caledonian Forests. It was speculated that they might remain there happily but after only 4 hours Clyde decided he needed a drink. He was found drunk, slumped against a shelf in the warehouse of a Tesco’s after apparently consuming 14 litre bottles of Famous Grouse. Upon arrival the zoo keepers tried to ascertain his condition but Clyde simply used his sign language abilities to indicate that they were frequent masturbators.</p> <p> Hollywood have already bought rights to the film. A so far unnamed, washed-up, drunken, anti-Semite Australian actor has been lined up to play Clyde in what’s billed as an epic, historically inaccurate portrayal of Clyde’s adventure’s in the Tesco warehouse. Called Apeheart the film will imply that Clyde is actually the Queen’s great, great granddad. Despite Clyde’s birth occurring 34 years after the Queen’s coronation.</p> <p> Many religious people have refused to believe the discovery. Dave James, a fundamentalist Christian determined to put the ‘fun’ back into ‘mentalist’ argued ‘Devolution is only a theory, just like gravity. It’s not a fact, just like gravity. So there.’ Before smiling smugly in the manner of someone who mistakenly believes they’ve just out-witted a tree stump.</p> <p> Animal rights campaigners have decried the move to exhibit the creatures in a zoo and have immediately vowed to resume being a general pain in the arse, only with renewed vigour and focus. When asked to comment one campaigner who goes by the name of ‘Starbeam’ could do nothing but manically froth at the mouth while wildly pointing at a picture of a cat in a cage with a slightly distressed expression on its face. After some time she managed to utter the words ‘Who’s the real animal?’</p> <p> One Englishman on a visit to Edinburgh Zoo simply bitterly commented ‘Ginger chimps? And I bet they get free prescriptions as well do they?’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-15049 Wed, 02 Jun 2010 15:38:36 +0000 Scroat 15049@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sooty recommend you get some Brakspears Triple. Nice stuff.</p> <p><a href="http://beer-pages.com/protz/tasting/brakspear-triple.htm" rel="nofollow">http://beer-pages.com/protz/tasting/brakspear-triple.htm</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14967 Wed, 02 Jun 2010 08:23:39 +0000 andhrimnir 14967@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Business post. Quite often marked as "Urgent: educational material" for some reason ;-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14934 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:42:51 +0000 rikkor 14934@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"I spit on you"?? (L)EEK! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14926 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:11:45 +0000 Doctor Moptop 14926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Hello Dolly' is Welsh for 'I spit on you'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14925 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:06:35 +0000 rikkor 14925@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bronwyn, "old tom" is Welsh for "wedding tackle". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14853 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:16:07 +0000 Scroat 14853@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hobgoblin on draught is excellent, and not too hangovery. Did you say you were in Norway Sooty? If so, how do you get your beer delivered? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14848 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:36:59 +0000 andhrimnir 14848@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>by any chance is "Old Tom" welsh for Cordwangler? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14843 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:21:39 +0000 PluckyMunky 14843@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*snigger* 'Old Tom' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14842 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:20:25 +0000 PluckyMunky 14842@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to hear from you Scroaty. I am sure you will recover quickly. I wish I could get up the motivation to walk. I know, apart from anything else, that it is good for you.</p> <p>Mr Rimnir, I hope you are not being trainspoterist. There is surely nothing wrong in sitting at the end of a station platform, with a packed lunch, writing down numbers? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5306&page=2#post-14839 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:17:09 +0000 andhrimnir 14839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Scroat, Wychwood - I believe that they make that beer stuff I enjoy so much?<br /> I had a marathon of Hobgoblin, Sneck Lifter and Old Tom over a very long weekend, so much so that I was thinking of taking the pledge this morning, not least because we have run out of beer and no deliveries until Thursday. Then I read that Alzheimers has been linked to the beer belly so I've forgotten what it was I was supposed to stop doing. Does anyone know if I won the Eurovision I recall getting up to sing but was distracted and missed the voting? </p>