http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=newcastle-united The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 09:54:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142999 Thu, 11 Oct 2012 07:36:43 +0000 Gerontius 142999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Agree with MD on this one. Excellent idea, needs working up a bit.<br /> And Vertical<br /> As for Perks....Oxford Utd and Coldplay on the same evening...David Blaine couldn't sit that one out.</p> <p>I'm looking forward to the Geordie prayer mats appearing in the club shop. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142937 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 18:11:32 +0000 custard cream 142937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great, max. stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142929 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 17:17:52 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can't remember where exactly, it might have been Fulham, but I remember a ground I went to many years ago that had an advertising board by the side of the pitch that read, 'Depressed? Suicidal? Call the Samaritans on ....' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142909 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:03:05 +0000 Perks 142909@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I regularly go and watch Oxford United cease to exist in league two. When the play coldplay over the PA on a cold Tuesday night, it can be near suicidal </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142908 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 14:51:33 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 142908@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Because nobody watches any football outside of the Premier League, so when Blackpool were relegated 2 years ago they ceased to exist.</p> <p>I quite like this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142871 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 12:02:46 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142871@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is not a bad idea but I think the writing could be a bit sharper. I suggest try cutting the quotes down to a single sentence to start with, and go from there. Have some stars to keep you going in the meantime; more available if you keep up the payments.</p> <p>Incidentally, I think I'm right in saying that Wonga sponsored Blackpool last year and very little was said. Why is it that Wonga sponsoring Newcastle is now attracting so much criticism? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49470#post-142861 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:39:48 +0000 johnnydobbo 142861@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Northern League Division 2 club Tow Law Town became the latest north-eastern football club to exploit the booming poverty and misery industry as they announced a sponsorship deal with Big Dave, a usurer who has kept the Felling, Pelaw and Carr Hill areas supplied with a ready supply of doorstep credit since 1976.</p> <p>"This is a great deal for The Lawyers", a club statement read, "which will provide funds to manager Ian Davison to invest in the team and allow us to renovate the Ironworks Road ground. Big Dave has assured us that the money he's putting in is not a loan but very definitely a shirt sponsorship given that the club is at the heart of new and emerging markets that Dave is beginning to set up operations in".</p> <p>Big Dave has been looking to expand beyond his traditional Felling boundaries for some time and sees the tie-up with Tow Law as a key part of that. "Many people are suffering economically in the north-east at the moment and my operation is in a position to help. Positioning ourselves in the heart of Tow Law alongside the football club allows us to spread ourselves further across the area and help more people".</p> <p>Concerns have been raised about the business practices of Big Dave with widespread reports of arbitrary interest rates and physical violence enacted on those struggling to keep up with repayments. Dave himself refutes that, saying that "Nobody has ever complained to me or my operatives, and our customer satisfaction is rated highly by the surveys we conduct regularly. We offer a service to the most vulnerable in society who cannot get credit elsewhere. It's just unfortunate that so many of them seem to fall down the stairs shortly after our operatives seek the payments our clients promise to keep up. It's not like we're doing anything companies such as Wonga don't". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39587#post-112321 Wed, 07 Mar 2012 14:00:42 +0000 WatcherMark 112321@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Less than a day after a fan was fined £100 for spraying 'St. James' Park' onto the ground of Newcastle United, chairman Mike Ashley has announced that the team itself is to be rebranded 'Sports Direct Union'.</p> <p><em>"I just think this is the right time for such a change"</em> commented Ashley, whom we had caught chucking darts at pictures of Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan just minutes before. <em>"This isn't just a team to me, but a brand. A brand we can exploit to its fullest potential... and besides, I'll never miss an opportunity to piss off the fans."</em></p> <p>Currently, all merchandise bearing the Newcastle United name is being recalled from the shops upon which it will all be burned in an incinerator. However Ashley insisted that this change was only temporary, and was only in place to attract potential sponsors to the club.</p> <p><em>"Who knows, in a few weeks the club could be known as 'McDonalds United' or 'Carphone Warehouse Rovers'. Right now, I'm in talks with a society of pancake flippers... I'd love nothing more than to rename this club 'Tossers United'."</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17986#post-48448 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 21:21:08 +0000 malgor 48448@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well-written, Scribe!</p> <p>Alternatively '...At the end of the day,' he added, patting his wife's bottom, '<em>back of the net</em>.' [Oh dear, I've lowered the tone. Sorry. But he does have a beautiful wife.] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17986#post-48377 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 13:46:11 +0000 De-scribe 48377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The lad's done his best but to be fair it was always gonna be a hard game to win </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17986#post-48360 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 12:38:41 +0000 MC One R 48360@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>De-scribe - I only give this 110%. In this division you have got to be up in the 150-200 percents week-in, week-out. Terrible defending. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17986#post-48335 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 11:18:09 +0000 Oxbridge 48335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bwahahahahaha. The lad done brilliant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17986#post-48330 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 10:55:31 +0000 De-scribe 48330@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The surprise sacking of Newcastle United manager Chris Hughton yesterday has been justified by club owner Mike Ashley on the grounds of Hughton’s “appalling cliché record”. </p> <p>“Sure, Chris had points in the bag and we were on target to press for a European place late doors,” Ashley explained, “but he had neither been ‘sick as a parrot’ nor ‘over the moon’ for months. That’s no way to run a whelk stall.”</p> <p>Team Captain Kevin Nolan agreed “If the boss had just come out once and said he was gutted, or that he was taking each game as it comes, he might have saved his bacon. A simple observation that football is a game of two halves, or that the lads were running their socks off and fighting for their lives might even have saved him from the early bath”. </p> <p>“But I never even heard him observe that there are no easy games in this league. That is unacceptable. He’s been half a yard off the pace and it’s a big ask to come back from there. The gaffer’s basically just lost the dressing room. That’s a stonewall sacking.”</p> <p>Hughton was philosophical last night as he arrived home at his gated faux-Georgian mansion in Alderley Edge with his beauty consultant wife Solange. “I’ve had a bad day at the office and I’ve been done up like a kipper. I’ve always avoided clichés like the plague. At the end of the day it’s a funny old game” he told waiting reporters. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2172#post-6417 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:55:22 +0000 MightyBlair 6417@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sports Direct International Plc, owned by the controversial Mike Ashley, was brought to its knees today after its shops were targeted by terrorists, in what police called ‘a highly organised and calculated attack’. At approximately 15:00, Calor Gas heaters were wheeled to the doors of Sports Direct-owned retailers nationwide and turned to full power.</p> <p>Shoppers and bystanders watched in horror as the entire shop and its contents melted, and several customers, mostly wearing sports clothing, burst into flames. Twenty Eight people are thought to have died, and Scotland Yard estimates that between twenty and thirty people suffered second degree burns, whilst ten people have been left facing the possibility that they maybe waterproof for the rest of their lives. No arrests have been made, although Scotland Yard is investigating information implicating the Real Toon Army. </p>