http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=neat-ooooo The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:07:32 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58104#post-168455 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 10:48:53 +0000 sponge finger 168455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I gather he was as drunk as a lord. So, after a discreet interval, they'll probably make him one [Sir Humphrey Appleby] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58104#post-168452 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 10:30:30 +0000 Squudge 168452@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The House of Commons has issued a statement reacting angrily after the arrest of Eric Joyce at the Commons karaoke night, after he denied being drunk at the time of the incident.</p> <p>"There is no way any self-respecting public official or professional in the political arena would even contemplate karaoke in a state of sobriety. To claim otherwise is quite preposterous and undermines the credibility of Parliament.</p> <p>Being somewhere on the spectrum between 'a bit tiddly' and 'drunk as a Lord' is par for the course. Wrestling with policemen may be acceptale providing it is mutually consensual one does not call them 'plebs'." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57581#post-167013 Sat, 09 Mar 2013 17:29:25 +0000 sponge finger 167013@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 FFS for the punchline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57581#post-166952 Sat, 09 Mar 2013 11:04:45 +0000 Yikes 166952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one Squudge - definite neat-o contender! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57581#post-166949 Sat, 09 Mar 2013 10:44:56 +0000 Squudge 166949@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Police have today cautioned George Osbourne and issued an interim restraining order banning him from all garden centres, after reports that he was seen 'maliciously stamping on the green shoots of recovery'.</p> <p>Osborne is reported to have roamed the home counties in a Range Rover with his 'crew' (dubbed the 'Eton Massiv'), targeting a cross-section of plant emporiums, vandalising new growth whenever they got the chance.</p> <p>A shocked witness, Doris Shuttlecock who shops regularly at the Cheapside Hilliers, said she saw him "lurking around the plug-plants section with one of those awful squirty bottles that has a picture of a dead dandelion and a bee crossed out".</p> <p>Doris' husband, Len, added "He had a couple of other thugs with him. A bald one (later identified as 'Ian Duncan-Smith') who seemed to be nicking the seed pods off hard-working plants, and posh-looking one with a big shiny face who kept saying "Look..." then dropping his trousers and dumping tons of fertiliser on the seedlings, smothering them in a suffocating mess".</p> <p>Rose gardens have reported the mysterious 'dead-heading' of every bud from their red rose varieties. Police have yet to prove a link between this and the other incidents.</p> <p>Members of the public have been urged to be vigilant, and report any further sightings of Osbourne, IDS or the one they call 'Dave', anywhere near the garden section of local superstores, or arboretums, where it has been alleged that they might be tree fellers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53903#post-155627 Sat, 29 Dec 2012 12:05:53 +0000 Squudge 155627@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>in the event that my sub gets used *<strong>COUGH</strong>* here is a image that might be 'appropriate' - in my defence, this snowman was originally built in Saudi Arabia. So there.</p> <p><img src="http://assets3.pinimg.com/upload/87116574013872248_oxyRwo7v.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53903#post-155554 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 18:08:24 +0000 Squudge 155554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Dick - ta for the spot - hangover typos.</p> <p>@Dvo - I understand Torremolinos has fallen from favour as it is over-run by golfers. One can still get authentic fish and chips though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53903#post-155548 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:10:03 +0000 dvo4fun 155548@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for that Squudge. Saves me trawling through the Radio Times for holiday destination ideas </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53903#post-155532 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 14:20:35 +0000 Dick Everyman 155532@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great Squudge - have you got a secret link to the Met Office?</p> <p>There'll no doubt be compulsory wearing of water-wings for the under 10's as well as compulsory hose-piping to help empty the reservoirs!</p> <p>Love the 4th para especially.</p> <p>Stars *****</p> <p>Ps Tewkesbury missing e ;0) plus Faliraki? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53903#post-155512 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:00:11 +0000 Squudge 155512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Environment Minister, Richard Benyon has today announced emergency measures for the British Summer Holiday, to be brought into effect in the New Year. "Every year we have the same crisis, summer. Now we will be prepared."</p> <p>With immediate effect, town councils will be empowered to build new flood defences using existing funding, and the Thames Barrier will be left cranked up to its fullest height. The Minister stated that airports would receive maximum protection, with snow ploughs on standby to assist in clearing runways.</p> <p>"We cannot allow anything to impede the emergency evacuation of our citizens this year". Provision is being made for refuge shelters for British holidaymakers in favoured destinations such as Magaluf, Faliraki and Benidorm. MPs and senior officials are said to be making their own arrangements in undisclosed destinations believed to be in Tuscany and the Carribean.</p> <p>David Cameron has added his authority and shiny face to the proposals. "The safety of the Royal family is paramount, thus the next heir to the throne and the fragrant Duchess of Cambridge will be on their summer holidays at various destination throughout the coming year."</p> <p>North of the Watford Border, town councils have voiced vehement opposition to the gritting lorries being requisitioned to protect the airports, particularly those in London. "How are we to guarantee access to local events such as school summer fetes?".</p> <p>Manufacturers of wellies, pack-a-macs and umbrellas are up in arms, arguing that it cuts to the heart of all that is British about summertime. A British Tourist Board spokesman summed up the depth of feeling "We have heavily invested in advertising British themed holidays all over the UK. Tewkesbury Council are planning Rangerover waterski championships in June, while white-water rafting in Cornwall is expected to be exceptionally popular, particularly in August". </p> <p>Yorkshire and Southern Water have already announced a hosepipe ban as a precaution, from the first of April. </p>