http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=nancy-pelosi The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 11:34:49 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80240 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:21:30 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80240@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't think mine will get used, turns out it's along similar lines as a previous NiB.</p> <p>The social spending bit got cut out too, I liked that bit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80239 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:15:21 +0000 Qoxiivi 80239@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To be fair, I think this has made the front page first ahead of your sub merely due to its irrelevance if it was left any longer. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80238 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:13:00 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FP for this, they took 'slidey borrowey thing' out though. Oh well, maybe I'm too easily amused by silly words. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80201 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:15:23 +0000 dvo4fun 80201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree. I'm afraid to say I still shout at the television when the Wonga ad. comes on. "'No hidden charges?' I should f**king well think not!"</p> <p>Time for the Ovaltine </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80184 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 18:34:25 +0000 Qoxiivi 80184@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you. Yeah, I think it's stronger now. The reason the article's original guise had the punchline it did was because I’ve recently seen loads of disgraceful ads in the back of the Metro aimed at sub-prime borrowers. They all have horrendous APRs and are all aimed primarily at people within ethnic minorities – given that they, generally, form a large part of the poorest within society. Eugh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80164 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 16:04:33 +0000 dvo4fun 80164@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent extra paragraph. Fits well and v. funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80159 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 15:53:13 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80159@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like the re-work, like the addded paragraph about social spending too. Still 5*. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80147 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 14:40:22 +0000 Qoxiivi 80147@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With re-worked ending:</p> <p>The US administration breathed a collective sigh of relief today following President Obama’s announcement that their application for a wonga.com loan had been approved.</p> <p>In a statement to Congress, a visibly relieved Obama seemed pleased with the arrangement, and was highly complementary about the whole Wonga experience.</p> <p>“The green undulating fields and cartoon butterflies at the top of their website made me feel at ease immediately, plus they had this cool slidey borrowey thing that went all the way up to $2,400,000,000,000 – which was handy.”</p> <p>“The whole thing was really user-friendly and made getting out of debt by getting into even more debt a doddle. They didn’t even seem bothered about our credit history.”</p> <p>The deal comes after weeks of passive-aggressive discussions between Obama and his advisers around an enormous, specially-constructed kitchen table in the White House.</p> <p>Hillary Clinton, who was responsible for writing down ‘what we’ve got going out’ and ‘what we’ve got coming in’ on the back of a giant manila envelope, said that despite the cash injection, austerity measures were still inevitable.</p> <p>“Although I like a night out as much as the next gal, there was a whole section marked ‘social spending’ which looks like it can go. And if that’s not enough, well, we might just have to bite the bullet and cut back on one or two unnecessary wars. Let's hope it doesn't come to that though.”</p> <p>Not everyone in Congress is impressed, however, and the President’s mood turned sour when Nancy Pelosi, of the House of Representatives, quizzed him over Wonga’s representative APR of 4,214%.</p> <p>“Look, you wanted it sorted and I’ve sorted it, ok? Can we stop going on about this now and talk about something else because you're doing my head in. You sound just like your fucking mother, do you know that?” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80139 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:48:09 +0000 Qoxiivi 80139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Agreed. Am reworking the thing to make this the case. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80135 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:41:26 +0000 dvo4fun 80135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. If you wanted some input (including from someone who has had no postings accepted yet) I thought the paragraphs ending with the '..sound just like your fucking mother etc' would make a crisper ending. </p> <p>5* also </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80125 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:27:33 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. Like 'cool slidey borrowey thing' especially.</p> <p>Think it could maybe do with a different punchline, but no suggestions. Still 5*. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80123 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:21:37 +0000 Qoxiivi 80123@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Edited - now a full sub. May still need tightening though so any comments/amends welcome.</p> <p>Also, please see below for a new, improved version that, er, makes your hair 83% more vibrant? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28606#post-80071 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 08:23:18 +0000 Qoxiivi 80071@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The US administration breathed a collective sigh of relief today following President Obama’s announcement that their application for a wonga.com loan had been approved.</p> <p>In a statement to Congress, a visibly relieved Obama seemed pleased with the arrangement, and was highly complementary about the whole Wonga experience.</p> <p>“The green undulating fields and cartoon butterflies at the top of their website made me feel at ease immediately, plus they had this cool slidey borrowey thing that went all the way up to $2,400,000,000,000 – which was handy.”</p> <p>“The whole thing was really user-friendly and made getting out of debt by getting into even more debt a doddle. They didn’t even seem bothered about our credit history.”</p> <p>Not everyone is impressed, however, and the President’s mood soon turned sour when Nancy Pelosi, of the House of Representatives, quizzed him over Wonga’s representative APR of 4,214%.</p> <p>“Look, you wanted it sorted and I’ve sorted it, ok? Can we stop going on about this now and talk about something else? You sound just like your fucking mother, do you know that?”</p> <p>The deal comes after weeks of passive-aggressive discussions between Obama and his Council of Economic Advisers around an enormous, specially-constructed kitchen table in the White House.</p> <p>Hillary Clinton, who was responsible for totalling up ‘what we’ve got going out’ and ‘what we’ve got coming in’ on the back of a giant manila envelope, said that having exhausted other credit avenues, in the end, wonga.com was their last hope.</p> <p>“Ok, some will say that Obama’s been taken for a ride and that Wonga ‘saw him coming’, but then, so did the high street banks he tried. And seeing as he’s black, well, that was the problem.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2803#post-8215 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 03:23:10 +0000 MightyBlair 8215@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny, especially second time through. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2803#post-8207 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 02:03:13 +0000 rfreed 8207@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Extreme Right wingnut Ann Coulter new telephone 'Dial-A Skank' business venture began its services yesterday. Offering 24 hour titillation to the lusty imaginations of millions of potential far right callers, the phone lines are already going non-stop.<br /> The new call in service offers Ms. Coulter's own brand of acid, Kama Sutral, liberal bashing delight to her supporters as she explores the forbidden libido of desire that lurks in the dark recesses of many arch conservative minds. Annes own breathy voice delivers the sexy, steamy innuendo as evidenced in this outtake:<br /> “I have Micheal Moore tied spread eagle on a bed face down. I am pulling down his pants, slowly exposing his ample hiney. I strip the belt out of his pants, then bring it slashing down upon the monumental exposed flesh. As he screams out in pain I say “Tell Mommy that you have been a bad liberal! Tell me!” I then lash ever widening arcs upon his bottom.”<br /> Coulter also includes phone spots from other famous conservative media demigods such as Glenn Beck- “I have Nancy Pelosi tied to a 17th century witches dunking stool stripped down to her bra and panties. I am making her read aloud Ronald Reagan's autobiography. Anytime she mispronounces a word I dunk her in the water and haul her out. Her white, tender flesh has goose bumps all over it from the cold and the excitement. Actually, so do I!”<br /> Sean Hannity has his input too- “I have Al Gore straddled across my lap with his pants pulled down. I raise my paddle and as I bring it down upon his quivering, expectant buttocks I say “Tell me about global warming! Tell me about the polar bears dying! I want to hear it again.” (It was noticed that Mr. Hannity seems to get a little too much pleasure out of his performance and his beady eyes and insinuating smile are more beady and insinuating than usual.)<br /> But it is Anne herself who keeps things going with her genuine sexy, fascist attitudes and repugnance for all things even remotely leftist- “I have Bill Clinton chained up spread out naked upon a bear skin rug in front of a roaring fire. I take out a cigar, sniff it's robust aroma, and then….”Extreme Right wingnut Ann Coulter new telephone 'Dial-A Skank' business venture began its services yesterday. Offering 24 hour titillation to the lusty imaginations of millions of potential far right callers, the phone lines are already going non-stop.<br /> The new call in service offers Ms. Coulter's own brand of acid, Kama Sutral, liberal bashing delight to her supporters as she explores the forbidden libido of desire that lurks in the dark recesses of many arch conservative minds. Annes own breathy voice delivers the sexy, steamy innuendo as evidenced in this outtake:<br /> “I have Micheal Moore tied spread eagle on a bed face down. I am pulling down his pants, slowly exposing his ample hiney. I strip the belt out of his pants, then bring it slashing down upon the monumental exposed flesh. As he screams out in pain I say “Tell Mommy that you have been a bad liberal! Tell me!” I then lash ever widening arcs upon his bottom.”<br /> Coulter also includes phone spots from other famous conservative media demigods such as Glenn Beck- “I have Nancy Pelosi tied to a 17th century witches dunking stool stripped down to her bra and panties. I am making her read aloud Ronald Reagan's autobiography. Anytime she mispronounces a word I dunk her in the water and haul her out. Her white, tender flesh has goose bumps all over it from the cold and the excitement. Actually, so do I!”<br /> Sean Hannity has his input too- “I have Al Gore straddled across my lap with his pants pulled down. I raise my paddle and as I bring it down upon his quivering, expectant buttocks I say “Tell me about global warming! Tell me about the polar bears dying! I want to hear it again.” (It was noticed that Mr. Hannity seems to get a little too much pleasure out of his performance and his beady eyes and insinuating smile are more beady and insinuating than usual.)<br /> But it is Anne herself who keeps things going with her genuine sexy, fascist attitudes and repugnance for all things even remotely leftist- “I have Bill Clinton chained up spread out naked upon a bear skin rug in front of a roaring fire. I take out a cigar, sniff it's robust aroma, and then….” </p>