http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=monopoly The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 04:18:45 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42657#post-122389 Fri, 11 May 2012 15:18:36 +0000 RickH 122389@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...and why is there only one Monopolies Commission?</p> <p>This is deeply suspicious ;)) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42657#post-122388 Fri, 11 May 2012 15:14:47 +0000 bonjonelson 122388@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I still think it's wrong that only Parker Bros. can make Monopoly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42657#post-122384 Fri, 11 May 2012 14:58:26 +0000 rfreed 122384@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry you can't tell the difference. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42657#post-121910 Wed, 09 May 2012 19:40:25 +0000 Ironduke 121910@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>comedy or manifesto? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42657#post-121904 Wed, 09 May 2012 16:05:08 +0000 rfreed 121904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>PARKER BROTHERS DECIDES TO UPDATE ITS 'MONOPOLY' GAME.</p> <p>Due to recent world economic changes, the Parker Brothers game company has announced that it is going to update its world famous game 'Monopoly' to better reflect the true financial times we live in.<br /> The following changes will be made in the cards, the board and the general playing of the game.</p> <p>As a player you can now get a federal bail out for your bank. Meanwhile you can still continue to foreclose on the same taxpayers who financed your bailout.</p> <p>You can now buy up low-income property that is rundown at a cheap price. You may then boot everyone out so that you can tear down their houses and apartments and build luxury apartments. Entire towns can now be bought up and so built up that the poor have nowhere to go.</p> <p>'Free Parking' will no longer be free. There is no room and no heart in a truly capitalistic society for freebies.</p> <p>When buying electric companies you are allowed to have total monopolies over the entire power grid of your area. Ridiculing alternative energy sources and creating legislature against them is allowed so that they do not become a threat to you.</p> <p>There will be more 'Investigation By The IRS' cards than there have been in the past. And more players will end up in the Jail because of it.</p> <p>New player token pieces will include a gecko in honor of Micheal Douglas's role in 'Wall Street', a bust of Vladimir Putin in recognition of his taking over Russia's oil company and throwing the founder in jail, a dyed red hair piece in honor of Donald Trump, a flimsy pyramid to recognize Bernie Madoff, a Chinese yellow star in memory of the fact that the world's second largest economy still considers itself communist and a piece shaped like Iceland sinking in the ocean in memory of their being an entire country that almost tanked in the recession.</p> <p>As a property holder you can foreclose on the property, boot the residents out, keep the money they have paid you throughout the years and resell it again and start the whole money leeching process all over again.</p> <p>There is a special new section in the middle of the board. It is a no mans land occupied by the homeless and poor and former middle class. Everyone crowded in there has to fend for themselves. They will be ignored by all other players throughout the game. This will be the only part of the game board where tents will be allowed to be erected and will occasionally be cleaned out by the police. </p> <p>The 'Advance to Reading Railroad' card- If you draw this card you will be able to rip out all the tracks putting the company out of business because you are an auto manufacturer and don't want any competition to the selling of your cars.</p> <p>You can forcibly take over an old lady's house and land in Atlantic City so that you can build another casino there just like Donald Trump did.</p> <p>There will be a new 'Occupy Wall Street' section added where all the dissidents, hippies, malcontents, and unfortunates will be shuttled into and will have to remain until they 'adjust their attitude'. Same section will also serve as a second Jail when the first one becomes too over crowded.</p> <p>If your business runs into financial difficulties, you will have so much clout in Congress that you can finagle a bailout using tax payer funds while still shrieking about the dangers of socialism.</p> <p>Using the 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card- The modern version will be presented to you by your most in pocket politician. Only the richest players will be eligible to get it. They will generally be issued the day before the politico leaves office.</p> <p>If at any time during the game you become property-less you will thereafter be considered a second class citizen and shunned by the other players.</p> <p>You will be allowed to start Super Pac's as a way of dominating the game – whoever has the richest Super Pac to sponsor his candidate wins.</p> <p>'Get Out Of Jail Free' card only for richest players – the poorest have to stay in jail for the entire game- and longer.</p> <p>Poorer players must follow all the rules. Players who become CEO's of their respective companies don't have to follow any of the rules and can even make up new ones that the others have to follow.</p> <p>The low denomination money used for the game will remain the same although it is woefully out of sync with modern prices. This will be to keep the working class players from realizing just how little value what they are earning really has. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86794 Thu, 22 Sep 2011 13:18:16 +0000 TokyoTomato 86794@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. A golden star for each chuckle to Oxbridge. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86735 Thu, 22 Sep 2011 08:10:28 +0000 Oxbridge 86735@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, you're associating Ann Summers with sex, Screenie. Where to start...? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86679 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:06:06 +0000 Screenie 86679@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If they own every 'fucking thing' I believe Ann Summers requires a mention. A rant after my own heart though, so stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86677 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:54:40 +0000 Oxbridge 86677@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[Deep breath] And Sainsbury's can fuck off an' all. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86676 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:54:12 +0000 ronseal 86676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it</p> <p>One thing Tesco doesn't lead on though</p> <p>Paying taxes in the UK</p> <p>The cunts </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86657 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 15:02:18 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 86657@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Deep breaths Oxy... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30751#post-86632 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 13:46:09 +0000 Oxbridge 86632@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tesco CEO Sir Terry Leahy has announced that, after completing the acquisition of the Co-Op and the Happy Garden Chinese takeaway in Bromsgrove, it now owns every fucking thing in the whole fucking country. And, he added, it was taunting by City analysts that first spurred the supermarket chain on to its buying spree.</p> <p>'A few years ago, when it emerged that £1 out of every £8 spent on groceries in the UK was in Tesco, I said at an investor presentation that left £7 to go for and the Essex boys in the banks fucking smirked at me,' said Leahy. 'So I thought to myself 'Right, you fuckers' and decided not just to take over the entire fucking food chain but every other fucking thing as well'.</p> <p>Some thought that Tesco's might be sated after three months in which it acquired Homebase, Toyota's UK operations, Boot's, Asda, the Blue Cross charity shop and funkypigeon.com, but it dug deep to buy Sainsbury's too. 'It was fucking expensive,' admitted Leahy, 'but we got an interest-free loan off Tesco Bank and covered ourselves with a fuck of a good deal via Tesco's Insurance. The Monopolies Commission did start sniffing round at one point, so we said 'Fuck that for a game of soldiers' and bought them too.'</p> <p>Retail analysts have argued that Tesco has grown by using its immense buying power to reduce prices and drive customer loyalty. However, Leahy has now confirmed that this view is 'bollocks' and that the company's sole motivation was to own every fucking thing and wave its massive schlong in the face of every fucking one. He also declined to comment on rumours that Tesco does not yet own a three-year-old border terrier called Monty that was recently seen cocking its leg on a Tesco trolley.</p> <p>'Buying power? We don't have to buy ANY fucking thing because we own EVERY fucking thing, don't you get it?' he said. 'So what are you going to do? Demonstrate? That's fine with us, we own all three placard makers in Britain. Or e-mail your complaints to your MP? Tough titty, we own Hewlett Packard, Dell and BT too. And your MP. Actually, we always owned the fucking MP, come to think of it.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4355#post-12226 Wed, 12 May 2010 14:05:58 +0000 Griffin 12226@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't worry, America's thirst for vengenge is easily topped by its thirst for oil. Even Big Arnold S. has to fill up his Humvee. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4355#post-12185 Wed, 12 May 2010 11:02:59 +0000 Ian Searle 12185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If it fails let's hope they go straight to jail, do not pass go and do not colletc £200. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4355#post-12183 Wed, 12 May 2010 10:57:18 +0000 Griffin 12183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They could try a Bennie. They are Vatican approved, a bit like a Johnny but with a ventilated terminal moulding. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4355#post-12156 Wed, 12 May 2010 09:50:30 +0000 Rizzo 12156@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If that fails they will try a Boot, Iron or Scottie Dog </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1163#post-2956 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:46:25 +0000 edward hack 2956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top stuff STD...have stars - I think you are right JS, it would reveal more than the choregraphed joshing that is lined up </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1163#post-2939 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:46:26 +0000 John Square 2939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice!</p> <p>(This would probably tell us more than an actual debate- I can hear this being spun up in producer-land even as we speak) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1163#post-2935 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:36:55 +0000 StoopyDeGunt 2935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Britain’s party leaders are to face their most gruelling test yet in the run up to the election, a live television game of Monopoly. Producers are hoping the ego catalysing, insecurity amplifying mixture of chance and rule bending will give the most revealing glimpse yet into the true natures of our potential leaders.<br /> “Monopoly is a truth drug disguised as a game of strategy and intelligence,” said producer Bertie Bazelgette, “it exposes the naked ugly rotten scars on the soul of any man.”<br /> Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and David Cameron will take part in the popular friendship-ruining board game live on Sky, on the first rainy Sunday in April, as the organisers bid to reproduce the same conditions that bring most people together for an afternoon of morale sapping disappointment.<br /> The participants, anxious to display their business acumen, will be plunged into an environment of uncertainty and chaos, as the rule book is discovered to be missing. The resulting legal debate yields vital clues into the deviousness of any man’s character - vital skills when dealing with Europe.<br /> Further revelations are expected when the candidates choose their icon. Opting to be the car might please Mondeo Man, but could alienate environmentalists who might prove crucial in key marginals<br /> The position of banker is another crucial test of character that would make or break a candidate. All eyes will be on the behaviour of both Gordon Brown and David Cameron, with expected to assume ownership as their birthright.<br /> Already there is fevered speculation over which candidate will observe the classic traits of monopolists. Cameron is favourite, according to betting exchanges, to try to build hotels on Park Lane, while Clegg is seen as the type to put his faith in the train stations, and Gordon Brown is hot favourite to kick the board over at the bad throw of the dice.<br /> "It's a game that can brings out the worst and the best - but mostly the worst," says Bazalgette. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=780#post-2328 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 17:06:40 +0000 editor 2328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This idea seems worth pursuing - Ron or anyone else fancy fleshing it out? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=780#post-2059 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:05:59 +0000 ronseal 2059@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and David Cameron are to face their most revealing test of character to date - a live televised game of Monopoly. Though terms and conditions have yet to be agreed, it's understood that there may be no rule book handy, leaving all three participants to negotiate their understanding of the property based board game. </p> <p>'We'll get to see the men behind the facades in minutes,' said a psychologist, 'this will reveal all their nastiest character defects.'</p> <p>[I REALLY MUST DO SOME WORK BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY. MEANWHILE ANYONE GOT ANY IDEAS on this?} </p>