http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=monkey The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 07:41:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-160025 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:05:41 +0000 Jonny Shlep 160025@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What's this? Are you saying you haven't heard about Dave's mail order Thai bride?? But.....but....but....it was all over The Sunday Sport! </p> <p>Gentlemen, and I'm going on the premise that you are all members of my own species here, thank you for your input, constructive or otherwise. It's always an enjoyable experience to dip an occasional literary toe into the water here.</p> <p>Disclaimer: It's probably not possible or even desirable I should imagine, to have an occasional toe be it literary or otherwise.</p> <p>*stumbles from thread* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159986 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:28:46 +0000 writinginbsl 159986@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>it didnt work for me very well as i happen to know his wife died a few years ago</p> <p>so much for suspension of disbelief</p> <p>sorry if i have let you down </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159978 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:02:23 +0000 Ian 159978@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Anything which pokes surreal fun at Attenborough and has a go at bono is worth 5 stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159955 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 18:27:25 +0000 Anonymous 159955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The last para is very very funny.</p> <p>stars galore for thinking art whilst showering. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159953 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 18:06:15 +0000 Jonny Shlep 159953@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks chaps. Much appreciated. I actually "gave birth" to this rather odd little scenario whilst in the shower this morn.</p> <p>Funny what you can dream up when you're washing your smalls isn't it? :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159948 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 17:05:30 +0000 Paddy Berzinski 159948@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I liked it. A tad surreal, but jolly good fun. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159946 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 16:42:19 +0000 dvo4fun 159946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But I like the last para as well </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159935 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:40:53 +0000 Jonny Shlep 159935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes. Yes it does doesn't it? :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159933 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:36:50 +0000 Tripod 159933@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great first sentence, but then it kinda loses its way... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55351#post-159928 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:07:48 +0000 Jonny Shlep 159928@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The world of entertainment was stunned last night at the news that the wife of iconic naturalist and broadcaster David Attenborough has given birth to a 7lb 5oz Sumatran Gibbon in The Chelsea And Westminster Hospital in West London.</p> <p>It is thought that the infant was conceived shortly after Attenborough, 97, had returned from a trip to the forests of Western Indonesia where he was making a BBC documentary about the primates native to the area. The couple were said to be "absolutely thrilled" by their new arrival and will be holding a photoshoot for the media in a few days time.</p> <p>Professor George Atkinson, Head Of Paediatrics at the hospital, gave a brief statement to reporters last night. "Mother and baby are both doing well although we've had to place the infant in a sealed incubator to stop it from climbing up the curtains"</p> <p>Although extremely rare, this type of vocation influenced birth is not entirely unheard of. In 1995 the wife of rock star Bono gave birth to a baby wearing sunglasses and with "Twat" written on it's forehead, while in 2001 the topless model Katy Price's infant was born with plastic breasts and had to undergo complicated surgery to enable it to close its legs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51711#post-148757 Wed, 14 Nov 2012 14:59:06 +0000 custard cream 148757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>brilliant! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51711#post-148745 Wed, 14 Nov 2012 13:23:51 +0000 Skylarking 148745@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With the last Blur album Think Tank (1908) a distant memory, the BBC is set to celebrate the 90th anniversary of Damon Albarn's first first tediously worthwhile solo project. All BBC Radio stations will simaltaneously be rebroadcasting the work - a five hour operetta - in its entirity.</p> <p>'Pylovarz' chronicles the life of George IV's pedicurist Campbell McDougall. It originally included a chorus of Tibetan Monks chanting in time with a de-tuned Pianola.</p> <p>'Pylovarz is still a piece of work that I have a lot of fondness for' explained the Country House and Parklife composer - in a break from rehearsing his latest work - a 15 hour collaboration between Siberian open throat singers and a specially mic-ed up Sinclair C5.</p> <p>'But clearly after 90 years it was sounding a <em>bit</em> dated. Thankfully the BBC have kindly allowed me to use Yaks instead of the monks, which was my original intention.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30457#post-85590 Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:45:08 +0000 vertical 85590@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>someone put kettle on </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37512 Mon, 11 Oct 2010 04:35:42 +0000 be reasonable 37512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The monkeys that work for Starbucks have protested at their conditions by crapping in the coffee and charging three times what any sane person would pay. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37503 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 23:13:32 +0000 wolfie 37503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To reassure the public on the issue of animal cruelty, Costa commissioned some tedious mathematicians to point out that although there were injuries, seeing as there was only a finite number of burns from the infinite monkey group, the true number of burns was actually zero, and no harm was done. A spokes-monkey for the monkeys delivered a crushing mathematical counter-hypothesis to this by crapping on their heads. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37498 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 22:47:42 +0000 wolfie 37498@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a statement, Costa's staff said they were offended at the comparison, stating that they were in no way similar to monkeys. This was hotly followed by a statement from the monkeys, declaring: "we are offended at the advert comparison, and we point out we are in no way similar to Costa's staff."</p> <p>Animal Rights campaigners have expressed concerns as to whether the monkeys in the ad were wild...</p> <p>"Wild... we were livid!" was the reply, uttered between banana bites and watching old videos of Rowan Atkinson, in a classic sketch where he was dressed in an amusing Costa Coffee uniform, and yet still spoke intelligent English.</p> <p>On a lighter note, some of the monkeys have gone on to fruitful careers as a "Costa's-a-gram", delighting party-goers with their inept movements, indecipherable grunting, and unspeakable personal hygiene... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37484 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 20:57:38 +0000 MADJEZ 37484@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Animal welfare experts have criticized the chain for allowing an infinite number of monkeys to try to make the perfect cup of coffee. Numerous animals were scalded by boiling hot water and steam during the failed experiment.</p> <p>The monkeys were only able to make bitter sludge, so no better than the rest of Costa's staff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1621#post-4482 Sun, 28 Mar 2010 11:02:52 +0000 virtuallywill 4482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tapping your forearm or hand with a finger or any other part of your body could soon be the way you interact with gadgets.<br /> Researchers have found a way to work out where the tap touches and use that to control phones, music players, and game platforms such as the Nintendo Wii.<br /> Coupled with a tiny projector the system can use the skin as a surface on which to display menu choices, or a screen, with pictures.<br /> Early work suggests the system, called Onanism, can be learned with about 20 minutes of training, young boys however can pick up the concept "as if born with the ability" say researchers.<br /> Nintendo hope to release a set of games for older players next Friday.<br /> There will be new hardware, a wand and a bean console.<br /> There will also be a guitar hero version with songs by Pearl Jam, the Lovin' Spoonful<br /> and 10cc.</p> <p>However Church leaders are worried that excessive use will cause boils and have produced a chart to explain.<br /> <img src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47538000/jpg/_47538938_skinput-charrison226.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1673 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:22:54 +0000 ramblesid 1673@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Everything's hunky dory thanks Plucky. How's your shoulder? Apart from being broken in 3 places. Still in pain? I don't suppose you can drive at the moment-take the opportunity to take Mrs Munky out as much as you can. She'll have to drive and you can get pissed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1666 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:54:56 +0000 PluckyMunky 1666@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ha! Ram. too clever for your own good!</p> <p>How's the family and the electrics? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1662 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:49:26 +0000 ramblesid 1662@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely it's a matter of whether a reader just doesn't bother to vote or purposely gives a mark of 0 after due consideration. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1661 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:44:31 +0000 PluckyMunky 1661@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i think you are right messrs gor and will. sorry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1660 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:41:20 +0000 PluckyMunky 1660@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i'm not sure now... a rating scale must begin with '1' and the lack of a rating (or a failure to score it) is indicated by the lack of a mark ('0'). sorry, mr gor, i think i am wrong in the previous message. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1656 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:36:11 +0000 virtuallywill 1656@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>However you cannot score 0, and only whole numbers can be used,so the lowest score could only be 1. Unless it gathers a no score, which isn't the same as 0.<br /> It's the difference between a lottery ticket that does not have the winning numbers and one that has not been checked.<br /> In my opinion. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1653 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:28:38 +0000 PluckyMunky 1653@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i'm not very good with numbers, but i would have thought 0 was a score. in an examination, it is possible to mark a student's work at 0. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1643 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:05:29 +0000 edward hack 1643@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>what about if you end up with 0 - does that count as a vote </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1641 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:36:59 +0000 malgor 1641@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Anyway, it's not 0-5 (that would need six stars). It's *Poor, **Works, ***Good, ****Great and *****Fantastic! which are clearly objective measures. People should read and think before voting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1637 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:25:34 +0000 editor 1637@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's because Iceland voted not to give us half the stars back. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1630 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:10:06 +0000 PluckyMunky 1630@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>thanks mr nice admin gentleman. it must be difficult, i spose. the range used to be 0-10 and is now 0-5. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=594#post-1611 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:28:39 +0000 dominic 1611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>hehe - sorry for the disruption while I try and get this thing working... </p> <p>We need more votes! </p>