http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=military The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 09:48:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55235#post-159755 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:13:07 +0000 dvo4fun 159755@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps a funny headline as well but then as Ar suggests text just needs slapping about a bit to get into shape.</p> <p>"Jane! Get your arse over here luv, there's a dear. Bring your nunchucks and a tippex pen; there's something wants sorting out!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55235#post-159746 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 12:09:02 +0000 AReader 159746@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought this was funny, if badly paragraphed </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55235#post-159586 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 11:44:43 +0000 Codec 159586@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The announcement that the US is to allow women to become front line combat ready troops, has sent a shiver around the worlds armed forces.</p> <p>"It's not that we won't fight them" a representative from the Taliban voiced, "its the game changer that this introduces".</p> <p>The idea of long stony silences across the trenches. The concept that they have no idea quite what we've done wrong, but that faint air of worry that maybe it is their fault that seems to have them worried.</p> <p>Negotiations will be far more difficult too. The request to withdraw being greeted by a resigned "FINE, whatever" is surely enough to unsettle even the most hardened terrorist force.<br /> "If they don't know what they've done wrong, I'm certainly not going to tell them" said an unnamed GI Jane, "by the way, does this rocket launcher make my bum look big?"</p> <p>Offsetting this is the nightmare it will force on the logistical chain.<br /> "I can NOT be seen to be going into battle to kill and maim wearing the same outfit as Jean, and anyway sandy brown just doesn't go with my eyes"<br /> The military are looking into forming what is initially being called a "Department of Accessorisation" to work around the biggest of these issues.</p> <p>This is all without the obvious threat of a battalion of synchronised PMT women going on the offensive, enough to make the most battle hardened army quail. </p> <p>Other armed force are watching development with interest, and not a little trepidation. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-57819 Thu, 17 Feb 2011 10:46:53 +0000 editor 57819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is a strong satirical idea but needs a rewrite - any one fancy having a go? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54580 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 19:53:22 +0000 euanc 54580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I believe Capt Mannering's banker's bonus may be in jeopardy if he were to participate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54569 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:47:40 +0000 4ty2 54569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>where's dad's army? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54561 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 16:08:30 +0000 euanc 54561@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the theatre of war a surgical operation can cut out the cancer of insurgency. Only now you'll be able to choose, SAS, Securicor, or Neighbourhood Watch? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54553 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 14:57:25 +0000 4ty2 54553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought this was about going privat. I could get the leak in my head fixed choosing a military operation. Perhaps we should do that in a seperate sub.5stars just for the confusing headline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54538 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 13:36:32 +0000 euanc 54538@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The model for NHS reforms, under which consumers of the service will be given control of the budgets, is to be extended to the Ministry of Defence. From as early as 2013 countries in need of liberty, freedom and democracy will no longer have these changes delivered by an invading force. Instead they will be provided with the finance needed to purchase liberation services from whatever source provides the best value.<br /> “We believe that providing choice for the people actually consuming these services is the right way forward,” said a government spokesperson, “Throughout the Labour government we saw examples of waste, bureaucracy and inefficiency in the armed forces. A lack of control of costs, poor equipment and mistakes in deployment were all the result of a centralised, command and control approach. Change is needed and we believe that placing the decision in the hands of consumers and introducing a competitive element into the procurement of invasions is the right solution at the right time.”<br /> General Sir Huge Witting-Fernleystall said “ We have the finest soldiers in the world and are confident that we can compete to provide invasion services wherever that they are needed.”<br /> We understand that within 12 months a website will be set up enabling countries to apply on line for support. “The process will be quick simple and efficient. All of the bureaucrats in the Ministry of Defence will be replaced by a short questionnaire, just like applying for a loan. An offer will be made immediately and, if accepted, the applicant’s account will be credited with the agreed sum (up to a maximum of £30bn) within 3 days.”<br /> We understand that the applicant’s details will be passed to the Chief of Staff of the Armed Services who will make contact, initially by phone, to discuss their requirements. The applicant is expected to be free to seek competitive tenders from other providers and it is believed that organisations as far afield as Italy and Columbia may be interested in the new business opportunities.<br /> “This breaks new ground and shows the coalition’s determination to stop at nothing to modernise the provision of public services,” the spokesperson explained.<br /> It is understood that a new regulating authority (OFWAR) will be set up to monitor the use of the finance provided. Countries who, following the allocation of a grant, fail to achieve targets for liberation and democracy will be issued with a notice to improve and their Ambassadors in the UK will not be invited to Buckingham Palace garden parties until there has been a satisfactory follow up inspection.<br /> A man in a funny hat sitting on a rock in Afghanistan said “We very much welcome the UK Government’s innovative proposals and look forward to receiving the money. Just mind that trip wire as you are leaving” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15655#post-42686 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 17:44:15 +0000 Grover 42686@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.beehivecity.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/pope.jpg"></p> <p>Following the sale of a paedophile advice guide on the book-selling website Amazon, the Vatican is now considering repealing its long-standing policy banning openly paedophiliac men from serving in the priesthood. </p> <p>Known informally as the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Get Caught and Damage the Church's Reputation", the policy bans priests who admit to fancying little boys or who get caught doing it in a way that the Vatican is unable to hush up. </p> <p>Traditionally, the view has been that allowing openly paedophiliac priests to serve in the Vatican would "damage morale" and could harm the "war [against public perception of Catholics as reasonable, healthy people] effort". </p> <p>Pope Benedict XVI has called for an end to the policy, however. In addition, a recently-published Vatican report indicates that 70% of priests say the effects of repealing the ban would be "positive, mixed, or non-existent". </p> <p>However, hopes for a repeal dimmed this month amid liberal, sexually non-deviant gains in the Vatican Council. A significant minority still oppose the idea of serving alongside openly paedophiliac priests, or of paedophiles serving alongside altar boys. In addition, widespread Catholic anger about the state of the economy and the limited success of spiritual healing to 350 million uninsured Catholics has left Pope Benedict's approval ratings at an all-time low. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14938#post-40574 Tue, 02 Nov 2010 15:49:02 +0000 Tranquil79 40574@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Glacier mints to be replaced... </p>