http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=meow-meow The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 15:43:44 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2139#post-6322 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 13:38:50 +0000 Ludicity 6322@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>30 million doses of surplus swine flu vaccine are to be sold off by the government at nightclubs for recreational use. "We need to recoup our losses on this one," said Health Secretary, Andy Burnham, “we could lose £150 million on these vaccines unless we sell them to clubbers looking for H1NFun.” </p> <p>The swine flu vaccine, known on the street as ‘Oink Oink’, is already proving to be a massive hit on the club scene. Many young people are attracted to the drug because it can produce sensations of nausea, vomiting and flu like symptoms. “It’s like totally awesome,” said one clubber, “I normally have wait until next morning before I can achieve that effect. Now I can just take some Oink Oink, miss the club altogether, and go straight to bed.”</p> <p>The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs has already given their seal of approval to the vaccine. “It is nice to finally find a drug that we can all agree is perfectly safe for young people to take,” said ACMD chairman, Professor Les Iversen, “and, amazingly, this is the first time that the Council has reached a decision without any of our members resigning. Although, admittedly, a couple of them have called in sick.” </p> <p>However, some experts are warning that Oink Oink could become a gateway drug. “Users often start off by taking these ‘soft’ vaccines before moving onto the ‘harder’ ones such as Polio, TB and MMR,” said former Drugs Tsar, Professor David Nutt, “The real danger is that young people start to enjoy the feeling of flu so much that they go out and start injecting themselves with the actual H1N1 virus. Nobody wants to see that.”</p> <p>Many people have also started taking the swine flu vaccine in the hope that it might immunise them against the current pandemic of ‘election fever’ – a hot airborne virus that causes mindless babbling, confusion and verbal diarrhoea. “Sadly there is no cure for election fever,” said Professor Iversen, “but it only lasts a few weeks so the best thing for people to do is to stay in bed until it goes away.” </p> <p>Oink Oink is currently available at all nightclubs. Just ask the nurse. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1858#post-5424 Fri, 02 Apr 2010 08:58:32 +0000 StoopyDeGunt 5424@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Meow Meow outbreak reached crisis point last night, when it was revealed that a celebrity gardener has been affected.</p> <p>Alan Titchmarsh issued a heart-wrenching plea for the goverment to get tough with plant food drug peddlers, after discovering his prize begonias were totally dependent on Meow Meow.</p> <p>Speaking to the influential Yoof TV programme Live from Five, Titchmarsh condemned the twisted drug dealers. 'This shit is gettin' serious,' he told the programme's immature viewers and presenters.</p> <p>By encroaching on Britain's twin obsessions, celebrities and gardening, the drugs merchants have bitten off more than they can chew this time, Titchmarsh said. As several national newspapers seek to boost circulation with gardening giveaways, the timing of a drug aimed at the plant community couldn't have been worse, he said.</p> <p>Meow Meow, or MCat, is also known by street names such as Good4Roses, Tulips-u-Nurture and I Can't Believe my Begonias. By inducing a greater workload on the mitochondria of plant cells, the so called food can encourage growth, stimulating an artificial 'high' in plant shoots, elevating them above the ground. 'At one stage, I was freezing cold, but I swear I could see Daffodils, in the snow,' said one gardener, who had become convinced that spring had arrived, in spite of all the weathery evidence against.</p> <p>Fighting back tears, Titchmarsh opned his heart for the first time, after discovering that he'd inadvertently given his own begonias the deadly plant drug Meow Meow. 'They're totally depending on it now. If I stopped giving them their daily fix, they'd die,' he sobbed, 'it's like food to them.'</p> <p>'Anyone who can get a young begonia hooked on Meow Meow deserves everything that's coming to them,' said a spokesman for Scotland Yard's new Celebrity Concern Unit, CCU19. </p>