http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=mary-poppins The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 21:42:32 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3452#post-9901 Thu, 29 Apr 2010 08:54:24 +0000 ronseal 9901@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Gor bloimay, Mustar Brayern, yer a gent and no mistake. You're the best mairn da leeda country art of recession, ' said Micky Smithy, from Hackney, the latest simulated model proletarian, who was being unveiled at the Ideal Labour Voter show, at Olympia.<br /> This is the annual event at which manufacturers unveil their latest models for SHPs (simulated happy proles) who are increasingly in demand by political parties at election times, Question Time broadcasts and local election hustings.<br /> For this latest model, spin meister Alistair Campbell asked the product designers to go back to basics. Recent attempts, including black and asian people, have been a disaster, as the immigrants often try to better themselves.<br /> An obsequious, forelock tugging happy cockney was called for. And no one played that role better that Dick Van Dyke, as the cockney chimney sweep in Mary Poppins. Though Dyke has retired, his son, Dick Junior, was happy to step in, and create the formula for a co-dependent unit in a nation divided into two unhappy classes in a mutually abusive relationship.<br /> "I'm like, from California? But like many Americans, I watch movies and go on the Internet a lot, so I consider myself an expert on most things in the world," said Van Dyke junior. "And for me, recreating my dad's role of happy, obliging, deferential cockney simpleton was a stroll on the sidewalk."<br /> Ever the perfectionist, Van Dyke wasn't contented just to watch Mary Poppins in order to capture the spirit of aspirationless working class Londoners, happy to be ruled by posh people. For an updated view, he sat through the entire collection of Richard Curtis films. 'I thought I'd never stop throwing up,' said Van Dyke, 'but it was worth it, because now I now exactly what London is like.'<br /> Now the simulated chimney sweep is to be mass produced, and Campbell is planning to place hundreds on them on the street any time Gordon Brown goes on a walkabout. There have been some teething problems however. John Prescott punched one of the prototypes, and Gordon Brown complained that another was a bigot who asked too many diffifult questions. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=760#post-2022 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 11:40:38 +0000 Rizzo 2022@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the death of child star Corey Haim the world once again has it's eyes on Tinsel Town as minor celebrities and reality TV stars compete in a manic attempt to contract the fatal Star Flu and be once more catapulted into the glare of the media if only for a short time.</p> <p>Star Flu, a mixture of influenza and prescription drugs has always been a low level celebrity fatality only appearing occasionally in the autopsy reports but following the high profile death of Heath Ledger in 2008 and Brittany Murphy in 2009 its status has gathered momentum over the classics such as choking on vomit, Heroin overdose and the more recent Stranglewank. Before Haim's death it was thought that Star Flu could only be contracted by successful actors but now authorities fear the floodgates have been opened for every budding celebrity and has been.</p> <p>26 year old Brian Johnson who appeared briefly in American Idol in 2006 told of his daily routine to try and become infected "I usually get up early and have a freezing cold shower and don't bother towelling off, then I'll go to the train station and shake hands with a lot of people whether they want to or not before rifling through the bins for used tissues. I couldn't believe the good news that Corey Haim was a carrier as he only lives a few blocks away from me so I've already been round to his house to lick his front door handle, my throat feels a little sore so now so I'm going home to take a cocktail of painkillers"</p> <p>Star Flu has also caught the eye of the once successful older actor who feel with the benefit of old age on their side they are a likely candidate. Diane Taylor, who starred in a number of films in the 1960's but has since only been seen in bit parts and adverts however has denied that she had any interest in the disease. "I know all about it of course but it's not for me, all that sneezing and phlegm is very undignified and you know everyone's doing it now. A friend of mine Patrick Mowen has all the symptoms and he's been flaunting it all over town like a tattered boa, turning up at every function coughing and spluttering, the luvvies are lapping it up of course, literally in some cases" </p>